Broken Bride

by J. N. Pack

  Meggie: Are you okay?

  Meggie: Please tell me you’re okay.

  Jaxon: Pull over. Jillian and Mom are coming to get you. I’ll drive your car up when me and Shelby start that way.

  Tanner: FUCK! What the fuck Piper?!?

  Meggie: I don’t care who’s baby it is, I just need to know you’re okay.

  Caelan: I had fun last night. Miss you already.

  If you knew you wouldn’t miss me. You’d hate me. You’re going to hate me. I will lose you all over again. A tear leaks from my eye and I bat it away quickly.

  Caelan: Hey what’s going on?

  Caelan: I just saw Tanner and Meggie and they were not happy.

  Tanner: I’m sorry Piper. Please talk to me.

  I go through deleting all the rest of the messages without reading them. A sharp pain runs through my wrist and I wince in pain pulling the cast close to my chest. My sister takes me to the ER to make sure I hadn’t messed it up any more than I already had when I fell down the steps. It gets wrapped again in a dark purple cast this time, but lucky for me I didn’t cause any more damage to it when I fell.

  When we get back home, I’m attacked by Justin and Joshua. Justin wraps himself around my leg begging to be picked up. Jillian picks him up handing him to me in my good arm and he instantly lays his head on my shoulder. I lay my head over on his head. He giggles when my hair tickles his cheek. I squat easing him back to the floor, where he plants a sloppy kiss to my cheek before running off to play.

  When my phone dings I look at the text that pops up.

  Caelan: Don’t shut me out Piper. I just got you back, I’m not ready to lose you. Please call me or at least text me back. Anything.

  Piper: Sorry Caelan.

  Caelan: Are you okay?

  Piper: Not really, but I can’t talk about it right now. I will tell you everything when we get back from Thanksgiving break. You can make your decision about me then.

  Caelan: Whats going on? I’ve already made up my mind about you. Nothing is going to change that.

  I turn my phone off. I can’t, not now. I need to put some distance between us. It’s already going to hurt when he hates me. It’s going to be impossible if I don’t put this distance between us.

  The next morning, I get up early going outside to find Copper. When he sees me he comes running to the fence. I climb the fence and wrap my arms around his neck needing to feel him. He drops his head over my shoulder, and I feel content. I feel loved. Needed. Like I’m not so alone in this world. He moves his head so that he can check my pocket for the treat he knows is there. I lift an apple treat from my pocket, rubbing his nose as I feed it to him. This horse has been through hell, but still has it in him to trust and love me.

  “He’s still a pain in the ass.”

  I smirk looking back at my brother-in-law Johnny.

  Johnny walks aver leaning his arms over the fence and his chin on top of them. “You wanna ride? I can try and saddle him up for you.”

  I smile knowing good and well the only person Copper will allow to put a saddle on him is me. I shake my head no.

  Johnny turns leaning back against the fence, “You know we all love you right? You can come to any one of us, if you ever need to talk about the stuff you went through. You shouldn’t have gone through that alone.” He won’t look me in the eye.

  I think on his words for a minute before replying, “I was in France. It was beautiful.” The rest of the words get frozen in my throat and tears brim in my eyes. He steps over wrapping his arms around my shoulders, “When you’re ready, I’m here to listen. I love you little girl.”

  When I get the tears under control he steps back and smiles. “Thanks Johnny.” I say quietly unable to look at him. He pats my shoulder as he walks away.

  I spend hours outside with Copper. At lunch I end up in town with my mom and Jillian at a little café doing some Christmas shopping. Sitting in the café Mom asks, “Can we talk a little about it Pip?”

  “Mom! Don’t. She’ll come to us when she’s ready.” Jillian.

  “Girl…” Both their eyes fly to mine, and I continue. “She was a girl. She had hair the color of cotton. Not enough, but just a little fuzz. I held her…” That’s all I can get before it feels like my throat is closing up and tears start streaming down my face. Jillian squats in front of me. “What can I do, sissy? How can I help make it better?” The hurt in my heart is too much. Once we get home, I go straight up to bed and stay there the rest of the night. Fighting the tears. Fighting my feelings. Hating myself.

  Thanksgiving Day is the worst day of all. I come face to face with Tanner and everything comes crashing back to reality. Jaxon see’s the tension between us and helps me sneak off to visit with Copper, only Tanner follows.

  “Look dude, back the fuck off.” Jaxon says becoming angrier than I’ve ever seen him.

  Tanner holds his hands up, “I don’t want to fight or argue. I only have one question.”

  Jaxon looks between the two of us, then back to Tanner, “What?”

  Tanner lowers his eyes, “Was the baby Caelan’s?”

  I look away, my chest tight. Almost impossibly so. Jaxon looks at me, “He deserves at least that. Can I give him at least that Pip?”

  I look up at Jaxon with tears streaming down my cheeks, “Please Tan? Please let me tell him?”

  Tanner lowers his head and then looks back up at me, “I’d never do that to you Piper. I don’t fuckin’ hate you either. I hate that you went through whatever you went through alone. I hate that there’s not a smaller version of you that will be running around on these grounds one day. I hate that I’ve seen more pain on your face than I’ve ever seen in my life lately. I hate that you are hurting, and I wish like hell I could fix this for you. But I do not and will not ever hate you Piper. You need to know that.”

  I nod and he walks over right past my brother and wraps his arms around me, “Still love me?” he asks causing me to giggle. I nod in his chest. “Sorry for pushing you, but I had to know.”

  Jaxon smirks, “Alright let’s get the mushy shit out of the way. I stole carrots from the kitchen for Copper and General Lee.” We all laugh as we make our way over to the fence and Jaxon hands carrots to us both as they take turns feeding General Lee, while I feed Copper. We spend the rest of the day until Thanksgiving dinner walking around the grounds and talking. Laughing and joking around. It feels like it did when we were younger. Shelby calls out to us that dinner was ready. Dinner was great. I could relax somewhat. I enjoyed the company of my family and Tanner’s family. We got together every year and they were an extension of our family. Meggie was usually here as well, but her brother came home from overseas and her family wanted her there this week. I kept my phone off until the day I started back to school. My mom, of course, being the overprotective person, she has told me to call her when I made it and every time I stopped. I laughed at her because that’s a little overboard considering Jaxon and Shelby were going to be right behind me. Meggie offered to ride back to school with me instead of Tanner, but I told her no. I really need time alone before getting back to school. My sister and the twins meet me at the house just before I’m leaving to make sure they get their hugs and kisses.

  Chapter 23

  When I get back to campus and in the dorm, it’s just after dark and I’m exhausted. Meggie gets there shortly after I do and her and I go to dinner at a bar down the street. She doesn’t bring up the ultrasound or Caelan, or anything that could possibly lead to that. It was nice. It didn’t seem forced and it felt like it used to feel when we would hang out. The anxiety has been bad the last few days, but I know when I see him, it’s going to come back full force.

  We enjoy dinner and make our way back to the dorms. Inside the room I see Meggie had picked up my journal putting it back on my nightstand and put the other ultrasounds back in it. I add the one I had carried with me back with the others and bat away a tear that threatened to fall. Meggie notices and comes and wraps her arms around
my neck. “No more tears tonight beautiful. We’re going to take showers and eat popcorn and ice cream while watching the Lion King and be happy.” I smile and whisper, “Let’s do it.”

  I look in my dresser to grab some clothes and the first thing I come to is Caelan’s joggers. I grab them and one of my tee shirts from the dresser. After the shower we curl up on the couch and we both end up falling asleep.

  I wake up late, so I rush the entire way to class. I walk into my English class right as the final bell rings. I sigh relieved I’m not late again. If they gave out extra credit for being late, I be acing all of my classes.

  The first thing I notice is the teacher’s look of pity. It strikes me as odd, but I mean I was late for her class so. I shrug it off and take a seat. Throughout the entire class I catch people staring at me. A cold shiver takes my body. You know the feeling you get when someone walks over someone’s grave. Well, yeah, that’s the feeling I’ve got. I glance around and people are outwardly gaping at me. Some pissed. Some look sad. I’m so uncomfortable I nearly walk out of class. I wish I had. When I get out of class people are whispering and one guy shoulder checks me, calling me a whore. I rush out of the class ready to get out of there, but it doesn’t end there. In the hall, there are sheets of paper littering the halls. I mean absolutely everywhere. There has to be thousands of them. My stomach knots as I reach for one of the sheets. Once I see the page it slowly floats back to the floor from my fingertips as I stumble back with my hand to my mouth and tears flooding my eyes. “Nooo…” I say quietly. I start grabbing as many of the papers as I can crying. Someone behind me laughs, “Who’s the Daddy?” I glance back to find Kenzie standing behind me laughing with her minions at her side. I drop the papers and bolt down the hallway. I run dead into someone and I’m fighting to get free.

  “Hey, what’s wrong Piper?” My eyes fly up to his and I stumble back terrified of what I might find. He takes a step towards me and I stumble back another step. “Piper?” He reaches for me again and I turn running as fast as I can. I can hear him behind me calling my name so I dart behind one building and then another putting as much distance between us as I can. When I can’t hear him or see him anymore, I run as fast as I can to the dorms and lock myself in. It’s not five minutes later a breathless Meggie and Tanner show up.

  She runs to the side of my bed and drops to her knees, “I’m so sorry Pip.”

  I’m shaking uncontrollably and finding it hard to catch my next breath. I force out, “How?” Through short breaths.

  Meggie and Tanner both shake their heads, “I dunno. I think they may have broken into our room.”

  Tanner sighs, “I’ve got the janitor and maintenance crew getting rid of them all, but the whole school has probably already seen them.”

  My eyes widen and my lips begin to tremble, knowing that Caelan has more than likely already seen them and is going to hate me for all of this. The tears start cascading down my face soaking my shirt and I can barely catch my breath. I try to speak, but the words are drowned out by my tears. “I’m… He’s…” I can’t finish. Everything I had pieced back together at home over thanksgiving break shatters and explodes. The pain is unbearable. I’m finding it hard to console myself and Tanner and Meggie and worrying themselves sick trying to figure out how to help, but there’s no fix for a broken heart. I love Caelan and I’ve lost him. He’s gone for good. I’m never going to get him back. Even worse, he’s going to hate me. What can I do or say to make all of this better? Nothing. If I could have done anything, I would have done it for myself. My brain rattles through every morbid detail of that week in the hospital. The constant state of hyperventilation. The self-hatred. All of it. I reach for the nightstand needing the numbness. I grab the bottle and take one. When I reach for another, Tanner snatches the bottle shoving them in his pocket. “One is enough Piper.”

  I end up crashing hard. After hours and hours of crying, screaming and self-harm by way of hitting things, I fall asleep with Meggie on one side of me holding me tight and Tanner on the other. Neither allowing me to get up. Both worried sick.

  The lightest blonde hair I’ve ever seen and the sweetest cry I never heard. Her beautiful little lip trembles as she lets out a scream. It tears at my soul. Blood flows from my heart. I reach for her only I’ll keep reaching. Caelan is holding her. His eyes are dark and he’s angry. “She was mine too.” I reach for him, needing to hear her sweet little cry again, only the closer I try to get the more she turns to ash. Before she completely disintegrates, she grips onto his finger. When she’s gone his arms fall and his head lowers, “How could you keep her from me?” I try to get to him, but he turns his back to me and walks away. I lower my head and feel the fresh tears streaming down my face.

  Chapter 24

  Caelan

  After I lost her, I searched all over school for her, but I couldn’t find her anywhere. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I’m going to find out. I’m walking down the hallway when a flyer catches my eye. I pick it up and roll my eyes, who the hell would post someone’s ultrasound pictures all over campus, with the words, “Who’s the Daddy?” at the top.

  I start to drop the paper, but the name catches my attention. Piper Burrows. What? When? How? So many thoughts are racing through my mind and anger is at the forefront. Why the fuck would she sleep with me, get close to me again if she was pregnant with some other dudes’ kid? I shove the paper in my back pocket and take off for the rest of the day. I can’t deal with anything else today.

  I’ve been laying in the bed for hours just staring at the ceiling when Mannex shows up. “You good man?”

  Anger comes bubbling out, “Fuck you.”

  He’s quiet for a minute, “I saw the flyer Cael. I know she means something to you, so why aren’t you with her?”

  I roll my eyes, turning my head in his direction, “Why the fuck would I go comfort her while she’s pregnant with some other dudes’ kid?”

  His face sobers, “How close did you look at that flyer?”

  I shrug, “Close enough.”

  He shakes his head, standing walking towards the door, “Maybe you should take another look.” He then walks out slamming the door behind him.

  I’m sulking, when I finally pull the flyer from my pocket. I open it up looking at the writing. What the fuck did I miss that he didn’t?” My eyes are flying all over the paper, when they land on the date the ultrasound was taken. Then the part where it says she was twenty-four weeks. I sit up straight in the bed, pulling up the calendar on my phone. I suck in a breath when I trace it back to the date, we were together. Holy shit. Mannex wouldn’t have been able to trace that back because he didn’t know, but he had noticed that it wasn’t a recent ultrasound. I run my hands through my hair gripping it and pulling it from every direction. I jump from the bed and without thinking I slam my fist into the wall. FUCK!

  I grab my keys. Determined to talk to her, I end up sitting in front of her dorms for thirty minutes before going inside. I slam my fist on the door and wait. When Tanner snatches the door open, I try to shove past him, but he’s not having it. “Wait.” He shoves me back, and I try to shove past him again, “Stop Caelan.”

  I growl, “Let me the fuck in. I need to talk to her.”

  Tanner lowers his chin, “Yeah you do, just not tonight. She’s been through a lot today and we just got her calm enough to fall asleep.”

  I try to shove past him again, “Just let me fuckin’ see her.”

  Tanner shoves me and growls, “Fuck no. You don’t know the hell we went through tonight. You don’t know the hell she’s been putting herself through. Back the fuck off, at least for tonight.”

  I hear her cry out on the other side of the door and Tanner slams the door in my face. I can hear her crying on the other side of the door. I lean my head against it, the pain in my chest almost unbearable. Piper.

  I drive around for hours. Trying to calm down and relieve the tightness in my chest. Nothing is helping. I stop in at The Pit
. The Pit’s a bar a lot of the kids from school go to. I sit at the bar and the bartender slides a drink in front of me. I toss it back and wave for another. She keeps them coming. Until I’m completely wasted. Past wasted. One minute I’m sitting at the bar and the next I’m being carried out of the bar by my brother and none other than Tanner.

  “Fuck you dude.” I grumble.

  Tanner sneers, “Yeah? Tell me that when all of this shit is over.”

  “You don’t know… I love her… but… she loved you...” I was slurring and nothing was making any sense in my own head.

  “Naw man, that’s where you’re wrong.” Tanner says, adjusting so he can open the door to Mannex’s truck.

  “You don’t… ou don’t know… anything. She’s… She’s a… Whore.” I stumble.

  Tanner drops his hands from me, “Look fucker. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but if you keep fuckin’ opening your mouth, I’m going to fuck you up. If you really and truly feel that way about her just stay the fuck away. I promise you you’ll regret it when you do.”

  I start to say something, but Mannex shoves me in the truck, “Just shut the fuck up. I’m not going to stop him if he decides to hit you for that. It’d be well deserved. Just go the fuck to sleep.”

  No arguments from me. The last coherent thought I have before falling asleep is I love you Piper. Must’ve been thought out loud because Mannex grumbles, “I know man. Just go to sleep okay.” I drift off into a deep sleep.

  The next morning, I crawl out of bed feeling like death. I stand in the shower for an hour. When the water runs cold, I climb out. I’m pouring my first cup of coffee when Mannex walks in. He shakes his head when he sees me. I don’t ask why, because I’m pretty sure it has something to do with me being drunk and saying a bunch of stupid shit. Shit that’s so far from the truth. I grab another coffee cup from the cabinet and pour him a cup sitting it down in front of him. “Peace?”

  He lowers his head and then looks back up at me, “Peace. Just do me a favor, stay the hell away from the Pit until all of this is over. That’d be great.”