by J. N. Pack
I smile and pat him on the shoulder, “Thanks for coming to get me.”
He smirks, “Don’t thank me, I wanted Tanner to beat your face in last night.”
I smirk, “That bad huh?”
He laughs a bitter laugh, “Worse. Bad habits die hard.”
I lower my head, “Shit! What’d I say?”
He looks at me, “You love her. She loved him. You called her a whore.”
I run my hand through my hair, “Fuck! You should have let him fuck me up.”
He laughs, “So close. I was so close to dropping your ass and telling him to go for it.”
Mom walks into the kitchen and the conversation dies. I don’t want my mom to know anything about all of this until I know everything and I sure as fuck don’t know everything yet. I will. I will go to her and we will sit down, and she can tell me what the hell is going on. I’m kind of glad Tanner didn’t let me in last night. I would have only made things worse.
Chapter 25
Piper
When I wake up the next morning, I feel like the walking dead. Everything is numb. My chest is tight, and my throat is raw from crying and crying out. My hand is sore from hitting the walls and anything in reach. It’s a good thing my cast is hard, or I may have done some permanent damage to my wrist. But my brain is numb and that’s what I needed. The inability to feel. The inability to care.
Meggie throws some clothes on the bed and demands that I get a shower and get dressed. At a snail’s pace I start getting myself ready for the day. I don’t do anything special. My face is pale, my hair is a messy and I could care less. I pull my hair up in a messy bun and grab my bag only to be met in the living room by Tanner. He’s watching me closely, “You good?”
Nope! Not even a little bit. I’m a broken fuckin’ mess. I nod, “Perfect. Let’s go.”
My eyes are sunken in a little and my hands have a tremble that wasn’t there before. My hands are black and blue. I look like literal shit, but this is it. This is the best I’ve got right now. I’ve puked up everything I’ve eaten in the last week. My stomach is in a constant state of churning. At this point I’m not sure if it’s from the need to puke or the fact that my body is telling me to eat. The one thing I can’t do. Tanner and Meggie walk me to my first class. French was always my favorite, but not today. I can’t focus. Looking through the book everything blurs over. So, I don’t look in the book. I find the French teacher watching me closely. I avoid her looks and everything else. When I’m leaving the class and she calls my name I pretend I don’t hear her and walk a little faster to get out of the class.
Walking through the halls I get people staring, some snickering, a whole lot of whispering, and get called a lot of names. I try to let them roll off my back, but it’s hard. I slip into the restroom and take a couple of the little pills in hopes of not feeling. Not caring. I walk out of the bathroom and start down the hall headed for the dorms since my next class doesn’t start until two. Something lands in my hair and I bat it away only to realize it’s a condom pulled free from the package. I glance around and start walking again with a nervous feeling in my gut. All of a sudden, I hear giggling and glance behind me to find Kenzie, Lindsey, and Kayla. Kenzie yells, “Go home whore!” Everyone in the hallway starts throwing things at me. There’s diapers, pacifiers, and condoms littering the halls. I try to suck in a breath, but I can’t. My body is trembling uncontrollably. I keep trying to suck in a breath, but I can’t. I’m spinning. My head’s spinning. Everything becomes blurry. I hear someone screaming and I hear my name, but my legs buckle, and everything goes black.
Caelan
I know that Piper doesn’t have any classes until after lunch, so I start to the dorms to try and catch her there. I know she’s not going to want to talk to me yet, but I need to see her. I need to know she’s okay. All day all I’ve been able to hear is her crying last night. I don’t know all the details and I need them. At least something. If she could just confirm that it is mine and tell me what the hell is going on, maybe we could move past this. I hope we can move past it. I hear a commotion behind me and see Mannex rushing towards a car with someone in his arms. Next, I see Meggie and Tanner running from the building towards the car and my feet start moving without even realizing it. I’m running and I’m not breathing. When I get to the truck everyone is climbing in and I then see her laying there, way too pale. I snatch the door open and climb in pulling her head in my lap. “What the fuck happened?”
Mannex speeds out of the parking lot headed in the direction of Saint Claire’s Hospital. “When… When I came around the corner, they had her cornered. They were calling her names and throwing all kinds of shit at her. She was turning in a circle, but her eyes weren’t focused. I got to her just as her legs fell from under her. She’s been unconscious and I can’t get her to respond. Somebody needs to call Jaxon.”
I look down at her and start praying in my head. God please don’t take her. I’ll do anything. Please just let her wake up. I keep my hand on her pulse the whole way to the hospital. I can feel my heart about to beat out of my chest. Please don’t take her. I don’t care about the baby. Even if it’s not mine. I don’t care what happened. Just let her be okay. I need her to be okay. My hands begin to tremble, and I feel a tear leak from my eye. I was so fuckin’ stupid. How could I treat you like that? Please be okay. I can take you hating me. I can take you never speaking to me again, but I can’t handle a world where you don’t exist. God, please don’t take her. Her hand trembles and her lip quivers. I search her face for any sign of life. Tanner must notice it to, because he is watching her every breath while my hand sits on her pulse.
From the driver seat Mannex asks, “Is she breathing? Please? Fuck! Is she still breathing?”
I hear crying coming from the front seat and find Meggie crying with her face pressed against the back of the seat.
Tanner reaches out taking her hand, “Hey, she’s still breathing. She’s going to be fine; we just need to get her to the hospital and make sure she’s not seriously hurt.”
I don’t think he believed his own words. I sure as fuck didn’t. When we pull into the hospital Mannex pulls into the emergency entrance for ambulances and jumps out running in to get a doctor. I climb from the truck pulling her with me. When the doctors come out with a gurney, I lay her on it. As the doctor and another nurse took her back into the ER another nurse has Mannex pull his truck to the parking lot and instructs us that we can wait in the waiting room. I want to yell and scream, but what good would that fuckin’ do. Exactly two minutes after we arrive Jaxon comes flying in the parking lot with Shelby. Jaxon goes to the desk and demands to be let in the back with his sister. The receptionist is polite when she says, “Sir, I’m sorry, but we can’t do that. Not until we are sure she is stable.”
Jaxon punches the counter, “How fuckin’ long?”
The receptionist pales, “I’m not sure sir. Could be a few minutes, maybe a couple hours.”
Tanner walks over, “Come on Jax, they’ll let you back as soon as they can.”
Jaxon turns on him, “What the fuck happened to my sister? Where the fuck were you? She’s your fuckin’ friend.”
Tanner holds his hands up and steps back not saying another word. Jaxon’s eyes turn on me and I swear I saw fire in them, but he doesn’t say anything to me yet, but I know it’s coming and when it does, it’s going to be an inferno. He drops into a chair leaning forward with his head on his fist. When his phone rings he answers, “Yeah?”
“Fuck, I don’t know Jillian. They haven’t let me in the back yet… I don’t know… No, you don’t need to come. I will call you as soon as I hear something… Do not call Mom and Dad Jillian…Yeah… Later.” And he hangs up. Shelby has her hand on his back rubbing circles that are doing nothing to calm him.
I slide down the wall and pull my legs up resting my elbows on them and resting my head on my fists. The pain in my chest is so fuckin’ bad and all I can do is pray I don’t lose her.
When the door opens and a doctor steps into the waiting room, everyone jumps up including me. Jaxon asks, “What’s wrong with my sister?”
The Doctor flattens his lips, “Your sister hyperventilated and passed out for lack of oxygen. She had a high level of anxiety medicine in her system. It should have helped, but I’m guessing whatever happened was more than she could handle. When she woke up, she started hyperventilating again so we sedated her. She should be good to go home in the morning. I can let one of you go back, but she’s not going to be awake. My advice would be for you guys to go home and get some sleep. Be here at eight a.m. and you can take her home.”
Jaxon laughs, “Yeah, I’m going to have to go back there because if I don’t, you’re going to have two very hard to handle women up here. They are a lot more demanding than I am.”
The Doctor smiles, “Right this way.”
Jaxon follows him to the back.
After everyone heads out, I sit in one of the chairs in the waiting room. I’m not leaving her. Sleeping or not, she’s going to have someone at this hospital who cares for her.
Mannex comes back in, “You coming?”
I pull my top lip between my teeth and shake my head no.
He nods, “If you need me give me a call.”
I smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes.
Mannex leaves.
A couple hours later a nurse comes out, “Sir, come with me.”
I glance around the waiting room and then back at her, “Where am I going?”
She says, “Just come on.”
I climb from the seat and follow her. She takes me through the doors that lead to the back and opens a door to a room. I look in and see Piper sleeping peacefully on the bed. I rush in going to her side and wrapping my fingers around her bruised hands. The nurse says, “You can move the recliner closer to the edge of the bed. I’ll go get you a blanket.”
My heart is about to beat out of my chest, but I’m here and she’s here and she’s going to be okay. Thank God. I move the recliner closer to the bed so that I can still hold her hand and lean it back, I’m asleep before the nurse gets back. I wake when she pulls the blanket over me but fall back asleep quickly when the door to the room closes behind her.
The next morning, I wake up to the sound of someone clearing their throat. My eyes blink open and I come face to face with Jaxon. He’s none to happy that I’m here.
I sit up in the chair. I lean forward using the base of my hands to wipe the sleep from my eyes. I look over at her to make sure she’s okay. She’s still sleeping. I glance at my phone and realize it’s only four in the morning. I don’t want to leave, but I stand, “I’ll leave.”
Jaxon lowers his eyes and as I start for the door, he holds his hand up to stop me, “No, stay. She’d want you here. I don’t know everything, nor do I need to know everything, but I do know you’re one of the only things my sister is worried about losing. I just need to know one thing.
I glance over at him, “What’s that?”
He looks at his hands and then back to his sister, “Is there any version of her story, where you walk away?”
I glance at her in that bed and I can feel my heart pulling me to her. Then I look up at him straightening my shoulders and I shake my head, knowing full well that nothing she tells me is going to cause me to walk away from her again.
He lowers his head nodding, “Good.” And he leaves the room. I climb back in the recliner and wrap her hand in mine, watching her until my eyes drift closed again.
Chapter 26
Piper
When I wake up, I’m in the hospital. I feel someone’s hand in mine and look over to find Caelan gripping my hand in his. Tears fill my eyes. I pry my hand out of his just as Tanner and Meggie walk in with a bag. Tanner smirks when he sees Caelan sleeping beside me on a recliner pulled as close to the bed as it can get. Meggie comes to the side of the bed, “We brought you some clean clothes and the doctor said you could go home.”
“What happened to me?”
“You hyperventilated and took a few too many of those happy pills.” Comes from a sleepy sounding Caelan. His eyes are still closed, but he’s awake. He yawns and stretches, before opening his eyes. “Ready to get out of here?”
I nod and Meggie runs them out of the room so she can help me get into some clean clothes.
“Was he here all night?” I ask.
Meggie smiles, “Yep.”
I try to ignore the spark of hope that is bringing me. “Am I fucked up?”
Meggie stops pulling clothes from the bag to glare at me, “No more than the rest of the world.”
I leave that conversation alone and pull on the clothes as she hands them to me. After I’m done, the doctor brings in some papers for me to sign and I sign them. Caelan follows behind me with his hand on my lower back all the way to the car. Once I’m in I reach for the seat belt, but he takes it from my hand and buckles it in place for me. His gaze meets mine and holds. Tanner clears his throat and Caelan circles around the back of the car before climbing in beside me. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m scared. I don’t know if I should trust him not to hate me. I don’t know what to think or expect.
When we make it back to the dorms, I notice how Meggie and Tanner step back allowing him to help me up to the room. He pulls the covers back on my bed and helps me in it. When he steps away from the bed, he runs his hand through his hair, “I’m going to go get a shower and a couple hours of sleep. I’ll be back in a little bit.” He’s not talking to me, but I know it was meant for me too. He starts to leave, and I begin panicking. “Wait.”
He turns, worry marring his face.
“I… I… I need to tell you.” I couldn’t finish.
He grips my hand in his, “You need to rest. You can tell me later.”
“No… No, I need to tell you now. I have to.” Panic is sitting heavy in my stomach and every time he makes a move for the door it thickens.
He comes back to the edge of the bed and sits on the edge of the bed. Meggie and Tanner try to leave, but I stop them too, “You all need to know, and I don’t know if I will make it through this story again.”
Tanner pulls two chairs to the side of the bed and they drop down into the chairs.
I can feel Caelan’s eyes on me, but I can’t make myself look at him. “After the wedding… almost wedding, I traveled. I was in Greece when I realized I didn’t get my period. Found a Doctor that took patients from overseas and he confirmed I was pregnant.” Tears are already falling down my cheeks and the bad part isn’t here yet. “I was nearly three months when I found out. I wanted to pick up the phone a million times, but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to trap you Caelan. I didn’t want you to hate me for getting pregnant the one time I was with you. I didn’t want Tanner to hate me for having a baby with someone who I cheated on him with. Meggie, I didn’t want you to get mad because I hurt Tanner.”
Caelan’s not looking at me, “Where’s the baby Piper?”
My body trembles and my hand automatically drops to my stomach.
“Did you put it up for adoption? Abortion? Piper, what did you do?” Caelan asks. I can hear in his voice he’s trying everything in him to keep himself calm.
“I traveled and it was beautiful. I left Greece and went to Ireland. In Ireland I saw so many beautiful things. I felt my baby move for the first time in Ireland. Just before leaving Ireland a friend who was a Doctor got her hands on an ultrasound machine.” Tears were streaming down my cheeks now. “I saw her little heartbeat. I watched it for an hour. Just watched it beat. She told me I was having a little girl. My baby. She was a girl. Her heartbeat was strong. I heard it.”
Caelan’s eyes come up to meet mine after that and he reaches for my hand, but I pull back, needing to disconnect. “I left the next week and went to France. I saw so much in France. She was so active. Always moving. I could feel her excitement from the inside. Until I didn’t.” Everyone’s eyes fly to me and I can’t look at an
y of them. “For a week straight, I prayed she’d move. That I’d feel anything, but nothing. I felt nothing.” I found a local Doctor and he did test after test, several ultrasounds and her heartbeat was missing. They couldn’t find it.” The tears are soaking me now, but I keep going knowing they need every single detail. Caelan’s hands are in his hair and his head rests on his hands. “They said I had to deliver her. She was gone, but I still had to give birth. I had to push her out. They hooked me to all kinds of machine’s and the pain was unreal. The nurse said to push, and I told her I couldn’t that she wasn’t ready. The nurse said my body had rejected the baby and that’s why the baby no longer had a heartbeat, she told me I had to push her out. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t help it. I fought it and the nurse started screaming at me.”
Meggie’s bawling like a baby now. Tanner can’t look at me and Caelan is trembling. “It hurt so bad, when I finally pushed and she came out, I prayed she’d cry. I begged for her to cry. They just laid her on my chest wrapped in a blanket. Her little fingers were balled into tiny little fists. Her hair was the lightest blonde I’ve ever seen. I didn’t want her to go. When the nurse came in, she tried to take her, but I couldn’t let her go. The nurse yelled, “She’s dead, let her go.” But I couldn’t. I could pretend I still had her just for a little while. They stuck a needle in my arm and the nurse took her from me.” Caelan comes to my side and when I try to pull away, I see the tears streaming down his face. I ball into a ball and he pushes behind me to pull me to his chest, “I could have pretended. Just for a little while. I never even heard her cry.” He holds me and we cry together. At some point Tanner and Meggie slip out leaving us to grieve our child together. Caelan doesn’t say anything, he just holds me for hours. Out of nowhere I tell him, “I named her Caelan Ann Devoreaux. I was going to tell you as soon as I got back to the states, but I couldn’t keep her safe. I couldn’t protect her.”