Everything Changes

by Shey Stahl

  I stepped away from him, and he didn’t follow “You don’t understand him,” I said and ran towards my bike.

  Thankfully, Dusty didn’t follow me. With the amount tears flowing from me, I wasn’t sure I could get away from him. I couldn’t remember a time I ever cried that much in a matter of ten minutes. It wasn’t all from Dusty either. It was Addy and then there was the fact that I was afraid of what I was feeling for Parker, and we had sex, and I was…scared and emotional. A lot was happening in such a short time frame that I wasn’t sure how to process it. Crying seemed logical to me.

  Ever try riding a dirt bike with a helmet and goggles while crying? It was like trying to see through fog.

  Once I reached the condo, the tears hadn’t stopped. I sat outside the garage, leaning against the doors and letting my goggles drain from my tears.

  “You’re such an idiot,” I told myself. It didn’t make me feel any better.

  I couldn’t figure out why I was crying so much. Was it because he said I didn’t know the real Parker or was it because Dusty scared me? I think it was a little of both. At the time, I was more bothered by his comment about Parker. I wanted more than anything to know him, and not just him, the real him. Last night, and even this whole trip, I thought for sure I was seeing a side of him he hadn’t shown anyone. I felt like I knew him in ways others didn’t.

  Just as I was trying to figure out what I’d say and compose myself somewhat, Parker walked outside in his black and yellow board shorts carrying two garbage bags over his shoulders.

  “When did you get back?” His voice was jovial until he saw my flushed appearance.

  My hands immediately flew to my face wiping away the tears. “Just now, sorry.”

  He was beside me in an instant holding me at an arm’s length. His head bent down trying to catch my eyes. “Rowan, what’s wrong?”

  I couldn’t answer at first. Staring at him, I wondered if I should even tell him about my run in with Dusty. Surely, it would upset him.

  “I uh…um.” I was stalling and he knew it.

  His eyes narrowed, his jovial side gone completely. “Just tell me.”

  “Dusty confronted me,” I blurted out. “He wanted me to…he wanted…” When I saw the flash of anger in his eyes, I stopped speaking. I didn’t even think I was breathing I was so terrified of what his response would be next.

  “What?” Parker’s tone was harsh and accusing. He blinked a few times, processing what I said.

  Between my heart pounding and my shaking, it took me a minute to find the will to speak again. “He tried to get me to go to his place.”

  Parker exploded.

  I thought I saw his temper that day in the shop when he simply tossed a transmission over his shoulder. Yeah, well, I didn’t. Today was the day I saw the real temper. Justin’s words came back to me. “Never underestimate Parker.”

  Next, he picked up a metal box they used to carry their tools around for adjustments to their bikes and smashed it against the wall. Tools, break cleaner, and oil scattered along the floor, crashing against the bikes and tires.

  With harsh movements, Parker stepped to the side and put on his boots, slamming the buckles down. He then reached for his helmet and took off on his bike towards town without saying another word to me.

  Justin came outside having heard the noise and then the loud scream of Parker’s bike as he raced away.

  “Where’d he go?” His gaze fixed on the dust cloud from Parker’s bike as it sprayed up through the canyon.

  “To find Dusty…” I started crying again.

  Justin quickly got Addy, who’d just woke up, and pushed us inside Parker’s truck as we went after him.

  Addy looked back at me. “Where are we going?”

  I shrugged with wide eyes. Poor Addy had no idea what was going on.

  She leaned against my shoulder with her head. “I hope we’re going to get food. I’m starving.”

  It didn’t take long in Moab to figure out where they were. Parker’s bike was outside the Moab Brewery. My first thought was how did he get in there? My second was did it even matter?

  “You two stay here,” Justin ordered before rushing inside.

  Did we listen?

  No.

  “Come on.” I opened the door to the truck. “I can’t let him get hurt over me.” I dragged Addy inside with me. Addy watched Jerry Springer nearly every day, so it wasn’t as though I needed to do much convincing. She was all over that shit.

  Once we were inside, the commotion drew our attention to the back wall near a group of five guys huddled around Parker and Dusty.

  “Ruining everything I ever wanted wasn’t enough for you back then…” Parker slammed Dusty up against the wall of the restaurant, the sound echoing throughout the bar. Dusty’s head snapped back and hit the brick wall behind him. He scowled as if he was giving Parker a warning to step back. It did nothing as Parker fisted his T-shirt, holding him close. “Now you make a move on the only girl I’ve ever loved?”

  Say what?

  Addy looked over at me with a small smile despite the tense surroundings. “What did I miss today?”

  “Give me a fucking break, Parker.” Dusty pushed back against Parker’s chest. “You’re seventeen years old…she doesn’t mean anything to you besides a good f—”

  He was cut off by Parker punching him in the mouth.

  Dusty stumbled forward at the force and then stood wiping blood from his lip. “You’re such a little fucker. Jesus, Parker, we used to be friends, remember?”

  Parker stood there, his head came up arrogantly, keeping his brutal glare directed at Dusty but said nothing.

  “You know…” Dusty began, his voice angry now. “You had what it takes to make it in Supercross, you did, but that temper of yours was the reason you lost it all.” Dusty rubbed a three-inch long scar on his cheek I’d never noticed it until now. “I had nothing to do with that deal with Yamaha.”

  Justin got in between them when Parker stepped closer to Dusty once again. “That’s enough. Stop it.”

  If anyone could stop Parker, it was Justin. He listened to him.

  Parker, breathing heavy, easily shook out of Justin’s grip and turned to walk outside. His eyes stayed forward, never looking back as he walked right past us to his bike.

  “I thought I told you to stay in the truck,” Justin said, motioning for us to follow him. “Next time, listen to me. You shouldn’t have even been in here.”

  Not only did we have a pissed off Parker, but Justin was mad too.

  By the time we got back to the condo again, none of us had said anything, and we went off in different directions. I stayed in the truck for a good hour crying again. I was an emotional wreck. I was seventeen-year-old girl who was in love for the first time with a boy who was unobtainable in more ways than one. I didn’t know if he was mad at me, but I managed to piss off his brother and my best friend. Addy wasn’t mad at me, but I was worried about her.

  I heard the high pitch scream of Parker’s bike before I saw him. It took a minute, but his silhouette flashed over the canyon. He was out on the track. I watched him from the inside the truck.

  He landed the jump and then shot down the other side of the canyon before hitting a double they had built out there. When he was midair, he threw his back legs off the bike and then arched his body into the air before reaching back to the pull the bike towards him. He landed it and then jumped a few rocks.

  That was how he calmed himself. I knew that about him.

  It was another hour before he pulled the bike into the garage. I sat there inside the truck, afraid to get out. At least he seemed calm and wasn’t throwing anything.

  After he finished cleaning his bike, he stood with his hands behind his head looking out at the canyon when he noticed me sitting inside the truck on the passenger side. His brow furrowed, probably wondering why I was sitting in there when he motioned for me to get out.

  I slowly walked up to him like a dog that had be
en beaten.

  “Hey,” I said breathlessly, slightly hesitant. I think I cried a little too much today. My eyes and stomach burned, both for different reasons.

  “Take a walk with me.” He walked around the side of the garage to their track, helping me along the way. We made it to the ridge at the top that overlooked the track and the condo.

  Parker was silent for a little while, watching the sunset. As the moon overtook the sky, he finally spoke, comfortable in the darkness. “Do you remember that day we were out riding and ran into Dusty?”

  I nodded so he continued. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I hugged my legs as Parker finally opened up to me. There was a faint smell of smoke in the air now, and I could see the orange glow of the campfire near the condo.

  “He told me...” he eyed me cautiously “...when I pushed him…he said you’d be in his bed before the summer was out.”

  Who says that? What a douche.

  “Why would he say that?”

  “That’s just the way he is,” Parker said, looking at a red rock in his hand. “He slept with Kayla, my friend from Anaheim, when we were younger, thinking she was my girlfriend or something. It’s like he just wants to one up me all that time. He thinks anything I have he can take.”

  “She wasn’t?”

  Parker looked at me, the blue in his eyes seemed darker and brighter at the same time as he tried to convince me with one look. Breathing deeply, I watched his face fall, the scruff of his jaw begging me to reach out and touch it. I could almost feel the shivers I knew it would cause. His eyes remained watchful, and his brow furrowed the more I stared at him. “I wasn’t lying when I said you were the only one, Ro.” I smiled slightly hearing him call me Ro. I liked it. “Last night was my first…” He paused. “I think you know you are the only one.” I nodded meeting his gaze. “Kayla is only a friend. She doesn’t get me the way you do.”

  “I get you?” Not only was I acting like a beaten dog, I now sounded like a beaten dog.

  He smiled the first smile I’d seen since this morning. “You do. You get me without knowing that you do.”

  See I knew I saw the real him. I just knew it.

  It was true. I didn’t think he was complicated at all. You just had to look at the real him. Dusty kept saying I didn’t know the real Parker, but I did. I knew I did. Even now, there was no question that he was showing himself to me.

  “I would never go for someone like him.” I wasn’t sure I even needed to say it but I did. “Just so you know.”

  “I know you wouldn’t.”

  Breaking our gaze, Parker settled his arms on his knees and leaned forward slightly. Wanting to comfort him, I reached over to rub his back. At my touch, his breathing became lighter. His left arm moved to wrap around my shoulders, dragging me through the sand so our bodies touched, our hands intertwining.

  “What happened between you and him?”

  “It’s a long story.” Parker sighed, drawing circles in the sand. I laughed when I saw his drawing was a dirt bike.

  I let out another chuckle, motioning to Addy and Justin sitting in the hot tub down in the valley. “We have a while.”

  “Right.” He smiled again. “It’s not like Dusty and I are total enemies or anything, just a lot of shit in the way. It started back when I raced mostly in the Yamaha MX Classic. That’s how I first met Dusty. He’s a couple years older than me, and of course I looked up to him. I needed someone to look up to at that age. Dusty had everything I wanted in a career.” Parker nodded. “I looked up to him a lot. At the time, I was just a privateer hoping to catch the eye of a factory, and Dusty had a factory ride with Suzuki. But I was racing Yamaha, and the Yamaha MX Classic had this contingency program that you could earn YZ bucks. You could redeem them at the local Yamaha dealers for parts, gear, and even bikes. For my family, that was ideal. Back then, my dad spent everything he had to get Justin and me new bikes which cost twenty-five hundred each at the time. When you raced every week like we did, a brand new bike was the only option, and that didn’t include all the aftermarket modifications you needed to stay competitive. Not only do you have the bike cost and maintenance, but you have entry fees, insurance…it’s endless.”

  “So how did you manage to go pro then?”

  “Well around the time the series was coming to an end, I was winning almost every event for my class. Soon sponsors found me. Bike apparel and parts companies who mostly wanted to slap their logo on my front fender. They paid my way and made it easier on my parents. But still, only the fastest kids got the big manufacture sponsors. So when I won the last round in Reche Canyon, Yamaha called. I had a factory ride for the following season for the 125cc Lites class. If I did good, I would eventually move up to 450s when I was old enough.”

  “What happened between you and Dusty then?”

  Parker hung his head before speaking. “After my dad died, I ran into Dusty in Delmont at Steel City Raceway. We raced on the AMA Motocross 125cc Lite Series together in ninety-four which was how we ended up together at round eleven. By then I was acting like a kid, a really angry kid who had just lost his family.” He looked up at me. “After the race, Dusty came up to me and got in my face about the race, something he’d never done before. I don’t remember everything that was said or even what I did on the track, but I know I wasn’t exactly racing clean. He pushed me and I reacted. I ended up grabbing what was beside me and hit him across the face with it.”

  “What was it?”

  “The trophy I won that night.”

  “Oh.”

  “He wasn’t too upset about it, and we ended up talking later, but the following week I lost my ride because of it.”

  “Why do you hate him though?” Parker blinked when I asked the question as if he was trying to remember. “I mean, you hit him.”

  “I didn’t hate him until recently.” He tipped his head slightly. “I found out that he’s the one that went to Lonnie Gusto, Yamaha’s rep, and told him a bunch of bullshit about me. At the time, Lonnie’s daughter, Anna, was dating Dusty, so my chances were slim of convincing Lonnie that Dusty was lying. Dusty then told me the sponsor would drop me soon because I didn’t win the last round.” Parker let out a sigh. “With everything that happened with my dad, and then those final few races, I walked away from it all. I never called Yamaha to explain myself or the AMA; I just simply…walked away. Two weeks later, Yamaha pulled my sponsorship. That’s how I ended up in Washington. Jack wanted us to get away and thought the terrain out there would get me back to wanting to ride, or at least remember why I wanted to still ride.”

  “Do you remember now?”

  He smiled. It was soft but it was still there. “Now I do…having you here with me, yeah, I remember why.”

  And then I sat there, and Parker sat there, in total silence, thinking about what he just said. If someone had told me that I would be with Parker O’Neil and he’d tell me I reminded him of why he loved to ride, well, I wouldn’t have believed them. I would have laughed at them actually.

  I couldn’t process it all at once. I had to just sit there. I was so comfortable around him and that was weird for me.

  “You and Dusty seemed friendly that first day. What went wrong?”

  Parker shrugged. “I didn’t like the way he looked at you.” He gave a weak smile. “Like I said, you get me. You were the first person that did without knowing anything about me. I liked that. But I didn’t like the way Dusty looked at you. I looked up to him for years. He has the looks and the career. He has everything I’ve ever wanted, and I thought maybe he’d take you too.” The shyness in his voice was adorable. To think he thought I would ever be interested in someone like Dusty was silly.

  Snuggling into him, I said, “He never had the chance.”

  He smiled, the gesture touching the corners of his eyes and summer kissed skin.

  We were silent for a few moments, not touching, just watching each other while I processed everything he’d just told me. Then I asked, “Justin said
Dusty said some things about your dad.”

  “He did.” He nodded. “He said he killed himself because of me and my racing.”

  “Why would we he say that?”

  Parker leaned back in the sand, pulling me down with him. Relaxing into his embrace, his buttery tone soothed any apprehensions I had about pushing him into talking when he didn’t want to.

  “That’s just him. Like I said, Dusty just has to be that much better. It’s his nature. We’re very different riders with different styles of riding, but I won a lot. If he thought for one minute he might be able to convince me to walk away, he would. Even though he raced Suzuki and I raced Yamaha, we were still competing in the same series.” He let out a dark chuckle before leaning back on his elbows in the sand. “Ah hell, looks like he won after all. I gave up.” His eyes scanned my face and held my gaze for a brief moment, as if memorizing me.

  On the outside Parker may have given up, but I saw that determination in his eyes. Part of him would never give up when it came to proving himself.

  CHAPTER 9

  Rowan Jensen

  Pinning

  This is a motion where the rider rolls the throttle back for maximum acceleration.

  July 5, 1997

  Parker and I made our way back to the condo once the lights were off and we were sure that Addy and Justin were in bed. With it our last night there, Parker said he didn’t want any interruptions. That scared me. I wasn’t sure what it’d be like with us in a bed and not in the sand. What if the lights were on?

  I had this fear that if he saw me completely naked in the light of his room he wouldn’t like what he saw.

  Parker sensed my nerves when we were inside his room. The nightlight next to his bed was the only light on. I felt a little more at ease with the dim light reflecting from the light gray walls.

  “You know that we don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” He looked at me anxiously, the light catching his eyes and illuminating the sea of color. “We can just sleep.”