by Shey Stahl
It never failed that every time he raced, my heart was in my throat, but that night it was a little more. Earlier that day I had found out that I was pregnant, and I hadn’t told Parker yet. Now, watching my husband sore thirty feet in the air was a little more than this sweaty pregnant wife could handle and I threw up.
Addy was there beside me, as was Justin who was now Parker’s mechanic and holding the pit board for him. They both smiled knowing damn well why I puked over the side of the tough blocks beside me.
When I looked up Justin was giving Parker the one to go sign, to which Parker barely lifted his head, intent on the lapped riders in front of him.
Justin smiled, rubbing my back when he noticed me. “Tell him you’re pregnant when he wins.” He nodded to the finish where Parker was taking the checkered flag, one hand on the bars, the other fist pumping the air. My husband had won the biggest race of the Supercross/Motocross season, The Monster Energy Cup.
As he did his parade lap, the stadium blasted Nelly’s #1 through the venue. Parker scrubbed the top of the first jump, a maneuver where he would come up to the jump full speed, whip the bike sideways, and then jump over it about a foot from the ground horizontally. It was my favorite style of jump because it took so much skill to be able to perfect it.
The next jump he soared through the air and then stopped at the top of the next one and gave the fans a wave. Having heard the music playing, he raised his hands and bobbed his head to the beat sending them into a frenzy. Pumping his fists in the air, the crowd reached deafening levels as they saw what I saw, a man living his dream.
When he came back around, I was there waiting for my boy.
I turned to him, my secret smile at bay as I gripped the front of his jersey. His goggles around his neck got in the way but I managed to get my lips near his ear. “Nice race, Daddy.”
Once I pulled away, his eyes burned into mine.
He chuckled and nipped at my neck playfully, causing my skin to pebble and my eyes to roll back. It took some effort to recover considering the circumstances. “I fucking knew you were pregnant.”
“Yeah?” I couldn’t help but laugh that the reporter was trying to get their interview but Parker wanted nothing to do with it. His eyes locked with mine. “How?”
He eyed my chest and then winked. “Your boobs are huge, Ro.”
“Nice, Parker.” I shook my head as a low giggle escaped me at the look of excitement on his face.
Justin chose that moment to show up and pat his brother on his back eying my chest too. “He’s right. Your boobs are huge.” Justin gave a head nod to the podium. “It’s you, man. Get up there!”
Parker laughed, rolling his eyes, before and going about his podium finish celebration. I watched as he leaned forward and started the bike, he revved it a few times as a cloud of racing fuel engulfed me. Even with my heightened sense of smell, it was still a smell I loved and he knew it.
On the podium, he motioned for me to come up after they handed him his trophy so I did. Commotion was all around us, cheering and champagne spraying. Parker was covered in sweat and beer. It was the life I knew and loved because now I was finally his completely.
“Shit,” he hummed against my neck when he made it off the stage before we got back to the KTM tent, “I can’t wait to get you back to the hotel.”
“Why?” I knew why, I was teasing him.
“Ro,” He was becoming impatient. “I really want to get you back to that hotel now. Let’s go. Your boobs are huge and Justin tells me pregnant sex is really good. I need to see what this fuss is about.”
He was such a boy.
I wasn’t sure how everything had turned out so good, but I was happy with the changes heading our way. I found myself with Parker in ways I never thought I could. He showed me that I could still be my own person, the girl I wanted to be, and have the boy. It may have taken me a lot longer than I would have wanted, but I did it my own way, the hard way, but still my own way.
This was one parade lap I wanted to savor every detail of. I felt happy tears as I watched my boy that night. He was my past, my change, and my future. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
CHAPTER 31
Parker O’Neil
Checkered Flag
The checkered flag is the flag waved by the track official to signify the end of the race.
May 1, 2006
When Justin told me what it was like becoming a dad, I wasn’t exactly prepared given the lifestyle I had. When Ro went into labor, I was heading into the final round of the Supercross season sitting in second place. Dusty had a comfortable lead over me in the championship battle, and it wasn’t looking like I would have a back to back championship this year. But I felt good because I was back racing. For two years I wondered if I could get back here. No I was and my wife was having a baby, two to be exact.
Not exactly what we expected, but when they arrived and we knew everything about our lives was about to change again, we were okay with it.
The panic seemed to overwhelm Ro, especially when it came to naming them, so I had to step in. “How about we name that one Jensen and that one Gracie?”
Ro laughed but the look on her face was one I was beginning to know well. “Uh, that’s the boy…I think.” She pulled back the thick white blanket covering the smaller of the two babies, checked the diaper, and nodded. “Boy.”
“Okay...” my lips brushed hers “...well then this one is Gracie and that one is Jensen.”
“Jensen for the boy and Gracie for the girl?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, looking at them all wrapped all snugly with their mops of chocolate hair and pink skin.
“We’re gonna have to mark them…this is going to be confusing,” Ro said, running her fingers over Gracie’s cheek. Gracie squirmed slightly before falling back asleep.
“You’re tellin’ me.” I laughed watching my son next to my daughter in my wife’s arms. “I can’t believe we have two kids now.”
“Well it’s more than we planned but at least Bryce and Sophie have someone to play with,” Ro said, referring to my brother’s kids who were two and five now. They were the only grandkids before these two, and now our family changed again.
Justin and Addy came inside the room to see the new additions. Her parents came and Jack and Michelle were there too…everyone was there…for us.
It had taken me a long time to get over why I had let my relationship with Ro go the way it did and even longer to accept that I could have her in the ways I wanted. It didn’t take me long to make her my wife once we were finally together. I asked her on her twenty-second birthday, a birthday I was finally around for. We got married two weeks later.
Ro lifted Gracie up and handed her to her mom who then asked the nurse for a Sharpie.
“No,” Ro said, immediately looking to the nurse with wide eyes. “Do not give her a Sharpie.”
I gave her a funny look but when the nurse handed her mom the marker and Sarah placed a dot on Gracie’s head, I knew why.
We both laughed when Sarah held Gracie closely, eying her mark. “Now I can tell them apart.” Rick laughed, tucking Sarah and his granddaughter under his arm. “Don’t worry. I’m sure it will wash off.”
“It’s no big deal,” I assured them. It wasn’t like Ro was upset about it. She knew her mom.
I would love to say that Sarah’s memory had improved but sadly she was a little worse these days. But she was happy and that’s all that mattered to us.
Justin, with Sophie sleeping in his arms, moved from the wall and patted my shoulder. “You ready for the last race this weekend?”
“Yeah,” I smiled, knowing it would be nice to at least have the two week break with my family after this weekend and before the Motocross season began.
And then Justin gave me the advice I needed. “You’re going to be a great dad.”
Justin and I had both struggled with family life for a long time, but we had support from Jack and Michelle. They gave us the uncondition
al love our parents never provided. From that we learned to be what we were: a loving supportive family.
I would love to say it was easy, but it wasn’t. Look at what that did to Rowan and I? We were a family now.
Just thinking about leaving gave me a bit of anxiety, and it felt weird to think that I even had a family, and I no longer had to call and wait for her to come to me for a familiar face in a lifestyle of change. Now she was here with me every step of the way. Being together now was our priority. Ro traveled with me, and we learned to appreciate any change that came our way. I knew with the babies it wouldn’t be as easy, but I also knew that I had given us a financial backing that meant I didn’t have to race. I raced because I wanted to.
To me the ending of this with us was beautiful. Everyone’s life was a series of events. Every step, every breath, every choice, and every word leads you to another moment in your life that will change you.
For me the best change was Rowan.
While our life and situation was far from perfect, we saved each other time and time again. Sure we had to work a little harder at times because of a grueling race schedule, but we still had a mundane life with laundry, feeding babies, changing diapers, grocery shopping, and hanging out with our friends and family. There were the times when I was on my bike in a stadium filled with screaming fans, polished bikes, and pinned dirt bikes that I realized there was nothing I wanted to change about our situation now.
Everything changes in life, all the time too, but then there are the times when they change for the better.
With time you get older and wiser and it comes easier to you.
Change isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s good. It’s like track conditions changing for the better and you finally get the jump you need, and right when you get the lead, the very next lap is the checkered flag. You’re relieved because deep down you know just one more lap and the rider behind you would have gotten around you.
“Everything has a way of changing, doesn’t it?” I asked cupping her cheek.
Ro nodded, leaning into my kiss, our little changes wrapped around us in bed. “I’ll never let you forget it either.”
CHAPTER 32
Parker O’Neil
Grab Holes
These are holes found under the seat which freestyle riders use to hold onto the bike when doing certain tricks.
April 2, 2009
“Daddy?”
A little finger was poking my shoulder as I heard a whisper in my ear.
“Daddy?”
I groaned, rolling to the side and feeling for Ro, who had thankfully put a shirt on. Granted it was my shirt after our early morning encounters. I checked myself to make sure I had my underwear back on, knowing I didn’t want to explain what it was that we were doing to Jensen again. He was a very curious little boy and asked way too many questions that I had no answers for.
“Dadddddy.” The little voice was growing impatient as I tried to wake up.
When I finally opened my eyes to see a mess of chocolate waves and a pair of bright blue eyes that matched my own, he was smiling at me with his helmet in hand.
“Jensen…it’s too early,” I grumbled, seeing light just barely peeking through the curtains.
“But, Daddy, you say we ride today before you leave.” He pouted, pushing out his bottom lip, and I tried to remember when I had made that promise to my three-year-old son. I had so much to do today before I left for Huston tomorrow for round twelve of the Supercross season.
It didn’t matter though. My kids had me wrapped around their fingers as did my wife. They were what I liked to call my grab holes because whenever I needed them there, midair, they were always there.
As I stared at him and tried to wake up, I couldn’t believe how much he looked like Justin. If it wasn’t for the eyes and Rowan’s cheeks, I would have thought I was looking at Bryce or even my dad.
“Daddy, please,” he begged and then yawned.
“I’ll make you a deal. Let’s sleep for a little while longer. Then I’ll take you out on a ride,” I mumbled, already putting my head back on the pillow praying he would agree.
He huffed, but agreed. I reached my arm out to lift him into our king size bed, and he snuggled between us. It wasn’t long and Gracie was there too.
Ro groaned as Gracie climbed over her and dug her cold toes into her legs. She rolled to face me and the kids, her hair still wild and cheeks flushed from earlier.
I gave her a grin and knew damn well she wanted to punch me for letting them in bed this early. We usually didn’t allow them in our bed, only because she was afraid they would make a habit of sleeping with us.
Just as we were about to settle back to sleep, my phone started ringing.
Ro grumbled, her eyes still closed as she reached over to her night stand and flung my cell phone at me.
I knew what that meant. Get up so I can sleep.
All three of them were asleep before I closed the door. It was funny to me how I would look at my family now and everything changed. I didn’t worry about how things might be. Instead, I was determined to make it happen and have the family that I wanted, not the family I thought I would have based on my own experience with my own parents.
Justin was on the phone and wanted to know what time I should meet him at the airport in the morning. We agreed on seven and decided we would take the boys with us and talked briefly about what kind of setup I was looking for. I loved the track setup in Texas but never raced well there so we had some shit to figure out.
When I turned about, intending to head back to bed since it was only five in the morning, Jensen was staring at me, his helmet in his hand again.
I smiled at him, taking in the way he was hungry to learn. I knew the feeling. I was the same way at his age, wanting to discover the sport that held so much meaning to my own father. Only his way of showing me was completely opposite.
After spending so much of my life looking at my family, my career, and myself, blaming myself for things out of my control, I decided it was time to see it for what it was. Shit happened and it wasn’t always within your control. It was just the way it was. I couldn’t blame myself for my mom leaving or my dad taking his own life. Those were decisions they made.
I could take the blame in what happened with me and Ro, yeah, I was to blame for that too. But we made it through that and now had what we always wanted—a family.
I started living my life for me.
That was essentially why I went back to racing. I knew the concerns everyone had with me going back, but I also knew if I gave up because I was told I couldn’t race, I would always wonder if I could have made it back.
It wasn’t long before I found myself out behind our house on trails trying to teach my young son throttle control. He desperately wanted to go fast like me, but one thing at a time. First I had to teach him you couldn’t just grab a handful of throttle at his age and not expect to be tossed off the back if you don’t hold on.
After about ten occurrences where he took a face full of dirt, he started to get the concept.
“Daddy, help me!” Jensen motioned to his front wheel that had a stick jammed in it with an aggravated flip of his gloved hand. Climbing off my own bike, I helped him and then got his bike going again.
It was times like this where I understood the difference between Jeremy and me. I never made Jensen feel like he was living in my shadow or taking the spotlight from me. I treated him like he should have been treated. He was just a boy. A son. My son.
We had taken Jensen’s training wheels off the bike just last week, and it amazed me every day that he could ride the way he did at only three.
I stood behind him as he rode away, dust kicking up from around him as the sun beat down on me warming my skin. But nothing warmed me like the sight before me, and I smiled watching my son follow in my footsteps, a son I would never take for granted.
The fact of the matter was that Ro and I had fallen in love at a very young age, completely unawar
e of the power that love held over the both of us or the damage we could do to that love. Now it was easy to see, appreciate even, the way it drew us together time and time again. For that, I was thankful for the way it turned out and what it gave me: a beautiful wife and two wonderful children.
Sometimes love hits and instant and you have no idea how to process it or what it means or how it can control you. Sometimes it can take you years to get your shit together.
It was worth every fucking miserable minute when I looked at what I had now. It took five years of give and take, banging bars and soaring jumps, deep ruts and steep sweeping corners but we balanced, controlled the throttle, and shifted weight together.
I inhaled, drawing that fresh spring air into my lungs, as I looked out over the trails and our home. I realized that a lot can change a person, but this was where I found my heart, discovered my home, and raised my family here.
This was one thing I never wanted to change.
The End
The best thing about the future is that is comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln
Meet the Author
Shey Stahl used to be an Administrative Assistant before making the decision to become a full time writer. Now she rarely leaves her laptop and orders take out every night. She lives in Washington with her adrenaline junky husband and overactive little girl who is convinced she has magical powers and lives in a castle.
You can follow her on Twitter @SheyStahl or Facebook under: Shey Stahl, or, if you would like more, visit her website at: www.sheystahl.com to keep up to date on her future projects.
Additional novels by Shey Stahl: Waiting for You, Racing on the Edge and Delayed Penalty.