Last One to Know

by Sharon Coady

  Heather pulled her door open. “Yeah, I’m up. Why aren’t you ready for the beach?” Her eyes narrowed as she took in Leona’s outfit. “I thought we were going to watch the guys surf?”

  “I’m not. Remember, Alastair is coming over this morning.”

  “Leona, that isn’t for three more hours. You can certainly go down to the beach for a couple of hours.” She tapped her foot and folded her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to go by myself.”

  “It never bothered you before. Come on, you know Alastair wants me to have something ready.” She shook her head. “My breakfast is getting cold and so is yours.”

  “Well, I was never a prude before.” Heather waved her hand in the air as she pushed by Leona and stomped into the kitchen. “Morning, John.” She slopped food on her plate, grabbed a coffee mug, poured half a cup, and added some sugar and cream before she slumped down in the chair nearest the cabinet.

  “Morning, Heather.” John snickered. “Are you going down to watch us surf this morning?”

  “Yeah, I’m going, unlike her.” She tilted her head towards Leona. “Miss can’t-ever-have-any-fun.”

  “Hey, don’t be so hard on her. She’s working on her songs for Saturday. It’s a long process to get it perfect.”

  “Whatever. Maybe Hope will come with Alastair this morning, and she’ll go down to the beach with me.” She ripped open a roll and smeared butter over one side. She mumbled under her breath as she added salt then pepper to her eggs.

  “Really, Heather? She’s coming with him, and I’m sure she won’t mind going with you. But if you don’t change your attitude, she’ll come right back up to the house and listen to us practice. You know how she hates it when you get into one of your ugly moods.” She poked her fork into her sausage a bit harder than necessary, knowing she should’ve just kept her comments to herself.

  Heather’s eyes flew to hers. “Well, it feels like you’re blowing me off today. I thought we were spending time together.”

  Leona glanced up. “You’ll be fine. We are spending time together. I just need a few hours. If I get these lyrics firmed up, I’ll come down for a bit.” She put her hand on top of Heather’s and gave it a little squeeze.

  “Fine.” Heather pushed back from the table, her eyes averted. “I’ll be right back.” She ran for the hallway.

  “Wow. Her emotions are all over the place. I think the old Heather is easier to deal with. How do you put up with it?”

  “Shh, I don’t want her to hear you.” She leaned closer and lowered her voice even more. “She’s freaking out because I think she really likes Sebastian. She wants to do things the right way this time around.”

  “I think he feels the same way about her. Have I ever mentioned how much I respect you for wanting to take care of your family?” He took her hand in his. “However, let me ask you something. Why is it you feel this need to take care of them?”

  “What do you mean? I don’t take care of everyone.” She sat back, her words feeling like a lie to her own ears as she said them.

  “Sure you do. You do everything your mother dictates to you.” He ducked as she playfully swung at him. “You know it’s true. You never do anything wrong.”

  She saw a darkness flash through his eyes for just a second. “What’s wrong?” She searched his face, curiosity getting the better of her.

  “Nothing.” He pushed his chair back, grabbing his now empty plate and mug; he walked to the sink and started the water.

  “Now who isn’t being truthful?” She followed him, bumping him out of the way with her hip. “You going to talk to me?”

  “Nope, I’m gonna go surfing. I’ll catch you later.” He sighed as he opened the back door. Pausing, he glanced over his shoulder. “I need you to make some decisions soon, Leo. Either you go forward or you stand still. I have to go forward. I’d like to do it with you, but I’m not going to wait forever.”

  The door closed, sending a slight puff of air through the kitchen. Leona closed her eyes and let the scent of the ocean wash over her along with the meaning of his words. Is he telling me goodbye? she wondered as dread washed over her, freezing her in place. Her heart pounded in her chest and a buzzing sound filled her ears as she sank to the floor. Is he moving on without me?

  She felt someone’s hands on her shoulders; someone was shaking her. What were they saying? She raised her head and tried to focus on the face in front of her.

  “Leona, snap out of it. What the hell happened? Answer me, cause you’re starting to freak me out.” Heather’s voice was shaking as her hands bit into Leona’s shoulders.

  “You’re hurting me. Why are you yelling at me?” Shaking her head, she tried to concentrate on what Heather was saying.

  “You scared the hell out of me. I’m shaking you because you wouldn’t answer me. I came out and found you sitting against the cabinet.”

  “I was going to wash the breakfast dishes then John said something. The next thing I know, you’re yelling at me and shaking me. Can you let go, please?” She pulled her legs underneath herself.

  “Did something happen I should know about?” Heather asked, brows furrowed, eyes narrowed.

  “Nothing happened. I don’t know, I was upset about something Johnny said so I sat down.” She blinked and saw the confusion on Heather’s face. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “Let’s get you over to the sofa so you can sit down for a minute. I’m going to get you some water. You don’t have a lot of color in your face.”

  Leona sank down into the soft cushion of the sofa and laid her head back, watching the blades of the ceiling fan slowly spin around. “Heather?”

  Heather rushed back into the living room with the glass of water. “What? Here, take a sip of this.” She handed her the glass, her eyes searching Leona’s face.

  “I think I really screwed up.” She took a sip and handed the glass back to Heather.

  “What are you talking about? Leona, what’s going on?” She put her hand under Leona’s chin and tilted her head up to look in her eyes. “I’m sorry if I did something to upset you.”

  Leona looked at her. “You didn’t. It was something Johnny said, but I don’t want to talk about it.” She knew she should say something more to Heather, but she needed time to wrap her mind around what Johnny had said. Why was it tearing her apart? Her thoughts had turned to all the memories of their childhood together, all the moments she cherished, and all the moments she missed. Had she allowed her mother and her aunt to rob her of what she wanted most because they were so afraid of her ending up like her aunt?

  ~~~

  John felt like a complete jerk when he told her he had to move forward. The look on her face was terrible. He wanted to go back to the house and apologize, but he didn’t want to make it easy for her. Damn it, she had made it hard on him for years. Maybe by making her think for a moment, she might admit her feelings.

  He headed to the beach and saw Sebastian and Alex already out getting ready for one of the sets. Alex waved at him just before catching the second wave. He dropped his stuff near theirs and made his way out past the breakers. The water was cold this morning, but it just made his adrenaline rush that much better. He sat on the board, watching the guys ride the waves in and waited for them to come back out.

  “You made it,” Alex joked.

  “Why wouldn’t I make it? I told you I’d be here.”

  “Oh, dumb shit here made me a bet you’d be up all night with Leona and wouldn’t make it out this morning. Glad to see you didn’t let me down. I just won twenty bucks.”

  “Glad I could help you out, my man. Stupid bet, Alex. Why would I miss an awesome morning surfing with my bros?’ He shook his head as he spied a nice set rolling in. “I’m grabbing one of these.”

  He rode the wave, images of Leo running through is mind. Next thing he knew, he was going ass over teakettle. He’d lost his concentration because of thoughts of her. Maybe he should have stayed and talked to her instead
of making that damn statement and walking out. When he surfaced, he pulled himself back up on his board. He knew he was in for a ribbing from Alex.

  When the guys paddled back, Sebastian’s brows were drawn. “You all right? That was a nasty spill. What happened?”

  Alex snorted. “Leona happened. Please, his mind was on her and he lost it. What a rookie move.”

  “Screw you, Alex. I just got sidetracked, no big deal.” He turned away and started paddling further out. He knew it was a big deal; it could have been bad if he would have hit the bottom. Get your mind straight or get the hell back on shore.

  Sebastian caught up with him. “Come on, that was a bad spill. If I’ve taught you anything, it’s to keep your mind on the wave. It’s dangerous not to.”

  “I know. My mind just wandered for a moment. It won’t happen again.”

  “Well, Alex was right, but it’s not funny nor is it something to take lightly. Remember that.”

  “I will.” He shook his head. Dumb move. He set up for the next wave and closed his mind to thoughts of her. He’d spend the next hour riding the waves and keeping his mind where it needed to be.

  Chapter Seven

  The door opened as Hope walked in followed by Alastair, causing Leona to look up. “I screwed up. I think I really screwed up.”

  “What did you screw up, for heaven’s sake? What’s going on?” Hope hurried to her.

  She turned her gaze to Alastair. He opened his arms, and she flew off the couch into them.

  “Give me a minute with her, ladies. Please.” He walked her backwards to the sofa and helped her sit down. “Go on down to the beach. I’ll talk to her.” He ran his hand in a slow circle around her back. “Leona,” he whispered as he listened for the back door to close. “Okay, what’s really going on?”

  “Johnny told me I have to make some decisions. I have to go forward or stand still. Then he said he was going forward with or without me. I think he was telling me goodbye.”

  He took her chin in his hand and lifted her head just in time to see tears slip out of her eyes. “Stop crying and tell me everything.” Alastair leaned back, crossed his arms over his chest, and waited.

  “What’s there to tell? I’m an idiot. My entire life I’ve heard about what a horrible life my aunt has. Look at everything she has gone through. Look what happened to her Leona, she never had a chance to do anything because of that man. Her life is ruined. Don’t let that happen to you, you be smarter, Leona.” The words flew from her mouth, years of anger and fear releasing like a flock of sparrows taking flight. “I’m not my aunt! I’m in college, and I’m not doing what I want with my life because of her and my mother. How stupid is that? Don’t ruin my life? Well, I did ruin my life! Look at my life, Alastair. What do I have? Tell me, do I look happy?”

  Throwing her hands in the air, she jumped off the couch, words spewing as fast as her hands moved. “What the hell? Why am I doing everything I can to satisfy my family but making myself miserable in the process? I can’t believe I actually felt guilty for not going home to help on my summer break. Every damn year, every damn break, I spend my vacation helping my aunt with her kids, so I can listen to ‘see what happens when you get involved with a boy, Leona?’” She spun around, hands on her hips. “Did you know I have been in love with Johnny for most of my life? I have never acted on it because of the fear my mother and aunt forced on me. Their fears, not mine. But they made them mine. Now, I think I may have ruined the one thing that I want more than anything in the world before I even get to experience it.”

  Her shoulders dropped as the truth of her words hit her hard. Gazing down into Alastair’s eyes, she felt totally drained. Her arms hung limp at her side as she tried to remember to breathe. “What have I done to myself?” Her words were barely a whisper.

  He stood. “Look at me, Leona. I’ve known for a long time you’ve had feelings for him. It was easy enough to see, if you watched. I know your aunt has a rough time, but in truth, have you ever really seen her life?”

  “Of course I have. I’ve spent most of mine in the middle of it, haven’t I?”

  “No, you’ve spent most of your life in the middle of what your mother and your aunt have told you her life is. You’ve seen it through their eyes, not your own. Your aunt’s husband left her because she is a very unhappy woman. She lives her life miserably. Look at all the little moments that most people would cherish and find joy in. She doesn’t find joy in anything. I don’t think she’s happy unless she’s miserable.” He put his hands up. “Don’t get upset with what I’m saying. We are being honest with each other, correct?”

  “She wants to be happy, doesn’t she? Look at the kids, they’re so cute.”

  “And look how she is with them. She treats them like they ruined her life. When you’re with the kids, they are so happy. They laugh and have fun. We take them back to her and they shut down. The laughter is gone, the light goes out of their eyes. That house is oppressive, Leona. It’s why none of us ever stayed for dinner or hung out when you were there. She made herself miserable, not Joe. I’m sure he tried. Look how happy he is with his new wife. They both spew happiness when you see them. His son is happy. When I would see the kids with him, they looked like that, too.”

  Thinking back, she realized what he said was true. “You’re right. I bought into everything and look where I am now.”

  “It’s not too late. You just have to show John how you really feel about him. He as much as told you he wants you to be a part of his life. He’s had it bad for you for years. He has just been waiting for you to notice him.”

  “Why does everyone say I didn’t notice him? I’ve always noticed him. He’s my friend.”

  “No, you knew he was around, but you were so afraid of your feelings, you didn’t notice him, no matter what he did. I’ve always felt bad for him.” Alastair rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at his guitar case lying by the door before turning back to her. “Why don’t you go clean up, and I’ll get things set up for us to practice. That should help you get yourself together, don’t you think? Unless you don’t want to today.”

  “No, singing always helps me. You’re the best.” She grabbed him in a huge hug, letting his kindness and warmth flow through her. “What have I done without you around this last year?”

  ~~~

  “I don’t know. Go on, go wash up.” He gently pushed her toward the hallway. He set two of the chairs from the kitchen, facing each other, pulled his guitar out of the case and tuned the strings while he waited for her to return. He heard the back door open, glanced up, and saw John looking at him with worry in his eyes.

  “Is she okay?” he asked softly, glancing around. “Where is she?”

  “Washing up. Just go on back to the beach. I’ve her calmed down and seeing you right now may not be good. Trust me, John. I’ll talk to you later today.”

  “Are you sure she’s okay?” He started walking in the door.

  Alastair stood and moved into the kitchen quickly. “You know me, trust me. Just go surf and I’ll take care of her.”

  “All right. I’ll be back in a while. Thanks, Alastair.”

  “Welcome. Go on before she hears you.” His mouth turned up in a crooked smile. “She’ll be okay.”

  Alastair closed the door and made his way back to the living room, picked up his guitar, and started playing a slow blues melody. He was about halfway through when he felt her hand touch his shoulder softly.

  “Hey. That’s really nice. Are you playing that Saturday?” She looked down at him, a hint of sadness hiding behind her smile.

  “Nah. I was just messing around waiting on you. Feel better?”

  “Yeah, I do.” She hugged his neck and sat down in the chair opposite him. “So, what three songs do you want to do?”

  ~~~

  “I think you should defiantly cover Little Big Towns ‘Girl Crush.’ You’re awesome with that one. Oh, how about “When He Cheats” and one of yours? Did you get something written?�
��

  She sighed softly, like the air coming out of a balloon with a tiny puncture. “I tried. I was up late into the night. Nothing worked. I just couldn’t get the words to flow.”

  “Do you want me to look at it? Maybe we could work on the lyrics together.”

  “No,” she said sharply, regretting the word as soon as it left her lips when she saw the look on his face. She may as well have slapped him. “I’m sorry. That sounded horrible, didn’t it?”

  He averted his eyes from hers, “No, it sounded rude as shit. It’s not like you to act like that. Now let’s practice the first two songs if you want to do them, and when we’re done, we’ll try to choose a third for the set.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.” She glanced nervously at him.

  He gave a brief nod of his head as if to say, I’m over it already.

  As she sang the lyrics, her mind wandered to Johnny and how she would feel seeing him with another woman. She realized she had stumbled over the words when Alastair stopped playing. “Crap. Sorry. Lost my train of thought for a moment. Start again, please.”

  They ran through the first song a few times and as she became wrapped up in the music, she found herself thinking of only the lyrics and nothing else.

  “That was damn near perfect. How about one more time on this one then right into Carrie’s song?”

  “Let’s do it.” She waited for him to start. Once the last chords of “Girl Crush” faded and he started into the next song, she was belting out the lyrics.

  Alastair replayed the second song a few times, not allowing her any pauses in between. Finally, forty minutes later, he stopped and put down his guitar. “That was good, Leona. Let’s stop there for now. We’ll have to pick another song by tonight so we can get a couple of days practice. I’m going to hit the john and head down to the beach for a bit. I want to see what the gang is up to. You coming?”

  “Sure, maybe the salt air will clear my head a bit. I’ll be back in a minute. I have to use the bathroom, too. Will you wait for me?”