I nod my head and watch him as he walks away. He’s so damn beautiful and my eyes can’t turn away from his muscled back and legs as he pushes the door open and steps outside.
I instantly feel a loss and my chest aches with need as he hops into his jeep and drives off.
The girls must notice my emotions going everywhere, because they both keep looking over at me with concern.
We don’t get time to talk about it for another two hours, when the salon finally quiets down and we get a small break.
“I wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself.” Onyx walks over and grabs my face, forcing me to look up at her. “I can see your torment over Stone. You love him, don’t you?”
Hearing Onyx say it out loud makes it even clearer how much I truly do love Stone. Maybe I have for a while now.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. You saw how I was when you found me in that coffee shop. I was closed off and depressed. If I let Stone in and lose him . . . I’ll be devastated.”
“Honey,” she says softly. “You’ve already let him in. And it’s clear the way he feels about you. I’ve seen that look before.” She smiles. “In Hemy’s eyes every damn time he looks at me. I was scared too once. I left Hemy for years and it killed me. I love that man more than life itself and I spend nights thinking about everything I missed from being away from him for so long. You really just need some time to think things over.”
“I agree,” Aspen jumps in. “I love you and Stone together. I think you guys are truly meant to be together, but if you need time to think, take the time. Truly let your feelings work things out on their own. We’re here for you if you need some time.”
Onyx gives me a quick kiss and smiles at me. “I love you, Woman. I haven’t stopped yet. Give Stone the same faith you’ve given me since the beginning.”
Everything they’ve said makes total sense. I really need to take the time to figure this all out, before we both get crushed.
Shit . . . Shit . . . Shit . . .
Stone
IT’S ALMOST CRAZY THE WAY that Sage hasn’t left my mind once. She’s fucking ruined me for anyone else and I honestly don’t give two shits who knows.
I may even look like a pussy to the other W.O.S guys, but do you think that’s going to stop me?
Whether that woman knows it or not; she owns me. My heart is hers to fucking break and I have a feeling that she might do just that.
I could see it in her eyes earlier when I told her how I felt.
She’s scared. She’s been crushed in the worst way possible in the past. Her and Hemy both.
I’m almost home now and I’m hoping with everything in me that Sage will want to spend the night in my arms, just as she has for the last week.
Everything changed that night in the field. Making love to her only made me fall deeper for her and want with everything in me to show her how much she truly means to me.
So far . . . things have been good. She hasn’t kicked me out of her room at night and she’s been texting me throughout the day.
Everything about the last week feels like we’re in this together. Like we’re a couple.
Fuck . . . I don’t want this feeling to end.
I walk into the house and look around for Sage. She’s not in bed and the whole house is completely dark.
“Fuck . . .” I growl out, while rushing to the back balcony, hoping with everything in me that she’s still here.
Relief washes through me when I spot her through the glass door, holding a glass of wine.
She looks up from her chair with a small smile when I slide the door open.
“Hey,” she whispers.
“Hey, Babe.” I take a seat at the bottom of her chair and place her legs on top of me. “You couldn’t sleep?”
She shakes her head and grabs my hand. “I’ve been thinking all night. I’m not even tired.”
Bringing her hand to my lips, I gently kiss it and then pull her into my lap. “You can talk to me, Sage. Please don’t be afraid of me.”
“It’s so hard.” She rests her cheek in my hand, when I reach up to cup it. “I’m trying so damn hard, but I’m scared of being hurt, Stone. Having someone that you love abandon you is the worst feeling in the world. I’m not sure I can handle that feeling again.”
A tear slides down her cheek, wetting my hand. It hurts so damn much to see her hurting. “Your parents didn’t deserve you, Sage. Your father . . .” I pause, trying to figure out the best way to say the next part. “I would’ve killed him for the way he treated you. His fucking daughter. It’s bullshit.” My grip on her tightens. “And then he beat Hemy for trying to protect you. Your parents deserve to rot in hell for the shit you’ve both been through.”
“Yeah . . . maybe so, but it still hurts.”
“There’s no maybe about it, Sage. And your brother. He didn’t leave you because he wanted to. It killed him when you two got separated. He was dead without you. Trust me. The only people who abandoned you by choice were the two people who didn’t deserve you. I would never abandon you. I’d die before hurting you.”
She wraps her arms around my neck, burying her face into my neck as the tears come out faster and harder now.
It’s killing me inside right now and all I want to do is scream out to her that I love her.
“Stone . . .” She gently kisses my neck. “Will you come to bed with me? I just want you to hold me. Please.”
I kiss the top of her head and then wipe my thumbs under her eyes to dry them. “Anything you ask.”
Picking her up, I carry her inside and to my bedroom, laying her in my bed, before crawling in behind her.
I wrap my arms around her, pulling her as closely as I can possibly get her. “Did I ever tell you that my father was a drunk that abandoned me and my mother?”
She shakes her head and kisses my arm. “No. I’m sorry, Stone.”
“Don’t be. It was the best thing that could’ve happened to my family. He was an abusive piece of shit that hurt my mom every day. Sometimes the ones that don’t deserve you are the ones that leave. Maybe a part of them knows that you deserve better than them. That’s how I always looked at it.”
“I guess that makes sense,” she whispers against my arm. “I guess as a child it’s just devastating when it happens. I’ve been trying to move on from it and let others in, but the fear is still there. The fear of being hurt like that again.”
“I get it,” I say honestly. As much as I hate to think that she can’t trust me yet, I get why it’s hard for her to let me in completely.
“Would you be okay with me staying with Jade for a few weeks?”
My heart fucking shatters at the thought of her not being here. It’s almost hard to breathe.
“Yeah,” I force out. “If you need time then I’ll give it to you.”
“Thank you.” She squeezes my arm and then kisses it. “Goodnight, Stone.”
“Goodnight, Beautiful.”
As much as I hope that her leaving for a few weeks will be enough to clear her head and really let me in, I’m also afraid that it might be enough space for her to forget me completely.
I can’t let that happen . . .
Stone
SAGE HAS BEEN GONE FOR two weeks now and it’s been eating at me that we haven’t talked or spoken since that night.
I’m trying to be a man and give her the time and space that she needs, but every fucking day just gets harder and harder.
“Get out of your fucking head.” Styx shoves a shot of whiskey in my face. “You need a few of these.”
Wanting nothing more than to clear my thoughts for one fucking second of Sage, I slam the shot back and immediately reach for another as Sara continues to poor them.
“Someone looks a little stressed,” Sara says with concern. “Just call her, Stone. I’m sure she’s missing you just as much. Hell, she’s probably waiting for you to call first. I know how women work.”
“Nah.” I shake my head and slam the se
cond shot back. “Not her. She asked for space and I’m respecting that. If she missed me . . .” I grab another shot and slam it back, closing my eyes as the liquid slides down my throat, burning it. “She’d be back by now. Or hell . . . she’d at least text.”
Styx slaps my back and stands up. “She’ll be back. Drink up all you need to get that shit far from your head for now. I’ll drive your ass home when you’re ready.” He messes up my hair and laughs. “I got your back, Bro.”
It’s been a long time since my ass has gotten wasted, but right now, I just need anything to make me stop thinking about Sage and trying to figure out what she’s been thinking since she’s been gone.
I’ve barely slept for shit since the night she packed up some of her shit and left. It’s like I keep thinking about how it’s going to play out when she decides to come back. Or if she comes back. Different shit plays out in my head every damn night.
I find myself drinking alone when Styx takes off to do his last private dance of the night.
That only makes shit worse, getting me lost in my fucked up thoughts again. Sara’s been too busy to stay and talk for me for longer than a few minutes at a time.
Even she is beginning to look concerned with each shot I slam back as if it’s water or some shit.
“Okay . . .” She cleans around my half empty beer, before tossing the towel over her shoulder and meeting my eyes. “You’ve been sitting here in this same damn spot for the last two hours, slamming back shot after shot. You’re beginning to look like some fucking loser, Stone. That’s not you. You’re far from a loser and an asshole.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, slowly releasing it. I’m fully aware that I probably look like some drunken idiot at the moment, but I just can’t seem to give a shit. “I’m fine.”
“No the fuck you aren’t.” She looks pissed when she gets called away to help a group of women. “Drink this water. Got it. Dammit!”
Feeling pissed off at my damn self, I drink the water that Sara threw in front of me and then sit here with my head in my hands.
I stay like this for at least ten minutes, just staring down at my bottle.
“Hey, you.” I finally look up when someone sits down beside me and brushes my arm. It’s the blonde from a few weeks ago. “You’re looking a little lonely over here.”
I offer her a faint smile, not wanting to be a dick after what she did for me after her private dance that night. “I guess you can say I have a lot on my mind.”
She takes a sip of her mixed drink and looks me over, checking me out. “I saw you from across the bar and thought you could use some company. I’m surprised no other women jumped to the opportunity before me.”
I don’t. It’s the last think that I fucking need, but I’m so drunk right now that I’m afraid I’ll say something to upset her or piss her off.
So I just nod my head and tilt back my beer.
“You never called me,” she says softly. “I was hoping you would. You just seem so different than most of the men I know. Fun and carefree. I liked that about you.”
Trying to get my thoughts in check, I run my hands through my hair and release a breath. I really can’t deal with this shit right now. There’s too much going on in my head now. “There’s a woman that I love and I’ve been chasing her for over a fucking year. She’s the only girl I would’ve called. Sorry. It’s nothing personal.”
She looks disappointed, but offers me a small understanding smile anyway. “She’s one lucky girl to have you chasing her. Where is she?”
I run my thumb over my beer, before tilting it back again. I wish I knew more than anything right now. “I don’t know.”
That shit burns. Even in my drunken state.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” She stands up and places her hands on my face as if to comfort me. “A man like you deserves a woman that will never want to be away from you.”
I close my eyes and some fucked up part of me wants to pretend that it’s Sage’s hands on my face.
Maybe it’s because I’m completely fucking drunk at this point and would do anything to be with her.
“I would love to spend my time with you.”
Before I know it, her lips are on mine and she’s pushing her way in between my legs.
Her hands tangle in the back of my hair, pulling me close to her as she runs her tongue along my bottom lip.
It takes me a few seconds to react, before I pull away from her kiss and remove her hands from my face. “I’m not available,” I say stiffly. “Fuck!”
Panic sets in at the realization that another woman’s lips have been on mine since Sage’s. Even though I didn’t want it, it feels like I’ve just fucking cheated.
The fucked up part is that we’re not even a couple. Fuck, I don’t even know if she’s coming back or not.
“I’m sorry.” She backs away and grabs her purse. “I didn’t know. It sounded like . . .”
“It’s not your fault.” I feel guilty as fuck right now. Guilty that another woman kissed me other than Sage and guilty that I’ve made this woman feel like total shit. “I’m drunk and shit just isn’t coming out right.”
I call Sara over. She watches me hard, as if she’s waiting for what’s about to come out of my mouth. I’m not taking this woman home if that’s what she fucking thinks. “Please take care of her for me. Bill me later. I need to get my ass out of here and chill out.”
Sara gives me a smile as if she’s proud of me or some shit. Hell, maybe she is. A lot of men in my situation would jump to the opportunity of taking another woman home.
That’s not me. Not when I know what I truly want.
Needing to get away from all of the chaos in the bar and calm down, I make my way to the locker room and pull out my phone.
Everything in me wants to text Sage and tell her how much I miss her and want her to come home.
“Fuck!” I punch the wall and then toss my phone aside.
I’m giving her a few more days. I really don’t know if I can give her more.
Twenty minutes later, Styx comes in sweaty and out of breath. “Fuck, Dude. You look rough as shit.”
“I’m just ready to get the fuck out of here.”
“I feel ya. I’ll take a quick shower. Just calm your dick and relax a bit.”
When Styx drops me off at home, I instantly feel the loss when stepping into the dark, empty house.
I find myself sitting outside on the back balcony until well past five in the damn morning, just thinking about Sage and how we used to sit out here together.
This shit is even harder than I expected . . .
Sage
IT’S BEEN EXACTLY EIGHTEEN DAYS since I’ve seen or spoken to Stone now and it’s really starting to break me down and wear at my emotions.
I thought leaving would be a good idea and it was. Not because I wanted to be away from Stone, but because a part of me needed to know how much being away from him would kill me.
Being away has shown me just how strong my need for him truly is. It’s shown me that it hurts to not hear his voice or see his beautiful face every day.
Now . . . now I just need to figure out if I’m strong enough to give in to my feelings for him, knowing now that losing him will hurt like hell.
If it hurts this much already, I can’t even imagine having him as mine and then losing him completely as a partner, roommate and friend.
I spent the first week at Jade’s house after I left, but being there just hurt. Especially since all Jade kept talking about was how she wants to go back to the club to see Kash.
Thinking about Kash or Styx only makes me think about Stone even more. I figured she would get that, but her excitement just made her overlook that little fact.
So, I’ve been here at Hemy’s and Onyx’s for the last eleven days now, hoping that spending time with family will help me feel less alone. It does, but not enough to make me miss Stone any less.
I threatened Hemy’s big ass and made sure he pr
omised me that he wouldn’t talk about Stone or tell Stone that I’m staying with them until I’m ready.
He’s been pretty good so far, although I can tell he wants talk about it. I think it’s finally the time for it, because Stone seems to be the only thing I can think about lately and it’s slowly killing me to not get some things off my chest.
Onyx has been asleep for the last two hours, so when the kitchen light turns on, I know that it’s Hemy.
Hoping that I can handle talking to him about Stone, I make my way to the kitchen and take a seat at one of the stools.
“Hey, Big brother.”
Hemy gives me a tired smile and kisses the side of my head. “What are you doing awake? Don’t you work in like five hours?”
I nod my head and watch him tilt back a bottle of water. “Yeah . . . I haven’t been sleeping much lately.”
“I’ve noticed and I fucking hate it. Ready to talk about it?” He takes a seat next to me and pulls my stool close to him. “I’m awake until you’re good to sleep. Got it.”
I take a deep breath and slowly release it. As much as I’ve been putting it off, I think I need Hemy’s advice to move forward.
“I’m scared.” I grab his arm and hug it, like how I used to do when we were kids . . . before we got separated. “I care about Stone so much that the thought of losing him kills me. I remember what it felt like to lose you all those years ago. I couldn’t function right for years. What if the same thing happens if I lose Stone?”
He wraps his arm around me and releases a breath. “I wish I could tell you how you will feel if that ever happens, but I can’t. I also wish I could tell you it would never happen, but I can’t do that either. The one thing I can tell you is that I will always love you and you’ll always have me to fall on for support. I will never leave you again. Nothing will ever separate us. No matter what happens in the future, you will never be alone, Sage. That’s a fucking promise.”
He stops to kiss the side of my head again. “I don’t know what will happen with you and Stone, but I can tell you that he loves the shit out of you and he’s hurting just as much as you are. I may give him shit, but he’s a good fucking man and I know he’ll treat you like you deserve. I trust him.”
Stone (Walk Of Shame 2nd Generation #1) Page 13