by Jilly Cooper
Score!
( Rutshire Chronicles - 6 )
Jilly Cooper
Sir Roberto Rannaldini, the most successful but detested conductor in the world, had two ambitions: to seduce his ravishing nineteen-year-old stepdaughter, Tabitha Campbell-Black, and to put his mark on musical history by making the definitive film of Verdi’s darkest opera, Don Carlos.
As Rannaldini, Tristan, his charismatic French director, a volatile cast and bolshy French crew gather at Rannaldini's haunted abbey for filming, it is inevitable that violent feuds, abandoned bonking, temperamental screaming, and devious plotting will ensue. But although everyone wished Rannaldini dead, no one actually thought the Maestro would be murdered. Or that after the dreadful deed some very bizarre things would continue to occur.
Jilly Cooper
SCORE!
To Ann Mills,
dearest of friends,
with love and gratitude.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
J
AMES
B
ENSON
A very smooth, extremely expensive private doctor.
B
ETTY
One of Rannaldini’s pretty maids.
T
EDDY
B
RIMSCOMBE
Rannaldini’s head gardener, renowned for his green fingers and wandering hands.
M
RS
B
RIMSCOMBE
Rannaldini’s long-suffering housekeeper.
M
R
B
ROWN
An Australian racehorse owner.
M
ISS
B
USSAGE
Rannaldini’s PA — a gorgon.
R
UPERT
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Multi-millionaire owner/trainer, ex-Olympic show jumper and Minister for Sport. Director of Venturer Television. Still Mecca for most women.
T
AGGIE
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
His adored second wife — an angel.
M
ARCUS
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert’s son by his first marriage, recent winner of the Appleton International piano competition.
T
ABITHA
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Mistress of the Horse for
Don Carlos
Rupert’s estranged daughter from his rider.
X
AVIER
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian son.
B
IANCA
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian daughter.
E
DDIE
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert’s father, five times married and raring to go. A sexual buccaneer of the old school.
B
RUCE
C
ASSIDY
Belegauered press officer for
Don Carlos
Inevitably nicknamed ‘Hype-along’.
C
HLOE
C
ATFORD
Mellifluous mezzo soprano, and compilation queen. Sings Princess Eboli in
Don Carlos
Significant Other Woman in several marriages.
G
IUSEPPE
C
AVALLI
Capricious Italian bass, the ghost of the Emperor Charles V in
Don Carlos
The inamorato of Granville Hastings, he sings like an angel and drinks like a fish.
L
ADY
C
HISLEDON
A pillar of Paradise.
C
LIVE
Rannaldini’s sinister leatherclad henchman.
M
ISS
C
RICKLADE
Paradise village busybody.
H
OWIE
D
ENSTON
Artist’s agent and ghastly creep who runs London office of Shepherd Denston, toughest music agents in New York.
D
IZZY
Rupert Campbell-Black’s comely head groom.
D
ETECTIVE
S
ERGEANT
K
EVIN
F
ANSHAWE
Rutminster CID smoothie and new-style catcher of villains.
F
LORENCE
Hortense de Montigny’s ancient retainer.
C
HRISTY
F
OXE
Indefatigable PA during recording of
Don Carlos
.
D
ETECTIVE
S
ERGEANT
T
IMOTHY
G
ABLECROSS
Old-style catcher of villains.
B
ERNARD
G
UÉRIN
Battle-scarred veteran. First assistant director,
Don Carlos
, Tristan de Montigny’s
droit-
hand man, who acts as sergeant major keeping order on the set.
D
AME
H
ERMIONE
H
AREFIELD
World-famous diva and Rannaldini’s mistress. Seriously tiresome, brings out Crippen in all.
B
OB
H
AREFIELD
Her charming, mostly absentee husband, longterm lover of Meredith Whalen.
L
ITTLE
C
OSMO
H
AREFIELD
Hermione’s fiendish nine-year-old son. Could give lessons to Damien in
The Omen
.
E
ULALIA
H
ARRISON
A frumpy feature writer.
G
RANVILLE
‘G
RANNY
’ H
ASTINGS
English bass, singing the Grand Inquisitor in
Don Carlos
Outwardly cosy old pussy-cat.
L
YSANDER
H
AWKLEY
Formerly a man who made husbands jealous, now happily married to Rannaldini’s third wife Kitty. Rupert Campbell-Black’s assistant.
T
HE
R
EV
P
ERCIVAL
H
ILLARY
A portly parson, who confines his pastoral visits to drinks time.
G
EORGE
H
UNGERFORD
An extremely successful property developer, chief executive of Rutminster Symphony Orchestra. Live-in lover of Flora Seymour.
J
ANICE
Rannaldini’s head groom.
J
ESSICA
Ravishing production secretary,
Don Carlos
.
B
EATTIE
J
OHNSON
A seductive, totally unprincipled journalist.
S
EXT
ON
K
EMP
An extremely fly East End film producer. Chief Executive of Liberty Productions, who are making
Don Carlos
.
L
UCY
L
ATIMER
Make-up artist on
Don Carlos
Still centre and agony aunt to entire cast and crew.
C
LAUDINE
L
AUZERTE
Actress and Gallic goddess, married to a French government minister.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
L
IGHTFOOT
Eager young constable, traumatized by steamy stint at the 1991 Valhalla orgy.
I
SA
L
OVELL
A brilliant, obsessive jump jockey. A Heathcliff of the gallops.
J
AKE
L
OVELL
His father, ex-world show jumping champion. Now National Hunt trainer.
T
ORY
L
OVELL
Isa’s mother and Jake’s wife — loving and super-efficient, a hard act for a daughter-in-law to follow.
M
ARIA
An ace cook.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
D
EBBIE
M
ILLER
A pulchritudinous policewoman.
C
OLIN
M
ILTON
Once-great tenor now playing Count Lerma, the Spanish ambassador in
Don Carlos
Old sweetie, eminently bullyable.
É
TIENNE DE
M
ONTIGNY
France’s greatest painter and national hero.
A
LEXANDRE DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s pompous eldest son, a judge.
H
ORTENSE DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s sister — a blue-blooded battle-axe.
S
IMONE DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s granddaughter and Alexandre’s daughter. In charge of continuity,
Don Carlos
.
T
RISTAN DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s youngest son and Rannaldini’s godson. Director,
Don Carlos
.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
K
AREN
N
EEDHAM
The belle of the Bill.
O
GBORNE
Chief grip,
Don Carlos
.
L
ORD
(D
ECLAN
) O’H
ARA OF
P
ENSCOMBE
Recently ennobled television megastar, managing director of Venturer Television and Rupert Campbell-Black’s father-in-law.
V
IKING
O’N
EILL
Golden boy and first horn of Rutminster Symphony Orchestra.
O
SCAR
Deceptively indolent director of photography,
Don Carlos
.
F
RANCO
P
ALMIERI
Vast and vastly famous Italian tenor, playing the title role in
Don Carlos
.
M
IKHAIL
P
EZCHEROV
Lovable but rather base baritone, playing the Marquis of Posa in
Don Carlos
L
ARA
P
EZCHEROV
Mikhail’s adored wife.
D
ETECTIVE
C
HIEF
I
NSPECTOR
G
ERALD
P
ORTLAND
Admin king and limelight hogger, Rutminster CID.
R
OZZY
P
RINGLE
Exquisite-voiced soprano playing Tebaldo the page in
Don Carlos
Worn down by overwork and importunate family.
G
LYN
P
RINGLE
Rozzy’s husband — an accomplished drone.
P
USHY
G
ALORE
An ambitious and irritatingly good-looking member of the
Don Carlos
chorus. Real name Gloria Prescott.
C
ECILIA
R
ANNALDINI
Italian soprano and world-famous diva. Rannaldini’s feisty second wife.
S
IR
R
OBERTO
R
ANNALDINI
Mega maestro and archfiend, with musical directorships in Berlin, New York and Tokyo. Co-producing
Don Carlos
.
L
ADY
(H
ELEN
) R
ANNALDINI
Rannaldini’s fourth wife and Rupert Campbell-Black’s first wife, devoted mother of Marcus and less so of Tabitha. A legendary American beauty.
W
OLFGANG
R
ANNALDINI
Rannaldini’s son from his first marriage. Little Hitler exterior hides heart of gold. Former boyfriend of Flora Seymour.
S
ALLY
Another of Rannaldini’s pretty maids.
F
LORA
S
EYMOUR
Soprano and viola player and former wild child, traumatized by teenage affaire with Rannaldini, now living with George Hungerford.
A
LPHEUS
P. S
HAW
World-famous American bass, singing Philip II in
Don Carlos
Splendidlooking, but pompous sexual predator.
C
HERYL
S
HAW
Alpheus’s justifiably jealous wife. Great tree and social climber.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
S
MITHSON
A very PC DC.
B
ABY
S
PINOSISSIMO
Dazzling Australian tenor and sexual buccaneer of the modern school.
C
HIEF
C
ONSTABLE
S
WALLOW
A Rutshire god, and friend of Lady Rannaldini and Dame Hermione.
S
YLVESTRE
Sound engineer,
Don Carlos
Man of few words but countless deeds.
S
YLVIA
Glyn Pringle’s housekeeper.
V
ALENTIN
Charismatic camera operator,
Don Carlos
Oscar’s son-in-law.
L
ADY
G
RISELDA
W
ALLACE
Wardrobe mistress,
Don Carlos
Nervous-breakdown van always on call during production.
S
ERENA
W
ESTWOOD
Record producer of
Don Carlos
Cool, competent beauty.
J
ESSIE
W
ESTWOOD
Serena’s four-year-old daughter.
M
EREDITH
W
HALEN
Set designer,
Don Carlos
Highly expensive interior designer. Known as the Ideal Homo, because he’s so much in demand as spare man at dinner parties.
THE ANIMALS
T
HE
E
NGINEER
Tabitha Campbell-Black’s event horse.
G
ERTRUDE
Taggie Campbell-Black’s mongrel.
J
AMES
Lucy Latimer’s rescued lurcher.
P
EPPY
K
OALA
An Australian wonder horse.
T
HE
P
RINCE OF
D
ARKNESS
Rannaldini’s vicious and generally victorious National Hunt horse.
S
ARASTRO
Rannaldini’s cat.
S
HARON
Tabitha Campbell-Black’s yellow Labrador, later has walk-on part as the Grand Inquisitor’s guide dog.
T
ABLOID
Rannaldini’s Rottweiler.
T
REVOR
Flora Seymour’s rescued terrier.
DON CARLOS
THE INITIAL CAST OF THE FILM
P
HILIP
II, K
ING OF
S
PAIN
Alpheus P. Shaw
D
ON
C
ARLOS
, I
NFANTE OF
S
PAIN
‘Fat Franco’ Palmieri
E
LIZABETH DE
V
ALOIS
, P
RINCESS OF
F
RANCE
Hermione Harefield
T
EBALDO
, E
LIZABETH
’S P
AGE
Rozzy Pringle
P
RINCESS
E
BOLI
, A S
PANISH LADY-IN-WAITING
Chloe Catford
R
ODRIGO
, M
ARQUIS OF
P
OSA
F
RIEND OF
D
ON
C
ARLOS
To be filled
T
HE
G
RAND
I
NQUISITOR
Granville ‘Granny’ Hastings
T
HE GHOST OF THE
E
MPEROR
C
HARLES
V
Giuseppe Cavalli
C
OUNT
L
ERMA
,
THE
S
PANISH
A
MBASSADOR TO
F
RANCE
Colin Milton
MAP
OVERTURE 1977
Many men hated Roberto Rannaldini. Many women, after loving him passionately, hated him even more. To be regarded at twenty-eight as the most exciting conductor since the war had necessitated brutal trampling on the way up. But at least Rannaldini could count on the unqualified love of his ten-year-old godson, Tristan de Montigny. To Tristan, the dashing maestro, with his suave, catlike smile, his deep, caressing voice, and his recklessly fast cars, was the most glamorous person in the world.