by Edge, T. C.
A voice comes from behind me. It's not one I've heard before, not one I recognise. It's the voice of a man, so deep it shakes the foundation of the room.
I turn and look upon a face I've seen before, yet never in person. A face, filled with a wisdom beyond its years. Eyes of murky grey, hair as black as the darkest night. Skin so perfect it looks like it's never seen the sun.
“I've been watching you, Cyra,” he says, his words sending a chill through me.
He steps forward, his entire body like a shadow, covered in a deep black suit.
“Do you know who I am?”
I nod. “You're Chancellor Knight,” I whisper, just about finding my voice.
“That's right,” he says. “High Chancellor Augustus Knight. It's a pleasure to meet you.”
He reaches out his hand, pale digits slipping from his sleeve, and I take it. His fingers feel cold, almost lifeless, as they curl around mine.
“And you, High Chancellor,” I say, retracting my hand as soon as his grip loosens.
He looks at me inquisitively for a moment, as if working me out. His eyes are so deep I feel like he's looking straight into my soul, into my very being. There's something in there that seems at odds with his outer visage, as if his eyes don't fit his body. They look older somehow, contrasting with his unblemished, youthful skin. Then I remember how old he is, how long he's lived here in control of this city. His body endlessly rejuvenated, yet his mind continuing to age.
“So, you've been Paired with Theo Graves I understand. Congratulations, you must be very proud.”
“Yes sir, I am...delighted,” I lie.
He laughs, lightly, and looks past me through the window. Does he know I'm not telling the truth?
“You know, I never suspected that young Theo would be a Watcher. I guess, it's hard to tell with some people, isn't it.”
I don't answer. I really can't tell if he's looking for a response or just speaking out loud.
“You, though, Miss Drayton,” he says, turning his eyes back on me. “Well, you just feel like a Watcher to me. It's deep inside you, right at your core.”
“I suppose,” I say, as politely as possible. “I guess I've never met a real Watcher, other than Commander Ajax.”
“Ajax, yes. Very gifted man. What do you think of him?”
“He's excellent, sir. He's helped me through a lot since I arrived here.”
“Yes, I know,” says Knight, without elaborating on how. “It's your pain, your experiences that make you what you are, Miss Drayton. All the best Watchers have terrible pasts, just like Ajax”
I nod, my eyes switching down.
“Don't let your grief overcome you,” he says. “Let it feed you, but never let it take over.”
I realise that he must know about Jackson, about how I developed such a strong relationship with a boy and broke the law. The laws that he himself created. Yet he doesn't bring it up, doesn't mention it. I suppose there would be no point now.
“I'll try not to, High Chancellor. But...it can be hard sometimes.”
“I understand,” he says. “Yet look at what you've already achieved. You've saved a boat filled with people from capsizing. There are several other Watchers stationed on Eden, and they never saw that. You have a powerful gift, Cyra. You should congratulate yourself on it, not second guess it.”
I've heard the same from Ajax time and again. By now, whenever I hear someone say I have a gift, I hear curse instead.
“Thank you,” I say. “I will try harder.”
“Good,” he says, his lips curling up and bearing his sparkling white teeth. “Now tell me, what else have you seen?”
He stares at me, his eyes as deep as the ocean beneath us.
“I don't really know, High Chancellor. Nothing clear like with the boat...”
“You know,” he says quickly. “Tell me what you saw beyond the Divide.”
His face stays calm. Clearly Ajax has reported this to him already.
“An army. I saw an army of people.”
“What else?”
“There was a man at the front, someone leading them. Then, everything lit up behind him. It was as if they were all firing at once.”
“And you don't know where along the Divide this was?”
“That's all I saw. It might have just been a dream, I couldn't tell back then. I've seen flashes since, but nothing new. I think it was just a bad dream, High Chancellor, when I first arrived here.”
He stares out of the window again, his eyes gliding over the city. “It's not a dream,” he says quietly. “It's much worse than that.”
Then he turns and begins moving gracefully towards the door. “Enjoy the rest of your evening, Miss Drayton. And be nice to Theo. I think you two make a lovely pair.”
He opens the door, the sound of ironic laughter gargling up his throat, and disappears out into the corridor.
20 - The Veil Lifted
After Knight leaves, I ponder his words as I sit there in silence. Most of all, I'm troubled by what he first said to me.
I've been watching you, Cyra.
He never explained what he meant by it. Did he mean he'd been watching me across the room at the party? He can't have. He wasn't even there, not that I saw anyway. If he had, he'd have been the first person Theo's parents would have introduced me to.
Did he mean he'd been there, standing in the doorway, watching me as I stared out of the window? That's a creepy enough thought.
Or is it something even worse? Has he been watching me in another way? Watching from afar? Has he been keeping tabs on me somehow? Has he taken a close interest in me ever since I had that supposed vision of the Divide? The thought sends a shudder through my body. To think that I'm under the spotlight in any way makes me uncomfortable to my core.
For a time, I stay where I am, sitting on that window sill, looking out over the streets. The last thing I want to do is return to the party. It's all so alien to me, another world within a world. A place where, despite how I might look in this dress and make up, I'll never truly belong.
No one comes to find me. I hear no footsteps echoing down the corridor. I don't hear the creak of the door handle turning, don't see a shadow appear in the doorway. With all those proper children of Eden out there, I doubt my disappearance has even been noticed.
The minutes tick by, and I just sit there in silence, the loneliest girl in the world. I think I see Ellie and Link down below, walking hand in hand through the square. I want to call out to them, run down and join them, but all I do is watch as they fade into the distance, a single tear crawling down my cheek.
Knock, knock, knock.
The sound of pounding forces my eyes back to the door. I quickly raise my hand and wipe my eyes as the door creaks and swings open.
Through the doorway walks Theo, eyes creeping around the room. They quickly settle on me, a desolate figure by the wide, cold, window.
“My parents noticed you were missing,” he says. “They told me to come find you.”
“Well, you've found me.” I can't help but be defensive and hostile whenever I speak to him. “I'm not going back in, if that's what you're here for.”
He walks towards me, eyes a little gentler than usual. Stance less dominating and assertive. “I guess...it must be hard,” he concedes, “being part of all of this.”
“Hard?” I huff, shaking my head. “You have no idea.”
He moves forward and sits down near to me on the window sill, body hunched forward. I still can't make full eye contact with him for a more than a second or two. Instead I just stare out of the window, hoping for him to give up and go away.
“I have some idea,” he says. “This isn't exactly easy for me either.”
“Do you want me to feel sorry for you?” My words are quick and biting. “Do you even know how you've been treating me these last few months?”
He doesn't answer. How can he. There's no excuse for how he's been behaving. How rude he is whenever he knows Ajax is out of
earshot.
“I guess I'm sorry about all that. We all do it. It's not like I'm the only one.”
“Do what? Look down on mainlanders? Make them feel like they're nothing? Sure, I'll bet you're real sorry about that. Or maybe,” I say, looking back into his eyes, “you're suddenly trying to be nice because your parents have told you to.”
He wilts slightly under my stare and turns away, nodding his head.
“You're right. My parents have told me to be nice. But they're just doing it for themselves. They only ever do things for themselves.”
I laugh. “You really are a spoilt brat aren't you! It's pathetic.” God it feels good to insult him for once.
“Look, I'm trying to apologise here,” he says, not reacting to my taunt. “We're going to have to get along from now on aren't we, so we might as well make the effort.”
“Sure. Whatever you say.”
I turn back to look outside, but feel him still staring at me.
“I know how it feels, Cyra, feeling like you don't belong.”
I raise my eyebrows and look back to him. “OK, why don't you enlighten me.”
He points to the door he came in through. “Back there, I don't belong any more. I've been cut from my own world, just like you. All of my old friends...they're not my friends any more. I guess what I'm saying is, I know what it's like to be taunted for being different.”
I want to pour more scorn on his apology, to tell him that no matter how people treat you, that's no excuse to treat someone else badly. But I don't. Something tells me that this is genuine, that it's more than just an apology his parents have forced him to make.
“But you're not different. You have no idea what it feels like to be me in this city. Having everyone looking at me everyday like I'm a freak. Just because I grew up somewhere else. I didn't choose to come here, Theo. I never wanted any of this.”
“And neither did I! Do you think I wanted to be a Watcher. I was meant to follow my parents, live here in the Council Chambers. But no. As soon as that damn genetics test found out what I could be, I became an outcast. I don't live here any more, you know. I live in regular quarters, like you. From as far back as I can remember, I've been groomed to go to the top. And now, I'm probably going to be assigned somewhere else, destined to see horrible things in my sleep every night."
“Yeah, it's the same for me. What makes you so special...”
“My upbringing,” he blurts out, his voice ringing around the room. “I know you won't understand it, but I was meant for something better than all of this. And now I'm cast out. Now I'm a nobody.”
“Yeah, well I guess you do know what it feels like to be me then,” I say. “Anyway, I'd rather be a nobody than play any part in running this country and all its stupid systems. I mean, look at this, look at us. We're now Paired for life because of a stupid test! Isn't there anyone in this city you'd have chosen to be with, if you could?”
He doesn't answer, but I can tell he's thinking along the same lines as me. This system hasn't only screwed up my life, it's screwed up his as well. I suppose you only second guess it when it deals you a bad hand.
We sit in silence for a little while, letting our tempers settle. This is already by far the longest I've spent with him alone, and by far the most we've ever spoken. And throughout, he hasn't insulted me or given me a contemptuous look once. I guess that's progress.
Eventually I can no longer stand the growing awkwardness, so get up and begin walking towards the door.
“Hey, where are you going?”
I stop short.
“I'm leaving, going back to my room. I guess I'll see you at the Grid tomorrow.”
I hear him standing and moving in behind me, grabbing my arm and twisting me round. “You can't go to your room,” he says.
“Why?”
“Because...you don't have one any more.”
“What the hell do you mean?!”
“We have a joint room now,” he says. “Didn't you know that. After the Pairing, we have to live together.”
“No....I can't live with you.”
“Yeah, I'm not thrilled about it either. But that's how it is.”
“But...my things.” I think of my bag with my personal items. My mother's old watch, the pictures of my family, my diary. Each are irreplaceable to me.
“It's all right, any things in your room will have been moved. They'll be there waiting for you.”
I'm still shaking my head with disbelief when Theo opens the door. “Look, why don't we go check it out now. It might not be as bad as you think.”
We begin walking back towards the party, before descending down the stairs. We pass through the arch and into the clear night air. It's crisp, and brings an immediate shiver to me that runs up through my body.
We return to the residential area of the city where I've been living, close to the perimeter wall. In fact, the building we enter is just next to the one I'd been in, and is pretty much a carbon copy from both the inside and out. We rise several floors in the lift, no words spoken between us. Is this how it's going to be? Is this what my life will be like now?
When we reach the room there's little to take in. It's larger than the room I previously occupied, although bare. Presumably, Eve is in control here too, capable of miraculously unfolding furniture from the walls. There is a bed, though. Again, it's bigger than the one I've been sleeping in these last few months. I guess it's intended for two people.
The thought of sleeping next to Theo each night enters my head and refuses to leave. In fact, the idea of sleeping next to anyone would be almost as bad. I've never felt the touch of a person next to me as I dream. It's always been me. Just me. No one else. That's how I want it to stay.
Theo is the first to speak, as if he's reading my mind. “We need another bed in here, Eve,” he says. Moments later, the room has two beds, each on opposite walls, blank space in between.
“It's not so bad.” Clearly he's trying to make me feel better about the whole thing. I don't get him though, and I'm sure it will take a while to properly work him out. Is he really an outcast now? Can he really appreciate what I've been going through, how he's been behaving? Or is this just a ruse, some sort of twisted game he's playing?
I see my bag on the large bed and go and retrieve it, before retreating to the bed that's just appeared. “I'll take this one,” I say, and he doesn't disagree. It's smaller, only made for a single person. It's what I'm used to. Anything larger would feel greedy.
I quickly open the bag and check to make sure the contents are still there. My fingers run over my diary, my mother's watch, the pictures of my family.
I hear Theo behind me, moving back towards the door. “I'm going back. I'll tell my parents you were feeling ill.” Then he slips out of the door, leaving me alone in silence.
The tears start almost as soon as the door has shut. I thought, perhaps, I'd grown immune to feeling the pinch of change, but I haven't. Just when things begin to settle, something comes back in to send my life rocking once more.
I crawl into bed and pull out my diary. I read the pages, as I do most nights, to remind me of home, of everything I've lost. When I read the words I wrote about Jackson, I quickly drop the diary to the floor. Some things are still too painful to relive.
I don't hear when Theo comes in, but wake to the sound of breathing across the room. For a split second I'm reminded of my brother snoring above me as kids. How I'd love to see him again. See my sister too. Share in the grief for our mother. I wonder how they're coping, how they found out. I wonder if I'll ever see them again now.
The sound of odd grunts reach my ears. The mumbling of inane words and phrases. I wonder if he's having a dream or a vision. What exactly he's seeing in that head of his. In the faint light, I watch as his body suddenly rises, bolt upright in his bed, his breathing heavy. He stays like that for a few moments, before slowly settling back down.
I ask him if he saw anything when morning dawns, but he doesn't give me an
answer. Instead, we dress in silence and begin our day in the Grid.
When I see Ellie I ask her how her evening was. Her smile tells me all I need to know. When Ajax stands ahead of us, however, he quickly draws a line under our personal relationships down here.
“Your new status as pairs will have no bearing here,” he says. “You will continue to train as you have been, and will maintain that focus.”
That's fine by me. The longer we stay down here, and the less time I have to spend alone with Theo, the better.
For the following week, we continue as before in the Grid. Weapons training, combat training, and simulation training forming the bulk of our days. Link seems to have taken Ajax's words on board, because he spares little time for Ellie during the day. On occasion, she questions me about it, but comes down each morning telling me how sweet he is once they return to the deck.
Theo seems to be living up to his word as well. He no longer offers me any taunts or insults, and doesn't even say a word to Ellie or Link. Sometimes, when the two boys spar together, I notice a few tensions rising back to the surface, but to both their credit neither of them act upon it.
The evenings, however, have become the real burden for me. Before, they were spent with Ellie and Link and Leeta and offered some respite from the Grid. Now, however, I'm forced to attend various social functions and gatherings.
For the first week, Theo and I continue to be paraded around the city, visiting the rich and powerful, eating dinners at fine restaurants, attending the most exclusive parties and events. Whenever we cross paths with one of his old friends, I begin to notice what he was telling me before. These highly bred boys and girls always greet him with firm handshakes and tender kisses in front of their parents' watchful eyes, but in private it's a whole different matter.
Theo gets looks of contempt wherever he goes. These school leavers have continued in their parents' footsteps, climbing onto the ladder towards the top of Eden. Paired with the most eligible bachelors in the city. Married into powerful families. And here's Theo, now ordered to become a servant of the state, Paired with a lowly Picker's daughter from Agricola.