He slapped his hand across his forehead. “Good grief, there it is again—‘Let it go.’ The saying of the century.” He laughed long and loud on a sarcastic note. “That’s all I’ve been hearing. I should get a T-shirt made up with those words on the front. ‘Let it go.’ Let your grandfather go, Neil. Let everything go and allow the chips fall where they may. Let people lie to you. Let the past sneak up on you. Forget that you have another grandfather or that some woman will do anything to sucker you in.” He threw the tea down his throat. “Guess what? I won’t let it go. Not when there’s a manipulative woman out there trying to take advantage of the elderly and others. These things need to be straightened out. If we let people do whatever they want, how is justice served?”
“If you must be the judge, at least be tactful. Don’t storm in there and nail her to the wall. It will only backfire. There are ways to be wise as a serpent but gentle as a dove.”
But the way Neil was looking at the moment, being tactful and acting like some dove were the furthest thoughts from his mind. And no amount of warm peach tea was going to stem the tide either. She sighed. There was nothing she could do. She was witnessing Neil’s raw side. Better it came out now, she supposed. She wanted to find out more about him, didn’t she? And now she was, even though she wondered where it might lead in the end.
❧
Something definitely had changed when Debbie walked onto the floor a few days later. It began with her floating to another unit instead of staying on her normal floor. She disliked being away from the residents she had come to cherish. And her reassignment wasn’t just for one day. Every day she showed up to work on her own unit, and every day Mrs. Whitaker sent her elsewhere. In the corner of the nursing lounge, she could see Trish sitting there with a wry smile, chattering with her friends. Debbie couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. She didn’t want to think Neil had anything to do with this. What had he said about the whole scenario that led to this change? Had he arranged to have her moved from the floor to keep her and Trish apart?
Debbie tried to involve herself in her work, but she felt like she was walking on a sheet of ice, slipping and sliding, ready for another bruising. All the joy she had found in her work had vanished. At the noon hour, she went back to the floor and asked to see Mrs. Whitaker. The head nurse seemed preoccupied when she arrived, shuffling papers, looking at her watch, appearing as if she would rather be anywhere else than in a meeting with her. Or was it simply Debbie’s imagination?
“I don’t understand why I’ve been assigned to float, Mrs. Whitaker,” Debbie started, taking a seat in the office. “I haven’t been on this unit all week.”
She sighed. “Debbie, it’s my duty to send extra nurses on staff to where the need is the greatest.”
“But no one else is floating. Just me.”
Her face became rigid. “I have it in confidence that several people have witnessed some rather shocking things from you recently with regard to the residents and staff here on this floor. And I’ve even had some complaints from the residents.”
She sat there, stunned. “What? But I haven’t done anything.”
“There have been complaints of you being short with the residents. I’ve seen it myself. You’ve let your assigned residents fall out of their wheelchairs. Trish even said she had to help because you weren’t there. We can’t have residents falling on the floor, breaking bones.”
Debbie fumed, remembering but a single such incident, when she had been singing a song with Elvina and Trish informed her of a resident sliding out of her chair. But Trish had placed far more residents in harm’s way in one week’s time than Debbie had in her eight years of working here. “Trish isn’t telling the truth. . . .”
“It isn’t just Trish, but just about everyone on the unit who is complaining. I’m sorry, Debbie, but I think it’s best if you float for now until I have you transferred to another floor. I know how you told me that you and Trish don’t get along. So I think it’s for the best if the two of you work on different units.”
Trish and her gang are at it again, and this time at full throttle. Anger welled within her. Debbie felt her cheeks heat to a high intensity. “Trish should be the one transferred instead of me. I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Debbie, I’ve made up my mind. Trish has been here longer than you anyway. So we will look to having you transferred as soon as there’s an opening. If you will excuse me, I have some paperwork to do.”
Debbie felt as though she were living out her worst nightmare. The fog of life grew even thicker as she stumbled out of the office. How could this be happening? She knew why it happened. Neil must have made everyone irate, and now Trish had gathered the troops to have her permanently removed from the floor. Debbie had enemies worse than the Germans that plagued Harold’s waking state, and her enemies worked right here with her. They had succeeded in taking her away from the residents she loved with all her heart.
Debbie went into the bathroom, locked the door, and sat down on the floor. Great heaves rose up in her throat. The injustice, the pain, was overwhelming. Is this what it felt like to be condemned without cause? To be punished for doing nothing but caring for others? Is this what it’s like, Jesus? I can’t stand it. It hurts. I hurt. She began to choke, almost as if she needed to vomit up the injustice. Slowly standing up, she gazed at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red. Her brown hair hung in disarray. She looked as defeated as she felt.
Debbie could hardly wait for the shift to be over. Before she left, she decided to go and see Harold. She felt a kinship with him now that a real-life enemy had come to do battle. Harold would understand, somehow. When she arrived, he didn’t look much better than she felt. He sat in his chair, leaning over to one side, his chin sunk into his hand, his bloodshot eyes staring blankly. Likely he was seeing images of the war again. Little did he know there was a fierce war going on right now. A spiritual war. A war of good and evil.
“Hi, Harold.”
His head lifted. “It’s you! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
“I’ve been battling an enemy,” she said glumly.
He gripped the armrests of his wheelchair as if the words brought him to life. “You’ve seen the enemy? Report your findings to the major. We need an accurate report of their movements.”
For some reason, his words imparted comfort. He didn’t know what had happened to her, but his propensity for war and battle seemed appropriate for the occasion. “There are enemies right here on this floor, you know.”
“I know that. I’ve seen them. They pretend to wear white, but they are wolves in sheep’s clothing.”
She stared in wonder and amazement at the scriptural quote that proved quite apropos to her situation. For a man supposedly not in tune with reality, Harold knew his Bible. And he knew what was happening all around him. “You are so right, Harold.”
“I know them. Spies, they are. They work for the enemy. You have to be careful of them because they are here among our troops. Walk carefully. Keep alert.”
“Yes, they’re sneaking around, telling lies. And the lies seem to be working. They are having too much influence on the higher-ups.” Way too much, she thought glumly.
He took her hand and gripped it. “It may seem that way, but my dear girl, you should never give up. Don’t think for a minute that they’ve won.”
“That’s all easier said than done. If only I knew what to do.”
“Just keep quiet for now. Lay low. Wait. And when the moment comes, you can expose them for who they are.”
She had to smile until the reality of her situation sobered her. “I won’t have the time to expose their deeds. I’m being transferred.”
“You’re being transferred?”
“The boss thought it was for the best. I won’t be a part of this unit anymore.”
Harold shook his head. “You can’t do that. Not now. It’s the enemy playing tricks. You have to watch them. They are crafty. But don’t you go. Tell the major you need to be here. Tell him you need to finish your mission. If you go, others are gonna die. You have to accomplish your mission.”
She stared in wonder at the frail man sitting there in his wheelchair. Harold spoke more like a messenger from God than Debbie could have imagined. If only she could believe it and not think of him as lost in another time and place. “Thanks, Harold.”
He smiled and sat back as if his own mission were accomplished. But to Debbie, it looked like her mission had folded under the attack of the enemy. The mere thought depressed her greatly.
Heading for the car that afternoon, she decided this spelled the end. She would give her resignation at the end of the pay cycle and be done with all this misery.
Ten
Once inside the safety of her apartment, Debbie chose not to turn on the lights. Instead, she put on the night-light above the stove and sat in the tiny living room in the dark. The dismal surroundings mirrored her soul at the moment, shadowed by a dark thundercloud. Angry tears smarted her eyes. She hoped she could disappear from this area and never be heard from again. Dad knew northern Virginia like the back of his hand. She would go back to her roots and look for a job there. Start fresh. Her parents would be happy to have her home. They would provide all the help she needed in finding a job and another place to live. She could search out old friends from high school, people she’d abandoned to come here. She missed good friends. It would be a safe refuge and a great escape. She would leave the whole mess behind her—Trish and her gang, Mrs. Whitaker’s accusations, everything, and start over. Just so long as none of it followed after her.
Debbie went into the kitchen, turned on a light, and began taking down dishes to start the packing process. The nursing mugs promptly went into the garbage. Time to move on with her life. Leave here and never look back. Pretend White Pines, Elvina, Harold, and, yes, Neil never happened. She paused.
Neil.
She picked out the mug from the garbage she had used to serve him tea. Staring at it, her eyes welled with tears before she put the mug back in the trash can. She had no choice. This was the best way.
At that moment, the doorbell rang. Debbie contemplated ignoring it. Instead, she crept over to the door and peeked through the security hole.
Oh no. It’s him.
“Debbie? You in there?”
Yes, and I’m perfectly miserable. You wanted to take revenge, and I end up the causality, just like I thought I would. Wounded and about ready to run.
“Debbie, I saw your car parked in front of your place, so I know you’re in there.”
She chewed on her lip. “What do you want?”
“I heard what happened. Gram told me. She heard you were being transferred. Let me in, okay?”
“Just leave me alone.”
“Debbie, please. I’m here to say I’m sorry.”
She leaned closer to the door, intrigued by the concern radiating in his voice.
“This is my fault entirely. Please let me in.”
In an instant, she opened the door. He stood dressed in his thick wool coat, staring at her, his eyes hollow. “You lose electricity or something?”
Debbie turned on a light in the living room. “I like it dark. Fits my mood.”
Slowly he shed his coat and sat down on the sofa. “I know what’s been happening to you, and I blame myself entirely. Gram told me you haven’t been on the unit all week. She said you were working on other floors. A nurse told her.”
“Big deal.”
“I know you cautioned me to use tact when confronting Trish. I’ll admit I didn’t, and I have a feeling this is revenge.”
“I don’t know what was said, but somehow those people are painting me out to be the villain—telling the head nurse the things that Trish has done wrong and blaming them on me. None if it is true either. I don’t know what to do.” She slumped down, resting her chin in her hand.
“Then I’ll make sure that woman is locked up with the key thrown away.” Neil stood up and began to pace.
“Neil, it’s that kind of attitude that got me into this mess in the first place.”
He whirled around.
“I asked you to please use tact. I don’t know what you said, but it really backfired. Now everyone hates me.”
He sighed. “I guess displaying tact was the furthest thing from my mind. I really laid into Trish. I told her flat out that she isn’t going to work with my grandmother or anyone else until she gets her act together. And I warned her to leave you alone. Obviously my threats didn’t accomplish what I intended.
“No, they didn’t.”
“You warned me. I guess I let my anger get the best of me.”
“Trish hired her cronies to back up her story about me being a wretched aide. And the head nurse, Mrs. Whitaker, is buying it all, lock, stock, and barrel. She’s going to fork over my transfer even before the ink on the paper is dry. But I don’t plan on giving her—or anyone there—the satisfaction of watching me run off the floor.”
Neil stiffened. His hand reached out to her. “Debbie, I’m really sorry this happened. I’ll talk to the head nurse myself and straighten this out.”
“No, thanks.” She stood up. “As far as I’m concerned, this is my signal to move back to my hometown. I’m giving my resignation in a week and leaving this place.” She returned to the kitchen to take pots out of the cupboard. “Even if things do get straightened out, there’ll still be tension on the unit. I think it’s best for all our sakes if I make tracks and leave. It’s almost the end of the month. I can get out of my rental agreement easier then, too.”
“What? Are you crazy?”
“Everyone else thinks I am. I can make a break. Dad has been asking me to move back to northern Virginia anyway. There are plenty of jobs around there. Maybe I can even finish my education and become an RN.”
His face turned pasty white as he looked at the dishes mounting on the table. “Debbie, please don’t do this.”
“It’s better this way. For everyone.”
He stared in disbelief. “So, because of my stupidity, you’re going to jump ship?” He snapped his fingers. “I never pegged you for a quitter, even if things got a little rough. This can be fixed, you know. I will do whatever it takes.”
Her anger escalated within. “I’m not quitting. I’m moving on to bigger and better things. You try working in a place like that. Nurses ganging up on you. Residents who don’t care what you do for them. Never getting any thanks but a slap in the face and for something you didn’t even do. Then you went and told everyone off when I pleaded with you not to. You took matters into your own hands, as though my opinion didn’t count. And now I end up being the one who gets burned.”
His cheeks turned from white to crimson red. “So you’ve made up your mind, and nothing I can say is going to change it.”
“That’s about right.”
He went to the living room and gathered up his coat. “Look, I know I blew it. I’m willing to fix this. But if all you want to do is bolt, then it makes no sense for me to do anything, does it?”
He stood for a few lingering moments, no doubt hoping she would change her mind. When she didn’t answer, he turned and left. As soon as the door shut behind him, Debbie looked back at the dishes. She went to the trash can and again took out the nursing mug in which she had served Neil the tea. Fingering the bear dressed in a nursing uniform, she promptly broke into tears.
❧
What can I do, God? I made this mess, and now Debbie is moving away because of it. Help me figure this out.
The dilemma plagued him all night. Another sleepless night. Another night of contemplation, and this time it did not concern his gr
andfather. He was about to see the one woman who stirred him like no other leave the area, never to be heard from again. The woman with whom he was falling head over heels in love was now a casualty. To lose Debbie would be like losing a part of himself. They were alike in so many ways. They thought alike. They both loved God. But, if Debbie had already made up her mind to leave, there was little he could do. He could try to remedy the situation at her workplace, yes. Pray, yes. But the decision to stay or go was hers alone. He only wished she would consider him in the equation. Maybe she had no deep feelings for him. Maybe he was just a buddy, a brother, a temporary friend until the going got rough. There was no meaningful relationship to keep her here, and that’s why she felt she could leave.
Neil decided he must try to fix this, even if Debbie was determined to leave. He had not followed her advice. He had approached Trish with his anger evident, telling her he wouldn’t hire her if she were the last nurse available, ordering her to show some respect for the residents instead of treating them as objects for her amusement. Debbie had asked him to be tactful, but tactful he was not. Debbie’s bit of wisdom might have saved him a lot of heartache and the confrontation he must now endure. But he would do what he must to keep Debbie from leaving.
Arriving at White Pines that evening, he felt like a soldier ready to encounter a hail of bullets. Maybe this was a feeling akin to what his grandfather felt on his approach to the beaches of Normandy. Of course, that was totally different—a life-threatening scenario—but Neil’s anxiety remained, nonetheless.
Truly Yours Contemporary Collection December 2014 Page 57