by Clara Bayard
“Well, you didn’t need to get me anything.”
“Of course I did,” she insisted. “I’m your mother. And this is a huge occasion. Maybe I don’t gush over you like other parents but I’m very proud of what we…what you have accomplished. The hard work it took to get you back on top of the world where you belong.
I smiled and finally managed to open the pouch. I turned it upside down over my hand and a large pendant fell out. It was dark brass and clearly old. A five-point star, it was ornately designed, but delicate at the same time. In the center of twisty scrolling shapes there was a tiny flower, open as if in the mid-day Sun.
“It’s beautiful,” I said softly, holding it up by the attached chain, watching how the light shined behind it the pendant. “You said it’s been in the family? Why have I never heard about it?”
Laura sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I almost forgot it. But your grandmother gave it to me when I graduated from high school. She thought I’d be the star in the family, you know. ‘A world renowned actress of stage and screen’ she used to screech at me all the time.” Her voice was wistful. “Obviously that never happened. I met your father and got pregnant instead. Still, I kept the pendant. Hid it away because it reminded me of everything I’d failed to accomplish. But here you are. A star, at last. More talented than I could have ever been, or she could have ever hoped. So it’s yours now.”
Tears stung my eyes and I closed my fingers around the star. “Thank you. This means a lot.”
She smiled and patted me on the shoulder. “Well, you’re welcome.”
We stood there staring at each other for a long moment, neither sure what to do. Normal mothers and daughters would have hugged and cried or gone out for ice cream or manicures. But we were not normal, and in this emotional moment that fact was more obvious than ever.
I cleared my throat and smiled. “So, um…do you want to ride back to the hotel with me?”
“I can’t,” she said, pulling her phone out of her pocket, the spell broken. “I’ve got a late meeting with the publicity team. But I’ll see you tomorrow. Bright and early for the photo shoot, remember.”
“Yup. Got it.” The points of the star pendant dug into my skin as I clutched it tightly. When the door shut behind my mother I opened my fingers and looked down at it. Pretty. The flower in the center of the pendant drew my eye again and again. Like the star’s open heart. I wondered if mine was opening too.
*
The next day was a flurry of activity. Yet another photo shoot, three radio interviews, and meeting, meetings, meetings, all before even going to the arena for the dress rehearsal. I was pretty sure rock and roll shouldn’t include so many damned meetings, but no one asked my opinion on the matter.
Finally I was alone for a few minutes in my dressing room. I put on my outfit for the show to make sure all the alterations worked and went over to look at myself in the mirror.
“Hot stuff,” I told my reflection. Catching sight of the star pendant hanging low between my breasts, I ran a finger over it and smiled.
I checked the clock and realized I had plenty of time and nothing to do. Which sounded like a perfect time to find Rick. Everyone else was busy. Becca had been running ragged; she only hung up the phone earlier long enough to assure me that she and Dex had made up. All the members of Dream Defiled had been absent for most of the day, too. I assumed running around being assaulted by inane questions like I had. And, to be honest, I just wanted to see him. I’d gotten used to spending time with him in and out of bed and was starting to be willing to admit I enjoyed both, at least to myself.
So, I left my room and made my way down across the hall to the row of small rooms designated for Dream Defiled. Rick’s name was written on the last in the row. I knocked and pushed open the door.
He and Matthew were inside playing a videogame. As usual.
“Hey, Julia!” Matthew called out. “Want to join us?”
“No thanks. I’m shit at games. I was just bored and looking for some people to hang out with.”
Rick barely glanced at me. Playing it cool, I figured. “Sit down if you want.”
“Okay.”
Matthew put down the controller in his hand and smiled at me. “Nervous energy?”
“Yup. I’d have a drink but I heard we’re all cut off until right before show time.”
“Yeah, that’s bullshit,” Rick grumbled before turning back to the game. From what I could tell his character on the screen was machine gunning a bunch of partygoers on a boat.
He played for a few minutes while we watch. Super awkward.
Finally, Matthew stood up. “Well, I need a shower and this seems like a good time to take one.”
“Okay, see you later,” I said as he walked out. Matthew flashed a pointed look I didn’t understand at Rick before shutting the door firmly behind him. “So,” I said once we were alone. “Do you mind if I hang out here for a while?”
“I don’t care.” He didn’t even turn to look at me.
“Okay. You can try to teach me how to play that whatever you’re doing, but I’ll probably never get it.”
“Then I won’t waste my time,” he replied curtly.
“Wow. Um, okay. Is something wrong?”
“Of course not. I’m just trying to get through this level and you yacking in my ear isn’t helping.”
I jumped up. “Well, fuck you very much too, Rick.”
That finally got his attention. He dropped the controller and stood to face me. “Perfect. I knew it. I knew this would happen.”
“What, that you’d be an asshole and I wouldn’t just sit around and let you?”
“No, that you’d turn into a needy little attention and time sucker like all girls do.”
I wanted to punch him. Hard. In the dick. Instead I curled my hands into fists and said, “Don’t you ever talk to me like that.”
“Why? Did I hurt your feelings? Is that what you came in here for? To talk about feelings.”
“Fuck you, you know I’m not like that.”
“Oh yeah, then why are you about to cry right now?”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to keep from knocking your teeth out.”
“Whatever, Julia. Go find someone else to bug. I’m busy.”
“Busy being a dickless jerk.”
“Sweetheart, you know I’m anything but dickless. I’ve got plenty going on down there and you’re a big fan.”
“Congratulations. But that doesn’t make you anything but a nice sex toy.”
“Right back at you.”
“I hate you,” I spat, shaking with rage.
“Great. You’ve had your hissy fit; can you leave me alone now?”
“Shit. I don’t mean that. But I don’t understand why you’re acting like you do hate me.”
“I’m not acting like anything. You’re the one acting like I’m your boyfriend. We fuck. It’s fun. The end.”
“Bullshit.”
“What?”
“God, you’re so stupid. And immature. Everything has to be in its little box for you. Girl you fuck. Band you care about. Games you play. That’s a sad little existence, Rick.”
“Well then I guess you better leave me to it and get back to your wonderful, open-hearted life, huh?”
“You’re such a jerk. And for no fucking reason.”
Then, as we stood there shouting and cursing at each other about nothing and everything, a light bulb went off in my head. Or rather, my heart. I was hurt by his coldness, but not because I believed it. Because I could see past it. See that Rick was scared. Afraid to let me in, and more afraid that he already had. I could relate to that. In so many ways we are alike. None of them good. But I’d been brave enough to walk into this room, even if I couldn’t voice the reasons why. That what we had, what was growing between us wasn’t good enough to make him even try wounded me in a way I couldn’t deal with.
And so, I left. Or, tried to. I spun on my heel and opened the door to find Christine
, Satan’s publicist, standing with a camera crew. One member of which was pointing a camera directly at my face.
“What the fuck?”
“Try not to swear on camera,” Christine chided me.
“Uh…what’s going on?”
I turned around to Rick. His face looked as miserable as mine, but there was no shock there. And no help for me.
“Okay,” I said, seeing I was in this alone. As usual. “Get that thing out of my face.”
I shoved past the crew and stomped down the hallway. They followed silently as I searched for my mother and found her in the green room, chatting and flirting with one of the suits.
“Can someone explain to me why there’s a camera guy stalking me through the hallways?”
Laura tittered. “Silly, this is the documentary crew.”
“The ones recording the show for the concert film? This isn’t the show. It’s me walking around getting spied on.”
Christine muttered something behind me and the light above the camera went dark, and the crew filed out of the room.
“Mom, what the fuck?” I shouted.
“Keep your voice down.” She grabbed my arm and pulled be into a corner, fake smile plastered across her face. “You’re embarrassing me.”
“Me? I’m not the one hiring a bunch of dudes to creep up on everyone’s private moments.”
“What? What were you doing when they started filming?”
“Nothing. Just…nothing. Tell me what’s going on.”
She sighed. “This is part of the deal. Camera crew gets almost total access for the whole tour. You know that.”
“Access to performances. That’s what I agreed to. Not access to every waking moment for the next four months.”
“Shush. Be quiet and listen to me.” She lowered her voice. “I know you hate this. But I didn’t have a choice. This is the deal the label wanted and everyone else agreed. I couldn’t hold out, we’ve got no leverage. You need this tour more than it needs you.”
I shook my head. “Wait, you knew it would be like this and just didn’t tell me?”
“Yes. Because I knew you’d try to play hardball or threaten to walk off and that’s pointless. If you want the life you’ve been dreaming of, if you want to be the star I know you can be, this is part of the price.”
“And if I refuse?”
You’re off the tour. And will probably be sued for breach of contract.”
“But I never signed a contract agreeing to this!”
“You did. Well, I did.”
I shook with anger. “Impossible. No way Dream Defiled agreed to this nonsense.”
“They did. Weeks ago. They understand what this means. What it takes to make this tour work.”
I blinked back tears, but one escaped and slid down my cheek. “They’ve all known for weeks? And no one told me?”
“They probably thought you knew, too.”
“No. They couldn’t think that. Becca would know I’d be furious. And he would…” My voice trailed off to nothing. Rick knew. And he knew I had no idea. That’s why he was being such a jerk. Starting a fight before I found out he’d betrayed me.
“I have to go,” I told my mother.
“Don’t do anything stupid, Julia.”
“Too late,” I muttered to myself. I went out into the hallway and walked back down to Rick’s dressing room. The door was open and he was sitting on the couch, just staring at the wall.
“Julia, I don’t want to argue right now,” he said quietly.
“Don’t worry. I’m not here for that. I’m here to tell you that you’re a coward and a liar and I never want you to speak to me again. I might not be able to stop this camera crew bullshit from turning my career into a fucking reality show, but I can stay away from you. And I will. Forget my face and my name. We don’t exist in the same universe anymore.”
With that I walked out again, back to my dressing room and locked the door behind me, having barely registered the look of sadness on Rick’s face. A sob burst from my chest and I wasn’t sure if it was for the tour or Rick or my heart or everything.
Two hours later I stood on the stage of the arena, surrounded by a band playing my music. Lights flashed and swept across the set I’d approved. I adjusted my microphone and opened my mouth to sing, but the sound felt hollow and empty. I had everything I’d ever wanted and it was nothing. If I was the star of the pendant I still wore, the flower was missing altogether and just a desolate black hole where the heart should be.
The applause and cheers of the contest-winning audience who got the exclusive sneak peek of our performances were nothing but droning to my ears. The fans, who usually energized and filled me with joy felt like witnesses to my loss, rather than joyful participants in my triumph.
TO BE CONCLUDED IN: Rocked in the Light - December 2013
Get Ready to be ROCKED!
* Go out on the road and fall in love with the men of Dream Defiled *
Now Available:
Joe & Liss
Rocked, Rocked On the Road, Rocked to the Core
Becca & Dex
Hard Rocked, Deep Rocked, Well Rocked
Rick & Jules
Rocked in the Dark
Big Girls. Hot Guys. Steamy Romance.
www.ClaraBayard.com
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Thank you so much for reading. If you want to be one of the first to read my next book, please go to my website, www.clarabayard.com, and enter your email address to join the announcement list.
Also, I love hearing from readers to feel free to send me an email at [email protected] and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible.
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COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Clara Bayard is a wealthy business owner who, following the brutal death of her parents, used that wealth to create a secret identity and a lot of cool gadgets in order to protect the city she adores, and keep others from experiencing the same pain she did.
Wait, no. That’s Batman.
Clara is a just a regular gal living in the Mid-Atlantic region. She loves writing sexy stories about flawed people doing exciting things. When she’s not writing she enjoys talking to strangers in bars and marathon-watching TV shows everyone else has seen already.
ALSO BY CLARA BAYARD
One Night of Danger
BBW New Adult Romantic Suspense
Carly Chase is building a new life for herself, day by day, when a faceoff with an irate man at work brings up memories of a trauma she’s barely recovered from. She’s shaken and in need of something to make her feel better. That something arrives in the form of gorgeous, sexy cop Sam Rollins who appreciates her curves and knows exactly how to distract Carly from her problems – for a while.
But soon Carly finds herself caught in a web of criminal conspiracy. Innocent but panicked, she turns to Sam for help. He can’t resist the pull of the plus-size beauty and seems willing to risk his career to protect her and find the truth. But their risky partnership is under constant threat. Not only by the forces they battle, but by secrets from her past and his present as they are revealed.
In a fast-paced race to survive, Carly has to do something she swore she never would. Trust her safety and happiness to a man she barely knows. Can she overcome the violence and damage in her past to forge a
new future with Sam, or will a final intimate betrayal end everything?
Rocked: Joe and Liss
BBW New Adult Rock Star Romance
She's dreaming of a life of excitement and romance. He's searching for something real.
When rock sensation Joe Hawk wanders into the diner where Liss works her dark night is brightened by his incredibly blue eyes and sexy smile. The attraction is immediate and every moment is charged with erotic heat. The first impression is easy. Taking the next step is much harder.
The plus sized beauty has to overcome her insecurities to take a risk on a man whose life is the opposite of everything she's ever known and changing faster than either of them realizes.
From the first electric touch their chemistry is undeniable and the possibilities are endless.
Liss leaves everything she knows behind for an adventure of a lifetime. Life on the road is wild and intoxicating, a constant party that ends every night with laughter and passion. But when the plus sized beauty finds herself falling in love with Joe but out of love with his lifestyle, she has to decide who she wants to be and where that leaves her budding relationship.
Love is a fire that can nurture or destroy, but you can't tell which until you surrender to the flames.
Note: This book is the novelization of previously published serial novellas. If you have finished Rocked, Rocked On the Road and Rocked to the Core, you've read the whole story in this book.
Visit www.clarabayard.com for a full list of available titles.
Table of Contents
Rocked All Night
One
Two
Three
Four
Five