I was aware that my timing was absolutely the worst possible. Who wanted to break up on Christmas Eve? But it was what it was. If she’d not stayed on her course for extra days, it wouldn’t have fallen on that date…
I must have finally fallen to sleep because the next thing I knew it was the next morning and I had to get up and get my stuff packed. Once I told her I was leaving, I was going to make sure I was ready to go. She was unpredictable at the best of times – being told her husband was gay and was leaving her for another man might just tip her over the edge of reason…
*
At three o’clock I heard her key in the door. I was shitting bricks at the idea of telling her but I was determined that I was going to. I couldn’t stay here any longer I couldn’t take any more of her mood swings and her violent outbursts. Not anymore – not now that I knew there was a whole different way to live. I’d been like a cat on a hot tin roof all day and it had made me realise that going through the motions, pretending to be happy when all I wanted to do was get up and leave was just stupid. I was wasting my life here and all I wanted to do was to go and spend the day with the real love of my life – Horatio.
It was well past time that I told her. I was leaving her. To think that I could have even considered choosing her over Horatio was utter madness. There was no way I could stay and allow her to keep on abusing me all of time. But I was going to tell her the truth about Horatio. I felt that it was the only way to go and to keep my dignity. I was leaving her for a guy – and I was proud that I had finally found someone who loved me back in the way I loved him.
She came into the living room and stood in front of me. I swallowed. Something was already off. I could tell by her face.
“Hi, babe.” I said, “Good course?”
She nodded, “It was fine.” She said shortly, “But I probably didn’t have as good a time as you did here.”
I frowned at her. What the hell? “I’m not sure I understand what you’re getting at.”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with some black guy.” She said, “And I’m assuming that you’re a bit more than friends. Are you?”
I blinked. How the fuck had she found out? “We’re quite close, yeah.” I hedged. I had no idea how much she knew or if she was wanting to trap me into giving myself away.
She tossed an envelope down onto the sofa next to me, “These pictures tell me that you’re more than close.”
Ohhh, fuck. I knew without even looking at them that they were from the other night when I was about to leave Rayshe’s house and then turned around. We’d kissed in the open doorway.
“I want to explain…” I want to tell you that I’ve found someone who is truly capable of loving me.
She looked at me incredulously, “Explain?” she spluttered, “What’s to explain? I’m married to a fucking queer! How fucking dare you do that to me?”
I winced. There was really no need for her to call me a queer. “I’m sorry.” I whispered, “I didn’t know…”
She sneered, taking a step towards me. “You didn’t know?” she asked, “Your own brother’s as gay as gay gets – how the hell didn’t you know? When the hell did you realise, then?”
I looked up at her, “When I met Horatio.” I said, “I totally fell for him and I’m really sorry.
She nodded, “You’re right.” She said, “I think we need a little time apart. I’d like you to leave.”
I nodded and got up. I’d got everything ready packed in the boot of my car. It was just a case of picking up my holdall in the hall that held all of my university stuff…
Chapter 18 – Heartbroken…
Horatio
I was in such a funk. Well, it was far worse than that but I could hardly start crying about it.
I’d been so sure that Danny would call, so sure that he’d change his mind and choose me. But when nine o’clock came and went on Christmas Eve night, I figured that I’d take the hint and try to get on with my life.
I’d gone around to Karl’s with the rest of the band members for practice, not that we’d got anything done. I’d spent the entire time bemoaning the fact that Danny had chosen his wife over me.
“Are you sure?” Noah asked, wide-eyed, “I was so sure he was into you.”
I sniffed, “Yeah, well.” I mumbled, “I guess he was just filling his time up.”
Karl frowned, “I don’t know, man.” He said, “The sort of guys that mess around generally keep it to the clubs – they’re not the type to stay over – and meet the family. Look at Martin – he never even wanted to meet us.”
Noah nodded, “Yeah,” he grimaced, “He was all about keeping everything a closely guarded secret,” he rolled his eyes, “I thought it was all so exciting at the time – all the sneaking around was fun to begin with but it soon got boring. I should have known he was never going to leave her…”
The guys were right. I was being a tit hankering after a straight man that was experimenting with me. Shit, he really was no better than Martin... I should have ended it as soon as it started. He really couldn’t have thought as much of me as I did him. He’d been playing me – and he’d gone and ended it two days before Christmas.
I got home and headed for bed. I lay, staring that the ceiling, torturing myself with ideas of what he and Mara would be getting up to. I had no idea what she looked like, but in my thoughts, she resembled Cruella De Ville… They were probably having a fake romantic night at home, drinking cocktails and feeding each other over their candlelit table or something equally as vomit inducing... And I was alone, nursing a broken heart and a hangover from hell from drinking myself into oblivion with heartbreak. Well, not oblivion as such but to say I was a lightweight when it came to drinking was an understatement. The bastard. I didn’t need him. Only trouble was, I really did...
My phone pinged, making me jump. I’d been so lost in my dark thoughts that minutes had passed.
I blinked as I looked at the text. It was from Danny. “Help me.”
I frowned. Help me? What the fuck was he on about? He’d told me it was over. He’d chosen Mara... hadn’t he?
I sat us straight and sent a reply, a cold shiver going down my spine. Had she hit him? “What’s going on?”
A message pinged back almost immediately, “Please, just come.”
Fuck. Something was definitely wrong. Danny was wordy. He never did short sentences... I didn’t even think about it. I shot outside, started up my car and started driving to where he lived – fuck getting pulled over for being over the limit. He needed help – and if he needed my help there was a chance he needed me. And I would always be there for him. Always. I loved him – and maybe I was delusional that we could someday be together but not loving him or being there for him just wasn’t an option.
Chapter 19 – Punishment…
Danny
I was cautiously optimistic as I headed back down the stairs. I couldn’t believe Mara had taken our break-up so well.
I was surprised, since she’d taken the trouble of having me followed – well, of course she’d done that – she was always one step ahead of me.
She knew what I’d been doing and whom I’d been doing it with. I guessed that she must have had time to come to terms with it.
I came back into the lounge with my holdall, just to tell her I was going and found her pacing the floor. She was furious – well, that was more the way I’d expected her to react and you know, I figured that was totally understandable – I mean, I guess I would have been too, had the tables been turned…
The first thing that alerted me to the fact that I was about to really regret coming back in to the lounge was the frying pan in her hand.
“So, who the fuck is this guy?” She asked, her eyes blazing and holding up a photo of Horatio and I kissing on his doorstep in her other hand.
I swallowed. Fuck. She was really angry, “H-He’s a m-mate from five-a-side – his n-name’s Horatio.”
“Which you shorten to Rayshe?” she mu
rmured, “I get it now...”
“Well, yeah, that’s his shortened version...” What was her problem? She seemed to have completely forgotten that she’d just told me to leave – and that I’d just confessed to being gay.
“And you’ve been having an affair with him?”
I shook my head, swallowing hard. “I haven’t. I swear. That kiss was only this weekend – well, you already knew that…” Her private investigator hadn’t been able to come up with any other incriminating photos of us together because there weren’t any to take. We’d done nothing before this weekend…
I probably would have done if I’d got the balls to do it but I hadn’t. Instead, I’d told him nothing else could happen between us while I was still married to Mara and I’d finished things before they could even really begin. He’d been totally pissed off with me for choosing her over him when he knew I wasn’t happy with her. He’d called me a coward and accused me of choosing misery over happiness – and he’d been absolutely right. That was exactly what I’d done.
As soon as I’d left him I knew I’d made the wrong decision. I’d been working up the courage to break things off with her for a while but I’d been really frightened to before – now though, well, there was no going back from confessing I was gay, was there? Horatio might not want me back, but I was choosing freedom at the very least...
I took a deep breath. It might be bad timing – being Christmas Eve and all but this was it – the moment my life changed forever. I looked at her and started talking. “I’m not having an affair, Mara.” I said, which probably wasn’t technically true – what actually constituted an affair? Was there a specific timescale? Because this had only been a couple of days – but I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Still, I didn’t think it was wise to tell her that, so I had to tread carefully, “But I have got really strong feelings for him and – and I want a divorce.”
She stared at me for a full minute and then she lost her shit completely. She went absolutely ape...
*
I had no idea how many times she hit me before I passed out – and certainly no idea how many more blows I got after I’d lost consciousness. All I knew when I regained consciousness was that I was one, still alive – hallelujah! Two, alone – thank God – and three, sore all over. I dragged myself up to the sofa and sat myself down very gingerly. Could I move? Yes, just about. Could I drive? Well, fuck – I really didn’t think so but I was going to have to get the hell out of the house before she came back and finished me off altogether.
After deliberating over how well I could actually move, I decided that however difficult, I had to move before she came back.
I limped over to the mirror. I looked absolutely fucking terrible. My eye was closed and I was quite sure that my nose was broken. I sure as hell wasn’t pretty anymore – not that I’d ever really thought I was – those were Horatio’s words, not mine. Never mine...
At least my hair still looked pretty good – apart from the sticky patch of blood at the back. I wondered vaguely if I had concussion or if I felt sick because my ribs were broken. I was in so much pain, I felt nauseous.
I needed someone to help me. I had no clue where my mobile phone was – after assuming that Mara had taken it with her, I could have cried when I spotted it on the floor by the sofa. I couldn’t call Horatio. I’d left things so badly with him... But who else could I turn to?
I agonised over calling him for far too long before I actually made the decision to text instead. Then I panicked about what to put. Feeling terribly dramatic I sent just two words. He’d wonder what the fuck had happened when he read them but I had nothing else, “Help me.”
His reply was thankfully quick, “What’s going on?”
I hadn’t got the energy to start a full on typed conversation like I usually did, so I just typed, “Please just come.”
I was terrified the whole time it took for Horatio to arrive that she’d be back to finish me off. Thankfully, he arrived before she did.
“Danny?” he called through the front door that was still open.
“In here.” I croaked.
He came in and sank to his knees on the floor beside me. “Oh, my God.” He whispered, reaching out his hand to touch my swollen face, making me flinch. I really didn’t need anyone touching me right now. “I’m sorry,” he snatched his hand back away and just looked at me helplessly, “Shall I take you to hospital?”
I shook my head, “Could you just take me to my brother’s house?” I managed to mumble through my swollen lips. She wouldn’t find me there but if she was still having us followed, she would definitely be able to find us at Horatio’s...
He nodded, “Of course,” he said, “Anywhere.”
I nodded and got painfully to a standing position, my head was swimming but I had to stay focused. “I’d recommend you go and stay at a mate’s house tonight, Rayshe.” I mumbled, as he leaned towards me to help me, “She’s been having us followed.”
He took a step back and raised an eyebrow, “You’re joking?”
I shook my head, “No,” I said, “She had photos of us kissing the other night.”
“Fuck.” He murmured, “Well, okay, I can do that – but I’m coming back for you in the morning and we’re going to spend the rest of the Christmas break together in a hotel or round at one of the guys’, deal?”
I nodded, “Sure.”
After he’d gotten all of my bags transferred out of the boot of my car and into his, he got in. He’d made me get in and just sit there while he did everything, including locking up after me.
We drove over to Julian’s in almost complete silence. I guess I was in shock and Horatio probably was too. I must have looked a right sight.
We pulled up outside Julian’s house and Horatio leaned across the centre console and kissed me lightly on the side of the face. “I’ll come and see you in the morning, okay? Call me if you need anything.”
I nodded and opened the car door. I made my way painfully down the path, afraid that I might slip on the ice and hurt myself even more.
It felt like an age to get there, but finally I was on the front doorstep. I rang the doorbell and waited. I felt crushingly guilty. This was his first Christmas with his boyfriend and I was gate-crashing a really special day. God, I was such a fucking loser...
The door opened and I looked up hopefully.
Jules stared back at me in horror, “Danny?” he asked.
Shit. I really must have looked bad...
“Jules,” I managed, “Can I come in? I have literally nowhere else to go...” If I went to Horatio’s we’d both still be in danger. Mara needed to be put away for the way she’d acted. She was deranged...
He pulled me in, looking me all over as he did so. I couldn’t blame him. I was in a pretty bad way. My lip was killing me where she’d smacked me with the frying pan. I was amazed I still had teeth. My left eye was completely closed and my head was throbbing where she’d given me another good smack on my forehead. My arm was killing me, but my ribs felt even worse.
“Fucking hell, Dan. What the hell happened to you?” he asked in horror, “Were you jumped or something?”
I shook my head, really mortified for him to know the truth, “I can’t tell you...” I muttered, “I just need to sit down.”
“Yes,” he said firmly, “You can – and you will if you want me to put you up after the way you’ve treated me my whole fucking life.” Harsh, but fair, I guessed.
“Mara kicked me out.” I mumbled through my split lip, “Well, no. That’s actually not true. I was already leaving her but she took it badly.” I added, “She kicked my arse and then I threw myself out as soon as I regained consciousness.”
Jules stared at me in horror, “What?” he asked, “Why?”
I shook my head, “Because I told her I was gay and was leaving her.”
He blinked, “And are you?”
I guess it was a reasonable enough question. Jules had se
en the way I acted around Horatio. He’d seen me dancing with him and even though we’d never done anything else in his presence, that had been the beginning of everything – the reason for me to finally grow a pair and telling Mara that I wanted a divorce. I’d tried so hard not to cheat on her, I’d tried to be a better man but I couldn’t deny it, I’d been guilty of having an affair and my heart definitely belonged to someone else now. Still, as far as Horatio was concerned, I’d still ended it – his suggestion that we spend the rest of the Christmas break together was hopeful but by no means a declaration of us being a permanent arrangement... “Yes.” I said firmly, “I’m gay and I was definitely leaving her.”
He nodded, allowing me past, “Come on in. I’ll put the kettle on. Go and sit down. Chas is through there. I’ll bring the drinks through.”
I dragged myself through to the lounge. Chas was lying on the sofa. No doubt he and Jules had been snuggling on there together before I’d rocked up with my misshapen face and I felt bad for being a selfish bastard intruder.
He looked up at me and gasped, “Oh, my God!” He jumped up and started fussing around me immediately. Within a minute I was sat down with a flannel pressed to my lip and a couple of paracetamol tablets forced upon me.
Jules came through from the kitchen with drinks for us all. I took one with shaking hands. “I’m sorry for barging in like this.” I looked between him and Chas, “And I’m sorry for everything I ever said about you and your...”
“Sexuality?” Jules asked softly.
I nodded, “Yeah.” I said, “I was insensitive and unforgivably rude about you – for years.”
He shrugged, as if it really wasn’t a big deal and maybe for him now, in his secure relationship with his wonderful partner it wasn’t, “Meh, you were just being my big brother – it’s called sibling rivalry, I think.”
When Danny Met Horatio Page 8