by Noah Harris
He found himself feeling relief underneath the uncertainty, how was he supposed to explain this, anything, to Shaeffer? Because Shaeffer hadn’t recoiled from his touch when he’d collapsed back into his human body and rushed to his side, the sound of his terrified wails.
“Okay,” Shaeffer said shakily, and Konrad listened to his heartbeat, surprised to hear it slowing. Was this a normal response? Why wasn’t he screaming, calling him a monster, begging him not to eat him? Clara had always said the hardest part of the necessity of mating with a human was the first reveal, the explanation, getting them not to be petrified of you. But Shaeffer…
“Are you…are you scared of me?” he asked hesitantly, leaning back so Shaeffer could look at his face, make his decision without being confined in his arms. He wanted, even if it broke something deep inside him, to have the option to run.
“No. I…you’re still Konrad,” he said haltingly, like his mind was forming his response as he was saying it. “I’m just…you’re not the Konrad I thought you were, the one I got to know.”
“I’m still the same Konrad. I just have a dragon inside me.”
“Inside you?” he squeaked, and Konrad shook his head. Wrong words.
“No, like…It’s an energy inside me. It’s like my…conscience? Not really. It’s like the animal side me.”
“Right,” Shaeffer said, clearly not understanding what Konrad was saying, but trying to.
“But I’m still the same,” Konrad insisted again, and he felt Shaeffer nod against his shoulder.
“No, I know, I mean, it’s like…I can’t think of the word. I’m grieving.”
“Grieving?” Konrad felt his chest tighten at the word. What had died between them?
“Grieving the loss of one kind of love, my perception of the person I love…before accepting the new kind, or the new person who is still the old person but…but different. Does that make sense?” Konrad hesitated, trying to understand while also wrestling with that word. Love. Neither of them had said it, it had merely hovered between them for the past week or so, neither daring to say it first but knowing it was there, soundless. Just a presence. “Fuck. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t know how to describe it.”
“It’s okay. It’s a lot to take in,” Konrad said quickly, hoping Shaeffer wouldn’t notice his heartbeat speeding up. Their relationship, so different from anything he’d ever had before, it had that nature of romance he’d always looked for and failed to find. Compassion and that tingling in your spine when the other person gets home. That immediate cardiac arrest when they touch you, just because you can’t believe this person exists and you are lucky enough to be the one they want to touch. At first, it had lingered in the back of his mind, the capacity for this feeling with Shaeffer. And then it had been impossible to ignore once they’d gotten to know each other, past the awkwardness, the first conversations, the navigation of it all.
And that romance, itself, because it was so rare and so strong between them, was…heart-stoppingly erotic. Shaeffer was still whimpering in his arms, probably having his own revelations, and he tried to hide the arousal he felt at the fact that he’d found the person he’d been looking for.
Shaeffer had taken care of him at his darkest moments, had been patient and kind, had made himself indispensable. But it was more than that which made him irreplaceable, it was the way Shaeffer accepted realities and moved on. His blindness, which Konrad himself had been so unwilling to accept, had been treated with the confident understanding of what is and isn’t possible. Shaeffer knew his limits, that his blindness was not a failure but a handicap.
There were things he couldn’t do, and things he could, and Shaeffer had accepted that and helped him accept it when, if he’d been alone, he probably would’ve killed himself somehow. Not on purpose. He’d transformed this morning, incapable of holding his animalistic rage inside any longer, nearly smashing the skylight with his horny skull. He was sure, if Shaeffer hadn’t shown up, he’d have tried to get up to the roof, tried to fly, maybe, without knowing the conditions of the sky, without knowing where he was going.
He would’ve killed himself, or marked himself as a rogue shifter and gotten knocked out of the sky by one of the others that lived on Drake Street with him. They were supposed to look out for one another when in their dragon forms to ensure their secret was kept safe. He’d almost risked his life, and the secrecy and safety of his flight.
Even if he hadn’t taken off in a literally blind fury, he was sure there were other ways he might’ve gotten himself killed had Shaeffer not been around these past two weeks. Whether it be trying to create something, again, or trying to pretend everything was fine, that he could see, that he was back in his old life of fame, or infamy, and wildness.
But Shaeffer had been here, encouraging him to think positively about the future, about new things he could try without having to see, new places they could go, new senses he could depend on. And he was still here, curled into his arms, quietly steadying his breathing.
Konrad hadn’t realized, until now, that Shaeffer loved him too. And it made him think about all the things he did, without knowing or acknowledging them. When Shaeffer wasn’t around, running errands, he’d sit in the dark, the eternal dark, and ask himself what Shaeffer would say to the dark thoughts tramping through his mind. It would be something bright, funny, positively realistic, optimistic. And it would quiet the shadows in his mind that were convincing him that without his sight, he was nothing. He’d never admit it, his wounded pride wouldn’t allow it, but Shaeffer had saved his life and become his new conscience.
“Konrad, I-I think I need to ask some questions. Is that okay?” Konrad nearly laughed at the worry in his voice. Questions! Of course, he could ask questions. He’d been hoping for them, they’d give him the chance to close the chasm between them.
“Anything,” he said solidly, and he felt Shaeffer sit back. He could feel him watching him. He wasn’t sure, couldn’t even imagine, the look on his face. But he found he didn’t need to. Shaeffer reached out and took his hands.
“You’re a dragon.”
“Not a question,” Konrad grinned, and Shaeffer laughed quietly. Konrad felt himself relax at the sound.
“Okay, so you’re a dragon. How did you find out? Have you always been one? Can you fly?”
“Okay, now that’s a lot of questions,” he said, and Shaeffer smacked his arm lightly. “I’ve always been a dragon; I was born one. My father was a dragon, my mother was human.” It was more painful to talk about his parents than he’d imagined it would be, both abandoning him from the moment he breathed life.
“Your mother was human?”
“Dragons can only mate with humans. Our species, there’s so few of us that the only way to keep the race strong is to mate outside it, not within it. All of us are vaguely related.”
“Is that why you…did you pick me?” he sounded hurt, and Konrad shook his head hard.
“No. I didn’t pick you. You picked me.” Shaeffer didn’t say anything. “I wasn’t looking. You just...appeared. Does that make sense?”
“I think so. Where are your parents?”
“I don’t know my father. My mother is dead.”
“I’m sorry,” Shaeffer said, his voice hushed. Konrad gritted his teeth, lowering his head.
“I didn’t really know either of my parents. My mother hated what I was,” he said, surprised he was revealing so much. It seemed to be pouring, gushing, out of him. “She hated me because I was a dragon, like my father.”
“I’m sorry,” Shaeffer said again, squeezing his hands.
“I can fly, though.”
“What?”
“Your other question was if I can fly, and yes, I can.” He laughed when Shaeffer sputtered. “Maybe you can take me for a spin one day. I can’t fly without my sight, but you could be my eyes.”
“We can try,” Shaeffer said uncertainly, but Konrad could hear the smile in his voice. “Um, are there more of you?”
“Who else knows about you?” Shaeffer asked. Konrad nearly sighed in relief when he moved on from the identities of the other dragons.
“Well, Fiona knows,” he said, and Shaeffer laughed, loudly, like a bark.
“Of course she does. That makes sense. And that must mean…Clara is too.”
“Well, yeah, Clara knows,” he said slowly, wondering how to reveal the enormous truth that Clara wasn’t just aware of his status as a dragon: she was the queen.
“Well, Fiona works for Clara. Clara’s a dragon, isn’t she?” Konrad nearly gaped, and then shook his head in wonder.
“Yeah, actually, she’s the head of our flight. She’s the queen.” Shaeffer hummed thoughtfully. “Are you shocked?”
“No, actually,” he chuckled, scooting closer. “It actually explains a lot.”
“Yeah, she’s pretty intuitive, even for a dragon. She takes care of all of us, all the dragons on Drake Street.”
“So Drake Street is, what, it’s like a dragon…” he clearly didn’t know how to ask the question, and Konrad finished it for him.
“It’s like a dragon community. Clara finds dragons that are struggling on their own and brings them here, and we live together, sort of. We all have our own lives, but if we ever need help, we can ask each other or Clara. She takes care of us.”
“And me too,” Shaeffer said, and moved even closer, between Konrad’s legs now.
“What do you mean?” Konrad asked. Did Shaeffer and Clara have some agreement he didn’t know about?
“I take care of you,” he said, his voice warm and full of it. Love. Konrad felt like he would melt into Shaeffer’s arms, which were reaching out to hug him. Shaeffer leaned forward, embracing him, kissing his face, his eyes, trailing down to his neck. He kissed the scars on Konrad’s chest, the ones he knew were there from the raised marks on his skin. Blessing him, and his wounds.
Shaeffer leaned back when he was finished, sighing contentedly, but in Konrad, there was a rush of emotion, devotion and love and ardency. He leaned forward and roughly pulled Shaeffer into his arms, his throat swollen with it all, holding him tightly. Shaeffer laughed in surprise, but Konrad let himself breathe Shaeffer in, squeeze him against his chest, make them one. It was overwhelming.
“What should we do now?” Konrad asked thickly, resting his stubbled cheek against Shaeffer’s smooth one. He felt Shaeffer struggle against him for a second and let him go worriedly. “What’s wrong?”
“Well, there’s something I have to tell you, something big,” he said anxiously, and Konrad reached out and pressed his hands to the sides of his neck, thumbs on his cheeks. He needed to touch him, to feel the emotion on his face.
“How big?”
“Not bigger than you being a dragon, but…” he said with a light laugh. Konrad just waited. All the emotions that had been roaring through him before were dulled, now, held down by a nervous energy in his stomach that radiated out into all his limbs, buzzed through his brain.
“I have a trip coming up, maybe.”
“A trip where?” Konrad asked, and Shaeffer took a deep breath, shaky.
“It’s a modeling job, a really good…an amazing opportunity. But it’s far away, really far.” Konrad didn’t say anything, knowing Shaeffer was dragging this out because he was scared Konrad would get upset at him leaving.
But he wasn’t, somehow. He was happy for him. Two weeks ago he would’ve been bitter, wondering where his big break was, but now…he was just thrilled Shaeffer was getting the attention and the gigs he deserved. Shaeffer finally cleared his throat, seeing that Konrad wasn’t going to interrupt him.
“It’s in Tokyo,” he said, his voice small. “But I want you to come with me. I was hoping you’d come with me.” Though the prospect of traveling to Tokyo was exciting, so exciting he nearly agreed the moment Shaeffer said it, something in the back of his mind made him hesitate.
“Wouldn’t I be a liability? I mean, I can’t see, Shaeffer. And I’ve heard the traffic in Tokyo is…”
“You wouldn’t be walking around by yourself, Konrad,” he said sardonically, and Konrad shrugged.
“I’m just saying, I mean, neither of us speak the language, I’m blind, is it really a good idea? Traveling, in general, is going to be tough for us. I don’t know if…”
“I’m not talking about traveling in general, or anything past three months from now, in Tokyo,” Shaeffer said quickly, and Konrad nearly crumbled before realizing why Shaeffer was so defensive; their relationship had started out rocky. They might love each other now, and Konrad might be sure that wouldn’t change, but how did Shaeffer know things would stay the same? There was so much baggage weighing them down, their own issues, and the issues they had with one another when it all started.
One of them would have to break first, be vulnerable, even more vulnerable than they were already being. This wasn’t about love, fleeting, it was about dedication. One of them would have to bare it all and confess a desire not just for now, but for the foreseeable future, for forever. Konrad’s palms were sweating, but he felt the words bubbling up in his throat. He could be the one to break first. He could confess. He would. He would. But the words died in his throat, the anxiety of being exposed gluing his lips together.
“We don’t need to talk about it now,” Shaeffer suddenly said. “We’ve had a big day and a big conversation already.” He crawled into Konrad’s lap, straddling him, and kissed him hard. When Konrad didn’t immediately respond he started unbuckling his pants, almost frenzied, desperate. “I just want this right now,” he said cryptically, but Konrad understood perfectly.
He kissed Shaeffer back, pulling his own shirt off. Shaeffer started kissing down his chest, and he groaned appreciatively. If this was what Shaeffer needed to cement Konrad as still human, to take him back from the dragon and convince himself Konrad was still the same, just slightly different… so be it. If this was how he needed to reclaim Konrad as his, Konrad was happy to go along with it and show Shaeffer that he was, even if he couldn’t summon the words to confess it yet.
Clara’s Castle
Shaeffer Gipson
The gardens were beautiful, welcoming, filled with majestic topiaries in the shape of fantastical creatures. The castle, mansion, estate, whatever it was, was less welcoming. Looming over the grounds, made of mossy and weathered stone and filled with windows, the majority of which were stained glass. Shaeffer had seen it all, from afar, during his time on Drake Street. No one talked about the estate, as if it was invisible, but everyone’s eyes seemed to slide toward it when they walked by. It was ominous enough that everyone acted, in company, like it didn’t exist. Everyone had their own theories, he was sure, but he was also sure none of them came close to the truth.
He stood at the door, having just knocked on it nervously, wondering if they’d even heard his knuckles rapping on the thick wood. He looked up at the huge bronze knocker, a dragon’s head with a thick, heavy ring held in its snarling mouth. Maybe he should use that? That’s what it was there for, wasn’t it?
Shaeffer reached up and lifted it gingerly, letting it drop heavily against the door. The sound reverberated, much louder than his measly knocking. Hopefully, someone would hear him. He was starting to feel like he was trespassing, although he had received an invitation.
It had been more of a summons, actually. Fiona had called him, asking, demanding, that he appear at Fort Anaheim the next day at 10:45am, sharp. Clara didn’t wait, and she didn’t appreciate tardiness. Those were Fiona’s words, anyway. He could remember her sharp tone over the phone when he’d asked why he had to go. “Because Clara needs to meet you, and no one disappoints or denies Clara. What she says goes.”
After talking to Konrad about it, he’d almost started to feel excited. He’d learned all these ama
zing things about the world, a new world he’d never even known existed. Shapeshifters of all sizes, dragons, bears, stags, wolves, that one had been more predictable, what with society’s obsession with werewolves, tigers, snakes, birds. Where were they all? He’d asked, and Konrad had shrugged, but just the knowledge of there being entirely different species of humans, ones that’s were half animal, was enough to send his mind reeling. Magic was real, and Clara was the queen of it all on Drake Street.
She was charismatic, sucking the air out of everyone’s lungs when she entered the room, drawing you to her with just a glance. Shaeffer couldn’t even remember exactly how he’d gotten into conversation with her at Konrad’s exhibition, had he approached her? Had she snuck up on him? Either way, it had felt like fate. He remembered, of all things, her staring at him, her eyes like Medusa’s.
He knew, though, that she must have found out about him and Konrad. Fiona had known about them from the beginning, somehow, and if his gut was right, Fiona had been telling Clara everything. This was probably how people felt at job interviews. Their stomachs turning nervously, their palms sweating. He’d never had an interview. People had simply sought him out.
Or maybe this was how it felt to meet your boyfriend’s parents, try to impress them but also seem humble and trustworthy, the perfect combination of class, intelligence, humor, and submissiveness to the family’s ways. He’d never had to do that, either. Standing in front of the door to Clara’s mansion was starting to feel like a combination of those two unfamiliar things, making his skin break out in goosebumps.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, his nerves becoming more frayed as the minutes went by without an answer, without the door creaking open. Maybe a servant, a butler or a maid would answer the door, swinging it open widely, eyeing him up and down. He couldn’t imagine what they’d look like. Konrad’s eyes weren’t like Clara’s, which had seemed yellow, reptilian in a strangely human way, observant. But Konrad wasn’t a full-blooded dragon, that was something else Shaeffer had found out. Clara was. Did she surround herself with people like her? Shaeffer wiped his hands on his pants and stuffed them back in his pockets, then nearly jumped backward.