by Alex Ryder
With a struggle she kept her voice even. ‘I’m sorry, Ryan. Even if I did believe you you’d be the last man on earth I’d want for a husband. I’m just one of those old-fashioned girls who happens to believe that a husband and wife should be faithful to one another. With the best will in the world I can’t see you sticking to your marriage vows for long.’ She shrugged regretfully. ‘I’m not condemning you. I’ll leave that to your own conscience. And if that’s the way you want to live your life then go ahead. But you’ll have to do it without me.’
He sighed. ‘There you go again. You’re judging me by my reputation.’
‘Not entirely,’ she reminded him grimly. ‘I have first-hand experience of your methods. I was one of your victims, remember?’
He grinned. ‘And by far the most beautiful.’
‘Oh, shut up!’ she said angrily. ‘The time has long passed for that kind of false flattery.’
‘Yes…’ he said, eyeing her thoughtfully. ‘And the truth about my so-called reputation would be difficult for anyone to believe. But you’re so convinced that I’m a liar that in your case it would be impossible. Well, I’ve only got myself to blame for that.’ He grinned again and spread his hands. ‘All I can do is throw myself on your mercy.’
‘Do you mean the same kind of mercy you showed me and all the other women you used? The ones who only got what they deserved—according to you.’
‘I’m making no apologies for what I did…except to you.’
The retort she was going to make died on her lips and she looked at him uncertainly. ‘I hope you aren’t going to insult my intelligence by putting forward some sort of excuse for your behaviour, are you? Or are you about to swear with your hand on your heart that you’ve suddenly seen and regretted the error of your ways?’
‘No excuses. Only reasons,’ he said gravely. ‘All I’m asking is for you to listen and give me a chance to explain.’
She took a sip of her wine, eyeing him with scepticism over the rim of her glass. This should be good, she thought. He was going to explain away all those women he’d seduced then ditched! Of course, he’d be used to doing this. He probably kept The Idiot’s Guide To Seduction and Plausible Excuses in his back pocket.
She took another sip, thought, What the hell—it’ll be good for a laugh at least, and said, ‘Go ahead, then. I’m listening.’
His eyes seemed to flicker in surprise at her answer, then he adopted a sombre look before turning and going over to the window to stare up at the night sky.
She watched him with justified cynicism. It was much easier for a person to lie when they had their back to you and their face was hidden. She didn’t know why she was wasting her time.
For what seemed an interminable time he stood in silence, gazing up at the stars. Looking for inspiration, no doubt, she told herself. Some story designed to tug at her heartstrings and break her resistance. Well, it would have to be a work of art to do that.
When he did finally speak his voice was so low that she had to strain to hear. ‘It was a clear, starry night just like this when I got the call from the police…’ He lapsed into silence for a moment, then he seemed to square his shoulders before turning to face her. ‘I’d better start from the beginning,’ he said apologetically.
He could start wherever he liked, she thought. It wasn’t going to make the least bit of difference to her.
‘When I was twenty years old my widowed mother remarried and I acquired a stepbrother. Malcolm was only ten. A great kid. Always laughing and game for anything. We became very close…’
Catriona groaned inwardly. She remembered Madge telling her how his younger stepbrother had been killed and how Ryan had taken the blow very hard. Surely he wasn’t going to play the sympathy card. But why else would he be telling her about it? What could it possibly have to do with the present situation?
‘There’d been an accident,’ Ryan went on. ‘Malcolm had driven at high speed into a concrete bridge support. Thankfully no one else was involved, but I couldn’t understand how it had happened. In the first place Malcolm was one of the country’s most promising young racing-drivers. He never drank, and according to the police there hadn’t been anything mechanically wrong with the car.’
He ran a hand tiredly across his brow in the manner of one reliving a time of grief.
She broke in uncomfortably, ‘Look…I’m sorry about your brother, I really am… But…’
‘Just let me finish, will you?’
She backed down under the soft reprimand and bit her lip. This wasn’t going quite the way she’d expected.
His voice was firmer now, with a hard edge of anger. ‘The funeral was supposed to be a private affair, but a young girl managed to slip in and she sat by herself at the rear of the church. I could see that she’d been weeping and she approached me after the service saying that she knew the truth about the accident. I took her for a coffee and listened to one of the most sickening stories I’ve ever heard.’ He paused again, and Catriona was taken aback by the look of icy anger on his face.
‘It seems that Malcolm had been invited to a party in Chelsea that night,’ he said bitterly. ‘It was full of the usual crowd of social butterflies you always get at these occasions. You can see them any day of the week in the cafés and wine bars of Chelsea. They sit there gossiping and scheming among themselves. Their only ambition in life is to meet and marry someone rich enough to keep them in a style they’d like to become accustomed to.’
Catriona stared at him. It was uncanny. She knew exactly the kind of women he was describing. Hadn’t two of them been sitting at the next table that day when Madge had taken her to lunch?
She was all ears now as Ryan went on. ‘According to this girl, Malcolm had rebuffed a couple of them when their overtures became too embarrassing, so they decided to teach him a lesson. While he was up dancing they spiked his drink with a drug. Wouldn’t it be fun, they thought, if the handsome and ambitious young racing-driver crashed and lost his driving licence?’
Catriona was appalled and she gave an involuntary gasp. ‘That…that’s diabolical!’
Ryan nodded bitterly. ‘Yeah…that’s what I thought. I don’t suppose it even entered their stupid heads that they were putting his life at risk.’
‘The girl who told you this? Was she one of them?’
‘She swore she wasn’t. And I believed her. She’d known what was going on, though, and her conscience was tearing her apart. I never did find out who actually tampered with his drink, but as far as I was concerned they were all responsible. What I did get from the girl, though, was a list of the names of the most likely women, who regularly got their kicks at these kind of parties.’
If she hadn’t been so overwhelmed by the story Catriona would have been able to deduce what was coming next, but she could only stare at him numbly when he remarked, ‘The McNeils aren’t the only ones prepared to avenge an injury, Catriona. That’s what I meant when I said that you and I are alike in many ways. Those women had used my brother for their own amusement so I decided to use them.’
She still didn’t get it. ‘You mean…by sleeping with them?’
He shrugged. ‘What else? They had no idea that Malcolm was my stepbrother. I was—to quote the title the tabloids gave me—“London’s most eligible bachelor.” And, oh boy, if only they could get my ring on their finger they’d be rich and idle for the rest of their lives. You could almost see their mouths watering at the prospect. So I led them on…took what I wanted, then moved on to the next one.’ He shrugged again. ‘It was my way of humiliating them. Considering what they’d done to Malcolm they got off lightly.’ He paused and looked at her questioningly. ‘But I don’t suppose you approve.’
She was trying to think of an answer to that when the horrifying truth sneaked up and hit her like ton of bricks. She swallowed hard and her eyes widened. ‘That’s why you picked on me, wasn’t it? You thought that I was one of…them!’
He spread his hands in a gesture of contri
tion. ‘You weren’t on the list, but you were so convincing in the part. You’ve already admitted that you tried to emulate them because you thought in your innocence that I would be attracted by that type. You even led me to believe that you were a regular Chelsea partygoer.’
She sat down on the edge of the bed as her head began to spin. No one could make up a story like that on the spur of the moment. And it certainly had the ring of truth. He was right. She had engineered her own destruction.
‘All right…’ she said slowly, looking up at him suspiciously. ‘I believe that part of it. But what about the rest? You never loved me then and you couldn’t have loved me when you came up here with your threats of blackmail. What about all the pictures of me you brought up? The ones in your suitcase. The pictures you’re going to show everyone unless I do what you want?’
‘An empty threat,’ he admitted wryly. ‘A bluff. There was only one and you tossed it in the harbour, remember? You can put your mind at rest by searching my luggage when we get back to Kindarroch.’
‘I will,’ she promised. ‘You can bet your life on it.’ She kept staring up at him warily, her heart desperate to believe him but her mind still confused. ‘So you lied to me about that,’ she pointed out. ‘How do I know you’re not lying now when you say that you love me?’
He spread his hands in appeal and said quietly, ‘You’ll just have to take my word for it, Catriona. It’s your decision.’
‘Huh!’ She shook her head in frustration. ‘You’ve got a funny way of treating someone you claim to love. Have you any idea of the heartache and worry you’ve caused me? No one does that to someone they love.’
He stepped towards her and pulled her gently to her feet. After kissing her tenderly on the forehead he gazed into her troubled eyes and explained, ‘When I first arrived here I expected to meet the rich, spoilt brat I’d met in London, and I was going to get my own back on her for pulling that Trixie Trotter stunt.’ He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her lightly on the mouth before continuing, ‘Instead, I met you. And you were like a breath of sweet air after the sickening hypocrisy of the women I’d been involving myself with. I couldn’t do anything other than fall hopelessly in love with you.’
Her eyes searched his face desperately and her heart was almost in her mouth. ‘If…if that’s true why didn’t you tell me there and then, instead of…of tormenting me the way you did?’
He gave a sigh of self-disgust, then nodded. ‘Yes…that was wrong of me. But you were so antagonistic towards me in your parents’ house that I decided to play the villain you believed me to be for a while. I thought you’d see through it and then we could have a good laugh and make up. But I misjudged the depth of your antagonism and things started to get out of hand. Then every time I tried to patch things up and tell you the truth you beat me to it with a tongue lashing. I should have put my hand over your pretty little mouth and yelled it in your ear.’
Her legs were starting to tremble again and she swallowed painfully. ‘Ryan…Do you really want to marry me?’
Once more he kissed her gently on the lips, then he nuzzled her ear and whispered, ‘More than anything in this world or the next, darling. I never realised how empty my life has been until now. I told you, darling. We’ll start making the arrangements as soon as we get back.’
She stiffened slightly as his hands slid under her blouse. Oh God! She yearned to believe him, but dared she? In how many other ears had he whispered those very same words? His hands slid round to cup and caress both her breasts. She would have to make up her mind before it was too late. Her defences were already crumbling under his sweet and tempting onslaught.
She made an effort to protest, but his mouth descended once more on her parted lips and the hot rush of blood pounded in her ears. His fingers deftly undid the clasp on her bra and she shivered with sensual delight as his hands roved over the curves and contours of her body. She could feel the strong beat of his heart against her own, and the clean, masculine smell of him heightened and inflamed her senses. His fingers rapidly undid the front of her blouse, and as it fell open he lowered his head and closed his lips gently around one of her nipples.
She arched back, a soft moan escaping from her lips at the almost unbearable pleasure as his teeth bit gently, and her hands went to his head, her fingers clutching and entwining themselves in his dark hair. She was dimly aware of her trousers being unzipped and sliding down over her slim hips, then his right hand set her skin on fire as it travelled gently over her stomach and inserted itself beneath the top of her briefs.
‘God! You’re beautiful, darling,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘No woman has ever made me feel this way before.’
His words cut through the haze of sensual pleasure and stirred a memory. She tried to dismiss it. Nothing was going to spoil this moment. But the memory was like a troublesome itch that wouldn’t go away, and then suddenly it came all too sharply into focus. Those were the exact words he’d said to her that night in London!
With a sickening rush her doubts about him came back to torture her mind. The words had been an empty, hollow mockery then. How could she be sure they weren’t equally meaningless now? Was she simply being over-cautious and sensitive, or was she about to repeat the biggest mistake she’d ever made in her life? Her mind was in a fever as his hands continued their intimate exploration and she bit down hard on her lip. There was one way to find out. It was going to take every ounce of her willpower but she had to know the truth. If he deceived her again she’d never, ever get over it.
She eased herself as gently as she could out of his arms and took a step backwards. Painfully aware of her state of near nudity, she pulled her briefs back up over her hips then sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at him in embarrassment. ‘I…I’m sorry, Ryan. I don’t want it to go any further. Not tonight.’ Her voice was subdued with regret.
The desire was glistening in his eyes as he frowned and said thickly, ‘What’s wrong? I know you want me as much as I want you.’
She swallowed painfully. ‘There’s nothing wrong. It’s just that I…I…’ Her voice faltered. ‘You’re right. I want to. Believe me, darling, I really want you. But I…I can’t. Not yet.’
He knelt beside her, took her hand in his and studied her with genuine concern. ‘You’re not feeling ill, are you?’
She shook her head. ‘No. It’s nothing like that.’
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. ‘Then tell me.’
‘You…you wouldn’t understand. You’d just tell me that I was being silly and childish.’
Frowning again he said, ‘Why don’t you let me decide that?’
She bit her lip again, then took a deep breath. ‘When we made love in London…it was the first time for me. I…I’ve always felt guilty about that. I’d always promised myself that—no, don’t apologise, darling—I’d always vowed to keep myself for my husband on our wedding night.’ She looked at him imploringly. ‘I know it sounds crazy but I feel I could somehow ease my conscience if…if I could find the strength this time to wait…until our wedding night.’
She lowered her eyes demurely. For a moment he said nothing, then he got to his feet and she looked up slowly to measure his reaction. There was frustration in the tense lines on his face, but that was only to be expected. He wasn’t the only one to feel that way, although in her own case it was self-inflicted. There was no anger, though. Nor the hint of any intention to achieve his aim by a further attack on her teetering defences.
‘I…I’m sorry, darling,’ she murmured. ‘Do you think I’m being silly?’
He seemed to tower over her, and for a moment his eyes held a look of hungry disappointment, then, incredibly, he gave a rueful smile. ‘I think you’re just being you, Catriona. The most wonderful girl God ever created.’ He held out his hand to help her to her feet. ‘Now go and brush your teeth while I steal one of your blankets.’
The room was filled with bright moonlight and Catriona hadn’t slept a wink in the las
t two hours. Judging by the restless sounds coming from the settee, it was the same with Ryan. She’d gone over his story time and time again in her head, searching for inconsistencies…any hint that the whole thing was nothing more than an elaborate deception…but everything seemed to fit.
There was only one niggling doubt, and that concerned his claim that whenever he’d previously tried to tell her the truth she hadn’t even been prepared to listen. She’d been antagonistic towards him right from the start. Well, there might be a lot of truth in that. Anyway, surely by now he deserved the benefit of the doubt.
She lay for another half-hour. Tomorrow she would know for certain. She closed her eyes but it was no use. No, dammit! She knew for certain now. Propping herself up on one elbow, she called softly, ‘Ryan…are you awake?’
There was a short silence, then, ‘Yes.’
She bit her lip, then lay down again and stared up at the ceiling. ‘I’m sorry about…about that night in Cardini’s.’
For a moment there was no reply, then she heard him chuckle softly. ‘Forget it.’
‘I…I can’t. Your business reputation…I had no right to…to ruin it the way I did.’
‘You didn’t,’ he said quietly. ‘I contacted the paper the following morning and explained that ‘Trixie Trotter’ was an employee I’d had to sack recently for dishonesty and who obviously had a grudge against me. Of course I was too much of a gentleman to mention any names. The editor was kind enough to print my statement in the next edition.’
Catriona’s first reaction to his confession was anger. He’d used a lie to justify his threats. Then she thought about it and held her tongue. After all, if the paper hadn’t published his excuse she might well have caused him a lot of undeserved bad publicity.
Another thought occurred to her and she said quietly, ‘If your reputation is still intact then there’s nothing to stop you going back to resume your life in London, is there?’