by Anne Lange
“There was nothing either of you could have done. For whatever reason, that baby just wasn’t meant to be.”
That’s what he’d been told. By Patty, too. He had thought she was just regurgitating what her grandparents and the doctor said. When he’d gone to see her before leaving town, he’d told her she should find somebody who could take better care of her than he had. Somebody who would give her the things she wanted. He couldn’t admit to anyone that he’d been more relieved than upset that she’d lost the baby. He was turning out just as his father had said he would.
He’d left town soon after, and they hadn’t spoken until tonight.
“Look, Serena, do you mind if we leave?”
“Sure.”
“I’m just going to hit the restroom. Why don’t you ask the server for the bill while I’m gone?” Mitch scrambled from the bench seat and hurried through the table to the washroom. He pushed the door open, and strode to the sink, placed his hands on either side of the edge and hung his head. He took a few deep breaths and let his eyes close. Fuck. He turned on the cold water and splashed some on his face.
When he felt he could breathe a little better, he returned to the table and plunked back down. Their paid bill sat on the tabletop. “I would have paid that.”
“No worries.”
Easily said. Guilt was becoming his not so best friend.
* * * *
They made the trip home in silence. Mitch seemed to be deep in thought, while she would have preferred a nice long chat with her husband. One where he finally told her all about his past before he ended up in foster care, as well as the elements of his high school years he’d never bothered to confess to.
Instead, he’d gotten behind the steering while and driven on autopilot. Inside the house, he kissed her on the forehead, mumbled that he was tired and went straight to bed. She, on the other hand, sat in their living room and replayed their entire conversation in her head.
By the time she’d been through it all at least twice, she was surprised to discover tears streaming down her face, one chasing after the other in an attempt to purge herself of the heartache her husband had suffered as a child, the disillusionment he’d endured growing up in such surroundings, and the confusion and pain he must have felt finding out his girlfriend was going to have his baby, only she wasn’t. Rather, he had to watch her lose it.
This was the reason he’d become distant when she suggested starting a family. Did he still mourn the loss of that first child? Teenage love could be quite intense. Did he still love Patty? And was what happened to that child the reason she couldn’t have other children?
Serena gasped, her hand rising to cover her mouth. Good Lord, that’s what freaked her husband out at the restaurant. Did he think her inability to conceive was somehow his fault? Understanding how Mitch’s brain was working these days, he probably thought just that. And in his current state of mind, he’d just heap on more guilt.
God, the last thing she wanted to do now was talk about kids again. She wanted to be a mother so badly, but the timing couldn’t have been more wrong.
Suddenly too tired to worry about any of it anymore tonight, she decided to simply crawl into bed and deal with it tomorrow. Now that he was no longer required to stay with the team, her husband would be home. He still had to speak with Mason, get the X-rays the team doctor suggested and pack up his things.
And she had to pull together her photographs for the client. She’d arranged her two trips to see Mitch with layovers in other cities so she could take some photos to add to her collection. In the morning, she’d see what she had and begin assembling her presentation.
Serena locked up the house and got ready for bed. But once she was settled under the covers, she glanced over at Mitch, his back to her once again, and her mind tracked to the restaurant and Patty. If she were truthful, she wasn’t upset about the fact that he hadn’t mentioned Patty specifically at all in their seven years together. They didn’t talk about past relationships.
But the fact that he’d fathered a child, she thought, might have come up at some point. That’s not an event that passes by and is quickly forgotten. His mother never mentioned it either. Did she even know? From what he’d said, it had happened just before he headed off to college on his football scholarship, and she knew he’d gone straight from there to the Mayhems, and that’s when she’d met him, through a friend after one of his games. Her friend had been a cheerleader at the time and had dragged her along for the celebration. He’d stood out from the other players because he wasn’t fawning all over the many girls vying for the attention of one of the players. He’d seemed to be the quiet one. More like her.
They’d been together since that night.
But now, she wasn’t sure where they were going.
Or how she was going to get him to move forward from his past, and from football, all at the same time.
Chapter Thirteen
When Serena woke up, she was dragging her ass and finding it hard to concentrate. But at least she had a plan. First, she’d focus on her job, get that out of the way, then she’d deal with her husband—the man who had slipped out of the house early this morning. But at least he’d left a note letting her know he’d just gone to meet with the team doctor for his appointment and that he’d catch up with her later. He’d even wished her well for her presentation.
After a full morning at the computer, Serena realized she’d taken some fantastic shots and was quite pleased with the outcome. The client had been mainly after location shots, which Serena had plenty of, including a mix of architecture for the buildings. Some were downtown high-rises, others were more mid-town in older converted homes. Then she’d switched to the after-work scene and covered people who preferred to unwind in the bar with work colleagues as well as those who chose serenity in a local park.
But she’d also taken some candid shots of people in those areas—with their permission, of course. The results were stunning. She’d had mixed weather conditions, and she’d used people of varying ages and nationalities, but they were all professionals. She’d even managed to speak with them for a few minutes, getting a bit of their story, which she planned to use as captions with the photos.
She hoped her client would be just as pleased.
Unfortunately, she’d been so uptight between worrying about Mitch and making the presentation to the client that she’d made herself sick. So she made a cup of tea and decided she’d tackle her problem with her husband next.
Going back to the Internet, she searched for Patty’s name in a phone directory. Armed with her number, Serena called her, a little surprised when she answered on the first ring. Maybe she’d been waiting for such a call.
They talked for an hour, and after she hung up, she felt much better and knew that if she could get Mitch to talk to Patty, he would too.
Then she got ready for her appointment with her client. Armed with her presentation, and a queasy feeling that she hoped wasn’t an indication of something bad coming down the line, she left a note for Mitch letting him know she’d be home and would bring supper, and she headed out of the door.
* * * *
“Hi, Mason. I’m just finishing up with the doc. I got your text earlier. I’ll check out the email and I’ll give you a call back tonight. Thanks for everything. I’ll talk to you later.” Mitch disconnected and looked at Noah. “Sorry about that.”
“No problem. Like I was saying, the X-rays confirm my preliminary findings yesterday. I’m sorry, Mitch. It looks like you’ll need that surgery. The damage is significant. There’s absolutely no way you can play with that arm. I can recommend an excellent surgeon for you and set up an appointment if you’d like.”
Mitch squelched the despair in his gut. This is it. Suddenly the ticking of the clock seemed overly loud. So did his breathing. He wiped his sweaty palms down his thighs. “Thanks, Noah. I’d appreciate that.”
“After the operation, we’ll get you straight into rehab and take it from th
ere. It will be a long road, but if things go well, maybe he can get you back in by midway through next season.”
Mitch was already shaking his head. “No need to rush.”
Confusion clouded his friend’s expression. “I don’t understand.”
“I’ve decided to retire.”
It had taken most of the night, but he’d finally reached the decision that morning at about three a.m. He’d accepted it by five a.m. And he’d made peace with it by seven a.m. Then he’d gotten out of bed, called his agent, and set the ball in motion.
Serena had come to bed the night before, her breathing shuddering hiccups instead of slow and even. He didn’t want her crying over him. He’d known then that his wife was the most important thing in his life. Everything else came second—including his career. He could do anything, anywhere.
But he needed Serena with him everywhere.
It was time for a change. He’d played that final quarter. Now he needed to find a new game to play. And he already knew the players he wanted on his team.
“Are you sure, Mitch? You’ve still got some good years left.”
“Not as a starting quarterback. It’s time to let one of the younger guys take my place. I have other plans.” Mason had given him an option, and he kind of liked the idea.
“Have you told the coach?”
He nodded. It had been one of the most difficult conversations he’d ever had. But Coach Wilkes had said he had nothing but respect for Mitch, and that if he’d ever consider coaching, to let him know. Giving him another option, one he might consider down the road. For now, he wanted to spend some time at home with his wife. Mason’s option afforded him that.
Noah stood behind his desk and held out his hand. “Well, congratulations then. I hate to see you go, but I understand and I wish you well.”
Mitch grabbed his friend’s hand in a firm shake. “Thanks, Noah. I appreciate everything you’ve done to help me. I will take you up on that recommendation too.”
“I’ll put in the call and send you the info. Keep in touch and let me know how you’re doing.”
“I will.”
They said their goodbyes and Mitch stopped by the dressing room to grab his gear that he’d packed earlier. He’d miss the stench of sweaty men. The steam rolling out from the showers. The good-natured ribbing among the players, and even the reporters vying for interviews after the games.
He knew the team was out on the practice field right now. The coach had promised him a team get-together when they were back home in a couple of weeks—after he had let the team know about the permanent change in the line-up. Mitch was thankful for the delay. He didn’t think he could deal with an uncomfortable goodbye scene on top of everything else.
Bag in hand, he headed out to the parking lot. He’d stopped to let a minivan pass and had just dug his keys from his pocket when he looked up and came to a dead stop, stunned to see Patty leaning against his car.
He hurried over. “Patty? What are you doing here?”
“Hi, Mitch. You wife told me I could find you here.”
“Serena? When did you speak with her?”
“She called me this morning.”
“I don’t understand. Why would she call you?”
Patty dropped her gaze to her toes for a few seconds. She fidgeted. “Look, I know seeing me yesterday was a shock. I didn’t mean for it to be. I really did just want to say hello.”
He set his bag on the ground and shoved his hands in his pockets. She looked good. She’d matured into a beautiful woman.
“I’m sorry about your husband, Patty.” Mitch swallowed. “Was he good to you?”
She smiled a sad smile, but it still brightened her face. “Darren was the best. I loved him very much. I don’t regret a single moment of my life with him.”
“About the baby…”
She put her hand on his chest. “Please, Mitch. It wasn’t your fault. We were too young back then. Honestly, it was for the best. But I got pregnant again with Darren. Twice, in fact. Unfortunately, I miscarried both times. It seems I’m just not able to carry a baby to term. I don’t really know why, but I know it has nothing to do with you or what happened that night. And I truly don’t think there was anything we could have done to prevent it.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I know. Me too. But I never blamed you. Not once.”
“Have you spoken to a doctor?”
She nodded, but looked away. “I lost the second one not long before Darren died, but after that, I just wasn’t ready. If I end up in another relationship at some point, I’ll check into it more. For now, I’m fine.”
It was his turn to check out the ground. Mostly so she wouldn’t notice the wetness he suspected filled his eyes. “I blamed myself. For a long time I kicked myself for taking you out to that party.”
“Don’t. Please don’t do that to yourself. I’m so glad your dreams came true. You have a beautiful wife. Serena seems like a wonderful woman.”
“She is.” And he couldn’t wait to get home to tell her that.
“You don’t have any kids?”
He looked away. “I was too scared to become a father.”
She gasped. “Because of us?”
He shrugged. “Partly. Partly because of where I came from. Who I came from. I don’t want to be like him.”
“Oh, Mitch. You are a wonderful person. You can’t think like that. You make the man you are. The rest is only genetics. You should have children, Mitch. You’d be a fabulous father.”
Maybe. At least now, he thought maybe he’d like to try.
“Serena told me about your injury. Is it going to take you out of the game for a while?”
He nodded. “The game’s finished with me. I’m retiring.”
“Now I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s time. I have other things I need to do.”
“Well, I’m happy you’re okay with it.”
He glanced away to see a group of young guys coming out of the gym. “I wasn’t. But I will be.” He turned back to Patty. “Thank you for coming to see me.”
She smiled at him. “I hope I helped.”
He nodded. “You did. More than you know.”
Patty stretched up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You take care, Mitch.”
“You too.”
She waved and walked to her car. He watched her go before he picked up his bag and tossed it into the trunk. Then he climbed into his car and started the ignition.
It was time to go home and discuss his future with his wife.
Chapter Fourteen
Serena plopped down onto the sofa and glanced at the stick in her hand again.
Pregnant.
After the presentation, when the client had congratulated her on a marvelous job, he’d suggested she consider photographing models. As in, ‘I’ll send you the models, you take their pictures for me and I’ll pay you’.
Lots of money.
Sometimes it would be studio shoots, sometimes on location.
She’d get to travel.
He’d valued her opinion and her suggestions. He said he liked her style. The elegance in the simplicity. The emotion she managed to capture. The mood.
Suddenly a new challenge was presented to her. She’d been so thrilled she’d burst into tears, right there in his office.
How utterly embarrassing.
When she’d gotten home, she’d collapsed into a chair and tried to figure out what the hell was wrong. She was throwing up, emotional, and when she thought back over the previous weeks, remembering how tired she’d been, how alcohol had tasted horrible, she started to do the math and discovered one plus one didn’t equal two.
It equaled three.
Then she’d driven to the nearest pharmacy to buy a home pregnancy test. Two, actually, just to confirm. Serena looked at the indicator on the second strip for what had to be the tenth time.
Positive.
Pregnant.
And she was scared to death. She’d wanted this for so long, but how would Mitch react? Would he even want this baby after losing one with Patty? So much was changing in his life right now. Would he consider this just another burden to carry?
Awareness settled over her. She was happy. Giddy, in fact. She could be the mother her own never was. She was going to have a baby and she was considering a new aspect to her career path.
Mitch still hadn’t decided on his future. He was such a solid man. Attractive, fit, engrossing. Both men and women took notice of him. He’d been a positive image for the sport. He…
She paused. He’d make a perfect model. Lots of clients were looking for older models. It wasn’t necessarily just a young person’s game anymore. At the very least, it was an option to kill some time until he decided what he wanted long-term.
Okay. Whoa. I’m jumping way ahead here.
It was time to slow down. Mitch had options. Plenty of options. That was the point.
But what about the baby?
The key turning in the door startled her. She jumped up and stuck her hand behind her back just as her husband came into the room.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
He walked straight over to her and gave her a kiss. Then he broke away, raised one hand to cup her cheek and stared at her.
Something had changed.
“Hi.” Her heart thumped crazily in her chest.
“I love you.” His eyes, deep pools of emotion, looked clear and confident for the first time in weeks.
“I love you too.”
He kissed her again. Slower and with more passion. He licked the inside of her mouth, grazing over her teeth with his tongue. He’d taken her breath away by the time he ended the kiss.
“I saw Patty today.”
“I hope you aren’t mad at me,” she whispered, trying to settle her sudden jumble of nerves. It would not be good to puke on her husband right now.
He slowly shook his head. “No. I’m glad you called her. We talked. I found out she’s never been able to carry a baby. It had nothing to do with me or anything we did or didn’t do back then.”