Shaking my head, I sighed. “No, they guess at a virus, but she’s undergoing more tests just to be on the safe side.”
Nodding her head, she closed her hand around my fist. The tenderness and compassion she exuded in that simple touch slithered deep within my veins, warming every fibre of my body. “I’m so glad.”
I didn’t want to move from the connection between us, and for a while, my feet refused it also. Eventually, Lily shivered and dropped her hand from mine. “I’ll grab a bath if that’s okay? It’s been a long day.”
“Of course. Please, treat the place as your home. I’ll introduce you to Trotters later, but I have a few things I need to do first, so I’ll leave you to it.”
The familiar smell of leather, wood and lemon furniture polish dampened the anxiety within me when I entered my office. Norma, my housekeeper, had visited that morning and the recognisable sign of her presence made me smile. If Lily wanted to think I kept my own house clean and tidy, then who was I to ruin that impression?
Firing up the PC, my stomach almost twisted itself inside out with apprehension while I scoured the internet for the video of Lily in the bath. So far, his promise to upload hadn’t been maintained. The only recordings of her across the internet were all legit, and nothing untoward caught my attention. Though, I was a little perplexed that he’d said he would be forwarding instruction and, as yet, Lily hadn’t received anything I knew of.
Lily would be horrified if she knew I had watched the footage of her self-pleasuring. I had just told her that a threat had been made, but I refused to let her see what he had sent. I wasn’t sure if she believed me, and I didn’t tell her what the actual film contained, but I could see the suspicion in her eyes when she had narrowed them on me.
Logging into the SIS database, I entered the name ‘Mark Denver’ – I was so lucky Dean, my ex-boss, still allowed me to use their database, every now and then it came in very handy. Apart from a few juvenile misdemeanours, there was nothing about him that grabbed my attention. I still wasn’t happy about Lily meeting him, although, I knew the reason for those feelings weren’t anything to do with the need to protect her – well not in a first-hand way anyway.
Picking up my phone, I dialled the number I had called so many times. “Jim!” DC Jimmy Mathers was my go-to-man at the Met. He was a good guy, discreet and top notch at his game. We’d trained and graduated together, and after I left the force and began my career with the SIS, we had continued to be good friends.
“Harry! Good to hear from you. I take it you need my awesome skills again.”
I smiled. “Always the cop, Jim. I need you for a couple things, actually.”
“Go on.”
“I could do with you obtaining some case files for me, and if you have any free time soon, I could do with picking your brains.”
Chuckling, he mumbled, “Mm-hmm. I take it this is concerning the Quantum girl you’re currently working with.”
“Yeah.” Getting up from the desk, I closed the door to. “I take it you’ve seen the commotion over her past, the abduction and ransom?”
“Yep, hard not to when it’s splattered everywhere from the largest tabloid to my grandma’s backside!” he growled. The press, on occasion, came in handy, but that was a rare event, and their incessant crap was enough to drive even the lowest constable in the police force crazy.
“Yeah, well, something doesn’t sit right with her case. Any new officer would know to question her about certain stuff, but it’s like they couldn’t wait to get rid of her. She was raped, Jim, but the investigating officer never pushed for any physical examination, or hardly questioned her about any sexual abuse. She was fourteen for fuck’s sake, it would be highly likely she’d cover that part up anyway because of shame. You know how it goes.”
“Yeah,” he pondered quietly, his own alarm bells already kicking off.
“She was dumped outside St Mayer’s, yet, apparently, there are no CCTV images.”
“Bollocks!” he scoffed. “Give me the details and I’ll dig the physical file out of the archive.”
“You’re a gem, Jim.”
“Yeah, don’t forget it. You owe me a large whisky.”
“Fuck, I owe you a bottle by now.”
Sitting back in my chair, my eyes slid back over to the monitor, and a small growl rumbled in my chest. Mark Denver grinned out at me, the picture held against his file showing just how much of a looker the man was. I didn’t blame Lily for wanting to get to know him better, what woman wouldn’t? Still, that didn’t douse the fire in my gut every time I thought about Lily even smiling at the twat, and I rejected any thought of him touching her.
It was time to admit to myself that Lily Cooper had buried her cute little self under my skin and nursed the ache inside me. Her dazzling smile, her mesmerising eyes, her perfectly shaped legs, and her quick-witted banter calmed the storm inside me. She ran in my veins now. However, I couldn’t get involved. I wouldn’t. It wasn’t just because she was my client and any feelings about her would hinder my capability to protect her. In fact, they only intensified the need to keep her safe. It was because I was shit at relationships, awful at them. I hurt every single woman that had ever loved me, Tammy included.
Ann barged her way into my mind, and I slammed it shut. She was too toxic to be allowed anywhere near Lily, even in my mind. She tainted everything. Her jealousy and selfish greed would annihilate any hope of a relationship with Lily, not that Lily was to want one anyway. Lily already thought I was a heartless bastard, and she wasn’t wrong. And that was the whole reason I refused to allow her in.
When Rachel’s image slithered into my rampant mind, I grabbed the bottle of whisky from the side, shut down my thoughts and knocked back enough alcohol to subdue my brain from thinking anything. It was the only thing that kept me sane.
Sixteen
Lily
“Like bloody limpet over there will allow you to go to Amsterdam,” Bec grumbled as she flicked a glance at Harrison who was sat by the bar watching us but giving us privacy while nursing an orange juice.
“Well it’s Hayley’s hen night, that’s what girl groups do!” I argued but knew she was right.
“With Poirot tagging along? He’s so imposing and boring, he’d have us all tucked up in bed by nine o’clock!” Kit moaned.
“I’m sure he can hold his own. He was slaughtered last night but still managed to climb the stairs, shower and find the right bedroom,” I revealed with a giggle, remembering how I’d found Harrison clung to the bannister at 3am. His body was swaying precariously before he’d stumbled into his bedroom and closed the door, oblivious to my presence. My mind filled with the images of his naked backside, the sight of him in the dim light making my heartbeat quicken. I’d hung back, so he hadn’t known I was spying on him, but I’d also been thoroughly disappointed when he didn’t turn entirely round. Although, his tight butt cheeks were enough for me to slither back into bed and masturbate over.
“Another?”
I blinked, Kit’s voice dissolving the divine image in my head, and then quirked an eyebrow at her in utter disbelief as she held the top of the wine bottle over my empty glass. “Seriously, you need to ask?”
She shrugged and poured right to the top of my glass with crisp Chardonnay. Then, after refilling Bec’s glass, she pushed back her chair and went to the bar to order another bottle.
“So, how you doing?” Bec asked, taking a sip and searching my eyes.
“I’m okay, although I never realised how much I would miss performing.”
“It’s in your blood, it’s bound to.”
“It’s not exactly in my blood, Bec. My biological parents maybe couldn’t sing for their lives.”
“Well, no, but you’ve been brought up with music, with a beat that has buried itself inside you. If not in your blood, then in your soul.”
True. I’d grown up with so much love and attention from my parents, and each of their crazy friends. I had so many memories of my dad singing to Mum, and
vice versa, their love open and fierce. I’d had a fantastic childhood, with incredible opportunities, and I couldn’t love Jax and Eve Cooper any more than what I did.
“So, back to the drawing board,” Kit said as she placed the new bottle of wine in the centre of the table and sat back down. “If your man won’t allow Amsterdam, where…”
I zoned out when my attention was drawn to Harrison. He was chatting with a blond woman, her long flowing hair cascading in silky waves down her back. Her long legs made me envious, and the enormous heels she stood on undoubtedly made her a stuntwoman.
When Harrison said something, she tipped her head back; even her laughter was perfection. His smile on her summoned the monstrosity that lived inside me to rear its ugly head. I didn’t want to feel it, I didn’t want to acknowledge it. Yet, the more I watched them interact, the more my veins vibrated with anger and resentment.
A dark cloud drifted into my mood and bitterness slithered under my skin. I wanted to physically hurt, turn the focus away from the thoughts and bitter feelings that were blackening me from the inside. I needed the delicious bite of pain to engulf the unbearable feeling of worthlessness, the suffering of my body easier to contend with than the torture I felt in my heart right then.
Admittedly, I felt something for Harrison that I hadn’t ever expected. He got on my god damn tits with his overbearing personality and his barked orders. But - and this was a massive unexpected but, subconsciously I knew I goaded him to have the beast that hid in him show its beautiful self. It turned me on. Yes, there it was, complete honesty with myself. It sickened me to acknowledge that his dominance made me flush with heat, hungry for his control over me. I didn’t understand how I could possibly feel like that after what happened to me, but not perceiving something didn’t make it untrue.
Rage erred on the edge of fury when the woman wrote something on a piece of paper and Harrison took it from her.
“Huh?” Kit queried when I mumbled ‘bitch’ under my breath.
I hadn’t realised I’d said it out loud. However, when Harrison slid the paper into his pocket, the rage slipped away and hurt crept in.
“Babe?” Bec looked at me with a puzzled expression, her eyes shifting between Harrison and me.
Shaking my head, I hated the feel of heat on my cheeks and trying to hide it I picked up a menu and wafted my face with it. “Don’t think that curry agreed with me, girls.”
“You look a bit flush,” Kit remarked with a worried frown.
“I’m gonna call it a night.”
“You should. Go get some rest. And don’t forget to run Amsterdam past Sherlock Holmes.”
I nodded, and when I stood up, Harrison was suddenly behind me, pulling out my chair for me.
“You okay, Lily? You look a bit flushed.”
“I’m fine.”
He flinched at the anger in my voice but didn’t comment on it. “You’re still on antibiotics, you probably shouldn’t be drinking on them.”
“Yes, Dr fucking Cole.”
“Okay,” he growled quietly That heated stare that always turned me on, once again made my thighs tremble. “Not quite sure what the fuck has twisted your knickers but I’m positive it isn’t on me this time!” His voice was so gravelly, so rich with authority, that I had to sink my teeth into my lip to stop the moan from escaping.
“Don’t think the wine agreed with you either,” Kit stated, her curious gaze on me making me blush harder.
Biting back the retort that was on the tip of my tongue, I shook my head and tried to disperse my foul mood as I stormed from the pub with a seething Harrison hot on my tail.
“What the fuck is wrong now?” he barked as we climbed into his car.
“Nothing is wrong. I’m just tired.”
“Hmm.”
We didn’t speak again, the short car journey to Harrison’s house sucking at the breath in my lungs until I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I knew what I needed, my whole body knew what it needed, but it was going to be hard. Sharing a bathroom in someone else’s house was hard in itself, but when you needed to cut it was downright challenging.
The burn started in my blood and rushed over the top of my head, the feeling making me turn to the window to hide the wince from Harrison. My vision swam and I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. The bile that suddenly surged made my throat ache when I fought to swallow back the contents of my stomach.
“Lily?”
It wasn’t until Harrison directed my face to look at him with a soft touch on my chin that I realised we were already sat outside his house, the engine off and the brightness of his driveway lamps filling the car with a soft orange glow
My hands trembled and I fought to speak. Worry swamped his eyes, and opening his door, he quickly climbed from the car and hurried to open my door.
His strong arms lifted me and he carried me into the house with an ease that frankly terrified me.
“It’s okay,” he spoke gently as he lowered me onto the sofa. “You’re just having a panic attack. Breathe in through your nose and slowly out of your mouth. Concentrate religiously on each breath.”
He sat on the floor in front of me, holding my juddering hands as he gently tried to comfort me.
Slowly, my body took control back, and my mind settled down. My shaking hands continued to shake, although I wasn’t sure if that was because Harrison still had them firmly clasped in his as he rhythmically stroked his thumb over my knuckles.
“All clear?” he asked with a soft smile.
“Aye, aye, Cap’n,” I answered, returning his smile.
I couldn’t move my gaze from his eyes, the vivid blue storm that continually danced there now almost overcome by the gentle reprieve of summer rain. I always said that Harrison was closed off, never one to show his feelings. Except, right then, in his eyes, he showed me all of him.
His thumb disappeared from my hand and rose to my face as, tenderly, he lightly ran it over my cheekbone. “I’m going to kiss you now, Lily Cooper,” he whispered.
My breath caught, and unable to answer, I merely nodded.
The feel of his mouth on mine massacred every thought of pain, defeated every ounce of the need for the blade. I just wanted him, his kiss, his touch, his every thought. His lips on mine was the only thing that could fill my lungs with air. Only his touch could drive blood into my heart and make it beat. I needed each one like they were the only way I could ever survive. I had never needed anything more.
I gasped when suddenly he broke away, leaving me breathless and stunned.
“I can’t!” He stood staring at me as though I’d smacked him. His eyes were full of fear, and now it was his hands that trembled.
As I opened my mouth to ask what the hell was going on, he marched from the room. It wasn’t until I heard the engine of his car fire up that I realised, for the first time, Harrison had left me alone. In more ways than one.
Seventeen
Harrison
DC Jimmy Mathers sat opposite me in the corner of the quiet pub we’d decided to meet at. The look of genuine perplexity on his face had me worried before he’d even opened his mouth.
“It’s gone, Harry.”
“What has? The file?”
He nodded and took a drink of his ale. “Doesn’t make sense. The officer on duty when I went down to records couldn’t understand it either. It hasn’t been logged out, or even requested by a department. So, technically, it should still be there.”
“Fuck!”
Jimmy nodded. We both knew what it meant, and it made my job a hell of a lot more difficult.
“I did manage to find something out though. Daz Carter remembers the case because he’s a huge fan of 103. And, get this, Harry. He found it odd that the Deputy Assistant Commissioner took a special interest in Lily’s case.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “You need to ask Lily about the interview he had with her.”
Frowning, I tipped my head in thought. “But the online file I accessed didn’t have an in
terview with the DAC recorded.”
“Nope. There’s absolutely no record of it, but he certainly interviewed her, and on the sly. Daz reckons there was a lot of talk about it around the Yard, but they were all told to hush and leave it.”
Leaning back, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Remind me who the DAC was back then.”
Jimmy licked his lips as his eyes sparkled with a hint of excitement. “None other than Nikolay Kuznetsov.”
“From their accents, I’d guess they were all Russian.”
My heart kicked out an extra beat when Lily’s statement repeated in my mind.
“I think this goes way deeper than you think, Harry. You need to take a step back from it.”
“I can’t take a step back. I won’t. You know me, Jim, if anything it just intrigues me more.”
He shook his head and took another drink. “If it goes this high then you know it’s gonna be harder to nail someone’s ass for it. They’ll cut you down before you can take a piss on them, you know that! You think it has something to do with this nutter who’s after Lily now?”
“I dunno. But, come on, evidence goes missing, including CCTV footage and the physical file, an interview isn’t recorded, which in itself rings great big fucking alarm bells. And now there’s the damn connection with the fucking Russians!”
“Connection with the Russians?”
“Lily’s adamant the two men and the woman that held her were Russian. And come on, it can’t be a coincidence that Kuznetsov took an extra interest in Lily, and I doubt it was because he was a bloody 103 fan either.”
“This gets my guts twisting, Harry. Be careful.”
“Hmm.”
***
Lily was sat at my kitchen table talking to Liam, the new guy I’d brought in to give me a hand with protecting her. It galled me how they both seemed to get on so easily after such a short space of time.
I knew Lily had cut herself last night when I’d stormed out, but if I hadn’t then I was more than aware that worse would have happened. I needed to take a step back from Lily Cooper, not the DAC. If truth be told, Lily scared me more than any God damn shitstorm that was heading my way. I couldn’t seem to control myself around her. I watched her all the time just for a glimpse of her rare but beautiful smile. I listened with extra care just to catch the sound of her mesmerising laugh, and I had to keep my hands busy to stop myself from touching her. It was all becoming debilitating, and it had to stop.
Reviving Heaven Page 8