I groaned inwardly, remembering the way he’d just stared at me when I’d hurriedly yanked on my clothes and left like my arse was on fire. He hadn’t even caught the same plane as me back the next day. Liam had notified me that Harrison had already taken on a new contract and had flown back to England in the night.
Biting the bullet, I looked at my friends and grimaced. “I, well, I kinda slept with Harrison.”
Three pairs of eyes widened on me; it was amusing to look at their shocked faces.
“Well, fuck me!” Bec exclaimed with the widest grin I had ever seen. “Good girl!”
I huffed loudly when Bec, Hayley and Kit all high-fived each other. “Grow up,” I mumbled, but couldn’t hold back the grin either.
“Well?” Kit asked, scuttling her chair closer to mine.
“Well what?”
“Well, you dumb broad, was it good?”
My grin stretched wider. “Amazing!”
Bec squealed and I swore I saw a tear glistening on her eyelashes. “So, are you two a thing now?”
The ache was back. Not meeting their gazes, I took a sip of my raspberry tea and shook my head. “No. It was just sex, Bec.”
Silence descended, and I concentrated on every swallow of tea. The hot liquid did nothing to warm the chill that had developed inside me since Harrison had walked out of my life. I knew he couldn’t offer me anything, I wasn’t foolish. I just had to learn to let go now. However, words were always easier than actions.
“So, you haven’t seen him since?” Hayley asked.
“No. Like I said, it was just sex. I just needed to find out what I was missing, and I trust Harrison. I just look at it as another service he offered me.”
Kit spat out the mouthful of coffee she’d just gulped at. “Bloody hell, you make him sound like a gigolo.”
“He got paid enough,” I uttered bitterly. “Anyway, I’ve got to go. I have an interview with the guys for a morning TV program.”
“Oh, to be rich and famous,” Hayley said when I reached down to give her a hug.
“Hey, it’s not all money and music, hun. Bloody gruelling, especially with me feeling a little rundown.”
“If you don’t start to feel better soon, get yourself to the docs,” Bec insisted. She scowled when I rolled my eyes and hugged her.
“Yes, Mum.”
“Love ya’, hun,” Kit said as she kissed me goodbye.
Sliding into my coat, I picked up my bag and headed for the door. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my gloves with one hand as I went to open the door with the other. My heart jumped when the door opened before me, and Harrison stumbled to a stop in front of me.
“Lily.”
Hearing my name in his rough voice made my belly flip-flop once again. For a long moment, I could only stand and gawp in stunned silence as I drank in his handsome features. Forcing my mouth to move, I suddenly developed a speech impediment and stuttered out his name. “Harr...rrison.” Coughing to hide my embarrassment, I forced a smile. “Harrison. Good to see you. How are you? You okay? How funny that we frequent the same coffee house. I hear you’ve got a new client…”
My awkward rambling finally halted when I saw Harrison’s daughter staring up at me with wide eyes.
“Hello, Philly.”
My heart swelled inside my chest when I saw the mirror image of Harrison’s smile looking back at me from her pretty face.
It was clear she was a little star-struck, and I smiled back. “I must say you look much better than the last time I saw you. Are you feeling better now?”
Her brows pulled together as though she was concentrating hard on my face, but leaving my question unanswered, she looked up at Harrison.
The swell in my heart became painful when his hands started moving, and he spoke to his daughter in sign language. Phillipa Cole was deaf.
“Lily asked if you’re feeling better,” Harrison mouthed slowly as his hands simultaneously spoke the same words.
Pinching Philly’s chin, I turned her to face me. Crouching before her, I allowed my hands to talk for me. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, little lady. And I have to say, I’m a little in love with Trotters,” I signed.
The most incredible beam covered her face. “Daddy keeps threatening to make bacon sandwiches with Trotters when I’ve been naughty,” she signed back.
I scowled playfully up at Harrison who was staring at me in astonishment, and then I faced Philly once again. “Then we’ll make rugs for the fireplace out of your daddy because he’s a grumpy bear.”
She nodded and giggled.
“Your daddy tells me you’re a Quantum Rock fan.” Her head bobbed up and down eagerly. “Well, we’re performing this weekend at the arena. If it’s okay with your mummy and daddy, I would love it if you could come.”
Excitement beamed back at me and she looked hopefully up at Harrison.
He smiled and pinched her cheek. “Sure.”
“Thank you. Thank you,” Philly signed rapidly to me.
“My pleasure, little lady.”
Taking my hand in hers, she drew a love heart over my palm. I copied her sweet gesture with a replicate heart on her palm.
“Thank you,” Harrison said with a soft smile. His gaze on me was just as tender, and my chest ached. I wanted to reach out and touch his smile, feel his lips on my fingers. Instead, I forced myself to nod.
“No problem. If you bring her to the rear entrance, she can watch from backstage. It’s safer there, and the guys will just love her.”
“We’ll see you then, Lily. And thank you again, not just for the invitation but for making Philly’s day. Especially signing with her. She loves to just watch your band perform on the TV. She says she feels your music in her soul, even if she can’t hear it. If I’m honest, I think she’s a little in awe of you.”
I couldn’t move. My heart ached for Philly, and right at that moment, I wished for nothing more than to allow a little deaf girl the joy of hearing the beat in her ears and not just her soul.
Harrison gazed at me, more than aware of the sadness that tightened my chest. I wanted to stare into his eyes forever. I always got lost in the swirl of blue, the demons inside me preening their selves in his gaze. Visions of our bodies locked together assaulted me, and I bit my lip, my quickening heartbeat making me slightly dizzy.
“All clear, Lily?” Harrison whispered as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.
The breath my lungs expelled came out as a long sigh, and I nodded jerkily. “Aye, aye, Cap’n.”
Giving me him one last smile, I compelled my legs to move and carry me away from him.
Again.
Thirty-one
Harrison
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Lily Cooper came to life on the stage; the beat to her music became the beat in her chest, and she went from merely existing to being so tremendously alive.
She was stunning, incredibly so, and as I watched with Philly from the edge of the set, I realised I had fallen so much deeper than I’d thought possible.
I’d missed her so much and the past nine days had consisted of just taking another breath. Each day became darker without her quirkiness, her smile, her laughter, and the banter we had shared. She was a tiny rock chick with an enormous heart. If Lily gave you even a fragment of her heart, it would be a gift to be cherished; the love she had of everyone in her circle was proof of that. But I knew I would shatter even the tiniest morsel she could offer me.
Philly jumped up and down beside me when Lily led her group into their hit song, Take it to the wire. She knew the words at heart, and I watched in awe as she started signing every word in rhythm with the song. The number of times I’d caught her watching Quantum Rock’s videos online, the lyrics scrolling up the screen as she concentrated on every strike on the drum, every strum of the guitar, and the passion in the way Lily belted out every single note. Philly knew which Quantum songs were ballads and which were heavier tracks, even when the tempo changed mid-section
.
I thought back to the time I’d walked into my study and I’d found her dancing. A deaf girl dancing. Every single one of her moves had been in time with the music, every tap of her foot coordinated perfectly with the beat. I had stood secretly watching her let go and find the thrill that so many of us take for granted, and I had cried. Not because Philly had lost so much, or that life owed her considerably, but that she had such determination to hurdle every obstacle she came up against. Even music. Just because Philly couldn’t hear music didn’t mean she could never enjoy it. And I thanked God every day for giving me a strong, determined, inspiring person. I knew I didn’t deserve her, that was for sure. But she’d planted herself slap bang in the middle of my heart, and if I only felt my daughters love for the rest of my life, it would be enough.
Quantum performed their last hit, and the group all piled off-stage. Lily started walking towards Philly and me, but a figure stepped in between us just before she reached us. The growl in my chest left my mouth loudly. Mark Denver.
Lily looked surprised to see him but smiled widely. “Hello, Mark. I didn’t realise you were here tonight.”
“I know the security guy you have at the rear door, so he let me in. Hope you don’t mind.”
The enormous grin she gave him answered his question and my gut twisted. “Of course not. It’s good to see you.”
“You rocked up there!” he stated, flashing her his smarmy smile. If there had been a bucket to the side of me, I’d have rocked up my guts into it.
“Thank you. If you’ll excuse me, there’s a little someone waiting for me.”
As she tried to sidestep him, he halted her with a soft hold on her arm. From the corner of my eye, I could see Knight take a step forwards. It hurt a little to know that Lily’s protection was now taken care of by her friend and no longer my responsibility.
“I just wondered,” Mark spoke loudly, making sure we all heard him. “Now that all that shit is over if you fancied that date you promised me?”
Every gaze in the area locked onto Lily, all of us wondering if she would accept or not. She looked a little torn for a moment, her eyes flicking to me, but eventually, she smiled and nodded. “Why not!”
I had to bite my lip to stop another growl ripping through the silence that had descended. Looking to each of her friends, their smiles told me that Lily’s acceptance was a good thing. My opinion was vastly different to theirs. But why shouldn’t she be happy? I couldn’t give her anything. Yet, I found the thought of someone else having her hard too. I was doomed.
“Say cheese!” A photographer jumped from out of nowhere, and Lily laughed at me when I flung myself in front of her.
“Calm down, Harry. She’s just from the magazine who is doing a piece on Quantum.”
I reluctantly moved aside, my glare still turned on the stupid bitch with the camera.
Mark side-huddled Lily, his nauseous grin towards the camera, and I had to choke back the need to knock him the fuck out.
“Great, I’ll call you tonight to set something up,” he informed Lily before he turned. The smug smirk when he looked at me had my hands clenching into tight fists. Motherfucker! It took all that I had not to tear him a new arsehole, and it was only because I had Philly by my side that I didn’t.
Lily scooped Philly up when she ran to her and hugged her to her. It was endearing to see them both so affectionate with each other. When Lily had started signing to Philly in the café, I had all on not dropping to my knees and bowing down to her in gratitude, and maybe it was only because I was stood in the open doorway and it was snowing outside that I didn’t.
“Time to party!” Tap exclaimed, jumping up and down. The adrenaline that must surge through their veins with the high of a performance must be incredible. I’d only ever experienced something similar once, and casting a glance at Lily, the memory of my balls shattering when I had come inside her made me stifle a groan.
An hour later, Lily was busy introducing Philly to all the crew. I stood at the bar watching them, the ease of their new relationship comforting.
“She’s pretty special, huh?”
I hadn’t noticed Rebecca, Lily’s friend, join me, but I smiled. “She is.”
“I am talking about Lily, you know.”
“So am I,” I replied with a tilt of an eyebrow.
She nodded slowly and then sighed. “Just so you know,” she spoke calmly, smiling at the barman when he handed her a beer. “I’ll kill you if you hurt her. I know you’re special forces, Sherlock, but you have no idea the violence of a best friend when someone hurts one of their own.”
“I understand your concern, Bec. But you don’t have to worry, there is nothing between Lily and me.”
She slid off her stool and looked me straight in the eyes. “Isn’t there?”
I bit the tip of my tongue as she slowly walked away, making her way over to where Philly was sat strumming a drum with Cage. It was inspiring how much Philly was in beat with Lily as she sang her a personal serenade of Only fools cry, another of Quantum’s top ten hits. The soft hum of Lily’s voice had the entire room silent as they watched both her and Philly, but it was how Lily signed every single word to Philly that made the beat of my heart still.
The moment was so remarkable that every single person in the large room had stopped to watch and listen.
“Did you know Lily visits a hostel for young deaf children every week without fail?”
I turned to Eve Cooper who had come to stand beside me. Her gaze was fixed on her daughter, a look of immense pride in her eyes.
When I didn’t reply, she continued. “When she was seven, Lily made friends with a young boy at the park one day. Turns out Barry was deaf from a bout of meningitis.”
“The same as Philly,” I confided. Although we were talking quietly, our attention was still on the beautiful scene across the room.
Eve nodded. “That didn’t deter Lily. She told me that very afternoon after she had seen Barry’s mother signing with him that she wanted to learn to sign so she could talk to him because she thought he was ‘ultra-cool’.”
I smiled and fixed my stare on Lily.
“Barry hung out at the hostel every week, and Lily started going with him. That’s where she learnt to sign.”
“I haven’t seen Barry,” I stated, thinking back to when I’d had to delve into all of Lily’s friends.
Eve sighed sadly. “Barry died of leukaemia at the age of eleven.”
I closed my eyes. “Poor Lily.”
Eve nodded. “She was devastated when he died, but that’s when she started reading to all the children at the hostel, fluently signing them each story. She missed him so much. She’s articulate in sign language because she made it her mission to become friends with Barry.”
I turned to look at her, but she kept her focus on Lily.
“And then she started signing and singing to all the kids. She taught them the joy of music even though they could never hear her beautiful voice.” Finally, she turned to look at me. “It takes a lot for Lily to allow someone a piece of her heart. She’s scared of being hurt so much, of losing something or someone she cherishes. She allowed Barry to get into her heart, and that shattered when he died.”
I took a breath, waiting for her to finish.
“Her soul is fragile, Harrison.” Her eyes clouded over with a fierceness. “But as delicate as that spirit inside her is, it’s also staggeringly beautiful. And if Lily shows you her soul then that’s a very precious gift, and extremely rare.”
“What are you trying to say, Eve?”
She held me with a hard stare. “Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m saying, Harrison.”
With that, she said no more and left me stood alone as she joined the throng of people still singing to my daughter.
Philly’s gaze hunted for me, and spotting me, she waved eagerly, the huge beam on her face making my heart swell. Unable to control my eyes, they moved to Lily. She was stood looking at me with a mellow
look, and when her eyes met mine, her rosy lips lifted into a soft smile.
“Thank you for this,” I signed. “It means a lot to Philly… and me.”
Her smile grew, and she nodded. “You’re welcome. She’s a great kid,” she signed in return.
Taking the bull by the horns, I moved my hands quickly. “Coffee shop. Tomorrow at twelve.”
She seemed surprised but swiftly replied, “Aye, aye, Cap’n.”
I responded to her correct answer with a broad smile. She chuckled, the light dancing in her eyes turning her from beautiful to absolutely stunning.
I wasn’t even sure I was doing the right thing, and I guessed only time would tell. I just prayed that I didn’t ruin the only good thing that had come along in a very long time.
Thirty-two
Lily
Harrison stood from where he sat a corner table when I entered the coffee house.
“Hey,” he whispered in my ear as he leaned in to plant a kiss on my cheek. Taking my coat from me, he placed it on the back of my chair before pulling it out for me. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Why, thank you, kind sir.”
He smirked at me as he tucked me under the table with an ease that told me he’d done this plenty of times. “I went ahead and ordered,” he informed me.
My smile grew wider when I spotted the raspberry tea and lemon muffin waiting for me. “Thank you.”
He nodded and sat opposite. “Philly was full of it yesterday. Thank you so much for what you did for her.”
“She’s a great kid, Harry. Everyone loved her. You should be proud.”
“I am. Although I have to give most of the credit to Tammy. She’s a wonderful mum.”
“I was wondering,” I smiled uneasily, wondering what he’d think of my idea. “I read to a few deaf kids…”
“I know,” he cut in, surprising me.
“You know?”
Taking a sip of his coffee, he regarded me over the rim of his steaming cup and nodded.
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