Worth Every Risk

by Laine, Terri E.

  “I, uh … don’t have anything.” Because yeah, I hadn’t expected the night to turn in this direction.

  “Oh.”

  I deflate because I’m such a fucktard. Dad told me to keep a condom on me, but I hadn’t wanted Andi to ever find it and feel pressured.

  “Maybe Mark has one?” she says.

  Then she’s getting off of me and leaving the room. When she returns, she holds one up in between her fingers.

  So this is it. I take it from her hand with more surety than I feel and toss it onto the bed. Despite the rep that surrounds me, I haven’t ever gone all the way.

  “I’m not very … that’s to say, I may not be very … I mean—”

  “You haven’t done it before?” she asks, looking shocked. “I mean, I haven’t, but I didn’t think …”

  At seventeen, I am probably the oldest guy in my high school still a virgin. All the other guys brag about how they are getting pussy. I’ve gone along, pretending I am. “I haven’t. It never felt right.”

  “But with me?” she asks.

  “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” I can’t believe I just said that. “But we can wait. I don’t want you to feel like you have to or anything.”

  Her throat muscles work before she says, “I want it to be you, no one else.”

  Her confession spurs me into action. I grab hold of her face and kiss her like tomorrow might not come. When our connection breaks, she steps away from me. It’s surreal-like when her fingertips catch the bottom of her shirt and she slowly lifts it, sliding it over her head. I’ve seen this much of her before, but it still feels like the first time. Now she stands before me in her white cotton bra and oh, is it ever sexy. I have to swallow the bale of cotton in my throat. I ache to touch her, but she holds out a hand, stopping me. Her arms reach behind her to unclasp her bra. Now I really want to touch her. My poor dick might not make it.

  So she’s not the only one on her way to being completely naked, I hook my thumbs under the elastic of my soccer shorts, sliding them past my hips. Her eyes enlarge when she sees my boner. I cover it with my hands because I don’t want it to scare her.

  Her hand hesitantly lifts. “Can I touch it?”

  I’m pretty sure I’ll come the very instant, but I let my fists drop to my sides.

  She steps forward, and as she gets a grip on my dick, I palm her tits. Bending down to suck on one, I swallow my groan as she starts to stroke me.

  I have to stop. I need to see her naked too. I want to kiss her all over. I’m sure I’ll shoot off like a bottle rocket, but I don’t care. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever, and I’m not going to waste a single second of it. She seems to understand without me asking and takes off her jean shorts.

  I draw her back to the bed and guide her to lie down. Then with a confidence I didn’t think I would have, I situate her and spread her legs. I’ve only heard about this and am probably going to royally fuck this up, but whatever. My fingers spread her to reveal slick pink flesh, and I press my lips to her warm skin. She’s sweet and salty as I gently lick her seam. I locate the tiny nub I hear the guys talk about and concentrate on that. She digs her fingers into my hair and moans. Her hips thrust upward so that my mouth is over her entire pussy.

  “Yessss,” she hisses.

  I don’t stop. I’m actually afraid if I do, I’ll disappoint her. Her clit swells and it’s not long before she starts to quiver. Her breathing changes and she must be climaxing. I lift my eyes to peer above the landscape of her body. Her head is thrown back onto the pillows, extending the column of her neck, and her mouth has formed an O—for orgasm, I hope.

  When her spasms subside, so do I.

  “Chase.” She’s still panting.

  I crawl up her body to face her. “Is it okay if I kiss you now?”

  She answers by pulling my mouth to hers.

  “You can still change your mind,” I say, though I would have to leave so I could rub one out. I’m ready to detonate.

  “No, I want this, you.”

  She glances at the condom that landed on the bed near her head. I grab it and put it on, following the directions drilled in my head. No mess-ups here.

  “I’m sorry if I hurt you doing this.”

  She only nods.

  I nudge against her entrance and find resistance. Opening her legs a little wider, I go again, not one hundred percent what I’m doing is right, though this time I’m able to slip in a little. I put my fingers down there to see how wet she is. That’s what I heard you should do.

  “You’re soaked,” I say.

  “Is that bad?”

  I push her hair back and smile. My heart is near bursting. “No. It’s good. Very good. Tell me if I hurt you too much.”

  She gives a slight shake of her head and I push again. I watch her face for any kind of signal to indicate she’s in pain. There are two little lines between her eyes and it almost looks like she’s analyzing this whole thing.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” I say.

  Her eyes focus directly on mine with so much trust, I’m speechless. “Maybe you should just go for it.”

  “But I’m afraid I’ll hurt you,” I admit.

  “Probably, but I trust you.”

  Why did she have to say that? She’s giving me everything, and I feel a supreme responsibility to do it right. I decide to distract her with a kiss, and when she’s all into it, I make the move. Thrusting forward with my hips, I push deep inside. I suffer for it because she sinks her teeth into my tongue.

  We both say, “Shit,” at the same time. I taste blood and she has an apologetic expression on her face.

  Then we both say, “Sorry,” at the same time.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “It burns. And feels super weird.”

  It’s probably not the best time for a discussion, but I ask anyway.

  “Like how?”

  She deadpans, “Like I have a huge dick in my vagina.”

  Then I laugh. And she does too. That doesn’t stem the incredible pressure crawling up my balls. I can’t hold back any longer because I’m about to bust one. Her tight as hell pussy squeezing my dick is by far the most fantastic thing I’ve ever felt. No one could’ve prepared me for this. My balls have to be the color of an eggplant by now. I inch out, then back in. I gauge her pain by her facial expression. So far, so good. I don’t know how much longer I can hold back. I use my fingers between her legs to stroke her nub—a tip I’d heard from somewhere—because it won’t be long. Whoever said it was right. That does the trick. Her eyes close and she moans. Not long after, her pussy tightens so hard around me, I groan out her name along with my orgasm and hope the neighbors don’t hear.

  When I can think again, I ask, “Are you okay?”

  Her head bobs. I’m not sure I want to know the truth, but I say it anyway, “If you didn’t—”

  She silences me with a kiss. When we part, I roll on my back and pull her to lie on my chest.

  “Next time, I’ll make sure it feels as good as my mouth, I swear.” If I have to read and watch every sex book and porn video I can to learn the right techniques, I will.

  The smile she offers me is the best reward a guy could ask for. “It was good. Better than I expected.”

  She’s never lied to me before, so I have to trust her. “You’re everything to me, Andi James.”

  “You’re everything to me too.”

  “I wish we didn’t have to keep us a secret,” I say.

  “Some secrets are worth the risks.”

  * * *

  Two Years Later

  She stands with her back toward me and I stare at her for a moment. If only I didn’t have to tell her this. I know what she’s going to say. I know in my heart what her answer will be. Andi has always been the logical one out of the two of us. As I gaze at her silken strands, my fingers flex to touch them. I can almost smell the sunshine in them. A quick flashback has me seeing us running up the hill in her paren
ts’ backyard, me following her just to watch those locks of hers fly through the air. The breath leaves my lungs like I’ve been punched in the sternum. How can I do this? All of a sudden she turns.

  “Chase. I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “Uh, yeah. I just arrived.”

  She is running toward me, her arms out. And then she’s kissing me. “I missed you. I hate being apart. Why didn’t we choose the same schools?”

  “Because you’re smarter than hell and got an awesome scholarship to Northwestern, and I got a scholarship to USC.”

  “Oh, yeah. I forgot.” Her hand cups my cheek. “And they’re a million miles apart.”

  My brow furrows, and she’s not one to miss anything. “What is it?” she asks.

  “It’s … well, I have news.”

  “News?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been contracted with the pros.”

  Her eyes turn into the brightest of stars. She throws her arms around me and jumps up and down. “Oh my God, Chase, that’s fantastic! I’m so excited for you.”

  When my reaction doesn’t match hers, she takes a step back. “What’s wrong? You should be ecstatic.”

  “It’s just that the contract is in Italy.”

  “Did you say Italy?”

  “Yeah. You know soccer in Europe is the rage. We’ve talked about it, right?”

  “Yeah. It’s just that I was expecting you to play here first.”

  “I was too, but when they talked to me last year and said they wanted to see how I did after a year in college, I guess they were pleased with my results.”

  She smiles. It’s not her genuine smile, but she’s trying hard to make it look that way. Only I know my Andi.

  “Chase, you’re going to be one of the best players that Italy’s ever seen.”

  “Yeah?”

  “You know it.”

  “So that means you’ll go with me?”

  Her eyes drop to the floor. “I can’t. I have school. But maybe we can try after I finish?”

  “But, Andi, that’s three years. I want you by my side now. We’ve been apart this past year and I don’t want that.”

  “Chase, Italy is half a world away. I can’t just pick up and leave. But … this is your chance to make a name for yourself. You have to go. You have to give it your all. I would never hold you back. Promise me you’re going to show them just how talented Chase Wilde is.”

  “Promise you’ll try to come after you graduate? Living without you has been …”

  “Chase, you know I love you, but let’s be realistic. I don’t want to hold you back and I don’t want either of us to get hurt. So much can happen in three years. Let’s not fool ourselves.”

  Leaving her is never something I wanted but sometimes you have to let go. They say if love is meant to be, it will be. I hug her even though it’s not answer I’m looking for. It feels more like a goodbye than a possibility that we’ll have a future together.

  “I believe you and I are meant to be … and even though Italy is halfway around the world, you and I are worth it … we’re worth that risk.”

  * * *

  Two And A Half Years Later

  “Chase!” I look up to see Fletcher, my brother, calling out my name.

  “Hey,” I say as I man-hug him.

  “What a nice surprise having you here for Christmas,” he says.

  “Yeah, I had a break so I figured what the hell.”

  My mother claps her hands and adds, “You’re just in time. Everyone’s about to arrive. Ryder and Riley should be here, along with Mark. His family’s coming too.”

  Ryder and Riley are twins and my cousins. Ryder plays baseball, and his sister, Riley, is a golfer. In true Wilde fashion, everyone is heavily into sports.

  “His whole family?” I ask.

  “Yeah.”

  That means Andi will be here—the one who got away. The girl I can’t stop thinking about, the one I’ve crushed on for and have loved for as long as I can remember. Before I can think anymore, the door swings open and the room fills with people I haven’t seen in ages. Family, friends, and there’s not much time to ponder over how I’ve rubbed one off—okay, not one, but a hundred—to images of Andi.

  And then she’s standing in a halo of sunlight right in front of me, looking like an angel … and someone fucking taped my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

  “Chase, when did you get in?” she asks.

  A grin tickles the corners of my mouth as I ogle the woman. Her brown hair is dusted with gold and the smile she gives me could light up a room at midnight.

  “Chase?”

  “Oh, yeah, about an hour ago.” Then she hugs me and I want to throw her down on my parents’ kitchen floor and bang the hell out of her. “My bang landed at two.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Plane. My plane landed at two.” Pull it together and calm the fuck down. “So how’ve you been? How’s school? Nursing, huh? I could use a nurse around me.” Shut it now, Chase.

  She tilts her head and gives me an odd look. No fucking wonder. I’m yapping at the mouth like a Yorkshire terrier.

  “Yes, nursing. I love it. I’ll graduate next spring.”

  Everyone calls us in to eat, so Andi and I sit next to each other. My appetite takes a hike—well, the one for food anyway. I only want to soak up Andi. Everything she does has me on a high. And unfortunately, it seems to have attached a string to my dick. And the fucker won’t stay still. Wouldn’t you know I get the squeaky chair too? Every time I squirm, which is every ten to fifteen seconds or so, everybody’s head turns my way. I should give them a Queen Elizabeth wave.

  The meal seems to last forever, but the moms get up to clear our plates. I offer to help, but they won’t allow it. Once the table is cleaned, they cart in all the desserts. Andi carries my favorite, lemon meringue pie. She holds it up for me to see because she knows I love it.

  “Did you bake that?” I ask.

  She laughs. “You’re kidding, right? Mom did. I’m the worst at baking.” Then I watch as she cuts me a huge slice. She hands it to me and our fingers touch. I almost drop the plate.

  We both catch each other’s gazes and there isn’t a hint of humor between us.

  As I eat, my eyes drill holes into hers. God, I love her blue eyes. Large, with lashes that are endless, I want to lose myself for days in them. And for some reason, when I go to take another bite of pie, my plate is polished clean. I have zero recollection of tasting a single bite of it.

  I jump up and carry my empty plate into the kitchen, then load plates into the dishwasher. Why hasn’t another woman ever made me feel this way? Ever since we were together in high school, no other woman can expunge her from my mind. Wiping off my hands, I turn around to find Andi leaning on the counter.

  “Would you like to take a walk?” she asks with a glint in her eye.

  “Yes. I’d love that.”

  We practically sprint out of the kitchen, not bothering to tell anyone we’re leaving. No one has a clue that anything has ever happened between us. The only thing I know is I want to kiss this woman … this woman who I’ve never forgotten over the years.

  We get to the barn and run inside. We barely close the door before my mouth crashes onto hers, rediscovering everything I can about it.

  Andi tastes sweet and spicy, and I intend to find out if she’s the same girl I used to know. Has she changed and lost the innocence she used to have? She tangles her tongue with mine, and soon we’re both panting hard, struggling for air. The kiss turns slow, sensuous, sexy, and deliberate. I slide my hand beneath her shirt, waiting for her to give me the word to stop, but it never comes.

  “We don’t have much time until they notice we’re gone, but damn, Andi, I’ve missed you. And hell if I don’t want you like I’ve wanted you ever since those long ago summer nights.”

  “I want you too. Don’t stop.”

  Pushing her bra up, I find a nipple hardened to a peak. When she moans, my dick responds. It’s alread
y hard as stone. The last thing I need is to bust a nut in my pants. Better move south. I walk her against a wooden post.

  Opening up her jeans, I tug until they slip down. I drop to my knees, burying my face in her sweet pussy. Spreading her lips with my thumbs, I tongue her slit, concentrating on her nub. When I know she’s ready, I find a place we can sit.

  There’s a stack of wooden crates against a wall so I take her there, get rid of my jeans, and put her on my lap, her back facing my front. Her ankles are still bound by her pants and shoes, so she kicks them off. Then she guides me inside of her, and oh, fuck, I have to put my hands on her shoulders.

  “Stop a sec, or I’ll come.”

  She sits still for a second but pulls away and spins to face me. “I’d rather see your face when we do this since it’s been so long.”

  “So would I.”

  She spears herself with my cock and rides me like a rodeo queen. Thank God she is close, because it doesn’t take me long at all. After I shoot off, I grab her face and kiss her, long and slow.

  “I’m not sure I can tell you how much I’ve wanted you. You’ve been the center of my fantasies for years,” I confess.

  She runs her hand through my hair. “I hope I lived up to them.”

  “You surpassed every last one. Do you have any idea how sexy you are? You were always beautiful, but now, you’re even more so.”

  She traces the outline of my lips. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who has sexy covered.”

  If only my sexy had been enough to keep her … had been enough to get her to come to Italy with me, I wouldn’t have been so lonely being half a world away. “Thanks, but I hope my sexy in action satisfied you.” I wink at her.

  She playfully pats my shoulder. “You really have to ask, tiger?”

  “Well, a guy can never be too sure. So, this may be a terrible time to tell you, but I have a game in three days. I’ll be heading back to Italy tomorrow.”

  Her smile fades and the light disappears from her eyes. “Oh. Right.”

  “I’d love for you to come with me. Back to Italy, I mean.”

  “I … I can’t. School. I’m almost done. Only one more semester. And I love Chicago. I’ve already been offered a job after I graduate. I want to settle there. For a while, anyway. And we haven’t talked. Lately, anyway.”