Worth Every Risk

by Laine, Terri E.

  When she tells me the reason for how long until Violet can get the tests run, I tell her I will make some calls when I get home. Violet will have those tests before several weeks pass. Andi says they are only blood tests and she needs to see a specialist. But her pediatrician wants the tests run first.

  The flight, which is only an hour and a half, seems to take forever. I thought my issue with Lucia was bad, but Violet’s potential health problem just pounded that into the ground. I had already decided to hire a private investigator and find out whether or not Lucia is telling the truth. My attempts at accompanying her to the doctor will not be pushed aside. If she is indeed pregnant, I will be with her to find out. But I have my suspicions about that. Lucia is the type of woman to use any means to get what she wants. I can see her pretending to be pregnant and then saying she lost the baby. But I will ferret out the truth in this situation.

  Exhaustion nails me by the time the house comes into view. All I want to do is sleep, but then again, when I think about Violet, sleep is the last thing on my mind.

  It’s late—past Violet’s bedtime—by the time I get here. Andi greets me at the door, and it’s not hard to see the worry etched around her eyes.

  After I drop my bags, I open my arms and she walks straight into them. This isn’t about sex. It’s about comforting each other. I feel her body trembling, and it lets me know how hard this has been on her.

  “She’s sleeping?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Her fever is gone now, but it zaps her energy.”

  I grab her hand and pull her toward the living area so we can sit.

  She asks me, “Have you eaten?”

  “No. I lost my appetite after our conversation.”

  “Yeah, I haven’t had much of one, either.”

  “So tell me everything.”

  Violet has had way too many fevers for this to be a coincidence. There must be something else brewing. Andi knows more than she’s telling me, considering her medical background.

  “Spill it. I can take it.”

  “It’s not a matter of that. There are a ton of things it could be, and then it could be something that could burn itself out. The doctor was telling me about a patient he had about ten years ago that came in with fevers of unknown origin—which is what they’re calling it right now—and they never could find out what was wrong with her. Suddenly, they went away as quickly as they came. It was a mystery to everyone.”

  “Hmm. Sure is weird.” I scratch my head because it sounds super fishy.

  “I know, but weird, unexplainable things happen in medicine all the time.”

  I look her dead in the eye. “Andi, what else could it be?”

  She squirms, so I know it’s not good. “Things you don’t need to hear about.”

  “Yeah, I do, because if I know now and she has one of them, I won’t be caught by surprise.”

  “Leukemia.”

  A knot the size of Mount Everest forms in my gut. Fuck. I don’t break eye contact. I have to be strong for all of us.

  “Go on.”

  “Rheumatoid arthritis or other illnesses like it—what they call autoimmune diseases.”

  “And?”

  “Aplastic anemia.”

  “What’s that?”

  “An incurable form of anemia.”

  “So, what? Would she just take vitamins or something?”

  Andi slowly shakes her head. “No, Chase. She would undergo treatment with medication.”

  “I see. Anything else?”

  “Those are what they look for initially, then other types of cancer if all comes back normal.”

  “Ohhhkayyy.” Another gut punch that leaves me gasping. I can’t imagine that little ball of energy with an illness such as any of those. Filling my lungs with air, I say, “She doesn’t have any of that. Violet is good. She’s fine.”

  “Yeah. She’s fine.”

  We sit in silence for a couple of minutes, then out of the blue, Andi says, “That woman came by.”

  “Woman?”

  “The one who says she’s pregnant.” She twists her fingers together and won’t look me in the eye. This has to be awkward for her, and me as well.

  “What? She came here?” It pisses me off because I told Lucia to stay away from here.

  “Yesterday.”

  A long puff of air blows out of me. “Andi, I broke it off with her a while back. I don’t believe she’s telling the truth, but I want all doors open between us. I’m hiring a private investigator to dig into things, and I told her I wanted to be at her doctor’s appointments.” I head to the refrigerator to grab a beer. I’m thirsty, but now I need something to calm my pissed-off nerves.

  “She doesn’t look at it that way.”

  Andi had followed me into the kitchen, but I didn’t hear her. Spinning around, I say, “I don’t give a fuck what she thinks. I never lied to her or kept the truth from her. She knew from the beginning we were never going to be together. She’s delusional.” I can’t believe I’m discussing this with Andi.

  In a soft voice, she asks, “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  “Is it possible? That she could be pregnant, that is.”

  How the fuck do I answer this? I can’t lie, even though I know it will hurt her.

  “Yeah, I suppose so, but,” I rub the back of my aching neck, “we haven’t been together like that in months. So she would have to be really pregnant. And I always used protection with her. I never trusted her.”

  Andi opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, then blurts out, “Why ever would you be with a woman you couldn’t trust?”

  Fuck me. Has this conversation ever gone deep? Dare I tell her the truth and bare my stupid soul? I’m not sure I have the fucking nerve to do it.

  The coward in me rules and I answer, “I don’t know. She was always there, showing up at the right time, saying the right things. And I was stupid.”

  “I’ll say.”

  “You don’t have to rub it in. I’ve already learned my lesson. Max has done damage control way too many times with her. I thought after that fake engagement announcement she did I was through. I made it perfectly clear to her we were done countless times. But the damn woman won’t stop.”

  “Chase, she’s a stalker. You realize that, don’t you?”

  Having someone else say it makes it so much clearer to me.

  “She could be a danger to our daughter.”

  My head snaps up. “Do you honestly think so?”

  “How the hell do I know? You’re the one who knows her, not me.”

  “True.” I think about Lucia and everything she’s pulled and wonder about that.

  “She seems pretty desperate,” Andi says.

  “I’ll talk to Max and see what he thinks. Maybe I need to hire a security team.”

  Andi glares at me.

  “What?”

  She doesn’t speak, but walks away.

  “Hey, don’t do this. I don’t want any walls between us.”

  She stops and turns. “You’ve put our daughter in a precarious situation with that woman, Chase. I don’t know what she’ll do. You’re not here very much. I’m alone in a foreign country with Violet, who is now ill, and I’m left to deal with this … this shit.”

  “You won’t be alone. I promise. I’ll get someone here tomorrow. You won’t have to deal with her again. If she shows up here, I’ll have her escorted off the property and arrested.”

  “You can’t have her arrested unless there are super strict laws here or unless you have a restraining order of some kind.”

  “Then I’ll get one.”

  “I swear to God, if anything happens to Violet because of her …”

  She doesn’t finish, but walks away, leaving me in the kitchen alone. I immediately call Max. He’ll know what to do. When I explain the situation, he says he knows someone who can help. Max seems to know everyone. I’m not sure how, but he does.

  “I’ll have someone out th
ere tomorrow. And your Violet will have her tests run by the end of the week.”

  “And, Max, I want a private investigator on Lucia. She’s lying. I know she is.”

  “I think so too. I’ll get you the best, Chase.”

  That night, I get zero sleep because all I can think of is Violet. The what-ifs haunt my thoughts and erase any chances of rest. By the time my room shows signs of daybreak, I’m the caged animal, ready to run free.

  Thankfully, there is no practice today, only a team meeting to review our game and go over what we did right and where we fucked up. That’ll last all morning, which will suck. My concentration won’t be on anything discussed. I’m sure of that. I head to the kitchen for some coffee to find Andi already beat me to the pot.

  “You couldn’t sleep either?” I ask.

  “Yes and no. Violet woke me. She spiked another fever last night.”

  The cup in my hand hits the floor and shatters, sending pieces of ceramic all over the place. It’s somehow fitting, because it’s the exact same way my heart feels.

  Twenty-Seven

  Andi

  Our heads bump as we both kneel to pick up the broken pieces. As I stare at the shards of ceramic littering the floor, tears well up in my eyes. I’ve tried to be strong in front of Chase, but the truth is, I’m cracking on the inside.

  “I’m sorry,” we both say at the same time.

  I give him my best smile, which is brittle.

  “She’s going to be fine.” My determination fuels my words, but isn’t a reflection of the fear inside me.

  “Can you be sure?”

  “I can’t be sure of anything.”

  “Does cancer run in your family?” The reminder that I’m adopted flattens any pretense of a smile. “Shit, I’m sorry.” His hands rub at his eyes. He must be every bit as weary as I am.

  “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s a valid question. Just one I can’t answer. And believe me, I’ve been thinking a lot more about who my parents are than ever before.”

  He cups my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “We’ll get through this … together.”

  Before I know what I’m doing, I lean in, needing his warmth more than ever. Our lips collide and the softness of his has me sighing inside. His tongue sweeps over mine and the power of his kiss is the balm I need.

  “Mama.”

  I pull back to see Violet standing there. Her flushed skin and tired eyes send panic through me. Since I’m on my knees already, I crawl over to her and place a hand over her feverish head.

  “Feel bad,” she adds.

  On instinct, I scoop her up in my arms just before she throws up all over my shirt. I rush into one of the palatial bathrooms and make it to the toilet just before she vomits again.

  When I’m pretty sure we are in the clear, I take off her soiled clothes and my shirt. I turn on the water and get a cool cloth to clean her off.

  “Do you feel better?”

  She shakes her head. I’d been expecting that answer, but hoped that maybe I was wrong.

  Chase stands in the doorway wearing a lost expression.

  “How can I help?”

  “Can you get her some clean clothes while I go get the Tylenol to bring down the fever?”

  He nods. “Should we call the doctor?”

  “Yes, let’s get,” I nod to Violet, “taken care of first.”

  I dash out of my room in my bra, but not caring. I wash my hands and get the correct dose before going back to our daughter. I find her in her room with a smile on her face. Chase sports a goofy expression that has her captivated.

  Though I hate to break them up, I want to get the medication in her so it can start working.

  “Here, why don’t you get this to Violet and I’ll make the call?”

  His eyes look up at me. I mouth, you’re doing great.

  I leave them and go in my room. Closing the door, I make the call. They can see her at two in the afternoon. Chase nearly goes ballistic when I tell him.

  “Calm down. If she has strep, they’ll run a rapid test and we’ll know right away. It’s fine. You have practice this morning anyway. You can go, then come back, and pick us up.”

  After he calms down, he sees the logic in what I say.

  That afternoon, we are headed to the doctor to have him run tests.

  Violet babbles to Chase while we sit in the waiting room. She points to pictures as he makes the sounds of the animal to make her giggle. The medicine I dosed her with has her feeling better, but I know something is brewing inside her.

  “Violet Wilde James.”

  I stand and Violet reaches out to me. I pick her up as we are herded into a room. When the doctor comes in, Chase is first to speak.

  “What’s wrong with my daughter?”

  I jump in and give him a rundown of her symptoms, including the fever, tiredness, and vomiting.

  His English is perfect. “It could be a number of things, maybe the flu or strep. We can run a couple of tests.”

  “What about her fevers? They’ve been happening too often to be random.”

  “As we discussed, it could be the normal. Your daughter is very young. She’s in a new place and exposed to different germs.” When I start to cut in, he adds, “Or it could be an autoimmune disease.”

  “What about leukemia?” Chase asks.

  “That could be a possibility, but let’s not go down that road yet. I want to run some blood tests before we start jumping to conclusions. However, my nurse will be back in to do the rapid strep and influenza test. And she will take a blood sample as well.”

  Chase looks as though he has a million questions. I reach out and take his hand. When he glances over, I squeeze our joined hands.

  Violet, sensing Chase’s distress, crawls between us onto his lap. She wraps her tiny arms around his neck.

  “’K, Dada.” She gives him a kiss on the cheek.

  Violet does well for the strep test, which the nurse explains as a little tickle on the back of the throat. The flu test is a little easier up her nose. But it’s the blood sample that makes our daughter cry out and cause Chase to give the nurse a dirty look.

  “It’s her job,” I whisper while rubbing soothing circles on Violet’s back to calm her down after the nurse leaves.

  “She could be a better one,” Chase grumbles.

  “There is only so much she can do. I’m a nurse and sometimes babies cry after the things I have to do. Does that make me a bad nurse?”

  He shakes his head. “It’s just, she’s my—”

  “—Daughter, and you want to protect her.”

  He nods. Thankfully, it’s only been about five minutes when the doc comes in and tells us the bad news.

  “The strep test came back positive. I’ll prescribe her a course of antibiotics.”

  “What about the flu test?”

  “It takes a little longer. It’s doubtful she’d test positive for both. Even still, there aren’t antibiotics for the flu. If for some odd reason it does come back, I can call in an antiviral for you.”

  Chase isn’t mollified. “You’re still going to run other blood tests?”

  “Yes. I’ll give you a call with the results.”

  When the doctor glances at me, I nod and he leaves. Once we get home, Chase carries our sleeping daughter to her room. I wait in the living room.

  “Do you think that’s it?”

  As much as I want to say yes, I can’t.

  “I don’t know. But once the CBC panel comes back, we’ll know a lot more,” I say.

  “What’s a CBC?”

  “The blood test the doc ran.”

  “Oh, yeah. What will it tell us?”

  “A lot, actually. It will help him diagnose conditions, such as anemia, or infections. It can also indicate whether she has leukemia, an autoimmune issue, and many other disorders. But then they will have to run more in-depth tests to determine exactly what’s going on.”

  “Why can’t he run them all now? I can pay f
or it.”

  I reach out and lay my hand on his arm.

  “I know you can. But they probably follow a diagnostic protocol here. You know, look for the most common things first and then if they come back negative, they keep searching for answers.”

  He runs a rough hand through his hair.

  “It’s just that I want to know. I don’t think I’ll get a good night’s sleep until I know she’s okay.”

  I wrap my arms around him and he pulls me in tighter. I glance up at him.

  “She needs you not to be tired. So why don’t you get some sleep? I’m not sure how things work over here in Italy. It might be another day or two before we hear anything back.”

  When I step out of his embrace, he takes my wrist and pulls me back.

  “Thank you,” he says.

  “For what?”

  “For being a great mother.”

  I give him my best smile before walking away. It’s as if I can feel his eyes on my back. Selfishly, I want him to call me again. I need a distraction. I need him: his touch, his kiss, his mouth devouring mine. But when I make it to my door, I resolve to spend a restless night alone.

  Twenty-Eight

  Chase

  The ceiling is my friend—or enemy—I don’t know which, for approximately thirty-nine minutes. I push the covers back and walk down the hall to Andi’s room. I don’t bother with knocking. Maybe I should. When I push the door open, I hear her soft sobs and it only takes me a few seconds to climb in behind her and pull her against my chest.

  “This isn’t a time for us to be alone. I need you and I’m pretty fucking sure you need me too. Which brings me to another point. I still love you. Haven’t stopped loving you since … well since. I think you know what I’m saying here, Andi.” I breathe in deeply because my lungs are screaming right now. “You don’t have to say anything. There are other pressing things at the moment. But I wanted you to know.”

  She rolls over and pushes her face into my neck. I feel the dampness of her tears as she holds on tight. Then her words, the words I never thought I’d hear again, heat my neck as she breathes them. “I love you too. Always have, always will.” Her body trembles with sobs and she lets her sadness flow. I’m not gonna lie. My face isn’t exactly dry either.