by Molly Harper, Stephanie Haefner, Liora Blake, Gabra Zackman, Andrea Laurence, Colette Auclair
He looked a bit shaggier than his head shots. Oranger. She pictured a scene from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. But for some odd reason, his silly appearance wiped away the anxiety she’d had. Okay. Maybe she could do this.
“You must be Logan.” She reached her hand out for him to shake.
“I’m really excited for this.”
“Yeah. What guy wouldn’t love sex as part of a job interview process?” She laughed.
“It’s not that at all. I really want to be your model. I’ve got this reality show thing I’m working on. Already pitched it to a few different people. It would be really awesome if I got the job and it was a focus of the show. The trials and tribulations of a male model. I already have a name for the show: Hunk TV. What do ya think?”
A reality show? Seriously? Did Mia want the shop to be part of a reality show? Well, actually, it might be a good thing. Free advertising. “Sounds cool. You seem really outgoing, like you’d be good on TV and as a spokesperson. You’d be a natural at in-store meet and greets.”
“Oh yeah. I live for that shit. I love people fawning over my body. And chicks taking home a replica of my dick? That would be awesome.”
Wow. Such a difference from Ryan the night before. This guy was totally into it. He got an A-plus for enthusiasm. And for arrogance. But that had to be somewhat good, right?
“Okay, so we can get going then, unless you want a coffee or something.”
“Oh, no. I just downed an energy drink. Wanted to make sure I’m at my best for you. I’m good to go.”
Logan followed her out of the shop and hopped onto his moped. He followed Mia and five minutes later they were at her place. She led him in, feeling none of the nerves she’d had the last time. This was a simple interview. All business. This is how it should have been with Ryan. But then he’d touched her and the business part of her brain had melted.
“Bedroom’s this way,” she said and yanked her sweatshirt over her head. He was bare-chested before they made it to the room.
“Just tell me what you need me to do.”
“Get naked and lay down.”
“Awesome.”
He did as he was told and Mia evaluated his body. Nice eyes and nose: check. Muscular arms: check, even though he had a few tattoos. That was okay though. A lot of women were into that. Six-pack abs: check. Rock-hard penis: not check.
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
“Nope.” He flashed a pearly white grin.
“Uh, well. I can’t really test you out if you’re not . . . erect.”
He looked down and laughed. “Sorry.” Grabbing for it, he closed his eyes and started jerking.
“Oh, my.” Mia spun around. “Um. Tell me when you’re ready.” She stared at the photo of her and Bryn on her dresser.
“All systems go,” Logan said.
Mia turned and there it was, straight up. It definitely looked different than Ryan’s had. Wonder how different it will feel? She’d had sex a good number of times in her life with several partners. Well, maybe not that many. But probably a dozen. She’d never once examined or evaluated the penis before having it inside her.
Mia dropped her panties to the floor and walked over. He just looked at her, same goofy smile. Not even one ounce of desire or hunger, like Ryan had had. Geez. Didn’t he think she was hot? She shook away her thoughts. She shouldn’t care if Logan thought she was hot, or Ryan, either, for that matter.
Ryan.
She climbed onto the bed, not nearly as much awkwardness as the last interview, ready to get started. Until her brain flashed her Ryan’s face again. That oh-so-sexy grin. Their bodies tangled on her bed. Her heartbeat raced, remembering his touch, the way his kisses had melted her skin. The euphoria she’d felt in his arms. In that same exact spot on her bed. Did her pillow still smell like him?
“Everything okay?” Logan asked, yanking her from her thoughts.
“Um. Yeah. I just need a second.”
Mia breathed deep. She just needed to get this over with. Hell, she could fanaticize about Ryan if that’s what it took. Back to business.
But as she straddled Logan, ready to test out penis number two, she just couldn’t do it. What is wrong with me? She’d been so nervous with Ryan, so awkward. But then he’d touched her and kissed her and it had all fallen into place, even if the place wasn’t exactly professional. Okay, it had been pretty damn far from a business proposition. The rest of the guys were supposed to be easier. But as much as she told herself Logan and the others were purely business, and felt it deep within her, she just couldn’t move forward.
And at that particular moment, she couldn’t figure out why.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t do it.”
Logan’s boyish grin fell. “Oh. So I guess I don’t have a chance at the job then.”
Mia got off the bed, pulled her underwear back on, and reached for her fleece pants. “Well, no. You still have a chance. I think I can still test you without actually having sex with you.”
“Sweet.” His smile was back. “So what should I do now?”
“Um. How about I sit on the bed and you stand?”
Finally the stress drained from Mia’s body and she relaxed. She could actually approach this with a clear, calm head. Probably should have done it this way with Ryan, regardless of what Bryn thought was the proper way to test out the men. But then she would have missed out on all that amazingness.
Can’t think about that now.
Logan bounced off the bed and Mia sat. He was still completely hard and she reached for him. Length was good. She rubbed him up and down a few times. Nice and smooth. She moved it around, examining the shaft from all angles. It felt a bit odd to be doing it. She’d never looked at a penis so closely before. It was pretty amazing how it worked, to go from soft and limp to rock hard within seconds.
Reaching for her notepad, she jotted a few lines. Length, definite A. Girth was thinner than Ryan, but still a solid B-plus.
“What do you think?” Logan asked.
Mia hadn’t wanted to look at Ryan, let alone talk to him. But this was different. Almost friendly. Like two pals checking out some merchandise. She looked up with a smile. “Good.”
She continued her inspection, checking for anything weird. No lumps or bumps or yucky veins. And the head was a lovely shape.
“Okay. I think we’re good.” She scribbled a few more notes.
By the time Mia finished with her pad, Logan already had his jeans on.
“So, when will I hear from you?”
“Soon. I have a couple more interviews.”
“Anything else I can do to win brownie points?” He flexed a tattooed bicep. “Come on, you can’t resist these guns.”
Mia laughed. “You already did great. I was very impressed.”
That seemed to make him happy. His goofy grin widened even more. “Awesome.”
“I’ll walk you out.”
“Thanks so much,” he said as they reached the front door. “Do I, like, shake your hand or hug you?”
Mia laughed. “I know what you mean. It’s an awkward situation.”
Logan opened his arms and Mia folded into them, giggling again.
“Nice meeting you, Mia.”
“Same to you.” She opened the door and smiled. “Good-bye.”
Mia headed to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream and sat at her tiny table, opening the file folder for Logan. She pulled the evaluation sheet and transferred some of her notes. He was definitely outgoing and funny. He’d be great at the in-store appearances. He’d even hugged her. Women would love that.
Peniswise, not as great as Ryan, but would the personality make up for it?
She jotted a few more notes, but Bryn’s voice nagged at her conscience. Mia knew how important it was to get this just right. Was she screwing up by not screwing the interviewee? Yeah, Logan’s member looked nice and all, but what if it didn’t feel nice? She shoveled in another spoonful of ice cream.
Hmm. This was going to be tougher than she thought. Especially since Ryan’s face kept popping into her brain. And she still had three more interviewees.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON and the bakery was the last place Oliver wanted to be. It had been three days since meeting Mia and she was all he could think about. He’d thought of going to her apartment, but he didn’t want to scare her. It seemed a little stalkerlike. So instead he sat at the dingy bar both nights, hoping to see her. Yeah, that’s far less creepy.
He wasn’t sure what he was trying to accomplish. Maybe see her, talk to her. Catch her before she had sex with anyone else but him. Convince her he was the one for the job. But he didn’t really care about the job. This was completely insane.
“Try this. It’s lemon chiffon with raspberry filling.”
Oliver took the square inch sampling of cake and popped it into his mouth. “It’s okay.”
“Another okay. Any chance you’ll actually take this seriously and give me some form of a response other than okay?” Alexiana crossed her arms and pressed them to her ridiculous implants, making them pop out even more.
Who wears a shirt that low cut to a wedding-cake tasting?
Alexiana Ryland did. Because Alexiana liked to show off. Alexiana needed all eyes and attention on her at all times. And when she wasn’t getting it, she let everyone know.
She huffed and spun around. “Mommy, Ollie is being moody. We’ll have to pick a cake flavor without his approval. At this point, I don’t care if he has one bite of his own wedding cake.”
Trust me, I won’t be eating any damn cake. Oliver would not be celebrating this marriage. He’d smile and do all the things a groom is supposed to do, but being happy about it? Nope. Wasn’t going to happen. He’d never wanted to marry her to begin with. Hell, a few months into dating her, he knew she wasn’t for him. But he stayed with her, and after one drunken night, he was backed into a corner. Sometimes things aren’t easy to get out of, not without pissing off family members and destroying reputations. In his high-society world, reputation was everything.
He couldn’t care less about his own, but his father and his future in-laws would probably rather see him dead than sully their names.
And he couldn’t upset his mother. Until the night with Mia, she’d been the only bright spot in his life, and disappointing her was something he vowed never to do. Especially since he didn’t have much time left to see her smile and make her proud of him.
If only there were a way he could get out of it. But Alexiana would never let him call off the wedding. Maybe he could figure out a way to get her to leave him. It wasn’t hard to aggravate her. That wasn’t enough, though. She was the kind of girl who could put up with aggravation as long as she appeared to have the perfect life. He needed to find some way to get her mad enough to not care about her image. Like that would ever happen.
MONDAY MORNING Mia walked into the shop and Penny was already there, sorting through mail at the front counter.
“Hey! How was your weekend?” Mia asked.
“Fine. Boring, as usual. But I did spend a bunch of time working on the advertising for the new campaign. Here. Look.” She grabbed a folder and pulled out a bunch of samples she’d put together.
“I like these. Especially this one.” Mia picked up a flyer with the title Ready for a Fantasy?
“I like that one, too. Kinda has a tropical feel to it, with the beach in the background.”
“Vacation sex is the best.” Mia recalled the one time she’d taken a trip with a boyfriend. The first three days they barely even left the room. Sex, sex, and more sex. But nights four, five, and six, he’d gotten so plastered he could barely walk. No more sex the rest of the trip. She ended it a week after they got home. No woman wanted a guy who got so drunk he peed his pants.
“How are the interviews going?” Penny asked.
Mia’s cheeks warmed with the thought of Ryan. “Good. After I got over my panic attacks, anyway. The first two guys seem great. Both would be good spokesmodels, and I can see either of them doing meet and greets in the shop.”
“Yeah, that’s fine and dandy business stuff, but what about their . . . you know?” Her eyes widened.
“Come on. Bryn already made me spill. Do I have to do it again?”
“Yes! Come on. I’m a married woman. I need juicy details.”
“Okay, okay.” Mia let herself daydream about Ryan and his body, his eyes. The spark of his lips when he’d kissed her so unexpectedly. Shaking herself out of the Ryan coma before her heart beat out of her chest, she said to Penny, “Number one was A-plus in size. Very nice. Definitely worked it well.”
But Mia’s brain wouldn’t let her stay in the present. It flashed her back to Ryan’s hand scorching her thigh. His lips on her neck, her breasts. Stop! Time to talk about Logan. She’d already discussed him with Bryn, omitting the part about not actually having sex with him. Bryn had enough to stress about. Mia had gotten what they needed without actually doing the deed. But she knew Bryn was very against not testing the guys with her vagina. She’d accepted the fact that the rest of the interviews had to go as originally planned, inserting tab A into slot B for proper evaluation.
Mia shook away her thoughts and continued. “Number two, while thinner, was still a lovely penis. Solid B-plus.”
“Only a B-plus? I’d think that would knock him out of the running. Don’t we want awesomeness?”
Mia giggled. Logan wasn’t awesome, even though he used the word frequently. “He was really good. Very outgoing. I think he might be better with the women. And he’s trying to work out a reality show thing, so that might help the shop.”
“Seriously? That would be so cool. And would definitely boost sales in a major way.”
“What would boost sales in a major way?” Bryn’s voice echoed behind them.
“Logan and his reality show.”
“Oh, yeah. Surfer dude. I like him already.”
“He’d have to tone down the spray tan though,” Mia added. “He was looking a bit Oompa Loompa–ish.”
“Sounds good. I’m not a fan of the man-gerine look. So, anyway, I spent my weekend doing research.” Bryn lifted a small tote bag and emptied its contents onto the front counter in front of Mia and Penny. Out poured a dozen sex toys.
“I’m gonna assume you washed these.”
Bryn rolled her eyes. “Of course.”
Penny hesitantly picked up a bright pink mini vibrator and flipped it on. “Hmm. Doesn’t seem real powerful.”
“It’s not, but it was a decent clit stimulator. I might stock it for women scared of the beastly ones.”
“Beastly?” Mia asked. She’d never used a vibrator before. She hadn’t ever seen the point. Whenever she was boyfriendless, she just went without.
“Yeah, this baby here . . .” She picked up a wacky contraption with beads inside and some kind of rubber attachment. “This is amazing. But I can see how it would intimidate first timers.”
“I agree. That thing scares me.”
Bryn flipped it on and the head started rotating along with the beads inside. The rubber attachment bounced.
“What the hell?”
Penny laughed. “I had one like that. Jack used it to get me all warmed up, but we wore it out.”
“Wait a minute. You’re married and you had a vibrator?”
“Yeah.”
“Why? You have a penis at your beck and call. Why have a fake one, too?”
Penny grabbed the buzzing machine from Bryn and pointed it toward Mia’s face. “Do you know any guy whose dick does this?”
“Eww. Get that out of my face,” Mia laughed as she stepped back. “No. I guess not.”
“Okay, so I think we’re all in agreement that the Ultra Vibe is a must. And I think we’ll stock some of these small ones. I want something at a midlevel price point, too, so I’ll have to see what I can find.” She made a few notes in her notebook. “What are your thoughts on nipple clips?”
Mia looked from Bryn to P
enny. “I got nothin’. This one is all you.”
At that moment, Grant stepped into the showroom. Mia hadn’t realized he was in his office. “I need a signature on this check.”
“Let’s get a man’s opinion,” Bryn said. “What do you think about nipple clips? And what about a man using a vibrator with his girlfriend or wife? Would that offend you?”
The blank stare that met theirs clearly said Are you fucking kidding me?
“Come on, Grant. Don’t be a wuss,” Penny teased.
Mia had never heard him laugh and had only seen a semi-smile maybe once. She never understood how someone could be so miserable all the time. This guy was in desperate need of help. Sex, drugs, liquor. There had to be something that loosened him up.
She always had the feeling that Grant hadn’t wanted to work there to begin with. But they’d needed someone at the same time he needed a job. He was the son of a friend of Bryn’s mother, and they’d hired him as a favor. He’d had trouble finding a job fresh out of college with zero experience and offered to work cheap. But from day one, he’d seemed unenthused about working in a women’s lingerie shop. And maybe they’d screwed up by teasing him a bit too much, treating him like a kid brother rather than an employee, a relationship he obviously wanted no part of.
He set the check on the counter and held out the pen. While Bryn gathered her toys, Mia took the pen—Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion skipping down its length—and signed. The pen, along with the majority of his office supplies, paid homage to his love of all things Oz. And that was all they really knew about him.
“Thank you.” He grabbed the pen and check and turned back toward his office, but stopped. “And just for the record, I think this custom toy idea is horrendous and unprofessional. Is this really the reputation you want for your business?”
“Oh, come on. Lighten up. Maybe you should try it. You might like it.” Bryn took a small tube of something from the counter and picked up Grant’s hand, closing it into his palm. “Use this next time you eat a girl out. It’s tingly for her and tasty for you. I know you like coconut.”