by Molly Harper, Stephanie Haefner, Liora Blake, Gabra Zackman, Andrea Laurence, Colette Auclair
She had to step up and be the friend Bryn needed. She’d promised Johnny she’d watch out for her. And that meant putting her full effort toward saving the business they’d built together. That shop had been Bryn’s oasis the last two years. The one thing she could cling to while the rest of her life had crumbled at her feet.
So it was done. Settled. No Ryan. He couldn’t be their employee. He couldn’t be her boyfriend. Having him in any capacity would most likely end badly and she couldn’t risk putting the shop further into danger to find out for sure. Her focus had to remain on her business. It was going to be either Logan or mystery penis number five.
After a knock, Bryn peeked her head into Mia’s office. “Everything okay?”
“Yep. You?”
“Ah, yeah. Just fine.” Bryn bent down, then set three purple buttons on Mia’s desk, eyebrows raised. “These were on the floor. They look a whole lot like the ones on the shirt you were wearing earlier. Any idea why there’s buttons on your office floor?”
“No clue.” Mia did just as she’d done with Ryan. She looked to her paperwork, pretending to be entranced with it.
“Yeah. Uh-huh. I thought that’s what you’d say.” Bryn giggled and backed out of the room.
MIA CHECKED her cell phone for the time. In approximately an hour and a half, she’d be done with her fifth and final penis interview. Then she’d go back to normal life and the normal amount of penises in it. Which was none, but whatever. A boring life sounded pretty nice right about now, penis or no penis.
Mia was glad she’d asked tonight’s interviewee to meet at the coffee shop. Simple and quiet. She was exhausted. She just wanted to sip her tea, meet her guy, and be done with it.
“Mia?” The familiar question rose behind her.
She turned. “Hi. You must be Brad.” She held out her hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise. Ready to get started?”
“Sure.” Right down to business. She liked this guy.
They got to Mia’s place and she didn’t even need to ask him to undress. He’d started on his own, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, seductive grin, gaze on her. What was he doing?
She turned to the dresser to take her earrings off.
“Don’t you want to watch?”
“Uh, no. That’s okay. Just get naked.”
Mia slipped the silver hoops out of her ears and set them in her little jewelry box. “I’ll sit on the bed and you can stand in front of me.”
“Whatever you want, baby.”
Baby? Eww.
She sat and he sauntered over, some kind of G-string underwear on. He did a snakelike body roll and thrust his crotch toward her.
“What are you doing?”
Brad rubbed his hand down his shimmery chest, which looked like it had been shaved and covered with some kind of body glitter, and into his underwear, grabbing hold of himself. “I’m showing you my skills.”
“I don’t need those skills.” Irritation bubbled inside Mia. “I just need to look at your penis. Nothing else.”
“Okay, baby.” He looped his thumbs in the strings of his underwear and tugged them down, inch by inch.
“Can we do this a little faster, please? And cut the ‘baby’ crap.” She hated stupid pet names.
Finally, last piece of clothing on the floor, he took his penis and started jerking. She just wished the thrusting and grinding would stop. It was starting to make her uncomfortable.
“Okay, you can come here now,” she said, so ready for this to be over.
She looked around his area a bit first. It was completely shaved. Or more likely waxed. Ouch. She examined the shaft and head, then took him in her hand, pumping up and down a few times. It was a good size and it felt good in her hand.
“I’m getting close. How do you want it?”
“Huh?”
“On your stomach or in your mouth? Or do you want to do a titty-fuck kind of thing. That’s always hot.”
“Excuse me?” Mia pushed him away from her. “There’s no ejaculation here.”
“Why not? That’s the whole point, right? The money shot. I’ve watched a lot of porn and that’s the moment everyone waits for.”
“There’s no moment. No money shot! What the hell do you think we’re doing this for?”
“Aren’t you looking for a guy for your porno flick?”
“Uh, no. I need a model to mold his penis for our sex toy line.”
“That’s not what I was told.”
“Well, you were told wrong.” Mia stood, scanned her room for the nearest bottle of hand sanitizer. “You can go now.”
“Did I get the job?”
“No. Please leave.”
“But I’m hard. Can I finish?”
“Get out!”
Brad gathered his things and left Mia’s bedroom. Lucky for him, he didn’t say another word. She would not have been responsible for her actions had he uttered another syllable.
She flopped onto her bed. Thank God this was over. Mia felt herself start to drift off. No. She needed the stink of that guy off her, wash away the memory. She hopped into the shower, letting the scorching stream sanitize her skin. She then scrubbed her hand with a loofah just to make sure it was completely clean. The exfoliation wouldn’t hurt, either.
The shower had revived her somewhat, so after slipping into fleece pants and a cotton long-sleeve tee, she grabbed her interviewee files and sat at the kitchen table with a mug of her favorite green tea.
Brad’s file went straight to the recycling bin. Chad’s, too. That left Boy Band Kyle, Reality Star Logan, and the ridiculously amazing man who would be left unnamed. She couldn’t think about him.
Judging solely on penises, Kyle was shorter but decently thick, while Logan was long and thin. Almost a draw there.
Personality-wise, Kyle was a lot on the immature side. But his smile and boyish charm did manage to get the horny housewives to shell out a ton during ladies’ night. Logan was a charmer, too, very kind and sweet. Aside from the part where she fondled his junk, it had been like spending an evening with a good guy friend. But the reality show thing? She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She made a mental note to talk to Bryn about it.
Then she picked up Ryan’s file. Ridiculously Amazing Ryan. She sighed and stretched her arm toward the recycling bin with the folder. But one last look at those eyes and bod won’t hurt. She pulled it back and opened it, reading over her notes, and instantly she was taken back to that night and what had happened in her office that afternoon. There were no words to explain any of it. Maybe just, “Wow.” He was a little less outgoing than Logan, but were words really even necessary with eyes and a smile like his?
Mia pulled the eight-by-ten glossies from his file. Muscular legs and thighs, chest like a god. She looked at the close-up of his pelvic area and her heartbeat sped. Such a beautiful thing.
But then she noticed it. Or rather, didn’t notice it. Ryan had a small birthmark on his hip. She’d never forget that. She’d seen it their first night together and again during their office tryst. She’s wanted to kiss it, run her tongue over it, and continue toward the rock-hard part of him. But there hadn’t been time.
She shook out of her sex haze and looked back to the table. The photo was birthmark-less. What the hell?
Mia pulled the photo of his face, examining his eyes. Were they different? The nose? The lips looked different. Less plump. Less soft. She knew his lips. This was not Ryan. Those were not Ryan’s lips.
Actually those were Ryan’s lips. The Ryan she was supposed to interview. So who the fuck’s lips had she kissed instead? How had this impostor wormed his way into her interview?
Mia’s blood boiled and surged through her veins. That asshole! She stood fast, knocking over the chair behind her, too mad to even pick it up. She raced to her bedroom where the notepad sat with his number written on it. She picked it up, ready to dial.
And then she saw it. A pen. It was far too fancy to be hers. Picking it up, she im
mediately noticed the engraving on it: Oliver J. Christensen
He’d pulled it from the inside pocket of his superexpensive suit. Caught ya.
Mia breathed deeply and closed her eyes, trying to calm her anger. How should she deal with this? Calling him and yelling was too easy. He deserved to be punished for his stupidity.
Plugging his number into her cell phone, she hit send.
“Hey, it’s Mia,” she said, disguising her rising anger with cheeriness.
“Hi. I was hoping you’d call. How are you?”
“Fine. Can you come over?”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I need to see you.”
“I can be there in twenty.”
“See ya then.”
The phone clicked off with a beep. Bastard. He sounded chipper, like a guy about to get laid. Boy, was he in for a surprise.
Mia went to her bedroom and put on the sexiest outfit she had, a silky nightgown Bryn had made her take home from the shop when she’d been dating this one guy a year or so ago. She ripped off her fuzzy pajamas and slid the soft red fabric over her head. A quick look in the mirror for some face powder, then mascara and a fresh coat of the shiniest lip gloss she had. A few squirts of perfume and the final touch, she pulled the elastic from her hair and hung her head upside down. Fluffing it with her hands, she flipped her hair back up and it curled around her shoulders and halfway down her back.
She was so ready to bust his ass!
The bell rang and Mia opened the door in only her nightie, trying out her most seductive voice. “Hi.”
His jaw dropped. “Wow. You look beautiful.”
Before she could stop him, he reached for her waist and pulled her to him, pressing his lips to her. Don’t let him turn you into a girly puddle of giddiness! It took every ounce of restraint she possessed to back away.
“Not yet.” She closed the door and led him to her couch, pushing him down.
Damn, did he look good in casual attire, dark jeans and thin V-neck sweater.
Stop it! Stay focused!
Kneeling between his thighs, Mia went right for his pants zipper. She ignored the throbbing hard-on and yanked the boxer briefs off his hips. Bending down, she placed her lips on his birthmark.
A low groan rumbled in the back of Ryan’s . . . er . . . Oliver’s throat. “That feels so good.”
Mia looked up at him, cooing, “Sexy little birthmark you have there.”
“You like it?”
She sat up, narrowing her eyes at him. “Funny thing about that birthmark. It’s not in a single one of your modeling photos.”
His eyebrows rose a bit, and his eyes widened just a tad. The minuscule bits of shock on his face gave him away. Don’t even try to deny it.
“Um.” He sat up and adjusted his underwear and jeans. “What do you mean?”
Mia stalked toward the kitchen table and came back, throwing the photos at him. “These are not you, Oliver.”
He didn’t even look at them, just inhaled and let it out.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?”
“I don’t know.” He wouldn’t even look at her.
“You’re not a model. You were never meant to interview with me. You’re just some random guy!” The words echoed in Mia’s brain. “Oh my God. You were never tested. You could be some disease-laden scum!”
He stood and finally met her fire-filled eyes. “I’m not. I swear. Let me explain.”
“There is no explanation that could possibly justify your actions.”
He put a hand to her arm. “Please.”
Mia yanked it away. “Don’t you dare touch me!”
He ran his hands through his hair. “You were so beautiful. I just had to talk to you that night.”
“Don’t try to sweet talk me.”
“I’m not. It’s the truth. I saw you there, alone. I figured you’d been stood up. So I went over. The second you thought I was your blind date, I should have stopped. But I couldn’t. I wanted to be with you.”
“Oh, yeah. No-strings sex with a stranger. Who wouldn’t want that?”
“That’s not it at all. I told you. You were so beautiful . . . so different from the women I’ve been with. Intriguing. I couldn’t tell you I wasn’t who you thought and risk you walking away from me, never to see you again. So I went along.”
“Your excuse is unacceptable. What you’ve done disgusts me. I don’t ever want to see you again. Please leave.”
“Let me—”
“Get out!”
If she’d thought he looked sad at the bar a few days earlier, multiple that by about a hundred and that’s how he now looked. But his emotions were none of her concern. He’d lied to her. And she didn’t put up with liars. Ever. End of story.
Oliver turned and obeyed, the click of the door like a bomb exploding. Good riddance.
Now Mia could get on with her life, get on with this project. Maybe she should thank him for being an ass. It sure as hell made it easy for her to walk away and never think about him again.
CHAPTER Nine
“Fuck!” Oliver yelled as he sat in his car and banged his head on the steering wheel. This is what he’d feared. He should have told Mia the truth that first night, before anything had happened. But at the time, he’d just been looking for a little fun. He’d never expected to feel this way.
And exactly what way did he feel? To hell if he could figure it out.
One thing he did know, he thought of her constantly. And couldn’t give two shits what his fiancée was doing. But Mia—he wondered what she was doing, who she was with. Was she thinking of him, wanting him? He sure as hell wanted her. And it wasn’t purely the sex, though it was fantastic. He craved her effortless beauty and easygoing personality. He just liked being with her.
Aside from losing Mia, he’d obviously lost the job, too. Which actually bummed him out more than he’d thought it would. It seemed like a fun thing to do. Plus there was the added perk of potentially getting Alexiana out of his life.
How would he do that now? Being with Mia had made him realize more than ever that he could not sacrifice his happiness. But he was a man of honor, though it didn’t much seem like it at the time, and he’d been taught to see his promises through.
He’d promised to marry Alexiana and raise a child with her. One he suspected didn’t even exist. If that was the case, there had to be a way to prove she was lying.
Oliver started his car and drove away. He’d made a real mess of his life and he had no idea how he would fix any of it. Someone was going to be unhappy. And it would most likely be him.
“UNBELIEVABLE,” BRYN said after listening to Mia’s recount of her night. “He seemed so normal. Not assholey at all.”
Penny sat by, eyes wide, jaw in her lap.
“A liar,” Mia said, shaking her head. “Just like 90 percent of the male population. I think you guys got the only two respectable men in the state.”
“Oh, come on. You haven’t dated one decent guy in your life?” Penny asked.
“Nope. And Bryn can attest to that.”
“To some degree,” she agreed. “But you’re super picky. No one is perfect and you let the tiniest quirks annoy you.”
“I think sleeping with someone under an assumed identity is classified as a whole lot more than a ‘quirk.’ ”
“True. But you’ve tossed away some fine men because of dirty socks on the floor and chewed fingernails.”
“I refuse to settle and live my life dealing with things that annoy me.”
Ryan . . . er . . . .Oliver hadn’t thrown his socks on her floor like all the other interviewees had. Well, accept for Logan. He’d worn flip-flops, which was a whole different irritation all together. But Oliver had folded his socks with his suit pants and placed them on her chair. And his nails were suitably clipped and filed, no jagged edges, no girlie manicure like Kyle. Stop thinking about Oliver!
After he’d left her apartment the night before, an uncontrollable sadne
ss crept into her otherwise furious heart. So, she’d allowed herself ten minutes to bawl her eyes out. When the pity party was over, she pushed him from her thoughts and added him to the pile of discarded men she had no use for.
But damn it, her heart kept digging him out and bringing him back to her conscious mind. The thought of their encounters together had her wishing she’d taken home one of the new vibrators from the shop.
“So, what do we do now?” Penny asked.
“First of all, I call the real Ryan and find out what happened.” Mia reached for the phone, his resume sitting on the table in front of them. “If he’d shown up, none of this would be happening right now.”
Three minutes later she hung up and tossed the résumé into the trash. “He stood me up to stay faithful to his girlfriend.”
“See, there are good men out there.” Bryn gave her the smile she gave her kids when they needed to be coddled.
“Hardly. The coward couldn’t even call to tell me he’d chickened out.” Mia fanned the other models’ photos across the break-room table. “Now we make our decision based on the other interviewees. We have two models to choose from.”
“This guy’s cute,” Penny said and pointed to Kyle’s photo.
“He is, and very suave with the ladies, but he is a bit immature. I can almost see him taking off and leaving us high and dry if some other opportunity comes along. That or a horny soccer mom.”
Bryn’s eyebrows furrowed. “Huh?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“O . . . kay. So what about blondie here?” Bryn asked. “He’s hot, too.”
“I liked Logan. And he’s got the reality show thing he’s working on. Who knows if it will actually come to fruition, but it could be a perk.”
The women stared at the photos for a while, flipping between face shots and photos of their bodies and genitalia.
“Well, you said Logan has the longer dick, so I vote for that.” Bryn was so blunt sometimes, but Mia secretly liked it. She often said what was on Mia’s mind.
“I think he’s the better option, just for his maturity level. And yes, his length was a definite perk.”
“Okay. It’s settled then,” Penny said. “We should get the process started. I already have posters and flyers ready to go. We just need to load the photos and add his name. Who’s gonna call and deliver the good news to him? And the bad news to everyone else?”