“What’s your major then?” I counter, fully expecting him to have the same answer as me.
“Special education,” he blurts out without even giving it a thought.
“Yeah, right.” I don’t believe him for a second. Craig Morgan is not the type of guy to work with children, never mind children with special needs.
He sighs. “You don’t believe me.” It’s not a question, but a statement.
“I think it’s hard to believe. You want to be a SPED teacher? You’re either going to start laughing any second now or this is some plan to win brownie points with girls to get them in bed.” As soon as I say it, I regret it because his eyes cloud over and his face gets too serious. I can tell I offended him.
“Okay, this conversation is over,” he declares taking a deep breath. “But for the record, I don’t want to be a SPED teacher. My goal,” he stresses in order to spit my very own word back at me, “is to become a therapeutic recreation specialist.”
The fact that he even knows what that is leaves me speechless. Now I feel horrible. I know he’s upset, but I literally have no idea what to say right now so I just stare out the windshield at the road in front of us. I want to ask him what exactly a therapeutic recreation specialist does, but I don’t feel like I have a right to know now so I just sit here feeling guilty. After what feels like forever, I finally look over at him.
“I’m sorry.”
He nods his head, but doesn’t say anything in return.
“Why do you put up with me?” I ask, suddenly. Now he’s the one surprised. He looks over at me, his brows creased in question, so I go on. “Let’s face it, I’m mean to you.”
“You’re not mean to me.”
“I kind of am.”
He laughs, no longer upset about my calling his bluff on his major. “Okay, princess. You want the truth?”
Honestly, I’m not sure I do. He parks his truck in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot and I’m tempted to just jump out and go into the store. But when I look over at him, his eyes are so intense. I can’t help but want to know what he’s going to say. So I nod my head for him to continue.
“You’re a refreshing change from the ordinary,” he starts, “You’re different from the girls I usually hang out with.”
“How so?” I press, my curiosity peaked.
He runs his fingers through his hair before fixing his gaze on mine. “You’re reserved and confined. And that’s great, but I can also see what’s lying just under the surface. You’re brave and confident. You don’t take my shit. You have self-respect when a lot of girls now-a-days don’t. And the more I break your shell, the more I see that I like. You’re right. You are mean to me most of the time. But I think you do it to push me away. And I think you work so hard at pushing me away because you know that if you stop fighting it…” he inches closer to me, “If you stop trying to convince yourself that I’m some bad guy, then you might actually realize that I’m a refreshing change from the ordinary for you too. You might actually like me. Hell, you might actually love me.”
I stare at him in disbelief. Never in a million years would I expect something like that to come out of Craig’s mouth. He’s so close to me, I could just bridge the gap between us, allowing myself to fall into him. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I want to. But instead, I just continue to stare in disbelief. This is Craig Morgan. He’s not the kind of guy to say these things and mean them. He’s not the kind of guy I want. I have to keep reminding myself of that. He wouldn’t be good at an actual relationship. He’s nothing like Tyler. Tyler’s sweet and loyal. Craig would be bored with me in no time. He’s a player. I have to remind myself of that fact or else it’d be too easy to believe him right now, to lose myself in him. I get out of the truck without responding to him at all. After a few seconds, he follows.
When we get up to the register, he walks in front of me right up to the counter. He starts with my coffee, knowing exactly how I take it. Then he continues on, ordering enough for everyone at the campsite. I help him carry it all back to the truck. We don’t talk at all on the whole ride back. There’s an awkwardness in the air now, a tension that wasn’t there before. I bite my bottom lip, feeling nervous and uncomfortable. I want him to talk to me, but I know the ball is in my court. I just don’t know what to say. So we both remain silent.
When we get back to the campsite, I see everyone awake. Will Tyler be upset? Craig shuts the engine off and sits there, waiting for me to say something. Instead, I jump out and immediately walk over to Tyler. As I get near him, his face lights up. I can see Hailey give me a questioning look as I pass by her, while everyone else just goes about whatever they were doing before Craig and I returned. I don’t see Tiffany at all.
“I was worried,” Tyler says softly, embracing me in a hug.
“Sorry. Craig wanted to get Dunkin Donuts for everyone and needed help carrying it all. I was the only one awake,” I explain, not completely lying. While I’m hugging him back, I catch Craig’s glare so I turn my head the other way.
“What’s this?” Dave asks Craig, laughing, “Some sort of peace offering for keeping us up all night?”
I look at Julie’s boyfriend in confusion. Julie sees my expression and explains, “Craig and the two girls he’s with were at it all night,” she spits out in disgust. “You’re repulsing,” she directs towards him.
“Watch it!” Tiffany yells at Julie, coming out of her tent. She’s wearing a silk cami and shorts… on Halloween in New England. She must be freezing but if she is, she doesn’t show it.
“You’re just jealous,” Craig accuses Julie with a smirk. “Could’ve made our threesome a foursome.” He winks at her.
“Ew.” She makes a disgusted face before walking away.
My heart sinks at the realization. At first I’m hurt, but that instantly fades into anger. I can’t believe I was tempted to kiss him just minutes ago. I can’t even fathom how he could sit there and say those things to me after indulging in a night of… I don’t even want to think about it. He’s an ass. There’s no doubt in my mind now. Anything I might have felt for him is now replaced with a feeling of utter repugnance. I can’t believe he had me questioning my feelings for Tyler, wondering if Craig would change his ‘bad boy’ ways for me. And I can’t believe I secretly wanted him to. I should have known better.
This whole trip was a bad idea and it’s only getting worse and worse. I debate asking Tyler if we can leave early and not stay for the rest of the day, but I know Hailey would never let me live it down if I bailed on her. So I just decide to tune everything out that doesn’t make me happy.
I convince Hailey, Drew and Tyler to take a hike with me, just the four of us. We pack our backpacks up with lunch and drinks and we head out, leaving everyone else behind. After we hike up the trails, we eat lunch, picnic-style, on the top of one of the larger hills, overlooking the entire town. The fall foliage is so beautiful from the top. Afterwards, we head down to the lake. It’s too cold to go swimming, but we walk around it, throwing bread pieces to the ducks and talking. It’s a perfect day. I don’t even want to go back to the campsite and deal with everyone else there, but we have no choice. We have to pack up our stuff and take the tents down.
When we get back there, everyone else is sitting around playing drinking games. I wonder if they’ve been doing this all day, but I don’t ask. I just make my way into Tyler and I’s tent to start packing. When I come out, I notice Drew, Hailey and Tyler sitting with the rest of the crew, joining in on the game. Craig calls over to me first.
“C’mon, princess. Grab a drink and come play.”
He gets a glare from Tyler, who I can tell hates when Craig calls me princess almost as much as I do. Unfortunately, he never says anything to Craig about it.
“No, thanks,” I call back. But the thing is, I’m not sure what to do now. Everyone here is huddled around playing the game and I just look like a loner sitting in the tent by myself. So I walk over to Tyler and sit on his lap, watchi
ng him play.
“Seriously?” Craig asks, “You’re just gonna sit there and watch?”
“Yepp,” I simply respond, popping the P for emphasis.
“For someone who doesn’t like to be called a princess, you’re sure as hell acting like one.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, getting irritated.
“It means Miss Priss can’t be bothered to associate with us low-lives.”
“Maybe I just don’t want to associate with you,” I spit back.
He smirks in return.
“What the hell is so funny?” I demand.
“Nothing, princess.” But he’s still smirking.
“No. C’mon, Craig. Tell me. What could possibly be funny right now?”
Never letting his smirk fade, he replies, “Sometimes it just seems like you really hate me, that’s all.”
“And why is that funny?”
“Because, princess,” he finally lets his smirk fall and gets serious before he glances up at Tyler and then returns his gaze back to me, “there’s a fine line between love and hate.”
“Oh trust me,” I tell him, “I don’t feel strongly enough about you to feel either.”
“You keep telling yourself that.”
I’m fuming as I watch the rest of the game in silence. I’m mad at Craig because he does get to me. And because he knows it and he plays on it. He infuriates me and I have no control over it, as much as I try to ignore him, as much as I know he’s not worth it. I can’t help it. He gets to me. And I’m mad at myself for letting him get to me. I’m even mad at Tyler. How can he sit there and listen to all of that and not say one thing in my defense? I’m mad at Hailey, too, for planning this whole thing and inviting him. I’m just mad. Furious, actually. And I stay that way until I’m back at the campus, in my dorm.
Alone in my bed, I finally start to release the anger I had felt for hours before. I decide I’m not mad at Hailey or Tyler. I even let myself off the hook. I’m really just mad at Craig. If he would just leave me alone, everything here would be seamless. I’m in college, rooming with my best friend, dating a perfect guy, getting good grades. Craig is the only problem.
Chapter 8
It sucks that I have to have a class with him. If it wasn’t for my public speaking class and him working at The Grind, I could almost avoid Craig completely. Even with him working at The Grind, it wouldn’t be too hard to avoid him, since most of the time it’s so busy in there that I’m able to just get my coffee and leave without incident. But unfortunately, I have to pass my public speaking class because it’s a basic requirement at the university and it doesn’t look like he’ll be dropping the class anytime soon either. I could never completely be rid of him as long as he’s friends with Drew anyway.
I’m the first one in my public speaking class every time, since my previous class is in this same room. So before anyone else files in, I start to move the desks around. The professor told us on the first day of class that she wants them arranged in a U-shape at the start of each class. So I usually start it and as other kids come in, they help. I’m stuck sitting next to Craig because where you sit on the first day of class is where you sit all semester. The professor’s not strict, so I’m sure if I moved, she wouldn’t even mention it. But it’s a full class so if I move, someone else would have to too. And they might mention it. It’d just sound silly and immature to tell anyone that I don’t want to sit next to Craig. So I suck it up today, like I do every day I have this class.
We haven’t talked much since the camping trip, so it surprises me when I hear him say my name. Not princess, mind you, but my actual name.
“Valerie?”
I could just ignore him but he probably won’t stop and curiosity wins out anyway, so I bite. “Yeah?”
“Would you mind letting me borrow a pen?”
The formality drives me crazy because I can’t tell if he’s being serious or if he’s taunting me. I raise my eyebrows in question. Who comes to class without something to write with?
As if sensing my unspoken question, he answers, “I did have one. It must have fallen out of my book. Sorry to bother you. If you don’t have a spare, I’ll ask someone else.”
He doesn’t carry a bag like everyone else on campus. He only carries the absolute necessities – the class book, a notebook, and usually a pen.
“Stop talking to me like that,” I demand, as I hand him a pen.
“Like what?” His face gives nothing away.
It’s driving me crazy because he knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s doing it on purpose.
“Like you’re a stranger. Like you’re a polite stranger.”
“Isn’t that what you want?”
“You’re taunting me,” I accuse.
“I’m not taunting you, Valerie. You want distance between us. I don’t know why, but I know you’re mad at me for something. As far as I can see, I haven’t done anything to ruin our friendship. We were friends, weren’t we?” He stresses the word ‘friends’ and I can see what he’s trying to do.
I sigh loudly. “Yes, we were friends.”
“And you just don’t want to be friends anymore?”
“I didn’t say that.” I know I can’t say that with no good reason behind it.
“Then why have you been avoiding me?”
“Look. We’re just too different. We have to be friends, at least somewhat, for Hailey and Drew’s sake. But other than that, we’re just better off leaving each other alone.” I see his face drop as I say it and I immediately feel bad. But I know that I mean it. We are better off leaving each other alone. No awkward encounters. No temptation. No broken hearts.
“I see.”
I think that’s the end of it, but a few minutes later, he continues.
“So, we’re friends around Hailey and Drew but I’m supposed to ignore you if they’re not around, right?”
“Ugh! Don’t make this complicated, Craig.”
“Sorry, princess. Just want to make sure I’m following the rules here.”
So we’re back to princess again. “There are no rules. I just think it’s best if we keep our distance.”
He starts to say something else, but then stops.
“I’m out of here,” another kid from the class announces.
At that, everyone starts to clear out.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Craig answers, “Professor’s a no-show. Five-minute rule says we can leave.”
“I’ve only heard of a five-minute rule when it comes to dropping food on the floor,” I reply skeptically.
“Everyone’s leaving princess. Stick around if you want, but you’ve made it clear that you don’t want my company so I’m out of here too.” He gets up and walks out the door.
As the days pass, I try to convince myself that this is for the best. Craig and I should not be friends. We’re too different. He flirts endlessly with me, then he hooks up with two girls that same night. I can’t do it. I can’t bear to be around him.
But all week, I’ve been thinking about him. It makes me sick to my stomach, but I can’t deny it. When my mind wanders, it travels straight to him. If only he wasn’t such an ass. Tyler is a nice guy. A perfect guy, really. And he likes me. So, why can’t I stop thinking about Craig Morgan?
When I see him taking off his apron in The Grind, I figure his shift is over and he’s about ready to leave. I debate whether or not I should talk to him, but ultimately I decide I have to. I grab his arm before he can take off. It stops him in his tracks and he looks down at my hand around his arm and back up to me with a smirk. A cocky smirk.
“Yes, princess?”
“You’re right. You didn’t do anything to ruin our friendship. I was being mean and I’m sorry. Can we just go back to being friends?”
He mulls it over for a moment, which irritates me beyond belief. “Why the change of heart?”
“I told you, I realized you were right.”
Instead of the cocky
smile I thought I’d see return at the mention of him being right, he gets serious instead. “I don’t do fair-weathered friends, princess. How do I know you won’t change your mind again?”
“I said I’m sorry.”
The truth is, I can’t get him out of my head. I keep thinking about what it would be like to be with him. And then I wonder why I don’t just break up with Tyler. I have to remind myself why I can’t be with Craig. I have to remind myself about what kind of a guy he is, that he’s a player and could never be in a serious relationship. I figure avoiding him isn’t forgetting him… it’s just forgetting the bad parts. The longer I avoid him, the more I get this picture in my head of what a nice guy he is. At least if I go back to being friends with him, I won’t have such a hard time remembering why he’s not the kind of guy I want.
“Okay,” he finally agrees. “Friends.”
Things are alright for a few weeks afterwards. Being friendly around Craig gives me the opportunity to see him flirting with other girls too, which helps me to realize that he’ll never be the nice guy that Tyler is. It reconfirms my decision and I start to feel better about everything. I know I should be with Tyler. No doubts left. Craig still taunts me and I get irritated, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Until the day before my birthday.
The night before was our last game of the year, so I was out late with the girls, and then with Tyler after. The boys lost the game, so he was pretty bummed. I stayed at his dorm until late, trying to cheer him up. Not in a sexual way or anything. We still haven’t reached that level in our relationship yet. And Drew and Hailey were there too. We were all trying to salvage the rest of the night, but between Tyler’s sour mood and Hailey and Drew having a little tiff of their own, it was a pretty miserable night.
I’m not sure what’s going on with Hailey and Drew because Hailey hasn’t talked to me about it yet, but I could tell that Hailey was upset with him all night. They weren’t actually arguing or anything, but I know when Hailey’s mad. We’ve been friends for too long for me not to notice. She gives one word answers and mostly just stays quiet. Someone who hasn’t known her for as long as I have might not even catch on to her cold-shoulder act because it’s not very obvious to everyone else, but I always see it. Drew should notice it too. At least I would think he would notice it by now. But then again, it’s not like they fight very often. Barely ever, actually. When we got back to our dorm room, I asked her if everything was okay between them, but she just shrugged and brushed it off as nothing, so I didn’t press the issue. Selfishly, I was glad she didn’t want to talk because I was exhausted.
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