by Xavier Neal
He raises his eyebrows as he switches lanes. “You sure? I mean--”
“I'm fine.”
“Not this again--”
“No. Not this again. I'll admit. I wasn't fine before. But I am now.”
His eyes fine mine and he nods that he understands. Good. Because this conversation was over before it started.
I look back out the window. My feet move against the duffel bag.
“You ready for this?”
“School?”
“The career change.”
“You're assuming I'm going to pass.”
“I know you're going to pass, Clint. Just curious if you're prepared for what happens after.”
“Explain.”
Doing his best to fight the obvious annoyance by my tone he says, “After school comes the hard part. Do you take more training? Do you wait to go back to your unit? And that's assuming they aren't sending you to school with the intent for you on something in particular when you're done. I know the military, Clint. Every move like this has a purpose.”
Those words revolve around in my mind. What could they have in mind for me? Am I headed for a mission right after? Are they grooming for me something I have no idea about? Do I even care? As all they help me court death again does it matter?
Finally I respond, “I'll keep that in mind.”
We pull into the airport drop off area and a bit of relief fills me. He parks and before I can get out he places an arm out to stop me. I slam backwards into the seat. Without saying anything I impatiently wait for whatever it is he's so desperate to say.
When I turn to look at him, he moves his arm and uses his other hand to hand me a package. “Happy Birthday, Son.”
“You know how much I hate my birthday.”
“I do. But this was the most important day in your mother and mine's life, so you're going to swallow your pride and take the gift. If not for my sake, at least hers.”
I take the gift and push back my own displeasure. Ripping the paper off I'm revealed a brown journal with a sunflower in the corner. Really? I don't even use fucking journals. Before Haven I barely had enough emotions to register as human. Post Haven is only going to be worse.
Seeing the puzzled look he says, “It was your mothers.” I blink long and hard at it. I don't move an inch. “It was...one of the only things that didn't make it to the giveaway boxes. It was the last one she kept. She used to keep it between the mattress and headboard. When I found it, I couldn't even read an entry. I just put it back.” Somehow I drag my head up and over to look at him. “You asked me...what was she like?” Dad points to the journal “Get to know her yourself.”
My hand is now gripping the journal tighter than before. It's clear to me that he doesn't want me going back to the old me. I don't blame him. This is the first time in eleven years he's had a real son. And that I've had a real dad. That we've had anything more than a shell of a memory between us. I know I owe him that much. To not shut him out again. To not shut out Mindy again. To let Slugger keep breathing. Fine. Slugger can live here for Dad and Mindy. Grim on the field. But that's it. I draw the line there.
“Thanks, Dad,” I tuck the journal into my bag.
He unlocks the door. “You'll remember to call?”
“Yes sir.”
For the first time I can recall, he leans over and gives me a hug. A long one. A hard one. And I let him. I hug back. I give that reassurance that even though Clint is long gone, I won't bury Slugger back in the ground just yet.
Pulling away he clears his throat. An obvious nervous trait. I should know. I inherit it. “Be a damn a good Marine. Understand?”
With a small solute, I state firmly, “Yes sir.”
I climb out of the truck and head towards the building more than ready to get the fuck out of this city. This state. This warped reality that I lived in. I'm desperate to get back to work. Ready to be pushed to each of the physical limits school promises to deliver. I need this. Even if I couldn't save her, it doesn't mean I can't save me. Someone needs to. And if it isn't me, who the hell else would it be?
Dedication Page:
To the Universe please continue to move mountains and make it rain...
Thank Yous:
Crazy Lady- Thank you for everything you've done and understanding when time gets away from me.
Her Husband- Thank you for being proud in your own way.
The Law Student- Florida here I come!
Lumberjack- You mean well. Don't think I don't notice.
Katniss- I'm gonna get mushy here. You are one of my besties. I thank you for business advice, the marketing advice, the writer advice, but most importantly the life advice. You are priceless.
Erin- Think back a couple years...yup. We told them so.
My Army- We rock together, we roll together, and most importantly, we make a difference together. I need yall. Never forget that Genie, Boss Lady, Shel Bel, Swagmasta, Bama Mama, and the latest addition Bookaholic.
Dream Team- aka the writers I admire and look up too, Kristine Cayne, Selena Laurence, Tess Oliver, Jaime Reese, Jordan Marie and the big wigs like Harper Sloan who don't know I am. I look up to you. I bow in thanks to you being there for me, giving me books to inspire me, and lifting me up when times get rough.
Bloggers- I thank you. Each and Everyone one of you. I thank you for taking time to post for me, read my messages, share my sales, review my books, and most importantly all you do Indie Authors. We need you.
Street Team- HOLY MOLY! YOU WOMEN ROCK! I wanna name you all but don't wanna forget anyone, so please, all of you know how much you matter to me. We are a unit. Thank you for everything you do for me every single day. Thank you for making time in your lives to make a difference in mine.
Readers- Without you writers would just be writing to shut up the voices in their heads. Lol. Thank you for enjoying these books and may you continue.
We are all dreamers. Thank you all for also being believers.
Until next time....
Other books by Xavier Neal
Havoc (Havoc Series Book 1)http://www.amazon.com/Havoc-Xavier-Neal-ebook/dp/B00O8DZMIA
Senses Series
Vital (featured in Interwoven) http://www.amazon.com/Interwoven-Holiday-Anthology-Angie-Merriam-ebook/dp/B00QKNDIZA
Blind http://www.amazon.com/Blind-Senses-Book-Xavier-Neal-ebook/dp/B00N96BDKS
Deaf http://www.amazon.com/Deaf-Senses-Series-Book-2-ebook/dp/B00O3TTK3W
Numb http://www.amazon.com/Numb-Senses-Series-Book-3-ebook/dp/B00P58R1EK
Hush http://www.amazon.com/Hush-Senses-Series-Book-4-ebook/dp/B00QGH8OUE