I had no idea what had made him sick, but it was no ordinary infection. It had moved too fast and hit him too hard. I knew in my gut he was running out of time. My fingers refused to cooperate, shaking uncontrollably as I slowly unwound the bandages from his injured limb. When the last of it fell into a pile on the mat, my stomach lurched up into my throat.
His hand was almost completely black.
The original injury across the surface of his palm was no longer visible beneath the mass of marbled flesh. His entire palm had swollen to the point that his skin had cracked. Puss and gangrenous fluid seeped freely without the bandages to staunch it. His fingers were stiff and engorged. Every inch of his skin that was not already black was modeled with splotches of red and gray that suggested it soon would be. Beneath the thinly stretched tissue, ran a twisting labyrinth of curling black tendrils. The vine-like structures ebbed and flowed organically beneath his skin, pulsing in time with each labored beat of his heart. The oily black threats were advancing like a parasite, each seeming slowly inch its way towards Zander’s heart.
“I don’t know how,” I whispered, “but I’m going to fix this. Please, just hang on.”
I was so lost in thought I hadn’t noticed when my best friend slipped onto the mat next to me. I tossed a nearby towel over Zander’s hand so she would not see and turned to see the scowl that I knew would be plastered on her face.
“Glad to see you finally got a grip on yourself,” Riley said, tossing me a bag of corn chips and crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t suppose you want to tell me what all that was about?”
“I don’t know, Ry,” I said, setting the chips aside. I suddenly felt exhausted. “Look, I’m sorry I laughed at you, okay? It’s just…it’s bad, Ry, really bad, and it kinda all hit me at once. I guess I did lose it for a minute there, huh?”
“Gee, you think?” Riley rolled her eyes.
From the second Falisha and I had returned from our little recon mission, Riley had seemed to be annoyed with me. I was not sure why, but she did not seem in a hurry to share, so I decided not to press. For a moment, she said nothing, but her face softened when she saw me smooth Zander’s hair away from his furrowed brow.
“Liv, are you okay?” Riley finally relented her grumpiness in favor of worry. “You seem…off.”
“Not really,” I said, sighing at Zander. Even in his sleep, he looked pained.
“How’s he doing?” Riley asked, biting her lip.
“About the same, I guess,” I shrugged.
I flipped off my flashlight to conserve the battery and found I could see just fine in the faint glow of the cell phone lying next to me. I traced the tense outline of Zander’s jaw and gently placed the palm of my hand against his face. His skin was so warm and the fine dusting of facial hair tickled at my palm. I moved to pull away, but Zander turned his face against my hand. The corners of his lips turned up for a fraction of a second and I froze. I kept my hand there, cradling his face as if my touch alone could pull him out of this.
“Please,” I begged him. “Just…hang on.”
“Liv.” Zander’s voice rasped past his lips, barely more than a faint whisper. His lids began to flutter, his head lolling weakly from side to side. Heat rolled off of him in waves and his skin was unbearably warm against mine as his body began to succumb to the fever. I felt like I was watching him drown and no matter how hard I swam toward him, he was always just out of my reach.
“Shhhh…It’s okay, Zan,” I whispered, trying to quiet him, as I leaned in closer. “Don’t try to talk.”
“Liv.” It was but a breath this time.
A lone bead of sweat rolled down his cheek and disappeared into the corner of his mouth as the next wave threatened to pull him under. Tears clouded my vision. I blinked them away, unwilling to remove my touch from his skin. The pain behind my ribs became almost unbearable the tears rolled freely down my face. His chest rose and fell in short bursts, as he struggled for breath.
“Fight, Zander,” I whispered.
The moment I said his name, he turned his head and pressed his cracked lips to the palm of my hand. The contact was brief but it sent an undeniable shiver up my spine. The flutter of hope was short-lived. His mouth went slack and he sank back into a fitful sleep.
“Uhh, Liv?” Riley’s eyes were wide. “He totally just kissed you.”
“I know,” I said. I looked down at Zander’s strained expression, his face resting hot against my hand. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to face-palm myself. How had I let this happen? “Just shut up, okay?”
“What?” she said, feigning innocence. “I’m just saying, it’s obvious that—”
“No, Riley. Just…no.” I rubbed my eyes with my free hand. “I’m such an idiot. I should never have let it go this far.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, her face a mask of pure confusion.
“I’m talking about this,” I said, gesturing to his face resting against my palm. “This— he, was not part of the plan.”
“Are you kidding me right now? Jesus Christ, Liv. Take a look around you. ” Somehow, Riley managed to both yell and whisper, as she gestured wildly around the dark room. “Was any of this part of your precious plan?”
“But, my brother—” I said.
“Stop,” she shoved her finger in my face, glaring at me. “Don’t you dare, for one second, act like this is about your little brother because you and I both know that is complete and utter bullshit.”
“Riley.” My eyes widened, shocked by her anger.
“You listen to me,” she said. Her tone softened but hard lines of her face did not. “You can’t keep doing this, Liv.”
“Doing what,” I said, bitterly.
“This,” she said, pointing at me. “What you are doing, right now— going through the motions with your head up your ass, pretending you don’t give a shit about anything or anyone. I’ve watched you do it for months now, but I can’t do it anymore. I won’t let you do this to yourself.”
“You don’t know what you are talking about,” I said, carefully prying my hand away from Zander.
“I know exactly what I am talking about,” she growled. “And just so you know, pushing people away, refusing to let anyone get close enough to hurt you— that doesn’t make you strong or brave, Olivia Larson. It makes you a damn coward!”
In the months since she had wormed her way into my heart, Riley had never talked to me like this. And she had never once called me Olivia. No one had…not since Mom, and it nearly broke me to hear it again. Before I could completely fall apart, Riley reached over, put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed, leaning into my side.
“I’m sorry I have to be the one to tell you this, Liv, but it needs to be said,” Riley said, laying her head on my arm. “Life is unpredictable and messy and sometimes it hurts like hell, but you don’t get to stop living it just because it’s hard.”
“I know, but—” I just couldn’t put it into words how helpless I felt. My parents were gone and for all I knew, Beans was too. There was nothing I could do to stop or change any of it.
“It’s okay to hurt, Liv.” She stopped me. “But you can’t let that pain and anger swallow you up. You have to keep fighting, every day, no matter what. I promise you that it will get better if you let it.”
“How?” I asked, staring down at Zander. “I don’t even know where to start, Ry.”
“Yes, you do,” she said, bumping my shoulder. “Just start from where you are, and try to remember that every person you cross paths with in this life is meant to be there. Some will make you weak and others will give you strength, but they are all a part of your story. When you lose someone, it doesn’t mean you didn’t deserve to have them in your life anymore, or that they didn’t belong there to begin with. It just means that their part in your story is over.”
“But, I can’t just move on and forget about them, Ry,” I said, a tear sliding down my cheek. “That feels wrong.”
&nbs
p; “Oh, honey,” Riley said. “Moving forward is not about forgetting they were ever here. It’s about accepting that they are gone, and still having the courage to turn the page.”
Chapter 17
Twinkies and Tanks
“I knew it!” yelled Jake. “I freaking knew it!”
We had all been wandering around in the near pitch dark, for hours now (aside from my brief stint above ground), but my eyes seemed to have easily adjusted. I barely needed the glow of a phone, or my tiny flashlight to get around anymore. I followed the sound of his excited ramblings, easily navigating my way through the shadows with grace and efficiency I was not aware I possessed.
Funny, I had spent most of my life tripping over my own two feet, dropping things, and generally mastering the art of all things clumsy. Until recently, my center of gravity (much like my love life) had been virtually non-existent. Even as a young child, I had always been a bit on the klutzy side. My parents used to crack jokes about dropping me on my head as a baby and shaking a screw loose. In fact, the only time in my life I ever felt sure-footed and at ease was when I was running. While I may have been fast, I had never once been accused of being graceful.
All of a sudden, the world goes dark and I’m freaking Grace Kelly? Go figure. That bump on the head must have knocked that loose screw back into place.
As soon as I was close enough, Jake reached up and grabbed my arm, dragging me the last few feet. He had managed to upload the images I had taken onto the photo software on the old laptop and was about as close to giddy as a super-intelligent, highly cynical, tech-nerd could likely get.
“Ohmigosh, Liv. You gotta see this,” he said, practically jumping out of his own skin. “You are not going to believe it!”
“What’s up?” I asked.
Jake was positively beaming, and I couldn’t help but mirror his smile. Those of us who were conscious were once again gathered around the laptop; it had somehow become the pow-wow campfire for our makeshift tribe.
“Right there…It says NWS-GB,” he said, pointing to the lettering on the orange parachute. He looked up at us, like that should mean something.
It didn’t.
“And?”
“Oh my God, really?” Jake’s his eyebrows rose so high, they practically touched his hairline.
He was clearly frustrated by our ignorance, but instead of responding, I simply waved him on and lowered myself to the floor.
“Ugh, seriously guys. Crack open a book once in a while, sheesh,” he shook his head, before continuing. “NWS…as in the National Weather Service.”
“Okay,” I said, still confused.
“It’s a freaking weather balloon,” he shouted, throwing his hands in the air.
“Huh,” Falisha huffed. “That’s random.”
“Most likely, this baby came from Wisconsin. You know, GB; Green Bay.” He was clearly dumbing it down for us now, but no one complained. Turns out his condescension was somewhat warranted at the moment.
“What’s the box for?” I asked.
“That big metal contraption it’s tied to is the central processing unit. It’s basically just a fancy computer attached to a hot air balloon,” Jake pantomimed the shape of the balloon. “The National Weather Service launches them all over the country to read atmospheric conditions.”
“So they are just floating thermometers?” Riley sounded genuinely curious.
“Kind of. I mean, most just analyze temperature, precipitation levels, and barometric pressure, but they can be customized to evaluate just about anything,” Jake said, pointing at the computer screen. “The thing is, these puppies only stay up for so long, right? So, once they come back down, the parachute slows their fall, and the metal cage you see here? That allows them to safely land without destroying the CPU. Most of them even have shipping instructions attached to the CPU so if they are found off course, they can make it back to their original launch site.”
“What the hell is it doing here, though?” asked Micah. “Green Bay has to be almost three hundred miles from here.”
“Dumb luck,” Jake shrugged. “I bet they sent it out after Icarus hit, trying to figure out what the hell was going on and it got sucked up by the solar winds shooting south. The good news is that it looks like it’s still mostly inflated, so it couldn’t have been launched that long ago.”
He turned toward us, a smile lighting up his face. The rest of us just stared.
“That means we are not alone. There are others out there, other survivors,” he said and then pointed back to the computer screen. “And now, we have a way out!”
“What do you mean?” I asked as he tapped on the image of the balloon’s CPU. “How is that hunk of junk going to get us out of here?”
“Because, that hunk of junk, as you so eloquently put it, can tell us when it was safe to go outside,” Jake said. “We would need to run some cable to the CPU, but I am almost positive I can reconfigure it. Liv, if we can hook that thing up to the dinosaur, we will have all the information we need to know the exact moment it’s safe enough to get out of here.”
The others joined in with their own happy chatter. Micah, who had been fairly reserved since Zander went down, let out a sigh of relief as Riley wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. She closed her eyes, squeezing tightly, and leaned against his chest. He smiled back, gently kissing the top of her head. Falisha smiled and patted Jake on the back, a rare show of affection from a hard case. I watched in silence, like a child outside a toy store window, longing to get my hands on the joy beyond the glass.
They saw a way out— a light at the end of the tunnel. All I saw was more tunnel and a chance to set my plan in motion.
“And you’re sure this will tell us when it’s safe to go outside?” I grabbed onto Jake’s arm.
“Like ninety-five percent,” Jake said, as Riley clapped him on the back.
“That’s awesome little man,” Falisha said, rustling his hair, playfully. “Finally, something goes our way.”
“Yeah, totally,” I agreed, scraping my hair away from my face. “This is exactly what we need, but, umm…won’t someone have to go outside to hook it up?”
***
“Okay, so we are clear on the plan, right,” Jake asked.
“Oh my God. For the fiftieth freaking time, yes,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I take this fancy blue cable, sprint like hell over to the big metal box, and twist the pointy end into the round hole by the blue gauge in the upper right-hand-corner facing the building. Then, I run as fast as I can and dive back inside before I melt. I got it.”
“Wow, Mydol much?” Jake snapped back.
We had spent the last half an hour going over the plan, reciting it forwards and backwards, until I was sure I would be saying it in my sleep. Jake had done his homework, though, and I could not fault him for being thorough. Between the crappy cell pictures I had taken and the library of technical knowledge already in his head, Jake had already managed to figure out most of the components of the NWS computer, as well as how we would access it.
I was grateful he was here and I knew we were really lucky to have someone as smart as Jake on our side at a time like this. Despite his constant sarcasm and general pissiness, I really liked the kid.
“Sorry, Jake,” I said, shrugging. “I guess I am just a little nervous.”
“No shit, you’re nervous. You should be,” he said, his eyes suddenly serious. “Liv, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, this is like really dangerous.”
He looked around to make sure no one else was listening. He raked his hands through his hair and closed his eyes for a moment, before grabbing my shoulder to pull me close enough that our foreheads nearly touched.
“I have to,” I said.
“Liv, I think we both know what you are thinking about doing,” his eyes looked sad. “I just want to officially go on the record as saying I think it is a really bad idea.”
“I know,” I said.
He was right. This was a really ba
d idea, but it was also the best I had. Stupidity aside, I was pretty sure that if I didn’t do it, Zander was going to die— and sooner rather than later.
“Please, just don’t tell Riley?” I pleaded with him. “She’ll never let me go. Or worse, she will try to come with me and get us both killed.”
“God, Liv,” Jake said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Don’t ask me to do this.”
“Please, Jake?” I begged. “I know this is stupid and crazy, but my gut is telling me this is right. I have to do it.”
“Come on,” he shook his head, sighing as he ran both of his wiry hands through his short hair. The effort made it stick up in messy spikes all over his head. If the situation were different, I would have laughed and made a brooding teenage vampire joke, but I resisted.
“I’m asking you to trust me,” I said, grabbing both of his hands. “Please, Jake.”
“Damn it, Liv,” Jake’s shoulders slumped, and I knew I had him.
“Thank you,” I breathed, wrapping my arms around his thin shoulders.
After a moment he hugged me back, though it was awkward for both of us. I got the feeling he was not the touchy-feely type either and as far as I was concerned, that was just another reason to like the kid.
“Don’t thank me,” he said, gently pushing me away as he stared down at Zander. “Just save him, okay, and we will call it even.”
His eyes locked on mine, in a silent but meaningful exchange. The pale glow of the cell phone on the floor threw heavy shadows over the worry lines in his face. In that moment, I realized that Jake and I had been seeing Zander through the same eyes.
“Oh, Jake, I—” I stuttered, as the pieces finally fell together.
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