“A little,” I laughed, placing my hand on his chest. “But it’s a good weird.”
“In that case would you care to join me for dinner?” Zander asked. He pulled two smashed granola bars and a small fruit cup from his pocket and tossed them into the middle of the pile of cushions. He held his hand out to me, bowing at the waist as if I were royalty. “I reserved us a table at the finest restaurant in town.”
I slid my hand into his and let him pull me into the center of the pallet, laughing softly as we slumped down to the floor. My feet throbbed out an angry beat inside my boots but, for obvious reasons, I didn’t dare take them off. Instead, I sank into the cushions, groaning as my angry muscles finally started to relax.
We had been going, pretty much non-stop, since this whole mess began and my body was feeling the strain. I could count the hours of sleep I had gotten in the last few days on one hand, and the deprivation was doing me no favors. My head was pounding, my body ached, and even my skin hurt. I was severely dehydrated, and exhausted to the point of near-delirium, but smiled contentedly down at the touch of cinnamon-raisin normalcy he had placed in my hand.
“By the way, I hate granola bars,” Zander laughed, wrinkling up his nose as he downed the smashed up bar in two bites. He filled his mouth with water and swished it around before swallowing it. “I don’t know how you can stand these things, Liv. That seriously tasted like cardboard.”
“Are you kidding? Granola is awesome. I could live on granola bars,” I said, giggling as I took a normal-sized bite. “Which, as it turns out, we may have to.”
“God, I hope not,” Zander said, as he tossed his wrapper aside.
“Hope is not a strategy,” I said on reflex. “Or at least, that’s what my dad used to say, anyway.”
“You don’t talk about him much,” Zander said, peeling open the fruit cup and holding it out to me. “What was he like?”
I pulled my hair tie out and let the rat’s nest fall in waves around my face. It had been forever since I had run a brush through it. It was so gnarled and tangled I feared I’d have to shave it all off and start over. I shook my head, letting it swing across my back and I gently rubbed at the sore spot on my scalp. “He was just, my dad, you know?”
“What did he do?” Zander asked, lacing his fingers behind his head as he settled against an old floral couch cushion.
“I didn’t memorize his exact job description or anything,” I shrugged, “but he worked for the zoning commission. Some boring nine to five desk job. I think he secretly hated it, but it was decent money and he never really complained.”
“And your mom,” Zander asked, smiling as he slid closer to me. “What was she like?”
“My mom? She was a force to be reckoned with, kind of like Riley, over there,” I said, laughing to myself. “As much as my dad liked to pretend he was in charge, there was never any doubt as to who really ran the show. God, she had dad wrapped around her little finger. Seriously, it was pretty disgusting sometimes.”
“That sounds nice, actually,” Zander said, lacing our fingers together between us. “And your little brother?”
“Ahh, Beans,” I smirked, shaking my head.
“Beans,” Zander said, raising a brow. “I’m guessing there’s a story there?”
“There is,” I said, absently pulling my hair into a braid over my shoulder. “Lucas was, I dunno, maybe three, when dad decided he was old enough to go on his first rough-it. It took him weeks to convince my mom, but eventually, she caved. So, dad reserves us this primitive site at Governor’s Dodge State Park in Wisconsin; you know, the kind where you have to backpack in to get to it?”
“Got it,” Zander said, the corner of his mouth curving up.
“It was, seriously, like a half a mile to the nearest bathroom,” I laughed. “Mom was up in arms about the whole thing. See, she was trying to potty train my brother and felt that teaching him to pee in the bushes was counter-productive to those efforts.”
Zander laughed and the sound was like music. I relaxed back into the cushions and closed my eyes, traveling back to that day in the woods. I remembered every detail like it was yesterday; the cool breeze on my face, the pine boughs that shaded my face, even the mosquitoes buzzing about while I quietly read my book. I could practically smell the crisp pine scent of the freshly fallen needles at my feet.
“We had already set up the tents and unpacked the food but they were still going back and forth about the whole potty-training debacle. My little brother kept butting in, trying to get their attention. He’s like, daddy, daddy, daddy, but Dad was like, not now, buddy, why don’t you go get a snack.
“A couple minutes later, he runs back over to my parents, who are still going on and on about the bathroom situation, by the way. He’s all daddy, I made pretty flowers. My dad shrugs him off again, intent on winning the debate with mom, but Lucas doesn’t give up that easily. He starts dancing between them singing, mommy, daddy, come see, come see! That’s when mom realizes his little hands are completely brown.”
“Oh God,” Zander says, choking on his water.
“Yeah,” I laughed. “Anyways, he goes toddling back over to the tent and my mom goes sprinting after him. She skids to a halt in front of the tent and just stares at it with her mouth hanging open in shock. My little brother had drawn a big brown flower on the side of the tent. My dad is, like, rolling on the ground laughing, but my mom is horrified. She’s all, Lucas, what did you do? She’s running around crazy trying to find wipes or hand sanitizer, when Lucas says, mommy, I clean, I clean. Before my mom can stop him, he rakes his fingers through the brown mess and shoves them into his mouth.”
“No,” Zander’s eyes went wide.
“Yep, licked them clean,” I laugh. “Anyways, my dad finally stops laughing and my mom nearly passed out from the shock. My little brother looks over at me, with a big smile on his face, asks me if I want a snack too, and hands me an open container of refried beans.”
I could still see his tiny face, covered in beans and grins. I laughed deep in my belly, the harmonious sound of Zander’s own laughter spurring me on. I giggled until my stomach grew sore and my cheeks cramped from smiling so hard. Suddenly, my chest grew tight and my eyes began to sting. The laughter died swiftly in my throat. It was a happy memory, one of my happiest— but it was also a reminder of all I had lost.
“They’re gone, Zander,” I sobbed, burying my face in the crook of my arm. “They’re gone, and it’s my fault.”
“What are you talking about,” Zander asked, pulling my arm away from my face. “What’s your fault?”
“They counted on me,” I said, feeling hollow. “I failed them, Zander, all of them. Mom and Dad are gone, and I still have no idea where my little brother is, or if he’s okay.”
“Liv, the only way you could possibly fail them, would be to give up,” Zander said, squeezing my hand lightly. “Is that what this is? Is this you giving up?”
“What? No,” I said, shooting up. “I’ll never—”
“Exactly,” he said, rising next to me. “You are not a quitter, and you are not giving up. You have done the best you could with a bad situation, Liv. I know I didn’t know your parents, but I have a feeling they would be proud of all you have accomplished so far.”
“I miss them, Zander,” I said, feeling the weight their absence in my chest. “I miss them so much it hurts to breathe sometimes.”
His voice was calm. “You have been through more than anyone your age should ever have to deal with, and I know that it hurts, but you can’t afford to let it cripple you.”
“But I should have—” I argued.
“Stop,” Zander said, pressing a finger to my lips. “Listen to me, Liv Larson. You are, by far, the most stubborn, exhausting girl I have ever met in my life. You insist on doing everything the hard way, you constantly put yourself in danger, and you have absolutely no sense of self-preservation.”
“Gee, thanks,” I muttered against it, sniffling.
&n
bsp; “I wasn’t finished,” he said, lowering his hand from my mouth. “You are all of those things, Liv, but you are also the smartest, strongest, most brave person I have ever known. You have this energy about you that feeds the courage of those around you. I know you have your doubts, but the rest of us do not share your opinion. Like it or not, you are a natural born leader.”
“But, I—”
“But nothing,” he said. His warm eyes paralyzed me with their intensity, as his hand slid into my tangled hair. “Damn it, Liv, you are amazing. Even if you don’t see it, the rest of us do— I do, and we would follow you over a cliff.”
“I don’t have any answers, and I have no idea what I am doing,” I countered.
“Don’t you get it?” Zander ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes never leaving mine. “You don’t have to have all the answers, Liv. It’s your instincts that have gotten us this far and we trust in that; in you. As for the rest of it? Well, we can figure that out together.”
Zander slid his palm against the side of my face, resting it gently along my jawline. His skin felt warm against mine. I wanted nothing more than to sink into him and forget my troubles, but I couldn’t let go of the unknowns muddling my mind. Was I doing the right thing with Micah and Riley? Was I putting everyone in danger? Where was my little brother, and was he safe? I had spent the first seventeen years of my life attempting to control the world around me, but at the moment, I could barely master my own breathing.
“I have no business leading anyone,” I mumbled, staring down at my hands. “I’m not a leader, Zan. I am a freaking mess.”
“You’re wrong about that,” Zander said, his thumb grazing my cheek as he spoke. “Your world ended long before the rest of ours, and yet, here you are. You are the very definition of a survivor, Liv. I’d say that makes you uniquely qualified for the position, wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t know,” I said, wishing I shared his confidence in me. “I might actually be leading everyone over the edge of that cliff, Zander.”
“Maybe you are, but at this point, it’s the best course we’ve got,” Zander said. “There will always be a risk in moving forward, Liv, but going back is no longer an option.”
“Awesome,” I said, pouting shamelessly.
“I am not saying this will be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is,” he said. “We will find your brother, Liv, and as soon as he is safe in your arms again, we will find our answers— about the virus and Gunther’s message. Hell, maybe we’ll even find out what happened to my father.”
“The bird!” I shot up sharply. “Jesus, I can’t believe I almost forgot about the bird.”
“Umm, Bird?” Zander’s eyes danced with curiosity in the candlelight.
“Yeah, jeez, I totally spaced,” I said. I pulled my backpack into my lap and shoved my arm in, elbow deep. “I’ve had it since—come, on. I know it’s here somewhere.”
Zander watched with amused curiosity, cocking his head to the side as I dug frantically through my knapsack. My fingers raked across Courage’s tattered fur and slid over smooth edges of my useless cell phone. I pushed it aside and tossed items carelessly to the floor until my fingers finally closed around it.
“There you are,” I said, yanking my hand free of the bag. “Hold out your hand.”
“What are you—” Zander’s laughter died in his throat the moment I dropped the small chrome eagle into his palm.
“I know how much your Dad’s bike meant to you, and how much it killed you to see it destroyed like that. I thought you might want something, you know a keepsake, or whatever,” I shrugged. “I realize this doesn’t even come close to making up for what you’ve lost, but I—”
Zander’s lips collided with mine, swallowing my apology mid-sentence. One hand threaded itself through my hair while the other pulled me across the cushions and against his chest. At first, his kisses were hungry and urgent, his breath coming in short bursts as he struggled to maintain his composure. His strong fingers kneaded at my skin and I sank further into his arms. I could feel the beat of his heart when I gently touched his chest. His hands were like rough silk against my over-sensitive skin, as they painted an electrified path across my body.
“Jesus, Liv,” he gasped into my mouth, the strain visible in the tight cording of his neck. “I’m sorry, I…”
“Shhh,” I whispered against his lips, then pressed our mouths back together.
My eyes closed and the last ounce of the tension finally left my body. His kisses slowed, the edgy fervor giving way to something more reverent. His lips worshiped mine. He traced them lightly with his tongue before gently dipping into my mouth. With each shallow breath, I melted deeper into his touch. Minutes, maybe hours, ticked by as we lost ourselves in each other.
Bella barked softly in her sleep, shattering the silence and bringing us back to reality.
“Whoa,” Zander said, his forehead resting against mine as he fought to catch his breath.
“Yeah, whoa,” I agreed, laughing nervously. “So, that just happened.”
“Yeah, it did,” he said, blushing as he fished the eagle from between the cushions. He started down at it, his hair spreading in a dark curtain around his face. “I just— thank you for this. It means…everything.”
He lowered himself onto his side pulled me down next to him. We lay together in complete silence, for a while, my back against his chest. Our hearts beat in tandem, slowing together as we finally came down from our high.
Zander’s breath, warm against my neck, tickled across skin as his hands wandered slowly down my body. His fingertips slid across my jaw and down the side of my neck, before swirling in the dip of my collarbone. Zander’s touch was feather light as he trailed along the length of my arm, before finally lacing his fingers with mine. He laughed when he felt my skin prickle under his touch.
“I was right about you, you know,” Zander whispered against my neck. “You really are amazing.”
“Shut up,” I laughed, my face warming at his praise. “Just go to sleep.”
“Not until you admit I was right,” he said, snickering as he poked my side. “Come on, Liv. You can do it. Say it with me; you…were…right. ”
“No way,” I laughed, pulling his hand away from my side and threading it with mine so he couldn’t tickle me anymore. “You weren’t right about everything, you know?”
“Oh yeah?” He slid our clasped hands to my waist and pulled me closer until his chin settled into the crook of my neck. “And what exactly was I wrong about?”
“You said I would kiss you,” I said, laughing as I sank into his embrace.
Chapter 32
…Here’s Johnnie!
For the first time in months, I woke up feeling as though I had actually slept. If the grandfather clock in the corner of the basement was to be trusted, it was nearly three o’clock in the afternoon when I finally managed to peel my eyelids apart. Bella was curled up at my feet, her legs jerking as she sprinted through a dream.
I tiptoed around her and made my way towards the beginning of the alphabet and the exit to the basement. Falisha was still asleep, sprawled out on the massive pile of cushions they had set up, but the rest of the group was nowhere to be seen.
My stomach growled loudly as I stepped over her feet, reminding me it had been almost a day since I had eaten anything remotely substantial. I rubbed my belly as it grieved that amazing burger and headed towards the stairs in search of my friends and, hopefully, a snack. I had just cleared the pile of backpacks, when a familiar twinge in my chest froze me in my tracks. I took a few deep breaths trying to steady myself, before taking another small step forward.
With each step, the sensation behind my ribs grew stronger, more insistent; like a metal detector honing in on a treasure in the sand.
I took a step back and then another until the tug subsided enough that I was able to breathe again. The second I moved forward it returned, growing stronger with every step.
“Crap!” I sprinted to
the stairs in a panic, pulling out my knife as I went.
When I reached the staircase, I took them two at a time and burst through the basement door at the top. My dramatic entrance was wasted on the swordfish mounted to the wall and a collection of tattered tweed jackets draped over a coat rack. Sweat dripped from my forehead and down my face. It stung my eyes and tasted strongly of salt and fear.
I grabbed the bottom of my tank and wiped my face while I slowly made my way around the lower floor of the two-story, Victorian four-square. As I got closer to the kitchen, the pull relented, allowing me to catch my breath. I swallowed the warm, crisp air greedily, and tried to focus my thinking. I knew it wasn’t Zander I was feeling, but my “radar” was sure as hell picking up on something.
“Hello?” My voice echoed back to me as I emerged into the galley kitchen. “Riley? Micah?”
I ran my hand along the smooth butchers block counter top and across the lip of a perfectly restored apron sink. Despite the stifling heat, the bright white porcelain felt cold to the touch. I fought the urge to lay my face against its cool surface and continued my trek across the checkerboard floor to the other side of the room.
The plaster walls were painted a shade of green that reminded me of mint ice cream. All but one, which housed an old Frigidaire and matching stove, were surrounded by glass-front cabinets. Each cupboard was lined with floral patterned dishes, meticulously arranged into coordinated sets— plate, saucer, bowl, teacup, repeat. It reminded me of the Tates’ flowery “wedding china,” which they displayed proudly, but never used.
I rounded the doorway into the dining room, but I felt no increase in pressure there. I continued my loop, pausing for just a moment at the bottom of the stairs leading to the second floor. Nothing urged me to climb them, so I pressed on. When I passed through the sitting room, the ache in my chest intensified.
I raced towards the back door, with renewed apprehension. I sprinted past the pile of bloody cotton balls and gauze we had left that morning and barreled toward the door. When I reached for the handle, the door swung open from the other side and my momentum sent me hurtling straight through it.
Killshot (Icarus Series Book 1) Page 29