“Um, Jessie?” she asked. “Does Charlie know about all this? That the wedding is off?”
“Hell,” Charles barked. “To heck with Charlie. My question is, does Josh know?”
As Jessie listened to Charles and Dee discuss what to do and how to start cancelling months of truly expensive wedding plans, she caught herself thinking, Actually, in fact, it seems there is a lot Josh does not know.
She twisted the teacup around in circles with one hand, and her hair in ringlets with the other. And then she smiled. It was over. The nightmare was over, and she would be with Josh on set for the next three days.
Amazing how quickly things could change. Life was suddenly bliss.
***
Chapter Seventeen
Life on set was chill and fun over the next three days. The unbearable tension and angst of last week was now behind them all, and things would have returned completely to normal had the cast and crew not been a mere few days away from completing the first season’s shoot of their 1860’s Gold Rush BC western. It had been an amazing shoot overall, and Jessie found herself happy and relaxed around the people who had become her unlikely friends, namely, pretty much the entire group of electrics, grips, cast, wardrobe, set dec, props and others who populated the set. She spent her lunches under the cottonwood tree again, working on her new song or running lines with Josh, and because it was high season for cottonwoods, they were often gently rained upon by lovely little wisps of white fluff, emanating from the direction of jagged heart shaped leaves. They felt so safe there, the two of them, so insulated and protected that Jessie didn’t feel the need to change any expectations at that point in time. She figured rightly that both of them instinctively knew how the other felt when it came to their relationship, so why rock the boat at this point? She thought it would be best to wait out the end of the shoot and then break the news at the wrap party scheduled for that Wednesday night that her wedding was off. The press conference Dee had arranged was scheduled for Thursday morning, and so it seemed like the right time. She would see then how things would go with Josh, but she wasn’t worried. She adored him deeply, and she was comfortable in the knowing that he was single and that he felt the same way about her, that he would be willing to take a chance on them, and that all would be well.
There was one slight hitch – most of the main cast had already signed on for season two, which would start shooting in the late fall. The show itself would premiere shortly before. All early reports were good. Drifters would be shooting a full second season. Jessie was one of the only remaining cast not to sign on to season two at this point. She and Dee had discussed it, and she said she wanted to see how the show was received, but the truth was that she really wanted to see where things went with Josh. Not signing was her only real reservation about her chances with Josh – she couldn’t bear the thought of being on set with him for months again yet not being able to be with him, body and soul. That would be unbearable for a second season in a row. She would wait it out a little longer – til perhaps a week or two after the wrap party.
Jessie and Josh had one particularly amiable conversation in the barn as they patted Sally’s soft nose on Wednesday, their last day of shooting. Jessie was in an almost gleeful mood as she chatted with Josh before they were beckoned to shoot their final scene. It felt like Christmas was around the corner.
“Josh,” she said, rubbing Sally’s soft neck. “Tell me more about this feature.”
He shrugged contentedly. “What do you want to know? It’s a Wes Anderson film, we’re shooting in New Mexico…Bruce Willis is on it. And Bill Murray…” As his sentence trailed off Jessie realized Josh was understandably nervous – he was moving up to the Pro ranks, in a way. A higher level.
“They’re okay. I’ve worked with both of them. Just do what you always do. Be a star, and have faith in your own abilities, Josh. You’ll be great.”
He winked at her. “My own cheering section, huh?”
“Was there ever any doubt?” Jessie ducked her head and toed some straw with her boot so Josh couldn’t see the pink flush that spread across her cheeks. Smiling, Josh let her have a moment to recover while he grabbed Sally’s water bucket and topped it off.
Hesitant, he threw in casually as he replaced the bucket in the stall, “You ought to drop out for a visit. Have a little reunion with your old acting buds.” Ruefully, Josh peeked up at Jessie. She was frowning, but her expression quickly changed as remembrance and hope flitted across her eyes.
“Maybe I will,” she said, crossing one boot in front of the other, grabbing the wooden stall with both hands, and leaning back playfully. She was almost dancing with excitement – the future suddenly seemed so filled with promise. She smiled up at him from underneath long lashes, and Josh wondered if the rumors flying around set were true. Was the wedding on or off? Nobody recalled seeing Jessie quite so at peace all season…especially given the angst of last week’s diabolical events…so there was a great deal of conjecture and surmising happening around Drifters. At any rate, Josh wasn’t up to asking her. If Jessie wanted to tell him, she would. He trusted her to let slip bits and pieces of her heart when she was ready. But his heart leapt at the playful smile teasing her lips and the dancing lights in her blue eyes, and Josh wondered why she would promise a visit to his set if she was still marrying Charlie.
To still his own rising questions, he threw in a diversion. “Set dec’s been at my house all day. Can’t wait to see what they have planned for the wrap party.”
“Baileys and coffee better be a part of it. Oops.”
“I’ll take the coffee part.”
“Sorry, Josh.”
“Hey, the world isn’t gonna stop turning just because I’ve sworn off booze, Jessie. Drink all the Baileys you want. I’ll carry you up to bed.” He laughed and grabbed Jessie by the waist, pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her. Thrilled at Josh’s touch, Jessie soaked up his musky, earthy essence and reveled in his closeness.
“Ummm, this is nice,” she whispered dreamily.
After a moment the snuffling of the horses in the barn reminded them to ease up, that there were still unanswered questions. Josh’s eyes were curious, but guarded, when Jessie stepped back out of his embrace and peeked back up at him. She sighed, then turned away and leaned on crossed arms over the stall.
From behind Sally’s inquisitive nose came Jessie’s quiet voice. “You’ve been a dream, Josh. Really. An awesome co-star. I’ve done some of my best work on Drifters.” She laid her right cheek on her forearms and looked back over at him. He was standing just a foot over and behind her, his left hand gripping the stall as if he needed that grounding to hold him up.
“Right back at you,” he said, then stepped forward and nestled his chin on crossed arms next to her. Damn, I need to know, he was thinking. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask.
Jessie pondered him, this man she loved, as he turned his head and studied her. She let the fingers of her right hand touch the fingers of his left hand, and then she twined all of her fingers through his and held on.
For the longest time they leaned against the stall with only Sally as witness to their enduring vulnerable feelings in the place where they’d made the decision to let each other go so many months before.
After a while, Pier stuck his head in the door, blocking the light. “Hey! You two. You’re needed on set.”
The spell was broken.
As Jessie stepped away, hesitant to let go, she glanced back at Josh. He, too, seemed reluctant to let the cherished quiet moment pass.
“Hey,” she said.
His heart fluttered as Josh held his breath. Maybe now she would tell him what the hell was going on in her personal life.
“I’ll see you at the wrap party, Sawyer,” was all she said as she sidled away, her voice edged with hope.
After a moment he nodded quietly. “Yeah. You bet.”
She hadn’t said I’ll see you on set. Maybe because that was a given. But
wasn’t the wrap party also a given? Was there hidden meaning in her words?
Josh was holding out for more. Hell, he was demanding more.
It all felt so close he almost thought he could reach out and touch it – the dream. Drifters, friends, family, Jessie…
“Josh!”
“Yo! Pier! On my way.”
Jessie was already out of the barn, but she tossed her head backwards at Josh and grinned. “Come on, Sawyer. The sooner we get this shot, the sooner we get to the wrap party. Get your butt in gear.” Blushing happily, Jessie strode confidently towards a van waiting to take her to set. She felt like running, her arms spread out with glee, but life had taught her that sometimes unexpected curves can dispel best laid plans, hopes, dreams. So she stilled the butterflies in her belly and climbed into the van, pressing her hands into her lap and taking a deep breath. As she settled in to wait for Josh, she whispered a silent prayer.
“Dad, or whoever’s listening, just let me have this, okay? Just let me have this.”
Josh was laughing when he climbed into the van beside her.
“Jessie,” he said. “You better be coming back to do season two. Pier just told me the crew’s taking up a petition to present to you at the party. They’ve heard your backup is Leeza. They’re threatening to quit and go find jobs with Joss Whedon.”
“Ouch.”
Josh draped an arm casually around his co-star as the van started down the hill towards set. “Hey, they like you. Although for the life of me I can’t figure out why, Wheeler.” He leaned over and brushed his lips against Jessie’s forehead, then wiped a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes. “Must be the lattes you ordered for everyone from ROAM back on episode six.”
“I don’t need to buy love with lattes, Sawyer. I have my own inherent charms.”
His laugh warmed Jessie’s heart as the van trundled down the hill, and throughout the rest of the long shoot day. Everyone was in a good mood, and Jessie was presented the petition when the cast and crew wrapped because Pier was too excited to wait for the wrap party. But Jessie wouldn’t cave, she needed to know where Josh stood before committing to season two. The wrap party was a few short hours away. She could wait, and keep everyone else waiting just a bit longer as well.
As she piloted the Mustang towards her downtown Vancouver digs, she replayed the upcoming evening over and over. Each living daydream always ended with a lifetime of perfection – Jessie and Josh, together at last.
***
Jessie planned to get to the wrap party by eight for a barbecue buffet by Josh’s pool, but just as she finished throwing a load of laundry in the washer, her cell rang. It was Dee.
“Hi Jessie,” she said. “How are things over there?”
“Good! Just heading out to the wrap party after I get a load of laundry on the go and the bathrooms cleaned, so after I get back from my trip the place is reasonably in order.” She liked everything in its place – it was one of her methods of controlling her universe in some small way when, for the most part, it often seemed to rule her. She was leaving for an extended period, not on her honeymoon as planned, but at least away from her high-speed life in Vancouver. She sounded excited, and Dee was glad, but the Keating grand dame had some news she felt was likely to break Jessie’s good humor.
“Honey, you’re going to kill me.”
Pause. Jessie stopped squirting cleaner on the sink in the en suite bathroom, set the container down on the counter, and shifted her weight petulantly to the other foot.
“Dee?”
When Dee prefaced a conversation with that particular phrase, Jessie knew she wasn’t going to like what followed. She hoped that whatever it was, it didn’t have any bearing on the party that night. Maybe Dee had scheduled in some talk show or concert appearance in the midst of her summer vacation. She felt she could handle that, but the party…well, she had plans for the party she hoped would help make her time away bearable and full of promise for the fall. Her heart stopped for a second – maybe Dee had made some kind of promise to Jonathon for the next season – but that was unlikely. The formidable Deirdre Keating was, indeed, a force to be reckoned with, but she would not sign Jessie on to something for which she wasn’t prepared. Jonathon would have to wait until after tonight’s party – after she got a chance to talk to Josh. No way could Jessie once again face the same emotional curves as over these past many months of shooting. She needed to know where Josh stood before making any promises.
Then the bomb dropped.
“I know tonight’s the Drifters wrap party but it turns out Jack and Lydia can finally make it over. And – Jessie - Charlie’s coming.”
Jessie almost dropped the phone as her heart instantly plummeted to the expensive tiled floor in the en suite bath. She would be expected to attend. How could she not? It was she who blew the wedding, really, despite Charlie’s final pronouncement. It was Jessie’s fault so many lives were out of whack this week. She had embarrassed a lot of people, and it broke her heart that this impacted the Deacons. Jack had found her – he gave her a new lease on life when she was at the lowest point of living. It would be a difficult meeting with Jack and Lydia, but it was not an option for Jessie to bow out. Her attendance was imperative. Besides, all of this was also extremely hard on Dee and Charles. It certainly would not be fair to leave them in the lurch as hosts either, to make them the ones to have to explain in detail why the wedding was cancelled in the first place. And Charlie…Jessie hadn’t seen him since Oregon. Maybe they all had ulterior motives. She felt the blood drain from her face. This was going to suck.
Dee broke her reverie. “The press conference is tomorrow morning, Jessie. This is the night – we have to face this, as difficult as it might be.” She was indeed hoping that putting Jessie and Charlie in the same room would bring reconciliation, a renewal of their relationship. Both she and Charles liked Charlie immensely, despite his erratic playboy behavior, which they passed off as the couple simply spending too much time apart in a difficult business. Dee believed Jessie had strong feelings for Josh but she, like the world outside her door, was not ready to accept the unpredictable Josh Sawyer as Jessie Wheeler’s new beau.
Jessie sighed. What choice did she have? “Okay.”
Dee could hear the deflation in her voice. But, as much as she loved Jessie, she was somewhat hurt and angry by her decision to cancel the wedding. She pushed aside the urge to tell Jessie not to come, that she and Charles could handle it. Deirdre Keating had a soft side when it came to Jessie Wheeler. But then again – by having Jessie at La Casa that evening, she would also succeed in keeping her away from a temptation she might forget by the end of her summer break.
They arranged for Jessie to join Charles and Dee for dinner, after which the Deacons were expected for wine and cheese. Jessie hit end on her phone, and sat down on the toilet, discouraged. After a moment, she typed in a text to Maggie.
Something’s come up. Going to be late. Will get there asap. Save me some Baileys.
Maggie’s response was immediate.
How late? Will hide a bottle in the boathouse.
Dunno. Hoping for ten? Must do this thing. No choice.
She desperately wanted to add please tell Josh I will get there as soon as I can. But she couldn’t bring herself to do that. Jessie held her cards pretty close to her chest. As far as Josh or Maggie or any of the others were concerned, until they heard otherwise, the wedding was still a go. The press conference was tomorrow, and by the time the world got the news, she would be hidden away in a house on a beach. In the meantime, she knew from experience that this was the kind of news that had to stay under wraps until the right parties were in agreement about certain things. She hoped that was the purpose of tonight’s meeting – to settle a few outstanding details, and to let Charlie and his family go – peacefully and without undue angst.
So really, when she thought about it, Jessie figured this was just a delay. It just meant she would have fewer hours with Josh that night. She
stood and grabbed the cleaner. She still wanted her place spic and span when she got back at the end of the summer, and the penthouse wasn’t going to clean itself.
It was a quick job – dinner, and who knew what else – awaited her in North Van.
***
Jack and Lydia arrived right on time, bearing a bottle of Chablis. Jessie hid a little behind Dee, embarrassed and uncomfortable, until it became apparent that Charlie’s parents were cordial and seemingly accepting of the situation. They hugged their girl and told her that she was, and always would be, a part of their lives. Jessie wondered if they would feel the same once they knew how she felt about Josh – or perhaps they already knew, but she doubted it. Charlie had never been one to converse deeply with his parents. He lived life on the outside layer.
They took seats in Dee’s lovely front room, with the cream and rose Louis XIV settee and a warm, engaging Paul Peel painting gracing the wall over the mantelpiece. Carlotta had stayed on, smiling sympathetically to Jessie as she served her a selection of cheeses. Jessie squeezed her arm gratefully, the sea pearl eyes soulfully belying her fear and discomfort.
The doorbell rang at eight ten and Charlie, for many years already like a son to the Keatings, let himself in. He stood at the arched entry to the grand room and leaned on the side wall, his left hand shoved deep in his white linen trousers, and his right arm crooked, holding up a peace offering - a colorful summer bouquet of daisies. A deep sadness was etched into his face, accented by charcoal grey circles underneath his eyes. A brief sorrow played across Jessie’s face as she pondered her old boyfriend in the Keating home with the wall holding him up like some Chaplinesque figure of a lifetime ago.
A Song For Josh, Drifters Book One Page 32