“You’re telling me you were only with me to piss off your sister? Do I know her?”
I shook my head. “No. It wasn’t like that. She said I didn’t know how to have fun. That I would never be able to relax and just enjoy life. I wanted to change. I wanted to be a fun person. I wanted to prove to her that she was wrong. And prove it to my mom and my best friend, and myself. I wanted to be fun. I wanted to have fun. I hated how quickly everyone could categorize my life. How easy it was for my sister to call me up whenever she needed a ride home. Because I was always around. She didn’t have to worry about me being out, or me being busy. I was there. I’ve always been there. At school. At home. Wherever. I’ve always been the dependable one. The one everyone gets to fill in. That’s how I got into ski club. The other teacher who was supposed to do it fell and is out, so I’m filing in.”
“Wait, Addi, slow down,” Joey said, grabbing my arm to stop my frantic pacing. I whirled on him, ready to fight, ready to lash out. I couldn’t be there.
“I can’t do this, Joey. I’ve been pretending the whole time we’ve been together. Do you know that I volunteer to help with bus duty after school almost every day? I give my students extra credit assignments so they can catch up if they do poorly on a test or miss some homework? I have been rescuing my sister from drunken jackasses for years so she didn’t end up pregnant or raped or dead on the side of the road. I give everything I have to everyone around me. And all I’ve done from you is take.”
I sighed, defeated and ready to give up. My shoulders dropped, my hands fell to my sides. I just wanted to get away from him. I couldn’t see him anymore, witness the failure I’d become in my own life.
“Addi, I know exactly who you are. I see all that when you’re with your students. You care. That’s what drew me to you. Well, that and your killer smile and your sexy ass,” he teased. I wanted to smile, to be okay with him teasing, but I couldn’t muster the energy. He sighed and continued, “I know who you are. You might have thought you were being someone else, but you were you.”
“No, I wasn’t,” I yelled. “I know you think that, but it’s not true. Nothing you know about me is true. You have to go. We just… you just have to go.”
“Addi, you can’t do this. Let’s talk a-“
“No,” I cut him off. “I can’t Joey. Just… please.”
He sighed. I watched his shoulders drop, his face fall. He looked down at the ground between us. “I’m not letting this go, Addi. Not forever.”
He brushed his lips across mine, quickly, roughly, then he left, closing the door behind him. I touched my hand to my lips as though I could hold in his kiss. A sob tore from my chest, ripping me apart as easily as I ripped our relationship apart.
Part of me knew he was right. I’d been myself the moments I’d talked to him. But I couldn’t continue trying to be like Cassandra. I wasn’t Cass. I never would be. And for the first time in almost two months, I was happy about that.
Except it cost me Joey.
I finally managed to pull myself together and gathered my stuff. I headed to the hospital to check on Kendall, only to find her sleeping. I sat with her for a little while but didn’t want to wake her up so I left without talking to her. I arrived at Bite Me! later than usual and found Lexi and Claire already at our table.
“You’re late today,” Lexi said when I sat down. “Is everything okay?”
I shook my head, not willing, or able, I worried, to elaborate. “It’s been a rough couple of days.”
Claire patted my hand and Lexi let me go without an explanation, but I knew I wouldn’t get away so easy with the rest of them.
Claire and Lexi continued chatting about Lexi’s wedding plans. I wanted to get excited for my friend, but I just couldn’t muster anything up. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, but going to visit Kendall reminded me I was breaking up with Joey for the right reasons. I didn’t deserve someone like him. I’d treated him poorly, and not ever been myself around him. We couldn’t exactly start over, so it only made sense to let him go.
Sam and Mandy joined us shortly afterward and Charlie sat down when she finished serving everyone. “Ooh, wedding plans,” Mandy cooed. “I love weddings. Yay!”
Lexi beamed. “We still have a lot to figure out, but it’s starting to come together, I think.”
“Have you set a date yet?” Sam asked.
“Yes, we’re thinking April 6. Are you available?”
Sam squealed and pulled out her planner, flipping through to April. “Yep, I’m free. I’ll put you guys in now so I don’t book another wedding for that weekend.”
“Oh, and you know we want you to take pictures, right? Like, we’ll pay you, but we’re not just telling you so you can be there.”
“Are you sure? You haven’t even seen my work,” Sam protested.
Lexi scoffed. “Seriously? Who else would we ever hire? It’s basically you or no one, and I’d kind of like pictures of my wedding day.”
“Where is your adorable fiancé tonight?” Mandy asked.
Lexi rolled her eyes. “Working late. I told him he needed to quit that, but he’s finishing up a project. Hopefully by the end of the week things will settle down for him. Where’s Xander?”
“He and Aidan decided to have a guys’ night. Drew is out with them, also. They went to Malley’s.”
“Why are you so quiet tonight?” Charlie asked me.
I shook my head, hoping the others didn’t hear her question. I was out of luck. “Yeah, what’s with you. Usually you would have jumped in to offer Lexi to help plan the wedding. Or you would have already planned it already. What’s going on?” Mandy asked.
“I’ve had a rough couple of days. I’m just not feeling like myself right now.”
“Aw, jeez, are you still on this ‘I need to be like Cass’ kick?” Mandy berated me.
I shook my head, my throat tightening and tears pricking the backs of my eyes. “Nope. I’m done wanting to be like my sister. I learned my lesson when one of my students ended up in the hospital yesterday because I was too busy screwing Joey to be paying attention.”
They all gasped. Five pairs of curious eyes implored me to tell them more. I didn’t want to share the sordid details of the end of my relationship, but I did. Telling them about my conversation with Kendall before ski club, my connection with Joey in the woods followed by Kendall getting hurt, and my encounter with Joey after school.
When I finished, they all looked as pained as I felt. Mandy was the first to speak up. “Well, I think Joey sounds like a great guy. Why do you have to break up with him?”
I huffed out a breath, knowing they wouldn’t see it my way. “I can’t be responsible around him. He’s like a drug to me or something. I see him and my clothes fly off and my legs spread apart. I feel like Cass when I’m around him, and I don’t want to be like her anymore.”
“So don’t be like Cass. You never needed to be like her,” Sam argued.
“You were one of the ones who told me I was boring and needed to enjoy life more.”
“Enjoy life, yes. Not completely flip your personality. You should be you, always. Being Cass was never a good fit for you. But Joey was.”
“I was only like Cass when I was with Joey. I kept him at arm’s length. I wouldn’t go out with him. Hell, none of you have met him!”
“So change that,” Claire chimed in, the voice of reason. “Let him in. Go out with him. Introduce us. Be you around him.”
I sighed heavily, wishing I had another cupcake, or a bottle of vodka. “One of my students got hurt because I was with Joey instead of watching them like I was supposed to be. That guilt isn’t something I can just erase. A fifteen year old got hurt because of me.”
“She didn’t get hurt because of you. She got hurt because she likes a boy and wanted to impress him. She got hurt because girls do stupid things for boys when they like them. She got hurt because she wanted to be someone she isn’t. Sort of like you did,” Lexi said point
edly.
I really didn’t like her at that moment.
But I could admit she was right. Kendall wouldn’t have gotten hurt if she wasn’t trying to impress Braden. Joey wouldn’t have gotten hurt if I hadn’t been trying to be Cassandra.
And neither would I.
~*~
By the end of the week I still didn’t know what the hell to do. Cass called me up Saturday afternoon to ask me what time I was picking her up for our date.
“What date?”
“I set it up last weekend. Don’t you remember?”
“Uh, no. I’m not going.”
“Come on, Addi, you have to. Mom will kill me if you don’t go.”
I sighed and shook my head, knowing I’d do it, because it’s what I did. Gave in whenever someone asked for my help. “Fine. But I’m driving myself.”
That evening I arrived a little late so Cass would be there before me. She introduced me to Joel and her date, Tommy. Joel was cute with dark brown eyes and close cut hair that matched. His black sweater was just tight enough that I could drool over his muscles, but not so tight that I questioned his sexuality.
We all sat down and ordered drinks. Our waitress, Stephanie, told us the specials then said she’d come back in a few minutes for our order. Joel got bonus points for not checking her out as she walked away, even though she was young and perky and adorable.
“So, Addi, Cass says you teach high school. What subject?”
I was relieved to be talking about something so benign. School I could handle. “Chemistry. It was my favorite subject in school so it only made sense for me to teach it.”
Joel got even more bonus points when he didn’t make a stupid joke about me teaching him chemistry.
“I always liked chemistry. You got to burn things in that class,” Joel said. “It was always fun to see how many things we could light on fire before the teacher caught us.”
I rolled my eyes. I had students like him. The ones who thought they were being so clever. I wasn’t going to burst his bubble and tell him his teachers probably knew the whole time and let him do it, but I was fairly certain that was the case. It was with me. I could smell the guys burning paper and hair. It was when they started thinking about burning classroom equipment that I would step in.
“I remember one experiment in chemistry class. The teacher wanted us to stick different pieces of metal in the flame so we could see the colors each would turn when they burned. I thought he was nuts when he told us what we were going to do, but then we started putting pieces of metal in the fire. It was so cool. Until my friend decided he was going to see what color his glasses were when they were in the fire.”
“Oh, he didn’t,” I said, knowing exactly where he was going with the story. I started laughing, imagining the outcome.
Before he could finish his story Stephanie came back to take our orders. When she left, Joel picked up where he’d left off.
“Anyway,” Joel continued, “he took off his glasses and held the arm up to the flame and instead of burning a color the whole thing ignited. He didn’t realize there was a coating over the metal frame that would burn off first. The whole damn thing went up like a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. He dropped the glasses, which of course, did not make the fire go out, and started yelling. The teacher had to get the fire extinguisher to put out the fire that his glasses had turned into. His lenses melted, the frames were all warped. It was bad. And then he couldn’t see. So for the rest of the day he was squinting at boards and trying to get everyone to share their notes so he wouldn’t miss anything.”
I laughed along with Cass and Tommy. I could picture the whole thing, exactly like he said. I was grateful none of my students had tried something like that.
I was also grateful Cass had managed to pick a decent guy for one of my dates, and that she wasn’t under the table for her date. I glanced at her, thinking maybe she really had changed, when her face dropped. I was worried for a second, but her eyes lit up. “Holy damn. He’s gorgeous,” she murmured. I couldn’t stop laughing at what Joel was saying, but I turned to see the guy who’d caught Cass’s eye.
And froze.
Fuck. It was Joey. And he was headed straight for me.
Twenty-Four
The laughter died quickly on my lips when I saw the fury in Joey’s eyes. The beautiful jade color was gone, replaced by darkness that I’d never seen before. I leaned back in my chair, wishing I had time to hide before he reached me.
“Do you know him?” Cass whispered harshly from across the table. “You’ve been holding out on me, big sis.”
“Hush, Cass, I’ll explain later,” I muttered.
“Will you explain it to me, too? Or do I get left in the dark as usual,” Joey said in a rough voice.
One of his hands was on the back of my chair, the other on the edge of our table, caging me in between him and Joel. I felt Joel bristle behind me, moving slightly forward to look Joey in the eye. Joey ignored him, all his attention focused on me.
Shit.
“Joey, nice to see you. What you are doing here?”
“Funny, I was wondering the same about you, Addi,” he snarled, his body leaning closer to mine.
“Um, we’re just having dinner. This is Joel, my sister, Cassandra, and Tommy. Guys, this is Joey,” I said as pleasantly as I could muster.
Joey gave them each a nod, giving me a chance to take him in. Even angry, he was gorgeous. His jaw was tight, and his hair flopped over his ears like I loved. I could still feel the silky strands under my fingertips. Every time he plunged inside me I dug my hands into his hair and held on tight while he worked my body into a frenzy. Damn, the man knew how to manipulate my girly parts. I shifted in my seat, trying to stop the tingling feeling that was already starting just thinking about what he could do.
His eyes snapped back to me. A knowing look quirked his lips as he lifted an eyebrow at me. “If you’re just here for dinner, then I’m sure it’s fine if I join you.” He stood back to his full height, putting me face-to-crotch with my favorite part of him. My mouth watered, remembering how he felt between my lips.
“Is it hot in here?” I asked, fanning myself and trying to calm my racing heartbeat. I had no control around Joey.
Which was exactly my problem.
It’d been four days since I’d seen him. Four days since I’d attacked him in my classroom. Four days since I told him we were done.
And four days since he’d tried to talk to me.
I thought we were done. I thought he was done.
But there he was, settling in at our table when I was on a date with someone else.
Joey flipped a chair around to our table from the one next to us and sat close enough that his knee brushed against mine. He rested his arm on the back of my chair again, making sure Joel knew who I was really with.
“So, what’s the story with you two?” Joey asked. “Are you two dating?” His eyes shifted from Joel to me then back to Joel.
Joel cleared his throat and shifted his chair toward mine. “This is our first date. I work with Cassandra and she told me about her sister and we agreed to a double date. How do you know Addi?”
Joey shoved a piece of bread in his mouth, then smiled at me. He held up one finger, silently asking Joel to wait. We all sat quietly, watching him chew every bite slowly. When he finally swallowed, he reached for my water and drained the glass. He set it back down with a clunk on the table then smiled at Joel.
“Oh, Addi and I go way back. It’s been, what? Six weeks since we met. I’m a ski instructor at Winter Ridge where Addi’s high school’s ski club comes every week. Did you know she’s a high school teacher?”
Joel nodded. “Cassandra’s told me all about Addi. I know she’s friendly, and kind, and a great teacher, and smart, and beautiful.”
Joey toyed with my hair as Joel talked, brushing it over my shoulder and running it through his hands. His thumb grazed the back of my neck and his fingers traced the outline of the collar of m
y sweater. My eyes nearly drifted shut as I fought the erotic pull of his fingers dancing over me.
It wasn’t fair that Joey could toy with me so easily. One touch and I was putty. One look and I was on fire. One quirk of his sexy lips and I was desperate for him to kiss me.
A hand landed on my thigh. My thigh that wasn’t close to Joey. The one on Joel’s side. I glanced down to see Joel’s hand squeezing my leg, just above my knee. Joey’s hand stopped moving on my neck and I knew he saw Joel’s hand on me.
“Addi is all those things. Cassandra schooled you well. But there’s so much more to her. She’s generous and cares more about her students than herself. The first week she ended up face down in a trio of bushes because she was helping one of her students. She goes out of her way to help everyone around her. She’s always trying to help her students, her friends, hell, even her family. It’s amazing to see someone so selfless, but I’m sure that’s one of the many qualities Cassandra highlighted.”
Cass’s cheeks turned red and she busied herself with the water in front of her. Joey knew that was an issue between Cass and me, but he couldn’t have made me feel better. I nearly melted into him knowing the one thing I’d been trying hardest to change was one of the things he admired most about me. I wanted to wrap myself in his arms and run off.
No, shit. I was on a date. With someone else.
And I’d told Joey we were over.
Right?
“Yes, well, Addi and I are just getting to know each other. I’m sure her selflessness would have come out eventually,” Joel said suggestively, rubbing just a little higher up on my leg, making me slightly uncomfortable.
Joey’s hand tightened on my shoulder. I braced myself, waiting to see what he was going to say, or do.
“Oh, I didn’t realize someone else was joining you,” a perky voice said from behind me. “What can I get you, sir?”
The waitress. Stephanie. I’d almost forgotten about her, and the restaurant.
“Oh, he’s not staying,” I said hurriedly, as Joey said, “I’ll take a beer, whatever you’ve got on tap. And a burger, medium well, cheddar cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato…” He paused and looked closely at me, then pointedly at Joel’s hand on my leg. “And onions.”
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