“When do we stop trying? I mean, how many times do we let someone reject our attempts before we give up?”
“Baby girl,” Kraus spoke, “if it is someone worth having in your life, then you never stop trying. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to feel sometimes, which is why we first make it into an action. Forgiveness simply means freeing yourself, or someone else, from an assumed debt. Don’t let your pride or your fear of rejection prevent you from being free. Trust me. It is not worth it.”
“You are very wise, for an old crank,” Brittany smiled, kissing his cheek. “Brett? When we get home, I want to call Daddy and Momma.”
“I’ll be right there with you, sis,” Brett smiled. He didn’t notice Reed's expression as the man pretended to study his book. He was scowling and more than slightly angry. Kraus, however, did not miss a beat.
“What crawled up your ass and died, Lieutenant?” Kraus demanded. “Did your little girl hit a sore spot?”
“Kraus, you really have a nasty habit of being an asshole at times. I think we have had a long enough night,” Reed responded. “Let’s close the meeting. Does anyone need a weekend meeting to be set up?”
Heads shook around the table, and the Serenity Prayer was shared.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Kraus cleared his throat. “Did you dimwits know there is more to the original version from Niebuhr?” he asked. Seeing everyone shake their heads, he continued,
“Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.”
“Wow,” Carl said, clapping Kraus on the shoulder. “I think we should add that to our meetings. There is some serious wisdom to live by in it. Thanks.”
“I mean, even if we have different beliefs about our Higher Power, it still says so much, right?” Brittany asked hesitantly. “Thank you, guys, for being family to me. I think it’s time to make things right with mine too.”
“Good luck to you, girl. I would have been proud to have you as my daughter,” Kraus said softly. Brittany felt tears rise as she hugged him and then accepted Brett’s hand as they departed the facility.
“Do you want to go for coffee and pie or just get home?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her neck and knuckling the top of her head.
“Home, please. I have some amends to make. Reed? Are you angry with me?”
“No, honey, or course not. Stop worrying about everyone being angry with you. I am just very disappointed in myself. Kraus hit the nail on the head, and I need some time to sort things out, that’s all.”
“Healing never ends for us, does it? We are here for you. You know that, right?” Brett said kindly. “Thanks for the ride. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. Have a good night. Bye, Britt,” Reed said, kissing her briefly before driving off. She stared after him and grabbed her brother’s hand.
“Brett, I am falling in love with him,” she whispered.
“He is already in love with you, if that isn't obvious. Hey, why the tears?”
“Because this is the first time in my life that I feel truly happy. Come on,” she sniffled, pulling Brett towards the house. “I need to take the steps to make things right with Mom and Dad.”
* * *
Reed stared at the picture of his parents and two younger siblings that he kept hidden in a drawer. He had given up reconciling with his family fifteen years ago when they had rejected his half-hearted apology for the pain he had caused them. His sponsor, not knowing how their absence gnawed at him, never pushed the issue to continue to try.
Excuses not to dial the phone raced through his mind, haunting thoughts of what if they refuse me again swimming in his brain. He knew forgiveness could never be forced, not if it was sincere. But it was a chance he had to take.
“Hello?”
“Mom? It’s Reed. I’m sorry that it has taken this long to call you…”
* * *
Brett held Brittany close as she sobbed. He stroked her hair as he continued to talk to his father. “Dad, honestly, she is doing great. No, she is not calling to ask for money. In fact, she is going to be starting school and found a way to get financial assistance and a grant. You need to let up a bit. Hell, you were nicer to me when I made this same exact phone call.”
“You weren’t my little girl!” Carmen Wallace bellowed. “She is going to kill herself, and I don’t want to be part of it!”
“Reed and I are keeping a careful eye on her. Neither of us are going to let her be hurt. I swear.”
“Who is Reed?”
“My supervisor, AA partner, and Britt’s… sponsor.”
“A sponsor trying to get into her pants?”
“Carmen!” his wife scolded. “Apologize this instant! That was uncalled for! Give me the phone. Brett? Honey, it’s Mom. Do you think that maybe you, Brittany, and your friend can come for brunch next Sunday? I would love to meet this young man.”
“I am not going to throw Reed into the lion’s den with that old badger, Mom!”
“If Reed is going to be involved with your sister in any manner, he will have to learn how to stand up to your father. I could have Stephen…”
“No, Mom… I don’t want Britt having to deal with Rina and her attitude yet.”
“Brett? It’s okay. I need to make things right with them too,” Brittany whispered.
“Are you sure?” Brett asked his sister. He sighed and returned to speaking with his mother. “Britt said it’s okay to invite them. Maybe have them come a little later though, so she doesn’t have to deal with everyone at once. I’ll talk to Reed and see if he is available, okay?”
“Do you think he is serious about your sister? Carmen, stop sulking!” Helena Wallace asked quietly. Brett could easily imagine the glare his mother would be directing toward his father and the interest his father would suddenly be paying to the conversation.
“Yes… yes, I do. They just don’t know it yet,” Brett answered, handing his sister a tissue to blow her nose.
“Is he good for her?”
“The best. Sunday, then… at eleven? Okay, Mom. Love you,” Brett said, easing the receiver onto the base. He sighed, patting Brittany’s arm. “I know that was tough, kid, but it’s a beginning. Dad has to come to some terms about his own responsibility in this as well, and he isn’t exactly the most flexible of people.”
“He is going to frighten Reed away. I know it.”
“If he does, then Reed isn’t the man I thought he was. Why don’t you get to bed? It’s late.”
“Do we still have to get up early tomorrow? It’s Saturday, and I wanna sleep in,” Brittany begged. Brett simply shook his head. “Fine, be that way. Brett? Thank you for being here for me. I couldn’t have gotten through that call without you.”
“That’s what brothers are for. How is your bottom, by the way?”
“Awful. He birched me and then used his hand. He’s stronger than you are.”
“Did he teach you a lesson?”
“Yes,” she admitted.
“Good, that is all that matters. Night, baby sister. Sleep well.”
Chapter Six
Reed walked quietly along the running path the following morning, with Harry perched happily on his shoulder, mimicking the whistles and calls of the birds in the overhead branches. His heart was aching after the conversation from the previous night. His mother was in poor health, and his father had died three years ago from a drug overdose. Ree
d had no idea that the man had been a user, or that both his younger brothers were destructive alcoholics. His mother held nothing back as she blamed the family’s misfortune on him, and he fought not to defend himself or try to convince her of the truth.
He had asked her if he could come for a visit. She responded with a comment about being too busy and if he really wanted to make things right, he would send his brothers money since they could not hold jobs. His refusal caused her to abruptly hang up on him. What a waste of life, he thought. They had made these choices for themselves. It was their doing, not his, and he would not accept responsibility for anything other than what his own personal choices had brought forth. Forgiveness cannot be forced, he reminded himself, and it had to start with forgiving yourself. He also understood why his old sponsor never pushed him to reconcile. Old Harry knew what was happening behind the closed doors of the Simms' home and wanted to protect the young man who had become like a son to him. Reed felt the familiar ache of missing the old man. He owed Harry his life, and the only way he could repay him was to move forward and teach others the lessons he had been given.
The parrot's sudden burst of excited squawks jarred him to alertness. Brett was heading in his direction with Brittany by his side, armed with her standard early morning scowl.
“How did it go last night?” Reed asked, moving his face out of the way as Harry hurriedly shuffled towards Brittany. She nuzzled her face against his feathers as he began to preen her hair.
“About as well as to be expected. They want us to come over for brunch next Sunday. Mom wants to meet you. Are you open?” Brett asked.
“I’m really not in the mood for warm fuzzies right now. I’m sorry, but…”
“Trust me, there won’t be anything warm about it. It is a lion’s den, and you will be Dad’s snack if you let him. He rejected Britt’s apology last night, and it broke her heart.”
“Is this true?” Reed asked, his eyes hard, “Are you alright?”
“I think I will be okay. It really hurts, but Brett promised me that things will get better if I don’t give up. I have to trust him. My sister-in-law might also be coming, and she loathes me. I don’t want to go unless you come with me. I need my wall of security. Please come. I need you.”
“Aw, baby, of course I’ll be there to help you. But please don’t expect me to put on a Beverly Hills 'tude though, okay? I don't go for pretending to be something I am not. Just be aware that your dad might not approve of me, okay?”
“My mother will protect you from the old bear, don’t worry. She is one tough cookie and very old-fashioned,” Brett laughed.
“Reed? You look sad. What’s wrong, hon?” Brittany asked, putting Harry on a tree branch and wrapping her arms around Reed's waist. He sighed and shared the events from his attempt to make things right with his family. Brittany found herself reaching up to kiss his chin and then drew his lips to hers, forcing him to turn his energy onto her. She felt a tear on her cheek. It was his.
“Reed, you are the most wonderful, loving, and caring person I have ever known. I… I love you. You are my best friend, and I trust you with my life and my heart. I don’t want you to ever feel you have to be alone again. You have me. All of me, if you want me,” she said shyly.
“What about the money?” he asked, kissing her back. “Could you be happy without millions in the bank?”
“I have ten bucks to my name and have never been happier. Look at my dad. One of the wealthiest men in Beverly Hills, and he still is miserable. If it weren’t for my mom, he would be worse. I hate to say, but he and I are so alike that we fight all the time. I don’t want to be that way anymore. It is an ugly way to live.”
“I loathe fighting. Do you think you can show him that you have matured and are able to exercise some self-control in the face of confrontation and stress?” Reed asked, tilting her chin up to look at him. He wondered if she could hear how loudly his heart was pounding in excitement over her commitment to him. After two long months, she was finally going to be his!
“I can try,” Brittany said seriously.
Brett snorted. “Good luck with that. He will egg her on until she explodes and give him a reason to yell louder. Those two are impossible together and love to antagonize each other. If Rina chimes in…”
“I’ll tell you what,” Reed said, kissing Brittany’s forehead. “If you do your best to control your temper and how you respond, I will give you a very special reward when we get home. One that you have been asking for.”
Brittany grinned broadly, catching his hint. “Deal! Can we bring Harry? Please? He will help keep me focused.”
“Yeah. And maybe bite Dad,” Brett said. “Bring that ugly chicken. It should be good for a laugh.”
Harry tilted his head and simply meowed.
* * *
Brittany reinspected herself in the bathroom mirror as she readied for the brunch date with her parents. She was dressed in a summery, but modest, pale blue spaghetti strap sundress and matching sandals that she had purchased from a local shop with the money she had earned cleaning Reed's house. She pulled her thick, wavy hair back into a long ponytail and secured it with a dark blue polka-dotted bow. She kept her makeup light, adorning only simple pink lipstick and mascara. She was going to show her father that she didn’t have to be rich or high society to land a handsome man like Reed.
“Are you going to be in there forever?” Brett asked. “I need to shave.”
“You have your own bathroom—use it!”
“I like the mirror in yours better!”
“Go away.”
Brett laughed, peeking in the bathroom. “What are you so worried about? You look cute.”
“Not too rural?”
“Nah, just enough. Reed isn’t gonna be able to keep his hands off of you.”
“I am so glad he is coming. I feel safer with him around,” Brittany said, pushing past Brett’s broad body.
“Anybody home?” a voice bellowed from downstairs.
“Up here trying to get Cinderella to stop admiring herself,” Brett called down.
“I didn’t get dressed up. I thought… Wow…” Reed said as Brittany showed herself at the top of the stairs.
“Do I look okay?” she asked.
“You are stunning. I brought you something. It’s my thirty-day sobriety token. I drilled a hole and put it on a chain for you. I know it’s not the prettiest of jewelry but…”
“Oh, Reed! You have no idea how much this means to me! Thank you!” Brittany flung herself into his arms and kissed him generously. She pulled back and slipped the chain over her head. The cold medallion rested between her breasts, and she touched it. “It will be a source of strength for me. I will take good care of it.”
“You better. I know where you live and,” he patted her full, round backside, “how to get you to cooperate.”
“You need to keep your hands off my backside, mister,” she scolded half-heartedly.
“But it is such a lovely backside, and I like how it feels.”
“Well, I like how it feels when you aren't playing it like a drum, so stop it. Ow!” Brittany yipped as he swatted her playfully. She kept her back away from the two men to protect herself as she approached the car, not trusting their present moods or how it would affect her bottom. Harry started squawking as she slid into the back seat with him.
“What the hell!” Brett exclaimed as Brittany busted into hilarious laughter. The bird pouted, ruffling his feathers. Reed had dressed the poor thing in a birdy-sailor suit, including ‘ducky diapers’ that protected the environment from accidents.
“This is classic,” Brittany hooted. “He even has a little sailor cap! Harry, you are gonna be my date today! Forget about the boys!”
Harry ceased his ruffling and began to bob his head, showing Brittany how he could put his own cap on and then began to whistle Over the Rainbow. Reed just shrugged, commenting about the damn piece of poultry being ‘confused’, and that he thought the little costume would
be a good way to break the ice. While Harry served to keep Brittany distracted during the drive to her parents’ home in Beverly Hills, Reed felt as though it was the longest hour of his life. His hands began to sweat as he drove into the long circular driveway of the white, pillared mansion surrounded by manicured shrubs and dotted with marble sculptures and fountains. A uniformed man stepped forward to take the keys from Reed and greeted Master Brett and Miss Brittany with a slight bow.
“It’s been a while, Charlie! Have you gotten laid yet?” Brett asked, watching the young man blush profusely.
“Leave him alone. Hi, Charles. It’s good to see you again. This is Reed. He is…”
“Her boyfriend. Oh, don’t give me that look, you two. We all know what’s up, so stop pretending to be innocent. Let’s get inside and see what joy awaits us,” Brett interrupted. Reed reached out for Brittany’s hand, smiling as Harry scurried up his arm to sit on his shoulder. As they walked through the massive front doors, Brittany squeezed Reed’s fingers tightly, suddenly uncomfortable in her childhood home. It seemed so cold and foreign to her now. Everything was stark white, with hints of sage green and kohl black splattered about. The house had no emotion, she realized. It gave off the perfect appearance, one of money and power, but it lacked love and warmth. No wonder her mother spent so much time outdoors and in the garden!
A man holding a tray of champagne stood at the entryway, his offer of beverages refused by all three.
“It seems like it’s going to be the formal treatment today,” Brett whispered to his sister, “They know I don’t drink. If this gets to be too much, use the code word.”
“Code word?” Reed asked.
“Yeah, dipstick.”
“Why…”
“Don’t ask. Just use it if you need to and we are out of this place,” Brett promised. “I am willing to bet that both of you will be throwing it around within fifteen minutes.”
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