by Hazel Keys
“Ehh,” I said, glancing at my watch. “It’s late…I’ll just try again tomorrow.”
“Aww,” she said. “I’m the most terrible friend, I know.”
“Nah, it’s fine. You’re just still shaken up from the plane probably. It’s okay.”
“So now what?”
“I guess we go back to the condo. You still want that extra room?”
“We can share,” Stephanie said, combing her hair.
“Yeah…I guess. No sense wasting the money. Just to warn you though, I’m watching a Sopranos marathon. I get a little jumpy when I’m watching.”
“No problem, I will not speak during the sacred TV marathon. Promise.”
“All right…why not. Sure beats being alone anyway. I always hate the beach at night, you know…”
I look into Stephanie’s eyes, so attentive and yet so far away. I swear to God I can’t figure her out. “It’s too quiet.”
So Stephanie and I chilled as neighbors, as friends, as two people who just happened to be on vacation. I was surprised at how chill she was when she wasn’t freaking out about death, or trying to steal my date away. She actually just showed me her true personality…her laidback tomboy self.
I smiled as I watched her watch the TV, every bit as interested in my favorite show as I was. Stephanie was such a great girl, gay or straight. She would be a catch for anybody. Anyone would be lucky to have her.
As I watched her there, enjoying herself and every bit as happy to be in a room full of noise as I was, I kept thinking:
Now if only I could meet a girl like Stephanie. Someone who loves talking.Loves chilling, sitting back and watching a movie. Loves goofing off and giving me shit when things get boring. Someone who hates quiet nights.Just some one…cool. Someone fun.
And yeah, of course, someone who loves sex! So I just need to meet a girl like Stephanie, but who loves the hot dog, not the taco. I guess that’s just too much to ask.
Hmmm. Can a lesbian have sex with a man? Guess it’s not a polite thing to ask.
I sucked on my half-empty beer bottle and smiled at Steph who was calmer and more tranquil than I had ever seen her.
Chapter 4: Stephanie
I had to go and apologize to Cammie for the disastrous first meeting. That’s not how I wanted it to go…I totally forgot that Jake thought I was gay. I figured confusing my brother and sister was still less of a risk-embarrassment than letting Jake know the terrible truth. The truth that I’m as straight as an arrow and when I’m near him—ever since the airport—I get a little weak at the knees.
“Ohhh,” Cammie said with a smirk. “Well that makes a lot more sense. So he thinks you’re a lesbian.I can see why the poor lad was confused.”
“There’s more…” I said with a reluctant frown. “I like him. Like…really like him.”
“So?” Cammie covered her mouth, realizing the implication. “Oh! You mean you like him…and he thinks you’re gay.”
“Yeah…and I’ve been dressing butch for like…five years. I mean, I still get dressed up sometimes…but…he never sees me. He’s never seen me outside of this persona.”
“But isn’t this the real you?”
“I don’t really know, to be honest,” I said. “All I know is…ever since we got here, my feelings for him have been out of control. He’s all I think about as I go to sleep. And when I wake up…I just feel him on me.”
“Yeah honey,” Cammie said, shaking her head. “He definitely doesn’t know you feel that way. That dude was clueless.”
“So what do I do? Do I tell him the truth?”
“Hmmm…you could, but I really think you need to…you know, impress him a little. Dress up. Put makeup on. Be a little more of a girl, rather than a lesbian magnet.”
“Oh god, but he’s never seen me that way!”
“Trust me, men are very easy to impress. If he sees you all dressed up and not looking like a tomboy—or like Huckleberry Finn with a vagina!—he’s going to feel something.”
“You really think so?”
“Of course. Honey, you got my face…you just have different hair and a horrible sense of fashion. I’ll choose your wardrobe. Phase two is knock Jake’s socks off! Operation: Seduction!”
**
I showed up to the bar looking and feeling like a brand new woman. I had many reservations of course. I put on the high heels, black maxi dress with short sleeves and a matching hat and of course, beautifully curly hair. I felt so self-conscious! Would Jake accept a beautiful dolled up woman who had the same goofy face he had grown comfortable with over the past 10 years?
I was feeling out of my skin. I wasn’t feeling sexy, even though I noticed a few guys were staring at me as I walked to the bar. It was that strange sense of “I know you’re trying to dress up and get my attention…but it’s working!”
Yeah maybe I was a fish out of water but I was kind of amazed at how altering my appearance immediately changed all my social interactions—hell, it changed my aura too! It’s like I wasn’t even me. I was possessed by the spirit of another woman.
I first made eye contact with Jake from across the room. He tilted his head when he looked at me. Oh God, I almost died at that moment. Did he see me? Was he laughing his ass off at my desperate attempt to steal his attention?
I tried to keep calm and tried not to spill anything on myself. I took a deep breath as Jake took his time approaching me.
When he stood next to me, he waited, probably checking me out. I was too nervous to look at him or say a word. Then suddenly, his voice…
“Hey gorgeous,” he said, his confident tone sounding oddly different from his usual banter with me.
“Hey,” I said with a tight very awkward smile.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
“Sure…”
“Let me guess, cosmopolitan?” he said with a grin.
“No, you know I hate girl drinks.”
“All right, a beautiful woman who can hold her liquor!”
“Just the usual.”
He tilted his head in confusion. “Umm, okay…how about long island ice tea?”
He knows I like whiskey. Why doesn’t he just order my favorite drink already?
“Do I get a name or are you the mysterious woman in black?”
I caught him smiling at me. I was stunned—he didn’t know who I was! I was caught in between laughter, embarrassment, joy and depression. Jake, the man I thought I knew, was falling for my simulated doppelganger. It just proved he never noticed me, or at least my body. But I still feared he would recognize my face.
I turned away from him, averting his eyes. “I’m Catalina.”
“Nice name, sounds like an exotic princess.”
“I am an exotic princess!” I said, kind of mocking myself by now, since Jake knows I hate all that princess stuff. I’m a tomboy at heart. And only by being myself can I grab hold of this man’s attention.
“Well, you’re the prettiest girl in this dump, that’s for sure. Name’s Jake. I’m a photographer.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said, looking at him in the corner of my eye but quickly hiding my face behind my full head of wild hair.
“Are you kidding me? Why’s a lovely princess like you sitting alone on a night like this? You should be out on the beach soaking in sun. Or at least filming some romance comedy movie co-starring Brad Pitt.”
Most women would probably have given him a harder laugh for his cheesy lines but I was still so muted by shock, embarrassment and disbelief that he didn’t recognize me, I could only giggle softly.
And apparently Jake interpreted those embarrassed giggles as a very erotic response to his masculinity. He started deepening his voice and trying twice as hard to make eye contact…which naturally I abruptly interrupted.
“Do you want to get out of here?” he asked boldly, which only made me turned red-faced and laugh twice as hard. Here Jake was thinking I’m all hot and bothered, and I’m really just blushing at the idea that he do
esn’t know who he’s talking to.
Yes, it certainly gave me a whole new side of Jake and gave me an idea of what it’s like to be this close to him. Close to his lips, close to his eyes, our bodies so close to touching. I figured at this point I didn’t have anything to lose. I might as well pretend to be the sexy vixen he would never let me be in our platonic friendship.
“Are you sure you can handle me, cowboy?”
“Actually I’m Italian,” he said with an aww-shucks smile.
“Ooh, big strong man,” I said taking a sip of the drink he ordered for me.
“Yeah, you know what my superhero name would be?”
“What?”
“Mozzarella Man.”
I laughed hard, but only for a moment—the more I laughed, the more he might recognize my quirkier “friend” laugh that he’s heard for the last five years.
“That’s cheesy,” I said with a half glance.
Jake was now getting a little bratty, since he could tell I was playing hard to get—or more specifically, hard to look at for more than three seconds. I couldn’t imagine what I would say if he were to bust me right now.
Mmmm…speaking of busting me right now…thoughts and images of letting Jake take me and rough-fuck me were filling my head nonstop. Would he notice? Would it be taking advantage of him if I let him just…take me and do what he wants?
Maybe…maybe I would never tell him. Could I really do that? Have sex with him and then disappear? Isn’t that how he dates most girls anyway?
I glanced over at him and smiled and he smiled back. His face, however, was dominant, almost toying with me. He knew I was attracted to him and so flabbergasted with the idea of sex I could barely utter a sound.
And that’s when I officially freaked out. Knowing that I was just a word away from indulging in my hottest fantasy. Knowing all the power was mine. Damn Cammie for getting it right!
“Well thanks for the drink,” I said, putting the empty glass down. “But I have to go.”
“Whoah, what are you Cinderella? Are you going to turn into a wench at midnight or something?”
“Something like that,” I whispered with a smile. I quickly rose from my chair and glanced at him again, not a second too long.
“Really, I have to go. But it was nice meeting you.”
“Yeah well…we didn’t really meet. We just sort of exchanged glances.”
I know, I know it was terrible to run away from a guy who was that into me. But I just couldn’t handle it anymore. The more we talked, the more enamored he was by “Catalina” my bimbo alternate personality!
He chased me out of the bar asking for my number or trying to arrange a second date. I panicked and rejected him, and I’m sure he sensed that I was running.
For a guy like Jake, a woman running away is more addictive than crack! Now the competition is on. He wants to win. He wants to have the unattainable beauty queen.
The sad thing was, if he really knew who I was…he wouldn’t want me, would he?
**
“Oh God, Cammie,” I told my sister. “I don’t know what to do about him. I see him in that bar just waiting for me to come back. If he knew where I was staying, he’d probably be stalking me.”
“Wow, he was that enraptured by you?”
“Don’t act surprised!”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that. I just meant...with your personality? He still wanted to see you again?”
I snorted and gave her a pointy finger. “That’s not a compliment, ya jerk.”
“Sorry. I’m so used to giving back handed compliments I’ve turned it into an art form.”
“…And no, for your information, NOT my personality. I just dribbled on like a brainless bimbo. That’s why he was attracted to me.”
“Hmmm, you think so?”
“Well of course. I didn’t look like myself. I didn’t act like myself. I was just playing this silly game. He fell for the game.”
“Yeah but…you never know, maybe he was responding to your body chemistry. Maybe you are really compatible underneath all the fakery.”
“Geez, sis, you’re getting into very speculative stuff. I’m not talking about pheromones. I’m just saying, if we base an entire relationship on a pretense…it’s bound to fail.”
“I have an idea,” she said with an energetic smile.
“What?”
“See how well you two get along on the phone. If you have a great conversation then you’ll know it’s something real. Not just physical lust.”
“The phone? But won’t he recognize my voice?”
“Probably not. If you talk the same way you did in person.”
“Oh man, I don’t even remember how I talked. Kind of soft and whispery.”
“There you go. He’s going to be visualizing Catalina, right? So he’s going to be hearing you in Catalina’s voice, no matter how you talk. That’s just how guy’s minds work.”
“I guess…but how am I going to see him again? I left without saying goodbye. I was terribly rude…”
“I got it. I’ll be your wing-woman. I’ll approach him and tell him that I’m your friend. If he wants to talk to you, which I guarantee you he will, he has to go through me.”
“And you’ll set up the phone call?”
“Sure. What are sister’s for?” she smiled.
Cammie approached Jake and played the messenger for me. She made up an excuse that I was sick but that I would call him when I recovered to full health. Good excuse…and she got his number.
I still remember how nervous I was when I first talked to Jake on the phone as “Catalina.” I was giggling and blushing through the whole phone call. I guess my softer voice and less assertive comments DID sound like the Catalina version of me, at least to Jake.
Because he was on a roll. Cracking jokes, using that deep sexy voice of his to get a point across…
“No I mean it, you’re beautiful. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different. You’re the type of girl a guy writes home about. You’re a natural beauty.”
And…
“Catalina, let me ask you something. “What’s the happiest memory you can remember?”
And…
“When I take photos I am actually creating a living memory. I keep thinking this image is going to be here for the rest of the client’s life. I need to make it good. But more importantly, I need to make it now. Make it important. Convey a thought that’s going to inspire…evoke.”
And…
“The truth is I don’t care about looks.”
That last statement really threw me for a look. If he never cared about looks, why didn’t he even notice me in the first place? Was it because he really thought I was gay and not interested in him? Or was he relieved that I was unavailable and is THAT why we got along so well?
Damn…we talked all night. I even worried that I might forget my “character” and let my real voice go, alerting him. But he didn’t say anything. He just went with the flow.
And I woke up the next morning with Jake on my mind, even more weak at the knee than before!
Chapter 5:Jake
“I’m telling you David,” I said, hyped up on coffee and love. “I’ve never met a girl like this before.” I met with my friends for brunch but mainly to talk about Catalina—the exotic and mysterious beauty.
“The fact that you still call her GIRL makes me think you’re just chasing tail,” Amelia said, pissy as always.
“Oh can it, woman. I don’t raise a stink whenever a girl calls me a guy.”
“Yeah but as you proved with Kim, all you want is sex. So I don’t believe you when you say you’re in love.”
“It’s different this time,” I said after a head shake. “She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met before. She’s…mysterious. Sexy. And just…so out of this world.”
“Like an alien?” David said with a wry look on his face.
“You know what I mean!”
“I dunno,” David replied. Sounds suspicious to
me. If she’s not looking you in the face that’s not really mysterious. That’s creepy, like extremely paranoid or psychotic.”
“Yeah,” Amelia added. “What if you wake up without a kidney or something?”
“I think she’s just shy,” I said, though I was definitely not confident about it. Their paranoia started to rub off on me and before I knew it, I was doubting my own feelings. I asked Catalina out and offered her a few different options.
Strangely enough, she only agreed to go to the movies. It didn’t help my paranoia at all. It seemed she was dead set against us making any significant eye contact.
Still, it was cool to sit so close to Catalina in a dark and cool area. It gave us the chance to snuggle. As the movie progressed, she eventually loosened up and let me put my arm around her.
Her body warmed to me and I felt our attraction growing stronger by the minute. It was that amazing sexual tension that comes along once in a lifetime—where you don’t even have to speak. You just want to touch. You just want to get closer.
At first it was just our elbows touching. She didn’t stop me from bonding with her body. She craved it, I craved it. I couldn’t see her face, dammit, but her aura was all over me. I did something I’ve never done before—I just started necking her right in the theatre!
I was sure she would slap me away, but to my surprise, my forward thinking only propelled us to new heights. She didn’t stop me. Her body became more tense, but her voice was sultry and her breathing shallow. She felt so warm and I wanted to get closer. I kissed her neck quietly, softly, not wanting to alert anybody, but unable to resist for another moment.
She rubbed her face—her mysterious face—against mine and I placed more forbidden kisses on her forehead, her cheeks and her chin. We couldn’t talk…we couldn’t even look at each other. But our desire was unhinged! This woman was crazy and maybe one of the few that could keep up with me sexually…
And yet…also be as defensive as I am when it comes to intimacy. Christ, the woman wouldn’t even let me look her in the eye.
The movie ended before we knew it and we had to leave the theater; me with a big hard on I had to hide and her wet and blushing.