by Curry, Edna
It had been easier to tell Jass she had a luncheon date with Cathy, and not tell him about coming here. There would be time enough to tell him about the new baby when she was sure. He was such a good father to Susie she was sure he’d be happy about having another baby. It was going to be so wonderful. Her own little baby!
If she truly was pregnant, of course.
She ducked inside the large clinic, and put aside her umbrella, looking furtively around the room. She heaved a sigh of relief when she didn’t see anyone she knew. She gave her name at the counter and received a clipboard full of new patient forms to fill out.
She settled down and answered all the questions honestly except for her name, which she gave as LaRae Markham. She handed in LaRae’s medical insurance card, and at last was called for her appointment.
Dr. Beverly turned out to be very young but seemed competent. She was slim and dark haired with such a friendly smile Laurie felt reassured. After more questions and a physical exam and lab tests, she told Laurie she was indeed pregnant.
“So what do I do now?” Laurie asked nervously. “I mean, about a special diet, vitamins, and all that?”
“This is your first?” she asked with a smile at Laurie’s questions.
“Yes.”
“I have a booklet of information here you can read, and I’ll write you a prescription for some iron. Your count is a little low, nothing serious, but we need to bring it up. You’ll need to come back for regular check-ups, of course. Otherwise, nothing special. You can do anything you normally do, but don’t overdo.”
Laurie put the booklet in her purse, picked up her prescription at the clinic pharmacy and walked out into the sunshine. The rain had stopped and everything smelled fresh, clean and new, like her life. A new start! A new life growing inside her right this minute.
As she unlocked her car, she noticed her hands were trembling with happy nervous energy. She wanted to laugh and shout it from the house-tops. I’m pregnant, World! I’m going to have Jass’s baby. Hooray!
All the way home she tried to decide how to tell him. Should she be coy? Should she wait until they were in bed together? Or should she burst out with the news the minute he walked in the door?
No, she’d better not do that. She didn’t want to tell Susie, Agnes or Diane just yet. Better to wait a couple more weeks.
When she arrived home and punched the button to open the garage door, George stood inside, his arms reaching for a bicycle on the wall. He turned to stare at her, then took down the bike and moved out of her way.
Panic at being alone with him inside the garage tightened her throat. She drove in, telling herself she was being silly, shut off the engine and picked up her purse.
“Hello, George. What are you doing?” Her question was a buttress against her fear.
“Hello, Mrs. Markham. I’m just fixin’ the tire on this old bike of yours, so we can put training wheels on it. Susie’s about the right age to learn to ride a two-wheeler this year, don’t you think?”
“Why, yes, I suppose she is.” Laurie pasted a smile on her face and hurried into the house.
“Ah, you’re home, LaRae.” Agnes stood at the sink, peeling potatoes. She sent Laurie a welcoming smile over her shoulder.
“Yes, Agnes.”
“I was worried about you, out driving in that thunderstorm.”
“It’s beautiful, now. Is Susie home?”
“No, she’s still at her swimming lesson. Harold should be bringing them back any minute now.”
“Yes, of course.” It was Davie’s father’s turn to drive the car pool today. Ashamed now of her panic in the garage, she wanted only to escape.
She grabbed a can of cold soda from the refrigerator and said, “I’ll be in my room if you want me.”
Safely in her room, she curled up in her upholstered chair and sipped the soda, willing her queasy stomach to behave.
She was being a ninny. George’s presence in the garage had taken her by surprise, that’s all. She hadn’t expected anyone to be standing inside when the door opened. There was nothing so strange about being startled and having your blood pound in alarm in response, was there?
Maybe her pregnancy was making her extra emotional. Dr. Beverly had said something about hormones making mothers-to-be feel that way, hadn’t she?
Would LaRae have had any books on the subject? Laurie felt the urge to learn all she could about this miracle happening to her. She got up, found the booklet Dr. Beverly had given her and read it. Then she hunted through the bookshelves until she found a medical manual and sat down to read that.
Later she heard Harold’s pick-up as he dropped Susie off. Susie came in to say hello and cuddle with her, but she soon left to play with Trixie and watch television in the family room.
Jass called to say he’d be late and not to wait supper for him. So she put her book away to join Susie, Agnes and Diane for supper.
She could hardly retain her excitement, waiting for Jass to return. She put Susie to bed and went back to her bedroom.
With the book in her lap, she again sat down to read and fell asleep.
***
Jass found her there when he returned. He walked in, pleased to see that she’d waited up for him, then saw she was asleep.
He went to her. She looked so sweet and peaceful there, he hated to wake her. But he needed to hold her, and wanted her in his arms in bed, not here. He shook her gently. “Come on, LaRae. Bedtime.”
Her wide, hazel eyes opened, still glazed with sleep. “Oh, Jass, you’re home.”
She got up, apparently stiff from sitting in one position too long. He took her arm and helped her stand, then noticed the book that fell to the floor. He bent to pick it up, and asked, “AMA Medical Guide? Why were you reading that?”
She colored and stared at him, as though embarrassed to be caught at something. “Oh, ah…no particular reason.”
“LaRae, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”
Suddenly a mischievous grin spread across her face. She leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss. “No, I’m not sick, Jass. Just pregnant.”
“What?”
“Pregnant. You know, as in ‘we’re having a baby, Darling?’”
“But how can that be?” He stared at her, his mind whirling.
She teased, “Last I heard, that’s what happens when two people make love, Jass.”
“But—”
She frowned. “Aren’t you happy about it? Don’t you want another baby?”
“Yes, of course. I mean, it’s wonderful, but—”
“But what? I don’t understand.” Her face took on a worried look.
“LaRae, are you sure? You’re not mistaken?”
She shook her head. “I went to the doctor today.”
“What did Dr. Henry say? I mean, didn’t the operation to have your tubes tied work?”
“Operation? Tubes tied?” She paled and only stared at him.
He went on, half talking to himself, “But the operation must have been successful. We haven’t used birth control for the whole five years since you had it done right after Susie was born. Why didn’t you get pregnant before now?”
The shock on her suddenly white face began to register with him. “LaRae,” he said. “Surely you couldn’t have forgotten having the surgery?”
She shook her head and turned away, as though afraid to look at him. Her voice hardly above a whisper, she said, “I don’t know.”
Suddenly a horrible suspicion filled his mind. All the strange details he'd noticed since she came back from California clicked into place, and fit only one possible explanation.
It couldn’t be true, could it?
He grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him. His tongue thick with fear, he asked, “Are you LaRae? Or…are you Laurie?”
She swallowed and closed her eyes. Slowly she nodded and whispered, “Laurie.”
He wet his dry lips, trying to get the words out, “LaRae’s…the one who is…dead?”
/> Horror on her face, she nodded, then reached a pleading hand toward him. “I’m sorry, Jass.”
He turned his back and walked to the window. Staring unseeingly out into the night, he tried to take it all in. His wife was dead. And as if that weren’t shock enough, his sister-in-law had been taking her place in his bed, and now she was pregnant. God, what a mess.
Suddenly he whirled back to where she stood, as still as a frozen statue. “Why? Why did you do it? Why lie to me like this?” He needed to lash out at someone, anyone. Somebody had to be to blame for this fiasco!
“The ambulance crew or the hospital must have mixed us up. When I woke up, they kept calling me ‘Mrs. Markham.’ I tried to tell you that first day, when you came to see me in the hospital. But you wouldn’t listen; you were so cold to me, blaming me for the accident. Then you took LaRae back here, and…”
“I buried her as Laurie.” He finished for her with a heavy sigh. He paced the room, running a shaking hand through his already disheveled hair. “My own wife…she doesn’t even have the right name on her tombstone.”
“We can change that, Jass.”
Angrily, he agreed, “You bet I will.”
He paused, then said, “LaRae’s wedding rings. Why couldn’t they identify her by those?”
Her lips twisted painfully. “LaRae had taken them off and put them in her purse. It was a silly game we’d played since childhood, of trying to fool people about who was who. She wanted to see if my hairdresser would know which one was me. Both our purses were on the floor of the car, or who knows where, after the accident.”
He stared at her, immediately knowing it was the truth. It sounded exactly like LaRae.
“It’s my fault. I should told you I had to talk to you. I should have made you stay there and listen to me.”
“I’m listening, Laurie. Explain it to me, now.”
In an unsteady voice she told him everything, from when she’d first realized the hospital staff thought she was LaRae until she’d come back to Minnesota as his wife.
“But what I don’t understand is, why?”
“I’m still not sure, myself,” she said, her voice shaking. “When I realized they thought I was LaRae, I just wanted to wait to tell you the truth myself, for fear the staff would tell you LaRae wasn’t a patient there, or some such thing. Then the nightmares started, and I started panicking about taking care of Susie. I mean, I was driving. It was my fault Susie had lost her mother. So I got the idea of taking her mother’s place, to protect her for LaRae.”
“That’s a stupid reason, Laurie. Susie’s fine. I’ve always taken good care of her. Besides, I have Agnes and Diane to watch her, too. This silly obsession with protecting her from some imaginary danger has got to stop, LaRae…I mean, Laurie.” He swallowed and said more softly. “It borders on paranoia.”
She laughed nervously. “Perhaps. But the nightmares were, no are, so real.”
He said nothing. Then, “LaRae really did intend to divorce me, didn’t she?”
Then, she said softly, “She said so, but I don’t know.”
Another silence.
“We’re having a baby together, and we’re not married.”
Swallowing, her mouth twisted. “I’m aware of that. I have my stock portfolio. I can always live on it if I need to.”
He shook his head, unable to make sense of her reasoning, her lack of concern. He snapped, “You won’t need to. It’s my baby, I’ll support it!” He turned on his heel.
“Where are you going?”
“To bed. Alone, in my own room.”
“Jass?”
He kept on walking.
“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to lie. It seemed like the only solution at the time, and then it just snowballed.”
“Lies always do. I have to go back to Denver in the morning. I’ll call you.”
“Jass!” There was a desperate plea in her voice.
He stopped just inside her bedroom door, but didn’t turn back. He couldn’t face her right now.
“What are you going to do? About us, I mean?”
“I don’t know. I mean, nothing for now.” His voice broke. “I can’t deal with it yet.”
He walked out and closed the door behind him.
Alone in his room, Jass crawled into bed and wept as he hadn’t since he was a boy. He wept for LaRae, for a marriage ended. For all the lies that had separated them and the joys they had shared. Bitter tears for hopes that now lay dashed against the sharp rocks of Truth. Painful, searing Truth.
He mourned the false hope he had nurtured these past weeks. He’d thought they were making a wonderful new start, that Laurie’s death had changed LaRae. But LaRae hadn’t changed after all. She would never change. She was dead.
He should have known. How could he have not realized the woman he'd made love to wasn’t LaRae?
The clues had been there, right under his nose, right from the start. Even Trixie had known. That first night, the dog had treated LaRae…no, Laurie…as a stranger, and he’d paid no attention. He remembered scolding Trixie for barking at her.
The way she’d treated Susie had been so different, too. Why had he been so dumb? So willing to believe she had changed? He laughed hollowly. Easy. Because she was who he'd always wanted LaRae to become.
He’d wanted to believe Laurie had taught her to run a computer in California. But LaRae’s own Visa bills had told him she hadn’t even gotten to California until the day she died. There had been no time to learn even the rudiments of a computer program, let alone become as proficient as Laurie was.
The shock on her face should have alerted him she didn’t know about the credit card charges, should have told him she wasn’t the one who'd made them. He’d been fooling himself. Then there was the way she’d treated Louis Elton, as though she didn’t even like the man. That should have alerted him as well. LaRae had liked Louis, had flirted and danced with him. She’d known nothing about stocks, and couldn’t even balance her own checkbook, let alone manage a stock portfolio. Laurie seemed to be an expert at both. No one could learn all that overnight.
And the business over her allergies. The correct medication had been in Laurie’s medicine chest, with Laurie's name on it. Then the way Laurie couldn’t cook. Agnes had told him she'd burned cookies. His wife had been a great cook. She’d never burned anything in all the time he’d known her.
What a fool he had been. He pounded his pillow, almost hating Laurie for making him feel stupid, even if she had done it believing she needed to protect Susie. He wanted to blame someone for all this pain.
Yet, it had been more his fault than hers. He had never even thought of the possibility she wasn’t his wife. Why not? Because he hadn’t wanted to consider the possibility LaRae was dead. He wanted her alive and the person he thought she had become.
His wife was dead. He and Susie were alone.
How was he going to tell everyone? When?
Hours later he fell back to sleep. He left for work very early, without saying good-bye.
Chapter 14
Laurie’s bitter tears and regretful wishes filled her restless night. She wished she could go to Jass and hold him, make him understand she loved him and Susie. But he wouldn’t listen, now. He needed time.
She was pregnant. Would she have to raise her baby alone? Would he ever love their baby? Or would he abandon it? Would he ever love her for herself?
She plumped her pillow and turned over, to bury her face and muffle her tears.
She remembered again the drive with LaRae just before the fatal crash. Remembered LaRae saying she'd been having a little fun while she was out from under his thumb. Laurie hated the thought that her sister had been unfaithful. Jass had a right to be angry. Did he remember that she, Laurie, had promised him after the party incident with Pete it would never happen again? Hopefully, after the pain and shock subsided, he would remember her promise. There was nothing she could do now, but wait for Jass to deal with his anger and grief, and realize th
e truth.
Laurie thought back to when she and LaRae had been wonderful pals. Before LaRae had married him, while Laurie stood in her beautiful blue lace maid-of-honor dress, watching her sister’s happiness and wondering when she’d find her own Mr. Right.
When Laurie awoke the next morning, she did her best to cover her blotchy cheeks and tear-swollen eyes with make-up. It was her turn to drive in the carpool, so she had to pretend everything was normal. Worse, morning sickness came on with a vengeance, no doubt encouraged by her emotional upset.
The days went by, but her tension and pain refused to lessen. Jass called Susie, but barely spoke to Laurie. She wished he would tell everyone and clear the air.
She endlessly blamed herself for her predicament. She lost pounds and had trouble keeping enough food down to keep from feeling weak.
She tried to make plans for her and her baby’s future alone, but couldn’t concentrate. Everything she’d wanted, the man she loved, a home, a child who loved her, and another on the way, all had been within her grasp. Now because of her lies, she had lost it all.
How long would Jass wait before exposing her to everyone? Why was he waiting? Why hadn’t he told everyone immediately? The suspense of waiting for his response was killing her.