by J. L. Monro
Lana better be glad she’s my sister because I pretty sure I would have smothered her by now if she was anyone else. I went with the outfit that she suggested and once again I had to admit Lana was damn good at her job. She was a stylist for the rich. She very rarely entertained any celebrities although she was always sought out. Her view was that she could bring drama on her own, she didn’t need help from official divas. She also more often than not refused female clients which was odd because she had a strict I don’t sleep with my male clients policy that she actually stuck to.
Tara had already come over to babysit for me. I could never understand why my sister was so smart it was unreal but I still had to explain to her why doing an experiment with a seven year old was not smart and definitely not to be done in the house.
When Deacon knocked on the door, Jakey blitzed past me to open it before I even had a chance. I hadn’t intended for Deacon to come in. I wasn’t ready for them to meet again but it seemed that Jakey had a different idea. Jakey opened the door and let Deacon through. Deacon was dressed in dark blue jeans with a grey jacket and white shirt. I had to discreetly wipe the drop of drool that had escaped my mouth. He looked stunning. Can a man look stunning? Well Deacon looked stunning and that was the adjective I was sticking with. Jakey on the other hand didn’t look as impressed. He looked Deacon up and down and then back up again before walking off to find Tara.
“Give me a minute Deacon and I’ll be ready to go. Ummmm take a seat in the living room.” I pointed him to towards the living room then made off after Jakey.
I found him in the kitchen with Tara doing what looked like the very type of experiment I’d told them both not to.
“Jakey, do you mind me going out? I can stay if you want.” I put my hand on his head and turned him around to look at me.
“What for? I’m going to have fun with Aunty Tara. You don’t ever go out with friends. If you don’t have your own friends what are you going to do when I move out and leave you? You’ll end up old and alone with cats.” I heard Tara try to cover up her laugh with a cough. Lana had clearly been talking to Jakey but he actually didn’t seem bothered by me going out.
“Okay, but if you want me to come home, tell Aunty Tara to call me. Love you.” Jakey was already not paying me any attention. “Tara, I won’t be back too late but give me a call if you need me to come back.”
“Why would I need to call you?” She looked unamused at my suggestion that she might need my help. “Go and have fun. I’m sleeping in your bed because your sofa bed doesn’t work for me. You can either share the bed with me or you take the sofa bed. If you’re intoxicated when you get in just take the sofa bed. I’m not sleeping next to you if you’re going to be throwing up all over the place and I’m not mopping it up either. Now go. It’s rude to make people wait.” I couldn’t help but grin. Tara’s sense of humor was pretty dry and when she had her nerd glasses on like right now she was fucking hilarious. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and went to find Deacon.
I found Deacon inspecting my family photos. He’d stopped in front of a picture of Saz, Mills, Joe and I. I loved that picture. We all looked so happy and Joe had his big arms wrapped around Jakey and I.
“Who’s the guy in the picture?” Was Deacon jealous? That sounded awfully like jealousy in his voice.
“That’s Joe. He’s one of my other best friends and Mills’ brother. They’re Jakey’s cousin on his dad’s side. He’s really good to us and I’ve known him since we started secondary school.
****
Once my family had left Mills’ and Joe’s house after I got back from the hospital I slumped on their sofa. I had no home of my own and although I could have gone home with Ma and Pops, I didn’t want them fussing over me. Mills had said I could stay as long as I needed and I was so grateful for her kindness I don’t think I could ever repay her. When Joe had finally shut the door he came and sat on the sofa and gently pulled me on to his lap. I was so tired I instantly relaxed into him while he stroked my hair. Mills had pulled my legs onto her lap and had begun to rub my legs. I think this was more to keep her calm than to soothe me but I absorbed it all the same.
“Dana, I’m so sorry. He’s my cousin but I didn’t know he was like this or that he was doing this to you. I don’t know what to say.” Joe’s voice hitched and I could hear the underserved guilt in every word he spoke.
“Joe, it’s not your fault. Don’t you ever think that. You might be related but you are not his keeper. Mitchell’s actions are Mitchell’s responsibility and he will have to live with the consequences on his own. Don’t you dare feel guilty.” My face was throbbing as I frowned at him and I had to quickly ease my face.
“But if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have met. I should have seen what he was like and what he was doing. I always thought he could be an oddball but I didn’t realize how much of one.” Now I could hear the remorse and I hugged Joe a little tighter. Mitchell Grayson had done enough to ruin my life and Jakey’s, he wasn’t going to affect anyone elses.
“Joe, I just want to forget about Mitchell and move on. I’m sure he’s not finished trying to get to me and I will deal with that in the morning. Right now I just want to get some sleep. We’ve all had a long night and need some rest.” He kissed the top of my head and let the subject drop. I silently thanked him for it because sleep was the last thing I was going to get and all I wanted to do was bury my head in the sand and pretend the last five years of my life had never happened.
The doctors had put me on bed rest to allow my injuries to heal and to be honest the following morning I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. Without the adrenaline pumping through me I could feel every single one of my injuries and the painkillers were not doing a thing to help. Mills couldn’t take time off work so Joe rearranged all his appointments for the next two weeks to stay at home with me as much as possible. He did most of his sessions in the evenings so that Mills would be back home and could help me if I needed a hand or just keep Jakey occupied. Joe even did the school run, taking Jakey to and from school. On the weekends he took him to play rugby or to the cinema to watch the latest kids film. Jakey had already loved his big cousin but now he simply worshipped the ground he walked on.
During the day when Jakey was at school Joe and I would sit and watch films or we would talk. Eventually I told him everything that had happened between Mitchell and I from day one and while I cried he just held me. He never pushed me to talk more than I wanted to and after I finished with my ugly crying he would go get my favorite tub of ice cream. Cinnamon waffle flavor.
****
“You ready to go Deacon?”
He had stopped scowling at my picture and now had his beaming smile in place instead.
“My lady, your carriage awaits.” He held out his arm and I took it as we walked out the house and to his Porshe. When I wasn’t pissed at his driving, that car was sex on wheels. We pulled up to a boat that looked as though it had been converted into a restaurant. The majority of the panels were glass but as it was dark I still couldn’t see inside. Deacon came round to my side and helped me out the car and made me hold onto his arm as we walked up to the boat. I couldn’t help but swoon a little but I’ve been sucked in by gentlemanlike behavior before.
We stepped onto the boat and climbed the stairs to go into what I could only assume was the actual restaurant part of it. I could barely hold back my gasp when I saw what was laid out before me. In the middle of the floor was a table that had a beautiful candelabra on. The rest of the room had scattered candles of various sizes cleverly darted around. I looked down and there were white petals on the floor that formed a pathway to our table. Shit. My eyes were welling up. This had to be the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. Fuck. I looked up at Deacon and could tell he knew he’d done good.
“You like?” He jerked his chin at the room but he still looked confident in what he’d done.
“Don’t be facetious. There isn’t a woman alive that couldn’t b
e affected by this. Thank you Deacon.” I leaned up to give him a quick peck on his cheek but he turned and pulled me into him fully and took complete control of the kiss. I didn’t mind at all.
A cough that came from behind us caused us to break away and I tried to hide behind Deacon as a waiter gestured towards the table. Deacon smirked at me. He was in no way embarrassed about being caught kissing like a pair of randy teenagers. He took my hand and led me to the table, holding out my chair for me to sit down. The food was absolutely amazing. I tried dishes that I’d never even heard of and at some points I couldn’t even respond to Deacons questions because I was too busy savoring the food. When we did talk I ended up laughing so hard I had to be careful not to snort my wine at him. Deacon was seriously funny. I hadn’t realized that he’d met so many of the other tutors at the university and he did impressions of most of them as he couldn’t remember their names. His imitations were dead on and I was in hysterics by the time he’d finished. We talked about everything from books and films to hobbies and dreams. I was amazed by how much we had in common. During a rare moment of silence I took the opportunity to ask Deacon the question that had been burning me since he started at the university.
“Deacon, why did you really come to do this project with me?” He looked up and his smile slightly faded.
“I got into cosmetic surgery for a simple reason. I was incredibly smart and wanted to earn a lot of money. I became exceptionally good at what I did and I worked every hour I could to earn as much as I could. I didn’t care about anyone who came through my door as long as they could afford my fees. One of my clients was an eighteen year old girl. Her mum had bought her a breast enlargement and a nose job to make her beautiful. At the time I didn’t agree with her but once she was signed off with regard to her mental state, I got on with doing my part. Her mum was a complete bitch. She’d go on at her about how she needed to get with the program if she wanted to find herself a good husband when she was older. The girl was timid and I could tell she didn’t really want the surgery but I didn’t want to get involved. I performed the surgery and sent her on her way after. Four months later she killed herself. Left a suicide note explaining that she had thought she was beautiful even if her mum didn’t think so and that she didn’t want to end up like her. Basically a superficial bitch. She’d rather be dead than grow up to be like her. After that I stopped performing surgery for a while. I felt responsible for her death. I saw something was wrong but I did my work anyway. Once I finished with my self- loathing I decided to do something about what I’d experienced. I changed the ethics of my practice and hired a better psychologist to screen my patients. We now have a psychology arm of the practice that offers counseling to women only. I still wanted to do more and I needed the knowledge for that and that’s when I began reading journals and any theoretical papers I could get my hands on that would help me to understand what drives women to physically alter themselves. That’s when I came across your papers. At first it was about the content of what you were writing about but I pretty soon realized you had a specific writing style and I wanted to meet the person behind the words. I couldn’t have imagined how beautiful you’d actually be in person.”
I’d begun to hold Deacons hand after he’d told me that the poor girl had killed herself. I couldn’t begin to imagine how guilty he must have felt. I can’t lie, part of me thought that’s what happens when you’re a money oriented git but at least he was trying to put things right. Deacon was holding my hand firmly now and staring at our entwined hands as if it was his anchor to here and now.
“That’s a lot of guilt to carry around with you Deacon. The important thing is that you’ve learned from your experience and you’re now helping people.” He was still staring at our hands but now he was playing with my fingers. “Deacon.” He finally met my eyes. “You need to let go of the past and move on. Tormenting yourself over it won’t help anyone.” He gave me a weak smile and I saw him mentally shake off his demons. I wasn’t sure they were completely gone but he was trying to focus on our date.
“So you’ve pried into my past. Time to return the favour.” Oh shit. Walked into that one. “You never talk about Jacob’s dad. In fact you avoid any topics that could potentially lead to him being talked about. So what’s the situation with that?” Oh he’d gone straight for it. Well bad luck mate because I had no intention of talking about it.
“We got together. He wasn’t what he seemed. I got pregnant. He still wasn’t what he seemed. We broke up. Simple.” I moved my attention to my glass of wine and I think he took the hint that the conversation was over where that was concerned. My palms were sweating. I hated when anyone asked me about Mitchell. I knew I shouldn’t but I felt ashamed for letting him treat me the way he did for so long and also letting Jakey witness some of it. What kind of a mother was I that I couldn’t protect my son?
“Ok. I’m surprised you gave me that much information to be honest. Second question. “
“I don’t think I agreed to a second question.” I was seriously worried about where this was going to go.
“Technically you didn’t really answer my first question, so I get to ask you a second. Especially as I shared my pretty demons with you.” Damn him!
“How were you able to get so far in your psychology career and raise Jacob at the same time? I’m assuming you haven’t been with his dad for a little while now.”
I sighed. I was going to answer because one: he was right. He’d been open with me and two: part of me wanted to be open with him.
“When I started seeing Jakey’s dad I was a straight A student. I got pregnant just before my final year. The perk of having three sisters is that I’ve always got a babysitter to choose from so it really wasn’t that hard for me to continue with my studies. Jakey’s dad was all about his image and it wouldn’t have suited him to have been saddled with a girlfriend who had no brains or prospects so he was actually very supportive of me studying and getting my degree.” I left out the part where Mitchell used the fact that I needed to study as a way to cut me off from my friends and he would refuse to look after Jakey if I wanted to socialize with my new university friends, constantly reminding me that I was a mother and I’d given up my right to a social life when I decided to become a mum. When I’d argue that I could do both, he would turn it on me and say that I regretted having Jakey, which had never crossed my mind. At the time it didn’t click that him encouraging me to go to university was just another way for him to control where I was and who I was spending my time with. “I managed to complete my bachelor’s degree in three years, my masters in eighteen months and now I’m working on getting my PhD. People think Tara is the only one that’s logical but even I love things to run in order. Doing my PhD just seems the natural thing for me to do.” Deacon nodded and seemed to accept my answer.
“Are you ready for part two?” He looked so excited.
“What’s part two?”
“That would be telling. Now let’s go woman.” He kissed the back of my hand and led me out of the restaurant. I thought we were going back to his car but Deacon steered me down the cobbled street past the nearby bars and late night cafes.
“How do you know where you’re going? You’re not even from this country let alone city.” Curiosity was killing me.
“Well during all these weeks that you’ve been rejecting me, I’ve been exploring and finding things that interest me and keep me occupied while I pined over you.” I gently elbowed him in his ribs and he laughed just as he opened the door to a bar that was advertising an open mic night. I’d never been to an open mic night before but the vibe in the bar was really nice. There was a curvy lady on stage at the moment crooning away to one of my favourite songs, Jazmine Sullivans, Good Enough. When she finished that song she whispered in the keyboard players ear and they began another of my favourites, Melanie Fionas, It Kills Me. I read somewhere that when you’re happy you enjoy the music but when you’re sad you feel the lyrics. That was the reason I loved the
se songs. When I was with Mitchell and I heard them, I can feel the pain as clear as my own. Right now I was happier than I’d been in a very long time and I was able to just enjoy the talent that this woman was showcasing. I hadn’t noticed a short man in jeans and a well worn t-shirt come up behind us and pat Deacon on the back.
“Hey Dea, you gonna go on tonight?” I turned abruptly in Deacons direction.
“You sing?” This man clearly had talents I hadn’t begun to unearth. I mentally blamed the wine I’d drunk earlier for the dirty thoughts that came after wondering exactly what talents would be of benefit to my body. Was it hot in here or was it me?
“Dea’s one of our best singers. Why don’t you jump on after Clare’s finished?” The man looked eager to hear Deacon sing and so was I. I couldn’t imagine what kind of singing voice he had.
“I’d like to hear you sing Deacon.” I said this with pure honesty and hoped that it would encourage him, and I may have batted my eyelashes. His face softened and I knew I was going to get my way.
“I had wanted to just spend the night in your company but since you asked like that I’ll have to indulge you.” He gave me another quick peck and walked towards the stage. I couldn’t help but notice the women closest to the stage stopping their conversations to watch him walk past or grabbing his hands and saying hello as though they knew him intimately. I also couldn’t help but notice the huge pang of jealousy and the urge to slap the bitches silly for touching my bloke. Woah. When did I start thinking of him as ‘my bloke’?