Too darned right there is, Annie thought, feeling her cheeks beginning to burn, and being a sensational kisser was just one of them.
‘In fact, I can’t understand why one of you hasn’t snapped him up yet,’ Carol continued. ‘Frankly, I’d have been first in the queue myself if I didn’t have Brian.’
I might have been right there with you after that kiss on Saturday, Annie thought as she waved Carol goodbye, if everything hadn’t gone so horribly and terribly wrong.
Even now, almost a week later, she still couldn’t sleep. The minute she drifted off, she began to dream. Dreams that were so vivid, so terrifying and real, that she had to rush immediately into Jamie’s room to make sure he was still there, that she really had got him back.
David said she was overreacting.
He’d come round on Sunday morning, all agog to discover how her day out had gone. One look at her chalk-white face had been enough to make him deeply suspicious, but when Jamie had innocently announced that Mummy had got very cross at the park, and they were never going there again, she’d been forced to tell him what had happened. It had been that, or allowing David to carry out his threat of going round to Gideon’s flat to beat him to a pulp.
‘Annie, it wasn’t your fault, or Gideon’s,’ David said when she’d told him everything. ‘So he kissed you. So you took your eyes off Jamie for a second—’
‘It was a lot longer than a second,’ she said, remembering, and her brother grinned.
‘So he’s a good kisser, is he?’
Good didn’t come anywhere near to describing the effect of Gideon’s lips on hers. That first touch of his mouth—so unbelievably sweet and tender—had been like coming home, like finding another part of her she hadn’t even known was missing, but when he’d deepened the kiss…Lord, when he’d deepened the kiss she’d suddenly understood why romantic writers always wrote about bolts of lightning and soaring fireworks.
‘Wow. That good, eh?’ David laughed, watching her faraway expression, and Annie blushed and shook her head.
‘It was a mistake, David. A mistake I won’t let happen again.’
To her surprise, her brother actually looked angry.
‘Annie, Jamie could have wandered off while you were out shopping, when you were in the post office, or in the bank. It’s got nothing to do with you and Gideon kissing. And, yes, I know I wasn’t sure about him at first,’ he continued when she tried to protest, ‘but I think he’s a decent bloke, and it would be plain daft if you shut the door on something which could turn out to be pretty special because of some stupid guilt trip.’
Which was fine for him to say, Annie sighed, noticing that Rachel was beckoning to her, but David hadn’t been there when Jamie had gone missing. He hadn’t experienced those awful, terrifying, desperate minutes when she hadn’t known where he was, and she never wanted to feel that way again. No matter what David said, it had been her fault. She should have been watching out for her son. She should have been concentrating on him, not kissing Gideon.
‘Mrs Wilson says you’ve told her she might be able to get up for a little while today,’ Woody said tightly.
‘I said I would ask you or Dr Brooke if she could,’ Annie said. ‘She’s getting so bored, you see,’ she continued quickly, ‘and I thought—’
‘You are not here to think, Dr Hart, you are here to learn,’ Woody snapped. ‘And in future I’d be obliged if you left such important decisions to people who know considerably more than you do.’
A hot flush of colour washed over Annie’s cheeks as the specialist registrar stalked away. Well, that was putting her in her place, and no mistake, and it wouldn’t have been so bad if Kay hadn’t heard every word.
‘I’m really sorry, Doctor,’ she said awkwardly. ‘I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.’
‘You haven’t,’ Annie reassured her. Or at least no more in trouble with Woody than I normally am, she added mentally.
‘She’s really bossy, isn’t she—Dr Dunwoody?’ Kay continued. ‘I mean, you, Mr Caldwell, Dr Brooke, Dr Fraser—you’re all so kind and understanding—but Dr Dunwoody—’
‘Have you had your blood pressure and temperature taken this afternoon?’ Annie interrupted, knowing she had to put an end to this conversation, and fast. OK, so Woody wasn’t exactly a little ray of sunshine, and she’d been more than usually snippy these past two weeks, but getting involved in a discussion about one of her superiors was a very bad idea.
‘Sister Baker took them both about half an hour ago,’ Kay replied. ‘She said they were normal.’
‘Well, that’s good news, isn’t it?’ Annie said encouragingly, but Kay didn’t look any happier.
‘If my blood pressure and temperature are normal, why can’t I get up? I’m fed up lying in this bed, staring at the same four walls. I want to go home.’
Annie sat down on the edge of the young woman’s bed, and took her hand in hers. ‘Kay, I know you’re bored, but puerperal fever is a very dangerous disease and we want to make absolutely certain all the infection is gone before we discharge you.’
‘Mr Caldwell said the same,’ Kay declared belligerently, ‘but I feel fine, Dr Hart—honestly I do—and I want to go home. I want to be a proper, normal mum, and see Gideon every day instead of just when he’s brought into the ward for me to feed.’
‘Gideon?’ Annie repeated, her lips curving.
‘My husband and I thought it would be nice to call the baby after Mr Caldwell.’
‘Personally, I think it’s a terrible idea,’ a familiar deep voice commented. ‘Why don’t you call him something nice like Jack, or Scott, or Fraser?’
‘Because we like Gideon, Mr Caldwell,’ Kay said, beaming up at him. ‘And Gideon is what he’s going to be.’
‘On your own heads be it, then,’ Gideon said, his brown eyes twinkling. ‘Everything OK here, Dr Hart?’
Should she ask him if Kay might get up for a little while? Bad idea, Annie, she told herself. Bypassing one of your superiors and going straight to the boss? Very, very bad idea indeed.
Kay, however, didn’t suffer from any such inhibitions.
‘Mr Caldwell, would it be all right if I got up for a little while?’ she declared. ‘I’m so bored, lying here all the time.’
He lifted the chart at the bottom of her bed. ‘BP normal, temperature normal. OK, I don’t see why not. No marathons, of course,’ he added as Kay let out a whoop of delight. ‘Just for half an hour today, and then we’ll see about extending the time tomorrow if you don’t suffer any after-effects.’
‘Hallelujah!’ Kay exclaimed. ‘I was beginning to think I was rooted to this bed.’
‘Well, we certainly can’t have that.’ He grinned, and, with a smile and a nod at Annie, walked away.
Which was exactly what she wanted, she told herself, determinedly refusing to allow her eyes to follow him. The occasional smile, the once-in-a-while pleasantry and conversations which were friendly without being over-friendly.
It was what she’d got, too. Ever since Monday morning when she’d crept unwillingly into work, wondering if she might have to resign if working with him should prove impossible, he’d been the perfect gentleman. Pleasant, courteous, unfailingly polite—and it was annoying the hell out of her.
Which was crazy.
Good heavens, it wasn’t as though she wanted him collaring her in corners, attempting to argue her out of her decision, so she ought to be pleased that he’d accepted her decision without question, and she was, but…
‘You’re looking a bit glum, Annie,’ Helen observed when they met halfway down the ward. ‘Anything wrong?’
‘I’m just a bit tired today, that’s all,’ Annie replied, forcing a smile to her lips.
‘Gideon was down in the doldrums, too, a couple of weeks ago,’ the SHO observed, ‘but he seems a lot more upbeat nowadays. Happier, and more positive somehow, if you know what I mean.’
Annie did, and that was bugging her as well. OK, so she hadn’t wanted
to see him moping around the ward, or chewing everybody’s head off because she wouldn’t go out with him again, but neither had she expected him to be so apparently unaffected by her rebuff. Their kiss had been mind-blowing on anybody’s scale of kisses, and at least she’d thought he might have made some token effort to overcome her scruples.
Not that she’d have given in to any of his arguments, of course, she told herself severely, but still…
‘Did you and Gideon have a nice day out at the Botanic Gardens last Saturday?’
Annie almost tripped over the drugs trolley. ‘How did you…?’
‘One of my friends was there with her kids.’ Helen smiled. ‘She knows Gideon, and from the description she gave me of the girl he was with, I’m guessing it was you.’
‘Yes, it was me,’ Annie muttered.
‘My friend said you and your son seemed to be really enjoying yourselves.’
Helen’s eyes were fixed on her with keen interest, and Annie’s jaw set. She knew exactly what the SHO was up to. Before—when Helen had made all those weird, veiled comments about Gideon being such a decent bloke, and how he needed somebody in his life—she’d been completely bewildered, but now she wasn’t. Now she very strongly suspected that Helen was trying to set her up with their boss. She could forget it.
‘We had a very pleasant day out, but we’ve no plans to repeat it,’ she said firmly.
‘Not yet, you mean.’ Helen smiled.
‘Not ever,’ Annie declared even more firmly, but to her acute annoyance the SHO’s smile merely widened. ‘Now look, Helen—’
‘Sorry, to interrupt, Doctors,’ Liz said, ‘but Louise Harper’s just about ready to leave, and I understand from Gideon that Annie’s going to speak to her before she goes.’
‘I am?’ Annie said faintly, hoping against hope that she might have misheard, but knowing she hadn’t.
‘Apparently he wants you to make certain she understands the importance of taking her medication,’ Liz continued, ‘and of attending his clinic in a month’s time.’
Then why can’t he do it? Annie thought, reluctantly forcing her feet out of the ward and along to Room 3. Or Helen, or Woody, or Tom? Why does it have to be me, when talks with Louise always leave me feeling so depressed and disheartened?
Because it’s part of your job, she told herself severely. Every patient can’t leave the ward laughing. Some of them are going to be upset, or frightened, or tearful.
Louise looked to be all three, Annie thought with a sinking heart when she put her head tentatively round the girl’s door.
‘All set to go, then, Louise?’ she asked with determined brightness.
‘I guess so,’ the girl muttered.
‘Have you got the antibiotics Mr Caldwell prescribed for you?’
Louise held up her handbag. ‘They’re in here. And, yes, I know I have to complete the whole course,’ she said when Annie opened her mouth to say just that. ‘Even if I feel OK, I’ve got to take every pill.’
Annie smiled. ‘Just so long as you don’t forget. Has Sister Baker made an appointment for you at Mr Caldwell’s outpatient clinic?’
‘Yes. I’ve got my appointment card.’
Lord, but she looked so very young, Annie thought as she gazed at the girl’s lowered head. OK, so she wasn’t old—just gone eighteen—but this morning she looked even younger. Young, and alone, and totally defeated.
‘Louise—’
‘I’d better get going,’ the girl interrupted. ‘Sister Baker has called me a taxi, and I don’t want to keep it waiting—not with what taxis charge nowadays.’
‘Do you have somewhere to stay?’ Annie asked as the girl began putting on her coat. ‘I know you used to live with your boyfriend—’
‘A friend is going to put me up for a couple of weeks until I find somewhere else.’
It sounded a singularly miserable homecoming to Annie, and she cleared her throat hesitantly. ‘I take it there’s no chance…I mean, your boyfriend…?’
‘He wouldn’t come near me now with a ten-foot bargepole,’ Louise said bitterly. ‘You heard what he said when he visited me.’
Annie had. So had the entire ward.
‘He was frightened, Louise, upset—’
‘So that’s why he called me a slag and a whore, is it?’
Annie winced. It had been a horrible episode. Louise’s boyfriend had arrived, bearing a huge bunch of flowers, but the minute she’d told him what was wrong, and that he might need treatment himself, he’d exploded. He called Louise every insulting name under the sun, vehemently denying that there was anything wrong with him, and he’d still been screaming abuse when Gideon had forcibly ejected him.
‘Louise, why don’t I phone your mother?’ Annie said quickly. ‘I know you didn’t want her to know you were in hospital, but—’
‘And have her say “I told you so”?’ Louise shook her head. ‘She always used to say I’d come to a bad end, and it looks like she was right.’
‘Oh, Louise, you haven’t come to a bad end,’ Annie protested. ‘OK, so you’ve had pelvic inflammatory disease—’
‘Mr Caldwell said I’ll never conceive a baby naturally,’ Louise said, tears welling in her eyes. ‘He said I’ll have to have IVF treatment if I want one, but one of my cousins has been on an IVF waiting list for years. She and her husband have been waiting for treatment for years.’
‘I’m sure by the time you want to have a baby things will be better—quicker,’ Annie said, desperately trying to remain upbeat. ‘Look, Louise, I know it seems like the end of the world right now—’
‘It is the end of the world,’ the girl cried. ‘What decent man is going to come anywhere near me, Doctor? What decent bloke is going to want to have anything to do with a girl who’s had a sexually transmitted disease?’
Tears were rolling down Louise’s cheeks now, running into her nose and mouth, and Annie put her arms round her quickly. ‘Louise, it wasn’t your fault you got PID. And as for finding a decent man, there’s thousands of men out there.’
‘That’s what Mr Caldwell said,’ the girl sobbed. ‘He said all men weren’t low-life stinkers.’
‘Then believe him,’ Annie insisted. ‘Believe him, and start looking forward, not back. I wish we could erase what’s happened to you, but we can’t. It’s happened, and it’s awful, but it’s over. Look forward now, not back.’
And I’m the biggest hypocrite of all time, she thought as Louise sobbed into her shoulder. For the past four years everything I’ve done—every thought and action—has been governed by my past. I won’t get involved with a man because I’m frightened he’ll hurt me as Nick did. I’ve knocked back a perfectly decent bloke like Gideon Caldwell because I’m frightened he’ll hurt me, too.
I’ve got to start looking forward, too, and not back. I’ve got to let go of my past, but I don’t know if I can. I truly, honestly, don’t know if I can.
It took her more than an hour to calm Louise down sufficiently for her to be able to leave, and by then all Annie wanted was some peace and quiet, and a cup of coffee in the staffroom. The coffee was certainly there, but peace was quite clearly not on the agenda. Not judging by the gleaming light in Liz’s eyes.
‘You are never going to believe what I’ve got to tell you,’ she said the minute she saw Annie.
‘Woody’s been kidnapped by white-slave traffickers, and they’re refusing to give her back,’ Annie replied, reaching for the coffee-jar.
‘It’s almost as unlikely, but nope. Try again.’
Annie shook her head. ‘Liz, I’m not in the mood for guessing games. Can’t you simply tell me?’
‘You’re no fun, you know that?’
‘Liz.’
‘Oh, all right, then. Gideon—our Gideon—is going to the St Valentine’s Ball tomorrow night.’
‘That’s hardly earth-shattering news,’ Annie protested. ‘You said he always attends hospital functions, buys screeds of raffle tickets, dances with the consultants’ wive
s…’
‘Yes, but he’s just bought two tickets from me.’
‘Two?’ Annie faltered.
‘That’s what I thought.’ Liz nodded, unwrapping a chocolate bar and taking a large bite. ‘He’s obviously got a date for tomorrow. Talk about still waters and dark horses. I wonder who she is?’
Annie wondered, too. It certainly wasn’t her. Not that she’d have gone to the ball with him if he’d asked, of course, but he hadn’t asked.
‘I wonder if it’s that busty new nurse in Paediatrics,’ Liz continued thoughtfully. ‘The blonde one with the dark roots. She’s been after him since the day she arrived.’
‘She has?’
‘Oh, Annie, don’t you notice anything?’ Liz protested. ‘Good grief, the woman’s been up and down to this ward practically every day for the last three weeks, and it’s not been to see me, that’s for sure.’
Annie frowned. She had a vague memory of seeing a blonde nurse flitting about the place, but she hadn’t paid any attention. She wished she had now. She wished even more that she wasn’t experiencing something which felt disturbingly like jealousy.
‘Maybe he’s taking Helen,’ she suggested. ‘She wanted to go to the ball, remember, but Tom wanted to watch that football match.’
‘Oh, Helen put the kibosh on that plan ages ago,’ Liz declared. ‘They’re coming to the ball together. Nope, Gideon’s definitely got a date, and I wish I knew who it was. I hope it’s not that frosty-faced new receptionist in Radiology. She wouldn’t suit Gideon at all.’
‘I wasn’t aware he was such a popular man,’ Annie said more tartly than she’d intended, and Liz chuckled.
‘Oh, you wouldn’t believe how many women have made a play for our Gideon. Normally it seems to go right over his head, but somebody must have grabbed his interest or he wouldn’t have bought two tickets for the ball, would he?’
Annie was saved from answering by the staffroom phone, and by the time Liz had put it down one look at her grim face was enough to banish all thoughts of Gideon and the Valentine’s Ball from her mind.
‘What is it—what’s happened?’ she asked, as Liz threw the remnants of her chocolate biscuit into the bin.
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