“You wouldn’t want to know about my past,” he said in a defeated voice.
Even though a slight part of me felt satisfaction seeing him so vulnerable, a bigger part of me felt guilty for egging him on. The macho, know-it-all, pompous ass who wanted to be the center of attention was on the ropes and it was all my fault.
“I…I’m sorry,” I apologized. “That was out of line. I shouldn’t have insulted you.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a lazy wave of his hand. “Annie’s told me enough about you that I know you’re not the one to insult someone’s parents.”
I cringed at the thought of Annie telling him my deepest, darkest memories. It was difficult to believe that he knew so much about me and yet I hadn’t told him a single thing. Before he could elaborate, I decided to take a leap of faith.
“Apparently you know all about my past, so why don’t you set the record straight about yours? You said I wouldn’t want to know, try me.”
If ever there was a chance for him to prove me wrong about everything I came to know about him, that was it. He slowly shifted his head towards me with a mildly interested look. A warm, welcoming grin came from out of the blue as he then leaned back in his chair. His arms folded over his head and he gazed up at the glowing stars. At first, I thought he wasn’t going to say anything at all, but then he took a deep breath and dove in.
“Damien didn’t really tell you the whole story a few weeks ago. My parents weren’t just traveling back and forth to Seattle, they were never around. They literally abandoned me when I was twelve. Being the loving people that they were, they left me on the doorstep of Damien’s family, and I’ve only seen them once since,” he said, not pulling his gaze from the sky.
I couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of pity for him while he sat there and spoke. My parents had died, but they didn’t abandon me. There was nothing worse that I could think of than not being wanted by my own flesh and blood.
“That’s gotta be pretty rough,” I coughed, casually looking over at him. “My parents were taken from me; I couldn’t imagine being left behind.”
“Yeah, well, I made it on my own. Sure, Damien’s family helped, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, you’ve gotta be self reliant. Everyone will let you down at some point, and when they do, you have to be able to take care of yourself.”
“True, but family is important. I wouldn’t have made it this far without Annie and her family, it’s good to have people you can rely on.”
“I guess,” he shrugged. He continued to gaze up at the stars, and the reality that we were sitting there, having a civilized discussion was just the perfect ending to such a roller coaster day.
“When was the last time you saw them?” I asked, looking over at him.
His eyes slowly lowered while his body seemed to tense up a bit. I could see anger building up in his face, as his jaw was clinched tightly and his hands had been wrapped up into threatening fists.
“They showed up about two years ago towards the end of my senior year,” he said curtly. “It was a fun little reunion.”
“What did you guys do?”
“We went out to dinner, just the three of us. At first, I thought maybe there were going to take some responsibility and apologize for what they did. But instead, they decided to make my life a living hell before taking off for good,” he continued through clinched teeth.
Each word seemed to bring on more anger, as his fists had started to turn white from the loss of blood flow.
“What’d they say?” I asked again.
I found myself quickly being sucked into his past and actually feeling sorry for him. There seemed to be a lot of pent up anger inside, which started to give his past outbursts and explosions some merit.
“The whole experience was a disaster from the moment we sat down. First, they felt the need to give me advice about college. They practically threw ULV down my throat, telling me it was where I was supposed to be, whatever that meant. Not once did they tell me why it was important to be here, they just continued to hammer it home. It was more a boring lecture than dinner with my family.”
There was a glossy, blank expression that had invaded his face. He was no longer staring up at the stars, but instead was leaned over the arm of his chair, looking directly at me. His penetrating glare was burning right through me and all I could do was quickly look back at the stars, as I remembered what Steph had told me earlier in the night.
“That’s weird,” I stammered.
“You think that’s weird? I think its crap. But that wasn’t everything. Once they finished deciding my future for me, they thought it was a good idea to tell me that I was different than regular guys,” he continued.
His words had locked me into a trance. Anything that had been running through my mind was ancient history. Professor Woodward, my own parents, even Annie were all distant memories as I sat there in a timid silence. I wanted to find out why he was different, remembering how defensive he had gotten the one time I brought it up. Swallowing hard, I took a risk.
“What did they mean by different?” I asked apprehensively, bracing myself for another tantrum. Instead, he glared over at me and smiled awkwardly.
“Let’s just say I have a different purpose in life than most, um, normal people,” he said, with an emphasis on people.
“A purpose? You were just a senior in high school! How can anyone have a purpose that young?” I laughed. I could finally see why he was so self gratifying. His parents really had done a number on him.
“Ask my parents, if you can find them,” he said quietly, not amused at all by my joke. His shift in attitude seemed to bring the entire atmosphere that had built up between us down.
“Well, what was your purpose?” I coughed, unable to restrain my curiosity. Something inside was dying to know and it was starting to scare me a bit. I’d never been so interested in someone’s past, especially someone that I disliked.
“That’s my business,” he replied darkly.
His face instantaneously turned to stone and his eyes burned into mine. Any positive feelings I had gotten towards Liam faded away in a split second. The old, standoffish, jerk was back.
“I was stupid to think that maybe you really were different,” I mumbled quietly.
“What? You thought that I’d just tell you everything about me?” he taunted, as his trademark cocky smirk reappeared. “The ego on you is just amazing!”
“Yeah, stupid me,” I barely whispered.
Liam’s bait and switch was the last straw. After such an emotional day, the last thing I needed was more baggage. The fact that I got sucked into his world and actually felt like we were making a connection made it even worse. I’d forgotten everything Simi warned me about him and felt lower than dirt because of it. Using every ounce of energy I could muster, I pulled myself out of the chair and turned towards the door, only to be met by Annie’s furious glare.
“What’s going on out here?” she said flatly, not taking her frozen eyes off of me. Her arms were folded across her chest and her foot was tapping impatiently on the ground.
“Nothing Ann,” I heaved. “I was just leaving.”
“Uh-huh,” she replied, finally pulling her stare away from me and turning to Liam. I turned as well and saw him sitting there, eyes closed and smiling.
“And where the hell have you been? Your brothers got here over an hour ago, and you weren’t with them. Haven’t you heard of a cell phone? I’ve been sitting inside in this ridiculous costume, waiting for you to show up,” she argued.
Liam’s expression remained perfectly calm, while Annie stood there impatiently waiting for a reply.
“Relax baby,” he said lazily. “It took a little extra time to get the costume ready and I forgot my cell phone on my dresser. You know I always forget it.”
“Yeah, well why have one if you don’t use it?” she asked, the tone of her voice relaxing slightly. She slowly uncrossed her arms and unclenched everythi
ng.
“Calm down,” he repeated, as he threw his legs forward and bounded out of the chair in one smooth motion. He casually walked towards where Annie and I were standing and kissed her briefly on the lips. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not,” she smiled bashfully. “Now, go get me a drink, I’ll be just a minute.”
Liam didn’t need another warning as he quickly scampered into the apartment and shut the screen door behind him, leaving Annie and me alone. A bad feeling crept into my thoughts and I knew exactly what she was going to say, but barely had the energy to engage.
“Look,” she said, sounding more frustrated than angry. “I don’t know what is going on between the two of you. All I know is that I’ve never liked anyone as much as him. If there’s something you want to tell me, you better tell me now because I’m not sure how much longer I can stand seeing you two together.”
“I don’t think that even deserves a response,” I sighed, hardly able to stand. “I’m not sure how many more times I have to tell you that I don’t like him before you actually believe me. If you don’t want to, fine. But there’s nothing more I can do.”
I turned my back and walked into the house, leaving Annie standing alone in the dark as the last thing I needed was another fight with my best friend. I pushed my way through the massive crowds, out the door and back upstairs where luckily, the party hadn’t spilled into our apartment. For the second time that day, I collapsed onto my bed and felt my consciousness quickly start to fade. My parents and the Johnsons had both told me that it was normal to encounter life-altering experiences in college. But what was happening to me went far beyond normal and my world was starting to crash down all around me.
Chapter 9: Girls Night Out
Depressing gray clouds blanketed the Seattle skyline as I found myself standing in a very familiar place behind my parents and the younger me. We were all standing on the deck of a memorable house that overlooked the Puget Sound, where my parents’ old silver jeep was parked in the driveway. Young Zoe had latched onto my mother’s arm and displayed a look of extreme nervousness.
“Now Zoe,” my mother said, looking down at my younger self while my father rang the doorbell. “You’re about to meet our closest friends. They have a daughter your age and we thought you two could have fun together today. So, I want you to be on your best behavior and promise me that you’ll be safe. Okay?”
She looked up anxiously at my mother. “But what if she doesn’t like me?”
“Oh sweetie,” my father said, leaning down to face her. “How couldn’t she like you? You are smart, funny and beautiful. We’ve met her and think the two of you will become very good friends. Just be yourself and before you know it, she’ll love you almost as much as we do.”
The front door creaked open and three warm, friendly faces appeared in the doorway. A burly, muscular man, who was shorter and much stouter than my father, had his arm around a petite, but beautiful woman with shoulder length, dirty blond hair. The woman was holding a much smaller hand that belonged to an eager looking little girl, who had sparkling emerald eyes and golden blonde pigtails.
“You made it!” the woman exclaimed. She broke the link with her family and gave my mother and father a hug. “I’m so glad to see you!”
“Nice to see you again Eli,” the woman’s husband bellowed, shaking my father’s hand.
“You too Mark, thanks for having us over today.”
“It’s our pleasure,” he replied, while he gave my mother a welcoming hug and kiss on the cheek.
“And is this little darling our birthday girl?” Mark’s wife said. She placed her hands on her thighs and hunched over in front of the younger me.
“I’m Zoe,” she said quietly, as she grabbed my mother’s hand and hugged her arm tightly.
“It’s so nice to meet you Zoe,” she said, smiling kindly. “My name is Marie. I’ve heard so much about you!”
The younger me recoiled even more behind my mother. It was a strange sight to see myself have any hesitation around Marie. Even though it was a dream, it still didn’t make it any less bizarre.
“And this,” she continued, carefully pulling the little girl forward next to her, “is my daughter Annie.”
“Hi!” the younger Annie squeaked as she extended her hand out, “It’s nice to meet you.”
Young Zoe stared at Annie’s hand with wide eyes, not sure what to do. Her eyes traveled up to both my parents with a look of confusion.
“It’s alright honey,” my father said patiently.
She then looked anxiously up at my mother, who just smiled brightly and nodded. Hesitantly, her hand extended out and shook Annie’s.
“Happy Birthday!” Annie said, releasing her hold on my hand. “Did you get any cool stuff today?”
“Yeah, I got a bike.”
“Cool! I love bikes! What color is it? Mine’s yellow, but I really want a pink one.”
“Mine’s pink,” she said with a little more enthusiasm.
“No way,” Annie awed. “You want to go ride with me?”
“I, I don’t know how.”
“Oh, don’t worry Zoe, we’ll all help you with that,” Mark said. “Ann, why don’t you go upstairs and get your helmet while we help Zoe get her stuff out of the car.”
“Okay pop,” Annie said hurriedly as she turned and bounded through the door and up the stairs.
The Johnsons, my parents and the younger me all headed back towards the Jeep, where my father pulled out the pink bike and helmet. Mark opened up the garage and wheeled out Annie’s sun yellow two wheel bike. My father placed the bike on the level sidewalk while my mom took the helmet from him and softly put it over her head.
“Just be yourself,” she whispered to her. “Annie is a sweet little girl. You two are going to have a lot of fun together.”
The younger me nodded and gave her a simple smile.
A minute later, Annie came sprinting out of the front door and leaped over the small flight of stairs that led up to the patio. She came to an abrupt stop right in front of young Zoe. Instead of just carrying a helmet, her hand was gripping a small box that was wrapped in pink polka dot paper. Annie softly placed the box in her hands.
“I got this for you, I hope you like it!” she said in her high pitched voice.
A smile brighter than the sun lit up her face. She glanced at the package, over at the much shorter Annie, then back at the package. Almost instantly, all wrapping paper and lid to the box went flying off as a blank expression dawned.
“It’s a bicycle bell!” Annie gleefully said. “I have the exact same one, but mines yellow, not pink. Now we’re twins!”
“What do you say sweetie?” my mother added in from behind.
“Thank you Annie.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied, showing her wide, gap tooth smile. “We’re going to be the best of friends, I know it!”
My father approached the two little girls, took the bell from my young hand and installed it onto the handlebars of the new bike. Annie pulled her bike away from Mark, leaped onto the banana seat and started flawlessly riding around the driveway. The younger me approached the pink bike and threw a leg over the narrow seat. Both my parents approached the bike before she could start peddling.
“Be very careful Zoe, we don’t want you to get hurt,” my mother said anxiously.
“I will mommy,” she replied confidently.
“Okay honey, I’m going to give you a slight push and then I want you to slowly start peddling. I’ll keep a hold of the bike and your arm until you get used to the feeling. That way, if you stumble, I’ll be right there to keep you from falling. You understand?” my father said.
She nodded feverishly while her tongue protruded out between gritted teeth. A look of concentration spread across her face when my father started to push. They quickly gained speed as my father picked up the pace to a steady jog. I looked over at my mother, whose hands were covering her mouth nervously. Marie had a comfo
rting arm around her, while Mark kept a watchful eye on an uninhibited Annie. Just as the sound of a bell ringing and a little girl laughing gleefully rang out into the afternoon sky, everything turned dark.
My eyes flickered open and the familiar sight of my apartment bedroom quickly came into focus. An empty feeling resided in my heart at the memory of my first meeting with Annie. Everything looked so serene and peaceful in the dream, which made it even more heartbreaking to think about how much things had changed since that wonderful day.
The Halloween party had been over for a week, and Annie hadn’t set foot into the apartment once. It turned out to be the most quiet, lonely week I’d ever had in my life. Even Hope and Steph were too busy to hang out and I barely saw them at all, except for in classes or around campus.
Releasing a massive yawn, I sat up and stretched out. My bedroom door was wide open and an empty silence filled the apartment. As my feet landed on the floor with a light thud, I picked myself up and groggily stumbled towards my desk. While the computer warmed up, my hands reached down to the foot of the desk and opened my backpack. The one benefit of being alone was that it gave me plenty of time to complete extra homework that built up over the course of the week. While nonchalantly flipping through the neatly placed folders and textbooks in my bag, my fingers grabbed hold of a random, wrinkled scrap of paper. I pulled the paper out and unfolded it leisurely. A seven digit phone number and Simi’s name were scribbled out in perfect handwriting across the paper.
My hopes rose quickly as the memory of Simi’s offer rushed back into my mind. If there was one person who could truly understand what was happening to me, it was her. I leaped out of the chair and in one giant stride, reached out and grabbed my cell phone off the desk. When it flipped open, 10:30 am glared back at me, which was a late enough time, even for a Saturday, to dial the number. Each new, answerless ring added to my anxiety. Just as I was about to surrender, a spirited voice spoke on the other end.
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