“I don’t like it.”
Pepper’s own voice surprised her. She hadn’t really meant to say it out loud. Frankly, she felt guilty even thinking it. Somehow, it felt disloyal to Gabe. But then she remembered that when he bought the house, he’d done so based solely on the fact that he wouldn’t have to do anything to it. It had come furnished and completely remodeled. She chuckled to herself, then looked down at the cats, who sat at her feet.
“What do you think, guys?”
Smudge meowed and Wolfie just blinked.
“I agree. We need a change.”
She went upstairs and climbed into bed. As Pepper snuggled under the covers, she closed her eyes and realized she wasn’t dreading going to sleep. For the first few nights after Gabe died, she had nightmares that would wake her up filled with anxiety or keep her from falling back to sleep. Now she was welcoming the night because in the morning she was waking up feeling more restored, which in turn was a benefit to Gavin.
The ache in her heart was just as sharp and likely to remain so for longer than she could anticipate, but Pepper’s brain was now able to function and take over when her emotional and mental state refused to cooperate. Opening her eyes, she could see the urn with Gabe’s ashes across the room, still on the dresser where she’d left them. “I miss you,” she whispered.
Chapter 53
“It looks like you’re going to be ready for the fifth grade next year. I suppose we should think about finding a school for you.”
Pepper sat on the chaise lounge, reviewing the report prepared by Gavin’s tutor evaluating his progress and where she thought he should be placed in the future. Gavin lay on the grass a few feet away, drawing on his sketch pad.
“I don’t wanna go to school,” Gavin grumped.
Of course you don’t. You’re used to hangin’ around here all day. Pepper snickered. “Yeah, I didn’t want to go when I was your age either, but you gotta do it. It’s the law.”
She didn’t know the first thing about where to look for a good school. With all the money Gabe left to her, she could afford to send him to the best private school in the area if she wanted to. Looking at him, she didn’t think that would be a good fit. She thought maybe a decent public school with other normal kids would be better. Just because they were wealthy beyond words didn’t mean he had to be raised that way.
“I guess I could call one of your dad’s work guys. They all have kids.” In the days after the funeral, each of Gabe’s partners had taken turns coming to see her at the house, bearing flowers and gift baskets to help ease the burden of cooking. Some of them had brought their kids to play with Gavin and Pepper had actually appreciated that gesture.
“I liked Josh!” Gavin popped up and leaned on his knees. “He was fun. Where does he go?”
Pepper shrugged. “I don’t know. But I can find out.” She pulled her cell phone off the table and started to text Aiden for the numbers she’d need then stopped. “Hey. Gavin. Wanna do something funny?”
Gavin grinned and nodded his head. Pepper got up and grabbed his hand. They ran into the house and to the kitchen. She reached into one of the drawers and pulled out Gabe’s cell phone. Powering it up, she saw it still had a decent amount of battery life. She knew eventually she would have to cancel the service, but that was a step she wasn’t ready for. She opened the texting app and created a new message to Aiden.
“Here.” She handed the phone to Gavin. “Do you know how to use one of these?”
“Duh.” Gavin rolled his eyes.
Pepper laughed and ruffled his hair. “Send Aiden a funny message.”
Gavin stared at her for a moment, then giggled in the way only a ten year old boy can. He tapped out the words “Hey fart face” and then put in a bunch of emoticons, especially the one for poop. Several times. Then he hit send and turned the screen for Pepper to see. She leaned next to him so they were cheek to cheek, waiting for the response.
* * * * *
“Thanks, Ava.” Pepper smiled into the phone. “That’s really helpful. I appreciate it. I thought I had the whole summer to look at schools and make a decision. I didn’t realize that registration for the next year starts at the end of the last one.” Pepper walked over to the oven to check on the biscuits that were baking. The timer said they had another four minutes to go. The microwave was humming along as it radiated the Stouffer’s Salisbury steak dinner inside. A bowl filled with salad sat on the island to go with the rest of dinner. “He’s doing okay. I mean, as best as he can under the circumstances.”
Pepper went to the fridge and pulled out the milk. She poured two glasses and put them beside the dinner plates.
“Well, they hadn’t exactly known one another that long but I don’t know what’s worse. Losing a parent when you’ve been together since birth or after only just finding one. I don’t know.”
Pepper stared out the window and watched Gavin walking Crank around the backyard on a harness and leash.
“Believe me, at the first signs of trouble, I’ll make sure to get him in to see someone. But right now, I think we’re still adjusting.”
Pepper sighed, having already had the same conversation with the other three wives of Gabe’s partners. They all wanted to know how she was doing. Then they wanted to know if they could do anything. Then they wanted to know how Gavin was doing.
“Well, if we decide to go with Wilshire, I will definitely let you know. Gavin will need a friend on the first day of school.”
Pepper rapped her knuckles on the glass to get the kid’s attention. When his head bobbed up, she motioned for him to come inside just as the microwave beeped.
“Yeah, me too. Just getting dinner on the table as we speak. Okay, Ava. Again, thanks. I’m glad I could pick your brain. You take care. Buh-bye.”
Pepper ended the call and tossed her phone on the counter before flinging open the microwave door and extracting the main course. She put it on the counter and peeled back the plastic wrap so it could cool. The timer on the oven went off and she pulled the biscuits out. Gavin burst through the door, Crank hot on his heels as if he were a dog instead of a cat.
“Mmm, that smells good,” he shouted, turning his nose up toward the ceiling and sniffing. “What is that?”
“It’s called Salisbury Steak. Go wash your hands and then have a seat.”
Pepper felt like quite the domestic goddess as she layered their plates with the meat, some salad and the biscuits. When she had everything ready, she sat down and waited. After five minutes and Gavin still hadn’t appeared, she frowned. “Yo, Gavin! Dinner’s getting cold!”
He came running back into the room from the powder room and nearly knocked over the stool as he climbed on it. “Sorry. I had to poo.”
Pepper wrinkled her nose and rolled her eyes. “Thanks for sharing,” she muttered, handing him a napkin. “Dig in.”
Gavin stared at the food on his plate, then at her. “I don’t eat salad.”
Pepper raised one eyebrow at him. She had carefully tossed a bowl of romaine lettuce, baby carrots, cucumbers, and celery. It was her understanding from googling around the net that kids liked crunchy things better than soft things so she had avoided all the things she usually liked in a salad like chick peas, avocado, black olives, peas and beets. “Is that so?”
“Yeah. And what’s all this stuff on the meat? Is that sauce? I don’t like sauce.” Gavin poked a finger into the steak and then scrunched up his face in disgust.
Pepper crossed her legs and leaned toward him. It hadn’t occurred to her that he wouldn’t eat something. Vivienne hadn’t mentioned anything about Gavin’s preferences on all those nights when she brought dinner. “What have you been eating then?”
“Chicken nuggets.”
“And?”
“Fruit cups.”
Pepper sighed. “And?”
“I don’t know.” Gavin shrugged. “Kid food.”
“Uh-huh.” Pepper rubbed her eyes and rested her chin in her palm with her elbow on
the table. So begins our first battle. “Well, kid, I don’t have any of that stuff in the house. If you don’t eat this, you go hungry.”
Gavin’s eyes bugged out. “What?”
Picking up her fork, Pepper cut a piece of meat and put it in her mouth. After she chewed and swallowed, she graced him with her answer. “You heard me. This is it. I don’t make separate meals, if I cook at all.”
“Can’t you just go get me McDonald’s or something?” Gavin pleaded.
Pepper laughed, but the sound held no humor at all. “Nope. How much fast food have you been eating?”
Gavin’s shoulders bobbed up and down again. “I don’t know. Not a lot since my gramma left me here, I guess.”
“Exactly.” Pepper continued to eat while Gavin just eyed the food and her.
“Can I have some chocolate milk?”
“Don’t have any. I’ve seen you drink regular milk.” She pushed his glass toward him.
“You don’t have any Hershey’s to put in it?”
“Nope.” Geez, how long was I out of it? I could have sworn the kid had been eating just fine for Vivienne.
Gavin sighed and bounced his knees up and down. He remained silent while Pepper finished every bite of food on her plate. When she was done, she got up and took her plate to the sink to rinse off.
“You’re just going to let me starve?”
Pepper looked him up and down. “You aren’t wasting away.” She put her dishes in the dishwasher and then leaned on the counter to wait him out. “If you want me to warm it up, I’ll go that far. But I’m serious, Gavin. This is dinner tonight.”
Gavin frowned at her and opened his mouth then shut it quickly. Pepper could almost see the wheels in his head spinning and she made sure to keep her face bland and unamused, though inside she was laughing her ass off. So this is what it’s like to be a mom. Geez.
After another couple of minutes, Gavin picked up his fork and poked at the beef. He pressed the fork into it and wedged off a little piece. Closing his eyes and wrinkling his nose, he put it into his mouth. Pepper fully expected him to spit it out or make gagging noises. Instead, he began to chew and his eyes brightened with pleasure.
“This is good!” he yelled, little droplets of gravy spraying from his lips.
Pepper did laugh then, and nodded at him. “See? You never know until you try something.”
Gavin gobbled up the piece of meat and then asked for another slice.
“Not until you eat some of the salad.”
He reached for his biscuit instead.
“Ah-ah.” Pepper beat him too it and held the biscuit in her hand. “Try some salad first. Just a couple of carrots or cucumbers and then you can have some more meat and the biscuit.”
Gavin grimaced, but forced himself to eat one baby carrot and one of the thinnest slices of cucumber he could find. The whole time he chewed, he looked like he was going to barf and Pepper steeled herself against the laughter threatening to bubble up from inside. She wished Gabe was there and could see what was going on. He would have probably handled things in a more diplomatic way, but he would have been just as amused as she.
“Can I have more now?”
“Yes.”
Pepper gave him more of the steak and his biscuit and sat down beside him while he ate. She knew things like this were going to be the norm from now on. Arguments about what he would eat and not eat, do or not do. And she also inherently knew that she wouldn’t win the arguments as easily as she’d managed this one.
Chapter 54
“Pepper?”
Gavin’s voice startled her so badly, Pepper’s hand slipped off the side of the toilet and she almost cracked her chin into the side. She had been throwing up just a minute before he appeared.
“Yeah, gimme a minute.” She shooed him away with one hand while steadying herself with the other. “Go on, I’ll be out in a sec.”
She heard him retreat from her bathroom. Pepper took several slow deep breaths, waiting to see if her stomach would settle. When she was pretty sure she wasn’t going to vomit again, she stood up and flushed the toilet a couple of more times. Then, for good measure, she grabbed the toilet wand and put in a fresh scrubber square to give it a quick cleaning. The disinfectant got rid of the odor of last night’s dinner and Pepper was grateful for that. She washed her hands, mopped off her sweaty face and rinsed her mouth. When she left the bathroom, Gavin was sitting on her bed, waiting for her and petting the cats.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his face filled with worry.
“Oh, sure, kid.” Pepper joined him on the bed and smiled. “I just ate something that didn’t agree with me. It’s no big deal.”
At least that’s what Pepper thought had happened. She couldn’t be sure. Since Gabe’s death, she had suffered a lot of nausea and stomach upset, but she had chalked it up to all the grief and anxiety. When she had nightmares at night, feeling sick in the morning didn’t seem so strange. She’d never been one to wake up feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed if she hadn’t gotten enough sleep, and the nightmares made sure she didn’t. And with not having eaten properly in weeks, her new diet of three squares with Gavin was sure to play havoc on her digestive system.
“I heard you and it scared me.”
Pepper pulled him in for a quick side hug, then chucked him under the chin. “I promise you, Gavin, it’s okay. I’m not sick. I have a very sensitive stomach and if it doesn’t like something, it’s gonna let me know.”
“Okay.”
Gavin looked up at her and his eyes seemed less doubtful. “What are we going to do today?”
Pepper pursed her lips. She hadn’t really thought about it, since the urge to barf had been what woke her up to begin with. What were they going to do today? She had been making sure they left the house every day, even if it was just a trip to the grocery store or dry cleaner or whatever. She made sure there was always activity going on, after Gavin’s time of hanging out by himself while he waited for Pepper to get her shit together. They had already done the zoo and the museums and the waterpark. They spent several days going to the different elementary schools in the area, checking them out. They had finally decided on Wilshire Crest Elementary School, thinking it would be a good fit for him. The only bad thing was that they lived outside the bus route so she would have to drive him to and from school. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, but Pepper always loved riding the bus when she was a kid. School wouldn’t be starting for another couple of months, but she guessed maybe they could get a head start on his school shopping. She supposed if she threw in a stop at the toy store to ease the boredom of back-to-school shopping, Gavin would agree to go readily enough.
“First things first,” Pepper stood up and stretched, “let’s get you some breakfast.”
“Are we going to make lists?” Gavin asked, as he followed her downstairs to the kitchen.
“What do you mean?” Pepper wandered around the kitchen grabbing the cereal, a bowl, a spoon, and milk.
“My mom always liked to make lists and plan everything out. She’d number all the places we needed to go and what order she wanted to go in.”
Organized creature, wasn’t she? Pepper shook her head. “Well, I’m not really a planner, kiddo. I’m more of a pantser.”
“Pantser?” Gavin wiped his chin when milk dripped onto it because he spoke with his mouthful.
“Yeah. The expression is, to fly by the seat of your pants. It means you don’t plan things, you just kind of go where the mood takes you. What do you think?”
He grinned and bobbed his head up and down. “Sounds like fun.”
“All right then. Finish your breakfast and then put your stuff in the sink. I’m going for a quick shower and to get dressed. You okay?”
“Yup.” He was scooping cereal as fast as he could.
“Throttle down, Challenger. No one’s going to take it away from you. You get cleaned up too, and I’ll meetcha back here in twenty minutes. Cool?”
He ga
ve her the thumbs up as he chewed. Pepper returned the sign and then hurried upstairs to get ready for wherever the day would take them.
* * * * *
Several hours later, Pepper navigated her car through the busy Los Angeles traffic. She should have known better to start for home sooner, because now she was caught in the thick of the late afternoon rush hour traffic. “You happy with all your stuff?”
Gavin nodded, totally involved in putting together the Bionicle toy she’d gotten for him. They had spent most of the morning and early afternoon going from store to store, picking out things from the list on the school’s website that he would need in the fall. When Pepper tried to get him clothes, Gavin had had to help her with sizing. Everything she chose was too small and she didn’t know to get everything a couple of sizes bigger so he wouldn’t outgrow it before school even started.
Frustrated with how congested the roads were, she pulled off Wilshire Boulevard and soon found herself cruising past Gavin’s soon-to-be new school. “Hey, check it out. There’s your school again.”
Gavin glanced up and grunted, turning his attention right back to the toy, which was almost assembled. He’d only been working on it for about ten minutes. Pepper rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Look, there’s an alien.”
He ignored her and continued to snap and click the pieces together. Pepper chuckled and kept driving through the neighborhoods, admiring the perfectly manicured lawns and pretty houses. Kind of a shame we couldn’t live around here. Then he could walk to school. Turning onto South Orange Drive, Pepper slowed down. They were now just a couple blocks from the school.
And then lightning struck. True Pepper spontaneity took over. On the front lawn of the cutest house she’d ever seen stood a sign saying “Open House” with balloons attached to it. Providence was with her as one of the cars parked in front pulled away, leaving her just the perfect amount of room to pull in. So she did.
The Widow and the Orphan Page 26