*
WHEN SHE GOT home that day, her brother was sitting on the steps, waiting for her. "Was it fun?" he asked as she stopped to hug him and pet Chico Two. "Did you eat room service?"
"I did," she lied. The truth was, she'd fled right after her shower, as soon as she was sure Connor had left. "I brought you the little shampoos and bath stuff. They smell really good. Wait till you take your shower tonight." Davey hated showers; maybe the new stuff would entice him into cleanliness.
See? She was back to normal, thinking about her brother. She went into her bedroom.
There was a bouquet of flowers on her bed.
"The truck man said these were for you," Davey said. "They smell nice."
Irises and roses and a fat lily and a bunch of other flowers she didn't recognize. They were just about the prettiest things she'd ever seen, a riot of purple and pink and red.
The card said, Please forgive me. No signature.
"Why don't you give them to Mom?" she asked her brother, ruffling his soft hair. "I have to run."
*
AT LEAST HE couldn't call her. Jess was so, so glad Connor didn't have her phone number. He sent a note, but she tossed it. And for the next couple of months, she did what she did best--she didn't think about something that was too painful to think about. She just worked. At Christmastime, his entire family came into Hugo's, which opened for the holidays. And yes, her stomach flipped when she saw them. But hey. She was a waitress; they were her customers. Nothing else. "Hello, Clan O'Rourke," she said amiably. "How's everyone tonight?"
"Pull up a chair and chat with us, Jess," Colleen said.
"We're really busy, but thanks," Jessica said. It wasn't a lie. She passed out the menus, took drink orders and checked on her other patrons.
About halfway through their dinners, Abby Vanderbeek spilled her root beer for the second time that night, and Jess mopped up the table, had Felicia get the kid another pop, then went to the bathroom to wash her hands. When she came out, Connor was standing there.
"Jess, I'd really like to explain my idiot comment," he said.
"No explanation necessary," she said. Gave him a noncommittal smile, the one that she'd been using since forever, the don't worry, I've got this, everything's fine, no hard feelings smile that made her face ache.
"So a one-word mistake has ruined any chance I might've had with you forever."
It wasn't a one-word mistake, she wanted to say. It was my reputation, it was "Jessica Does Anyone," it was "That white-trash Jessica," it was my entire past when I'd already told you that this was my chance, my one chance, to be someone other than that stupid, slutty Jessica Does. "Don't be melodramatic, okay? It was a fun night, and it's over."
"I would really like to see you again."
"Sorry." She let that sit a beat, then added, "I have to get back to work now."
His eyes narrowed. "Okay, Jess. It's your call."
"Yes. It is. Happy holidays." It was as bland as she could possibly get, and it worked.
After all, he deserved bland. That smile, those eyes, his kisses...those were just tricks to get her into bed, and boy, did they work. There'd been candles and dessert and a beautiful hotel, and Connor had figured Why not? Jessica puts out. This is an easy lay just waiting to happen.
And she played right along, had been Jessica Does again to him and to herself.
It would've been stupid to forget it.
And no one had ever called her Jessica Dumb.
CHAPTER FIVE
Eight and a half years before the proposal...
THE SECOND TIME Connor and Jessica hooked up was almost exactly two years after the ill-fated first time.
In the time that passed, Connor had surprised himself by moving back home. While at the Culinary Institute, he'd traveled quite a bit--internships in France, Miami and then a prestigious stint at the only restaurant in Manhattan ever to earn three Michelin stars. And while he learned immeasurably, the big, glitzy restaurant scene wasn't for him. Food presentation bordered on the ridiculous...filet mignon topped with a circle of half-inch, precisely cut white and green asparagus tips arranged in a yin-yang symbol; symmetrical dollops of red beet paste making a half circle around a brick of polenta with the restaurant logo branded onto it.
The food was amazing, but it wasn't the type Connor wanted to make. He wanted to make ordinary food taste extraordinary. It was all about flavor and the experience. Happiness should be part of the meal, and at Vue des Anges, where dinner for two could easily cost more than $500, there weren't a lot of happy patrons. Snobby patrons, definitely. Patrons trying to impress their companions. Bored patrons, sullen patrons, patrons a little stressed by the high-pressure dining experience.
What he wanted, especially now, was a place for normal people. A place that served perfect meals without the pressure. Lasagna made with veal and pork and cream and four kinds of cheese and homemade pasta--not fussy, not ridiculous...just perfect, thoughtful, fantastic. Yes, they'd serve hamburgers, which would probably enrage Etienne, his former boss, but hamburgers made with Angus beef and shallots and flat-leafed parsley and garlic-infused butter. His sister's weakness, nachos, served with Cotija cheese and wafer-thin slices of radishes and charred tomatillo salsa.
A place that was home in a way that his own home had never really been.
On the surface, the O'Rourkes had always seemed like the classic American family--two kids, two cars, parents who were still married.
Underneath, though, ran a tension that only Connor felt. Well. Connor and his father.
Connor had never felt particularly close to his father, ever. The dog bite had only cemented that feeling. Pete O'Rourke was too busy being Manningsport's answer to Donald Trump. Growing up, Colleen had always been Daddy's little girl, the more outgoing twin, always with some funny, fast remark, always getting attention. She could do no wrong in their father's eyes. Her grades weren't as good as Connor's, but Dad never seemed to notice or mind... Collie was never told to study harder or help their mother more. She was simply adored.
And Connor was largely ignored, except when they were out in public. Then it was Pete and his gorgeous kids, leave it to Pete to have twins, weren't they just great, good-looking kids, both of them, and on and on and on.
Jeanette, their mom, thought Dad walked on water, never minding his slight, and not-so-slight, condescension toward her, his long workdays and lack of reciprocity in the affection or praise departments. No, the O'Rourkes were a sitcom family, starring Dad as The Hardworking Businessman; Colleen, the Sassy and Beautiful Daughter; Mom with a supporting role as Slightly Dim Housewife; and Connor as...
As not that much. As Colleen's twin. Barely a walk-on role, at least in his father's eyes. No matter what, Connor always seemed to disappoint his father, and somewhere along the line, he'd stopped trying. Mom was so grateful for any affection or attention that Connor made a point of being her ally, complimenting her when she got dressed up, because his father always had some not-quite-nice comment for her, or watching a TV show with her, rather than have her sitting in the living room, alone.
Connor knew his father was something of a slimy businessman not above some questionable business deals. Pete used money and influence and favor-trading to get his way.
And Connor knew his father cheated on his mom...at least, he strongly suspected it. When he was fifteen, he'd been walking past an empty storefront Dad owned, and there was his father, kissing a much younger woman.
Connor wasn't an idiot. He knew grown men didn't kiss a woman without hoping to go all the way. And the woman sure didn't seem to mind. For weeks afterward, Connor gave his father the cold shoulder...not that his father noticed or cared.
Just before Connor and Colleen had graduated college, their father had announced that he was leaving their mother for his girlfriend. The fact that he even had a girlfriend had shocked Colleen and Mom.
It hadn't shocked Connor.
However, Dad's piece on the side was pregnant...and
that was a shock.
Mom fell apart. Colleen, too, was struggling; not only was her image of their father utterly smashed, but she'd dumped her longtime boyfriend and had been walking around like a ghost all summer.
And then Connor got the call from Sherry Wong, who was the commercial loans director at the local bank, and whom Connor had taken to the prom. The Black Cat, a nasty, run-down bar right on the Manningsport green, had gone into bankruptcy. She'd heard that Connor was a chef... Any chance he might want to buy it?
There was. The building was his before it even went on the market, in a move that surprised and displeased his father, who seemed to own every other commercial building in town.
His maternal grandmother had died the year before and had left him and Colleen each a sizeable nest egg. Con asked his twin if she wanted to be half owner, and she was game. All of August and September, they overhauled the place, sanding the old maple-plank floors, spending an entire day driving to a salvage yard in New Hampshire to buy a gorgeous old bar, hammering and sawing and keeping each other company as their mom fell apart and Gail "the Tail" Chianese--who was a whole four years older than they were--gestated their half sibling.
Oddly enough, it was good to be back. While Connor never quite imagined settling down in his hometown, it felt right. Manningsport was as beautiful a town as they came, perched at the base of Keuka Lake, surrounded by hills and farms-turned-vineyards, filled with families who went back generations. Three seasons a year, the tourists flocked in to taste wine and exclaim over the quaintness of the village, filled with shops and a really good bakery and Hugo's French Restaurant.
And now, there'd be O'Rourke's. Colleen came up with the simple name and message--You're very welcome here. It would be the only restaurant open year-round, and in that way, it would give the residents of Manningsport a place to gather in the long, cold winter months. Connor would run the kitchen with the help of Rafe, a less-ambitious friend from the Institute who was happy to live in wine country and work as a sous-chef. Colleen would manage the place and bartend. Two of their cousins asked if they could waitress. In fact, forty-nine people applied to work there.
Jessica Dunn was not one of them. Connor had half hoped she'd be interested, but while she continued to treat him politely if they crossed paths, that was it. The three feet away face was always in place.
On a Wednesday night in October while Connor was alone at the restaurant, bolting booths to the wall, Colleen called him. "We have a sister," she said, her voice husky. "Savannah Joy, eight pounds, two ounces. I'm going to the hospital. Wanna come?"
He paused. It was nine o'clock, and he was sweaty and grimy. "No. I'll go tomorrow. Uh...everyone's healthy?"
"Yep. That's what Dad said." His sister was silent. He knew what she was thinking. You won't make the baby grow up lonely, will you? Just because Dad's an asshole?
Give me some credit. "A sister. That's nice. Hopefully, she's not as ugly as you are, Collie Dog-Face."
"Me? You're the one who's so ugly, you have to put a bag on your head to get the dog to hump your leg."
"Do you still own a mirror, or did that get too sad?"
"You know what, Con? You'll never be the man our mother is."
That one always got him. He laughed. "You win."
"I always do."
He rolled his eyes. "And yet you work for me."
"Ha! Brother mine, you work for me."
"Keep telling yourself that. I'm hanging up now because you're annoying me."
"How?"
"By breathing." He paused. "You gonna tell Mom about the baby, or am I?"
"I will, coward. I live with her, after all." It was true. In a glorious spasm of Catholic martyrdom, Colleen had moved back in with their mother. Connor, who felt this only proved he was the smarter sibling, lived in the tiny attic apartment above the bar.
He rubbed his eyes. "Tell them I said..." He sighed. "I guess congratulations. Tell Gail, anyway." He almost felt sorry for Gail. Almost.
"Tell them yourself, dumbass. Love you, even when I hate you."
"Ditto."
He hung up the phone.
A baby sister, just shy of twenty-three years younger than Connor and Colleen.
Christ.
He went upstairs and took a shower. The apartment wasn't much; stifling hot in the summer, and soon to be freezing cold, but it was fine for a single guy who worked a lot. A futon couch, a chair, a TV, a bed and several crates of books. When the restaurant was turning a profit, he'd look into buying a house.
He pulled on some clean jeans and a T-shirt and briefly contemplated visiting his mother. She'd be a wreck about this, the poor thing. She still held out hope that Pete would see the error of his ways and come home again.
That wasn't going to happen. Everyone could see it except Mom.
And while Connor had known his father was cheating, he sure hadn't pictured Gail the Tail as his stepmother. Pete had married her nine days ago, the day after his divorce was final.
He grabbed his motorcycle helmet and went out. Yeah, yeah, he owned a motorcycle. The gas mileage couldn't be beat. Colleen called him a cliche, but so what? It was fun. He had a small pickup truck for winter.
Where he was headed, he wasn't quite sure. The area didn't offer too many places for anonymity, and that was exactly what Connor wanted. A place to sit in the dark, have a beer and not think.
He thought about calling someone to join him--one of his high school pals, maybe. Levi Cooper was on leave from Afghanistan, and Big Frankie Pepitone was always up for a beer. Then he opted against it. Solitude was the order of the night. He was Irish--brooding was the song of his people. Colleen would kick him into a good mood tomorrow, as he'd been kicking her for the past few months.
His Honda purred its way up the Hill and along the lake. Penn Yan wasn't far; maybe something would be open there. The wind was clean and cold, and his thoughts focused on driving.
The dark miles blurred past, the quiet engine of the bike soothing.
Up ahead was a cement building that every male in a fifty-mile radius visited at least once in a lifetime: Skylar's VIP Lounge.
A strip club, in other words.
Perfect. Beer and boobs.
Connor went in. He'd been here for a bachelor party last year, and it was exactly what you'd expect. Crappy drinks, worse food, health department violations by the dozen and nearly naked women, a few of them even good-looking.
The place was mostly empty tonight, a few men sitting around the runway. The requisite pole was being humped by a very lithe and extremely overweight woman in a glittery Wonder Woman outfit, who kept flipping off the customers. It was Tuesday; Connor guessed the management saved the under-fifty strippers for the weekend.
Connor took a seat, ordered a Sam Adams (bottled, so as to avoid having to use a glass from the kitchen). The waitress brought it, and he took a pull. Wonder Woman looked familiar.
"I can't believe you're still stripping," one of the guys down in front said. "A little long in the tooth, aren't you?"
"Take a bite, Ernie. If your dentures are in, that is," said the stripper. "And you," she said to another guy. "Give me a tip or I'm kicking over your beer. You think my job is easy?"
Mrs. Adamson. That was it. Her son had been a year ahead of him in school.
Connor took another sip of his drink.
A baby sister. Savannah Joy.
He'd look after her. Poor kid, with those two morally bankrupt assholes as parents. Yeah. He and Colleen would make sure Savannah turned out okay.
A small part of him, though, couldn't help feeling just a little more invisible.
At least he wasn't eleven, hoping for a few crumbs of his father's approval.
And a little sister...that might even be fun. He could teach her to play baseball and cook.
The beer was mellowing him. Colleen always laughed about what a lightweight he was.
"Let's hear it for Athena, Goddess of the Hunt," said the DJ. Connor frowned. She
was supposed to be Wonder Woman, after all. Costume aside, he'd have to leave her a tip, and a good one. She'd made the best cookies, back in the day.
"When do the women start?" called one of the runway patrons.
"You people suck," said the stripper, walking off the stage.
"Making her debut tonight, please welcome the beautiful Jezebel," said the DJ. "Take It Off" by Kiss started up--not the most imaginative song. Connor reached for his wallet. Time to head off before his old catechism teacher showed up.
Then, onto the runway, wearing very high heels and a microscopic bikini, came Jessica Dunn.
Connor froze, his wallet halfway out of his back pocket.
She wobbled down the runway, then stopped.
She was shaking.
"Now we're talking," said Ernie. "Go ahead, sweetheart, start dancing."
She tried. She took a few steps, looking like a little kid. A bob. A bend of her knees. Step to the left. Step to the right.
From behind her, Athena, Goddess of The Hunt, called out, "Try a hair toss, hon!"
Jess tried. It wasn't hot. It looked like she wrenched her neck. Another knee bob.
"Grab the pole. It'll help," said Athena.
"Yeah, sweetheart, just wrap yourself around the pole. We don't need a lot," said Ernie.
Connor closed his mouth. He was fairly sure Jess hadn't seen him, because she was looking straight ahead, as if staring down the angel of death. She had on a ton of eye makeup and red, red lipstick, and Connor had the sudden flash that as exposed as she was, she was trying to hide herself.
"Relax!" called Athena. "You got this!"
She really didn't. She held on to the pole with both hands, like she was strangling it, and shuffled her feet, her ankle wobbling in the heels.
All that perfect skin, those long legs, the gorgeous body, her breasts barely covered by the tiny scraps of fabric.
Connor suddenly wished he had a blanket.
One of the men held up a bill. "Bend over, doll. Do you do lap dances, by the way?"
Connor was on his feet before he realized he was moving, but Jess had already turned, bolting down the runway and behind the curtain.
"Nice. You scared her to death, assholes," Mrs. Adamson called with a hearty double-fisted salute.
"Last call," said the bartender.
Connor jumped lightly onto the runway and followed Jess. No one stopped him, so he went behind the curtain.
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