by Jamie Pope
“You looked like you managed to get along fine.”
“But I didn’t. I feel terrible for what I did and if you give me the chance, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
“There’s nothing to make up to me. I’m fine. Really, I’m happy now.”
“The paramedic really makes you happy? I know I might not be as big or strong as him, but I can make you happy. I can give you the world. If you stay with him you’ll be living in a shoebox-sized apartment and struggling to make ends meet on a city-worker’s salary.”
“This is not about Asa. I don’t need the world. I need someone to love me, to be there for me.”
“I can do that for you!”
“It’s too late now. I could have taken you cheating. I could have put up with your endless quest for more money, but I just needed you there for me when my father died. That’s when it counted, that’s when it was important and you couldn’t do that.”
“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know how to be there for you. You were in so much pain. I was just going through some stuff. I broke up with you because I wasn’t sure I could be there for you like that. I wasn’t sure I could be the man I thought I should be with you, but I was wrong. The time did me good. I’m sure we’ll be much stronger this time around.”
“We had five years together and before that we dated in high school. You had plenty of time. You should have been sure of me, of us. But you weren’t and that’s okay, because neither one of us was happy. You did me a favor by ending it, because we would have gotten married and have been miserable and it wouldn’t have been fair to either of us to go into a loveless marriage.”
“Loveless? I loved you!”
“You said loved, not love. You loved me once, but somewhere along the way you fell out of love with me. And—”
“I didn’t. I still love you.”
“You love the idea of having a sweet, dependable wife. You love that I took care of you, that I was always there. But let’s face it—that last year we barely touched. We didn’t talk. There was convenience and companionship, but there was no passion and there certainly was no love, at least not the love that two people who are going to get married should have. You did me a favor by breaking up with me. I know what kind of relationship I want now. I’m not mad anymore. I’m not hurt. I just want to move on with my life and I want you to move on, too.”
Brent was quiet for a long time as they made their way closer to the house. “I’ve spent the last few months planning how to get you back and in five minutes you destroy all those plans and all my hopes for the future.”
“You’re single, you’re good-looking and you’re rich. You’ll find someone who is crazy about you. I’m sure there’s already someone waiting in the wings. Or maybe a dozen women waiting in the wings. All you’ve got to do is crook your finger.”
Brent shook his head and gave her a sad smile. “I wish it was that easy. It’s going to take me a while to get over you. It wasn’t all bad, was it?”
“No. I really did love you. It was real for me.”
“But just not anymore?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Not anymore. I’m sorry, Brent.”
“Don’t be sorry. Maybe we were supposed to go through this.”
“Maybe.”
He grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you for those five years. You’ve made me a better man.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You had better go. Your man is waiting for you.”
“I should get back to the party.”
“You don’t have to go that far to see him. He’s standing behind us.”
* * *
Asa had gone looking for Hallie. The whole island was at the party, his family was there, but he was missing her beside him. He sought out Nanny, asking her where she might be, only to be informed that she had gone walking on the beach with her mother. He had been glad to hear that. He wanted Hallie to sort things out with her. He didn’t want her to leave here with any unfinished business between them.
But a few minutes later he spotted Clara standing at the dessert bar alone. No sign of Hallie anywhere around her. “Hello, Mrs. Roberts.” He approached her, still feeling a little awkward around her. He knew he wasn’t her choice for her daughter, that he might never live up to what she had with Brent.
“Oh, hello, Asa. You look very dashing this evening.”
“And you look very beautiful. I can see where Hallie gets it from.”
“Thank you. You don’t have to charm me, Asa. I already like you.”
“Do you? And I wasn’t trying to charm you. I was telling you the truth. Hallie has your eyes.”
“And my husband’s smile. And his ears, and his thoughtful nature.” She sighed. “Will you dance with me, Asa?”
“Sure.” He was a tiny bit hesitant but he took her hand and led her out to the dance floor where a slow jazzy Christmas carol was being played by the band.
“My daughter seems quite taken with you.”
“I’m blown away by her.”
“I see the way you look at her. Are you in love with my daughter?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
“And you’re sure? After a month? Can you even say you know her well?”
“I am sure about her.”
“Marriage, children. Do you know what she wants? Do you know what her dreams are for her life? How she’s always envisioned her future?”
“I do. I know she’s never wanted to live in New York. I know that she only came because she was trying to ease her broken heart. I know that she really wants to be here.”
Clara was surprised. She stopped dancing and just looked at him. “You do know her.”
“Of course I do.” He took her hand again, and they started to dance again. “But I don’t think she really knows what she wants. She’ll come back to New York. She’ll try to make a life with me because that’s what she thinks I want. She thinks it will make me happy and I’m not sure I can allow her to do that. She has to know what she wants before we really move forward and make a life together.”
Clara pulled away from him completely then. “You really are just what she needs. She should be coming up from the beach now. You should go to her.”
He nodded and left the party, walking down the path that led to the private beach that surrounded Carlos and Virginia’s home. A couple embracing on the path leading up to the house caused him to stop. It took him a few seconds to process what he was seeing. But it was Hallie, her arms wrapped around Brent. His arms were around her, too, and his eyes were closed. The look of love was clear on his face even though Asa couldn’t see the man’s eyes. It felt like a quick, brutal gut punch. He couldn’t see Hallie’s face. He didn’t know what she would look like if he could see her, wasn’t sure if that same look of love would be etched on her face.
He didn’t want to be her stand-in, her replacement for Brent. He couldn’t live with being her second choice, no matter how much he loved her.
They must have sensed that someone was watching them because they broke apart, exchanging a few quiet words before Hallie turned around to see him.
“Hi, baby.” She smiled softly up at him and left Brent where he stood. “I was missing you.”
She didn’t have a guilty look on her face. She didn’t seem like she had been caught doing anything wrong. She looked at peace, almost happy. But why? Because she had just gained the closure that she needed? Or because she got to have a few private moments with the man she had loved for years.
“Hey, I was missing you, too.”
“Good.” She kissed his cheek. “There’s a big plate of food with our names on it.”
Chapter 19
There was just family left at the Bradley
s’ house around 1:00 a.m. The party had been a massive success, topped off when Virginia and Carlos had made the announcement that they were going to be parents. They had hired a Santa Claus to hand out gifts to the partygoers and each member of the family got the same exact present. A small framed picture of their first ultrasound. Dr. Andersen burst into tears. Carlos’s mother screamed. Everyone was delighted by the news, the whole room filled with genuine joy. It was a very good Christmas, one of the best Hallie had ever had. The only thing that could have made it better was the presence of her father. But even though he wasn’t with them physically, she felt him there in spirit.
“This was the perfect party,” she said to Asa as she sat in his lap, her arms looped around his neck. They were in a corner, and various members of the Bradley/Andersen family were hanging out in the tent that overlooked the ocean. Only the lights from the Christmas tree and the glow of the moon illuminated the night.
“I agree. I’m so glad it didn’t start raining until after the announcement.” He looked out toward the ocean and she sensed something was off with him. He had been so incredibly quiet for the past couple of hours. “It’s really coming down now.”
“It’s so peaceful here,” she said following his gaze. “I love the sound of the rain on the island.”
“Not at all like New York.”
“No.” She kissed his cheek and then down to his throat. “Although I will always have very fond memories of that peaceful night we spent upstate. I could easily live there, too, as long as you are there with me.”
“Really? I’m not sure I would be happy with you moving someplace just for me.”
“Why not?” She blinked at him, not sure she understood what he was saying.
“Because in the end, I don’t think you would be happy.”
“You make me happy,” she told him.
“But I don’t want to be the only thing to make you happy.”
“What does that mean? I thought this is what you wanted. Isn’t it? A commitment. A promise that I will be there for you like you have been there for me.”
“Yes.”
“Then what the hell are you trying to tell me?”
“Let’s not talk about it tonight. Let’s not ruin this evening.”
“Do you want to ask me what happened with Brent on the beach? Is that what this is about?”
“You’re damn right I want to ask you what happened with Brent. I want to know what he said to you and why he was hugging you. I want to know if you’re still going to think about him after we leave here. I want to know where your heart is.”
“You know where it is? I just told you that I would give up my hometown and my family to be with you. What else can I say?”
“I—”
“Hallie.” Derek was standing behind them, the tux he was wearing soaked by the rain. Fear was evident on his face and Hallie stood up and went to him, not wanting to hear what he was going to say but needing to know.
“It’s your mother and Nanny. They were in a car accident on their way home.”
* * *
The drive to the hospital was one of the longest of Asa’s life and he knew that it wasn’t his family in the car, but he still worried as if it were his mother and his grandmother whose car was totaled due to a slick spot on the road. He was so used to being on the other side, doing the drive to the hospital with an injured victim in the back. He had responded to dozens and dozens of car accidents; many times he didn’t even make it to the ER before they lost the person they were working on. And suddenly they all came back to him, all those faces twisted in pain and fear. He had been addicted to the lights and sirens for a while, the rush of heading to the scene. But there was no rush this time, only fear. And seeing the woman he was in love with frozen in terror really made him reevaluate things. For the families of the victims he worked on, there was no shaking it off, no going back to business as usual.
The hospital on Hideaway Island was small, sleepy even. Most people went to Miami for their major medical care. And the fact that Nanny and Clara didn’t have to be airlifted out was a good thing. Or it could mean the worst...
But he refused to let his mind go there. He took Hallie’s hand and led her inside. He didn’t try to reassure or say any comforting words, because he knew she wouldn’t hear them. She had lost her father, and left her hometown. Her life had changed so much in the last year and now she was faced with the potential loss of even more. There were no words that were sufficient enough, so he just held her hand, squeezing her fingers to let her know that she wasn’t alone.
Derek walked into the ER, right past the lone security guard and the front desk. He was the mayor of the town and no one dared to stop him as he looked for his grandmother and aunt.
“Excuse me, Mayor Patrick.” A young nurse came up to them. “Your grandmother is in here.”
They rushed into a small room to see Nanny sitting up in a hospital bed, her hand pressed to her head, holding a bandage in place. She looked okay, but Asa could see by the blood seeping through the bandage that she had injured her head.
“Oh, good, my family is here. Tell this child that I’m not going to let him go anywhere near my head with a needle.”
“What’s the issue?” Asa asked, glancing at Nanny’s chart.
A young doctor looked up at him. Nanny wasn’t exaggerating. He didn’t look more than nineteen or twenty. Asa knew he had to be older, but he probably wasn’t very experienced. “Mrs. Duvall needs several stitches. The wound goes from the top of her eyebrow up to her forehead and she’s refusing to let me do it.”
“That’s because he’s twelve!”
“Nanny,” Hallie scolded. “Let him do his job. Where’s Mom?”
A worried look crossed Nanny’s face. “They are running tests. She took the brunt of the impact. Her arm was really hurting her.”
Asa rubbed Hallie’s back, still unable to find the right words to say to her. She leaned into him, the fear still clear on her face.
“Tell me what I can do for you,” he whispered into her ear.
“Can you take care of Nanny while Derek and I try to find out what is happening with my mother?”
“Of course.” He left Hallie’s side and approached the older woman whose face was set with a mixture of pain and stubbornness. “Would you like me to do your sutures, Nanny?”
“You can do them?”
He nodded. “For a very short week I debated whether or not I should make plastic surgery my specialty before I left the program.”
“And why didn’t you?”
“I like my women with all natural parts. I couldn’t see my entire career putting plastic parts in them.”
“Noble.” Nanny smiled, but he could tell the action hurt her head.
“I’ve done sutures hundreds of times. I’ve patched up firefighters and doctors and beautiful women such as yourself. I promise to do a good job. Or I can sit here and hold your hand while you let the good doctor do it?”
“You can do it.” She sighed softly.
“Um, I’m not supposed to let anyone do my sutures for me,” the young doctor said.
Asa looked around. The hospital was small and practically empty that Christmas Eve. “It will make her happy and who’s going to know?”
“Thank you, baby.” Hallie kissed his cheek and then left the room with Derek.
* * *
Christmas Day hadn’t been what Hallie had been hoping or expecting. It was spent in the hospital with her mother and grandmother. Both women were going to be okay. Besides the nasty gash on her head, Nanny had a few bumps and bruises. Clara was worse off. Her arm was badly broken and needed surgery. She had two fractured ribs and she was in serious pain every time she took in a deep breath. She would need physical therapy and someone to look after her, which Hallie was happ
y to do, but she was glad to know that she wasn’t alone in doing so.
Asa had been there with her the entire following week. Cooking and cleaning, fetching Nanny anything she wanted, keeping Clara occupied so she wouldn’t get bored and try to get up and move. She was grateful to him, beyond grateful actually. She wasn’t sure she would have been able to get through this week without him. Or his family. Carlos and Virginia came over to visit every day, and Asa’s parents had stayed with Nanny and Clara so she and Asa could get out for a few hours. It wasn’t the holiday she’d expected, but it wasn’t a terrible one, because for the first time in a long time she hadn’t felt like she was in it alone. She felt like part of a big, loving family.
But even with all the love and support she received from him, she couldn’t help but think back to right before Derek had come to tell her the news about the accident.
He wasn’t sure if she was in this for the right reasons. He wasn’t sure if she was really going to be there for him like he had been there for her.
She had been angry with him in that moment and she would still be angry with him if this past week, he hadn’t been his normal wonderful self.
He had been her rock, there when she needed him. It was like some sort of big, blaring message to her. Don’t lose him. Your heart won’t be able to take it.
But he was packing his bags, preparing to return to the life he had left behind in New York. This wasn’t the end, he had told her. He just needed to get back to work.
But her stomach ached with dread, because she had a feeling that this was the end. That he was never going to trust her to love him completely.
Maybe he was right to. Maybe she had dragged him into too much drama with her ex. Maybe he was better off back in New York, loving somebody else.
* * *
“I like the nurse we hired,” he told her as he retrieved his boots from the closet at his rental home. His flight was tonight. He had to report for work at midnight the next day It was New Year’s Eve and the thought of not starting the next year of their lives together was making her want to crawl up into a ball.