“What are you not saying?”
“April...he seems really happy whenever she’s around. The first time she came over was the first time I saw him smile since you left. You really hurt him.”
“And what about now? I’m back; is he going to avoid me forever?”
Hailey shook her head. “He’ll come around. You know Kip; you have to give him some time. He’ll forgive you.”
“Yeah, but what if he doesn’t?”
Hailey didn’t say anything.
April refused to cry, and when tears pooled in her eyes, she closed them, trapping the pain inside. She couldn’t imagine her life without Kip. He was her best friend; the only person she had ever felt truly safe with. She couldn’t believe how stupid she had been. How could she have given him up?
April spent the following days getting back into the swing of things at Blue Haven. The ranch was gearing up to go into another season of Trekking. The guests weren’t due to arrive for another few months, but there was plenty to do before that time came. April kept herself as busy as she could, completing tasks that could have been put off. But she liked to have something to do; if she sat idle, she would think. And thinking just caused her pain.
A week after coming home, she was surprised when she walked into the lodge for dinner.
A tall, blonde girl was standing with April’s mom beside the fireplace.
“You must be April,” she said, offering her hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
April shook her hand, looking pointedly at her mom.
“Honey, this is Danielle, Kip’s new...um, friend.”
Danielle smiled warmly at April who forced her lips to return the gesture. She studied Danielle’s face. The girl really was quite beautiful and looked nothing like April at all. Where April’s eyes were blue; Danielle’s were brown. April’s hair was dark; Danielle’s was almost platinum. April’s cheeks were always flushed; Danielle’s alabaster skin smoothed over her entire face, the tone perfectly consistent.
Kip appeared from the kitchen and sat down. April slid into her chair and made eye contact with Hailey beside her. The girls didn’t say a word, but April knew she had Hailey’s support.
April was sitting opposite Kip, and it was difficult not to look up. She focused on her plate. It was one of the longest meals of her life.
She offered to wash the dishes afterwards and she looked out of the window as she did. The moon was full and bright, illuminating the horses in the paddock, their silhouettes obvious against the grey sky. The window was open, and April heard a wolf howl. She watched the horses prick up their heads, freezing in their tracks. It was silent. The herd moved as one, disappearing behind the barn, spooked by the wild animal’s call.
Someone behind her made her jump.
“Oh!” she said, when she noticed Danielle setting plates on the island.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you.”
“It’s okay,” April murmured, scrubbing a dish.
“Can I help?”
April shook her head. “I can do it. Thanks.”
“April...did I do something?”
April stopped what she was doing. “Not at all… Why?”
“I don’t know. I just get the feeling that you don’t like me very much. Maybe I’m wrong, but...”
“No, you didn’t do anything,” April said, resuming her task. “I’m just not a chatty person.”
“Oh okay,” Danielle said. “I guess I’ll go, if you’re sure you don’t need me?”
April nodded. “You’re good.”
Once Danielle was gone, April leaned against the sink. She took a deep breath. She hadn’t lied; Danielle hadn’t done anything, except date Kip. But that wasn’t a crime, was it? It wasn’t like Danielle had made Kip mad at her. She had done that all on her own.
Hailey entered the kitchen, laden with dirty dishes.
“Hey, I saw Danielle come in here. What happened? Did you give her the old, ‘stay away from my man’ trip?”
April laughed humorlessly. “Kip’s not my man. He’s just my friend. So, no I didn’t. She seems...nice.”
Hailey nodded, dropping the dishes in the sink. “She is. She’s been over a few times.”
April paused, then continued her scrubbing.
“She seems pretty intuitive.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She had the feeling that I didn’t like her.”
“You don’t, thought. Right?”
April stopped. “I’m not sure,” she said, after a moment. She dropped the dish cloth.
Hailey grabbed it. “Go see Chinook. I’ll finish this.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. For some reason, your horse seems to give you all the answers. Maybe you can figure it out while you’re in the barn.”
“Maybe.” April dried her hands, slipped her boots on, and headed to the barn.
It was true that she had found a lot of clarity while around horses, and even more while riding. Maybe that’s what she would do; go for a ride. The moon was illuminating the world enough to see where she was going as long as she stayed out of the trees, where the ground was covered in shadow.
She rounded the corner and opened the tack room door.
“Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry!”
Kip and Danielle’s lips were locked, arms around each other. April froze, her cheeks flaming. The couple pulled apart, embarrassed. Kip and April’s eyes met and April quickly looked away. She grabbed a halter from the wall rack and rushed back the way she had come, apologizing again.
When she reached Chinook’s stall, she slipped inside and buried her face in her hands, letting out the breath she had been holding. She slid the halter over his nose and buckled it behind his ears. Using his mane as leverage, she lifted herself smoothly onto his back, reminded of the last time she had ridden bareback; on Prime Time in L.A. She urged Chinook forward and rode past the entrance to the barn just as Kip came out.
“April!” he called.
She stopped her horse and turned to face him.
“Are you crazy? You can’t go for a ride at night! There’s a cougar in the area.”
“So what?”
April chewed her lip. She wasn’t planning on going far. And she would avoid the trees anyway, because of the darkness. She would be fine.
“I’ll be back soon.” She turned the horse back towards the driveway.
“Are you crazy?” Kip asked, grabbing Chinook’s halter.
“No, I’m not. Let go of my horse.”
“You must have a death wish. Did you not hear me? There’s a cougar out there—a big one.”
“And there are wolves, and probably bears. I’ve ridden these mountains more times than I can count. And I’ve always come home, haven’t I?”
Kip didn’t answer. He also didn’t let go of Chinook’s halter.
“Kip. You need to let me go.”
He dropped his hand like she had electrocuted him. April nudged Chinook forward and passed him. Her leg brushed against his shoulder but she didn’t stop, urging the horse faster until he was galloping down the driveway, leaving a trail of hoof-prints in the fresh snow.
She felt the wind hit her cheeks and cause a shiver to travel up her spine. She was glad she had worn her thick jacket. She zipped it up higher as Chinook slowed and trudged through the untouched powder towards the creek.
The moon shone on the moving water, glistening on the back of each ripple. Snow lined the banks and April was careful to avoid places where it might be slippery. Chinook was light and responsive; he always was when she was bareback. These were the times she truly believed the horse could read her mind; he moved before she asked. An owl sounded in the trees on the other side of the creek and April smiled; this was what she had missed in L.A. This feeling of freedom, of serenity.
A stick cracked to her left and her head snapped around. Chinook froze, one foot in the air. April searched the dark brush and couldn’t see anything. She patted Ch
inook on the neck and exhaled.
“It’s alright, buddy.”
She urged the reluctant horse forward and they skirted the trees, staying close to the creek, guided by the moon. April knew they would have to go through one section of forest on the way back to the ranch and she considered turning around, retracing her steps, but they were already over halfway, and she was getting cold.
Chinook snorted and stopped again. April’s hands began to tremble.
“Hello?” she called out.
There was no reply.
Her eyes searched the forest again, and came up empty. There was nothing there. She was tense, and she was transferring the fear to her horse. It was her fault. There was nothing out there. She repeated this to herself as they rode through the trees, and slowly, Chinook relaxed. As they stepped under the last low-hanging branch and into the final meadow before they hit the driveway, April gave her horse his head.
Chinook picked up the pace until he was at a fast lope. His gait was smooth, controlled. April had no tension on his face, but the horse knew what pace to be at. He loped gently up the last hill and then they were on the driveway. April sighed. Chinook snorted, his body shaking beneath her.
April couldn’t help but laugh. “Look at us,” she said, “A couple of wimps.”
She could see the lights from the barn illuminating the snow and slid from Chinook’s wide back as they stopped in front. She patted the big pinto on the neck and led him into his stall. Unclipping the halter, she filled his bucket with fresh water from the well and closed the barn door behind her, sighing and seeing her breath collect in the air like fog.
The lodge lights were off and she slipped inside quietly, kicking off her frozen boots and hurrying upstairs to get warm.
Chapter 3
The following day, she and Hailey were in the tack room, cleaning bridles and bits, in preparation of the upcoming season.
“What time did you get in last night?”
“I have no idea. Everyone else was already asleep. I went straight to bed.”
“I saw you talking to Kip before you left.”
“He was so mad.”
“Worried more like. He was pacing.”
“Pacing?”
Hailey nodded. “Up and down the lodge. Said he wasn’t going to bed until you got home.”
April frowned. “He wasn’t up when I came in.”
“He was. He slept on the couch in the living room. He was just waking up when I went in this morning. Then he ran to his cabin.”
“I can’t believe he did that...” April mused, running oil over the headstall in her hand.
“Why not? He might be upset, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you anymore. He only just got you back, April.”
April looked at her. Could that be true? She shook her head. She couldn’t think about that.
“I’m gonna go see if dad wants his saddle oiled.” She stood up and left Hailey cleaning the bridles.
Inside, she headed straight for the office.
“Dad?” she said, knocking. She pushed the door open.
Her dad was on the phone, and gestured for her to sit in the other chair.
“Bill, I have no problem with you trapping the beavers. But I’m telling you that the area you’ve chosen is making things dangerous for us down here!”
April frowned. She had no idea what they were talking about.
He continued. “I know that’s how you make a living, Bill. But someone’s gonna get hurt...You’re flushing them out of the mountains and onto my property...They’ve started redirecting my creeks. My guys know those passes, and now there’s a new danger because the beavers are finding new homes...I know that, Bill, but...” He put his head in his hand. “I’m not asking you to stop. Just to change your area. Go further up river, please...Alright, see ya.”
He sighed and hung up the phone.
“Everything okay?” April asked.
Her dad nodded. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. Just Bill, being cranky. What did you need, honey?”
“I was wondering if you wanted me to oil your saddle while we’re out there.”
“I think Kip already did it, but you’d have to check with him. If not, that would great. Thanks.”
He began tapping on the computer and April nodded to herself. She turned around and left the lodge. She saw Kip heading down to his cabin but she decided to leave him alone. She didn’t feel like dealing with his irritability right now.
Hailey was still working in the tack room.
“In all the time I’ve known Kip,” she said to her, “I’ve never seen him hold a grudge for this long.”
“I don’t think it’s a grudge,” Hailey said.
“Then what do you think it is? Because I sure as hell don’t get it.”
“Like I said, I think it’s just pain. He’s hurt from what happened.” Hailey picked up another bridle. “Imagine if it was you, and you’d stayed in L.A, and had to work with Lex every day, after what he did.”
April bit her lip.
“That’s what I think,” Hailey said, “I don’t think he’s angry anymore, because being angry for that long would be exhausting. I think he’s just hurting now. And seeing your face just makes it hurt more - kinda brings it to the surface again.”
“It’s different. Lex chose his career over me.”
“You chose Lex over Kip.”
April almost dropped the headstall in her hand. Her fingers went numb. The implication of what she had done to Kip hit her with full force. She had made Kip feel as bad as Lex had made her feel.
“He was in love with you, April,” Hailey said. “He’s always been in love with you.”
“If he loves me, it’s like a sister...we’re friends.”
“No, April. He’s in love with you. Everyone can see that. You’re the only one who doesn’t—or won’t admit it.”
“If he loves me, then why is he still avoiding me?
Hailey shrugged.
April stood up. “I can’t deal with this right now.”
She stormed out of the barn and up to her room, collapsing onto her bed. Everything was going wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like this when she came back. It wasn’t supposed to be so hard. She grabbed her pillow and hugged it to her chest. She was exhausted, and closed her eyes.
A few days later, she woke up and checked her phone. Her background was still a photo of Prime Time and before she could stop it, tears were filling her eyes. She assumed Lex had sold him, or given him away. She didn’t know. And she couldn’t dwell. She had other things to think about now. Leaving the lodge, she met Kip in front of the barn.
“Hey,” he said, avoiding eye contact.
“Hi,” she replied.
They stood awkwardly for a moment before April took a deep breath.
“Can we talk? Like...ever?”
Kip looked at her.
“I don’t get it, Kip. Why aren’t you yelling at me? Screaming at me? You’re avoiding me, giving me the silent treatment, and I get it; I know why. But it’s killing me.”
“It’s killing you? How do you think I feel, April? You’re the one who left. You kissed me. You fucked me and then you left, dammit! For him. How the hell do you think I feel?”
“It wasn’t for him, Kip.”
“What?”
“I didn’t leave to be with Lex. I didn’t want to go. But Campbell called and said I had to. I was under contract; what was I supposed to do?”
“You could have said no. You could have waited until I got home and we could have made a plan together. But you didn’t. You chose to leave. And don’t treat me like an idiot; I know you still loved him. I could tell.”
April nodded slowly. “I did love him. I did. But you were making things so much easier. Being with you helped me forget. You made me laugh and smile. You fixed everything.”
Kip looked up at her through thick, dark lashes. “Then why’d you have to break it again?”
April fixed her eyes
on the ground. She inhaled. “Hailey said you loved me...”
Kip nodded. “I did, yeah. I do...But that doesn’t change what you did. Maybe that’s why I’m so pissed. Maybe I thought you felt the same. And maybe I’m angrier at myself for being stupid enough to believe that you loved me back. Maybe that’s why I’m so pissed.”
“I do love you! You’re my best friend.”
“That’s not the kind of love I mean, April...You know that. The shitty thing is that you chose him and I knew what a snake he was from the beginning.”
“I didn’t go back for him Kip, I promise. I went because Campbell told me I had to.”
At that moment a giant truck and rig pulled up the driveway. Kip approached the driver as he stepped out.
“How can we help you?”
“I have a delivery for...” He checked his clipboard. “Ms. April Cooper.”
“From who?” April stepped forward, reaching for the form.
“Mr. Alexander Mitchell.”
April looked at the horse trailer. A man got out of the passenger seat of the truck and unlocked the back door, stepping inside. April heard echoed footsteps, then a large chestnut horse walked into the sunshine.
“Prime Time?”
She rushed to the horse’s side, greeting him with a scratch on the forehead. The big horse dropped his neck and nuzzled her stomach.
She led him back to Kip as he was turning towards the lodge.
“Kip!” she shouted.
He turned around and walked backwards away from her, holding his hands out sideways. “Didn’t go back for him, eh? Give me a break, April.”
April watched him go inside, dumbfounded. She began to shiver and knew Prime Time would be feeling the cold.
“I’ll be right back,” she said to the truck drivers.
She led the horse into the barn. As she passed each stall, the Blue Haven horses stuck their necks over the doors, sniffing the newcomer curiously. April stopped outside Chinook’s.
“Hey boy, come meet your new friend.”
Chinook stuck his nose into the air and folded his lips back, tasting. Prime Time mirrored him and April laughed. She noticed the chestnuts muscles quivering so she quickly put him in the stall and grabbed a blanket from the tack room. She wrapped it around him and did the buckles up, splashing in his water bucket to show him where it was, then leaving him to settle in. She went back out to the delivery men.
Blazing the Trail (Sunshine & Shadow Book 5) Page 3