by Renee Roman
It didn’t take her long to come up with an answer. “Trinity.” She didn’t know why there was a lump in her throat. She should be glad she’d finally been able to say her name out loud, even if she hadn’t been able to put it into words until now.
DJ slid her hand away. “I should have known.”
Blaze couldn’t tell if DJ was upset or angry by the news, and she didn’t know how to respond. DJ had never been overly crazy about the women she’d dated before, but Blaze always thought she could rely on her support. “Thanks for being here for me.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” DJ flushed in what Blaze assumed was embarrassment. “It’s just…shouldn’t you be focused on your recovery for a while? I remember at one time you imagined spending time with your wood was probably like marriage. Being committed, but never knowing if you needed to step back and observe from a distance.”
She chuckled. “That was like, twenty years ago, and I wasn’t the one who said the word marriage.” That would be getting a bit ahead of herself. “Finding a partner for more than sex would be a good start. I’m nowhere near thinking about marriage.”
The waiter cleared their appetizer plates and set down their entrees. She’d opted for linguini with clam sauce, while DJ settled for shrimp scampi.
“Could we have a bottle of Riesling? Something that goes well with these.” DJ gestured to their plates. The waiter took the empty wine bottle and glasses. Once they were alone again, DJ avoided eye contact. She played with her food.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” Blaze never had to prod DJ into talking.
DJ shrugged, still moving food around her plate. “I just thought we’d have some time to hang out since I’m single again.” She finally glanced up. “It’s selfish of me. So, what got you thinking about a relationship?”
“I’ve been tossing it around for a while. Especially since the accident.” Blaze hoped DJ would give her feedback. She had more experience in the relationship circuit than Blaze did and was open to hearing her take on it. “I’m not sure. I was in the shower and thinking about how routine my life was. That led to having a one-on-one conversation with myself. The next thing I knew, the word ‘content’ popped into my head.” She waited while the bottle of wine was opened and poured into clean glasses. “Then I called my father and it all tumbled out. I realized I’d never wanted routine to be part of my life, it just sort of happened. Then I thought about how many nights I went to a diner or the club just for the company. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone and wishing ‘if only’ like so many people I know.”
DJ’s fork stopped midway to her mouth. “Like me?”
“God dammit, DJ. For once the conversation isn’t about you.” She pushed her plate away. The evening wasn’t going at all like she’d thought. Maybe that was part of the problem. She’d always been a planner and that left little room for spontaneity, something that was going to change, starting now.
DJ’s gaze traveled around the room. “Okay, okay. I get it. Could we please not include the entire restaurant in our conversation?”
She glanced up to find several nearby patrons staring at her. “Sorry,” she said, loud enough for them to hear. Thankfully, they went back to their own conversations. Blaze zeroed in on DJ. “I was hoping for some support. Was I wrong to count on my best friend to understand what I’m going through?”
“No. Of course not. I’m still stinging from Ryan leaving. I’m lonely, too. I understand perfectly.”
Blaze had turned all of her attention inward, which wasn’t a bad thing because it wasn’t something she tended to do. That didn’t excuse her from not realizing DJ had her own issues to overcome. She gave her a half grin. “Look at us. We’re both having women troubles from different angles.” She reached for DJ. “I really am sorry you two didn’t work. If it’s any consolation, I think she was the best one so far. I liked her.”
DJ rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Great. I let a good one get away.” She finished her glass of wine. “So, what do you think we should do about it?”
“Social networks, dating sites, lesbian groups?” Blaze raised her glass and drained the contents. “Have another bottle of wine and call for that Uber.”
“Ha. That’s the best idea you’ve had all night.”
Blaze motioned to their waiter and ordered another bottle. She didn’t believe it was the best idea. She wasn’t even sure if coming here tonight and telling DJ what she’d been thinking had been any better. But she felt better for having gotten it out in the open, and if push came to shove, she knew she could depend on DJ. She always had and saw no reason for their relationship to change. After all, they were best friends, and that meant they were there for each other, especially in trying times and mutual woes.
Chapter Fourteen
The week dragged by and Trinity dealt with one tragedy after another. For the briefest instant she again wondered if she’d made a mistake in choosing the trauma unit, especially knowing she could work anywhere with her newest degree. Then she remembered the times she’d seen miracles happen.
The woman who’d been in full-blown cardiac arrest before the team worked tirelessly for forty-five adrenaline-filled minutes. She’d smiled when she regained consciousness and told Trinity, “I wasn’t ready to go.” The little girl who’d fallen from her swing and landed on her arm. The break had been clean, and the doctor ordered a mild sedative while they’d reset the bone, then wrapped it in a hot pink fiberglass cast. The child had taken the incident in stride, as had her parents, and asked Trinity to be the first to sign it.
Those were the patients she was there for. The ones she could help heal. The ones who were grateful in the chaos of the ED for being made to feel like they mattered…because they did. Maybe her kindness was the first time that individual felt cared for. Those were the ones who needed her skills the most, and she tried to remember not everyone had the opportunity to make better choices about their own lives. She should know. She’d been one of the ones who’d almost become a statistic of poverty.
An alarm sounded in triage room four. Kelly sprinted by with a crash cart, focused on getting in the room with the team. Trinity stayed back. There were plenty of people responding, and sometimes one more body just made the job more difficult. Part of her abilities included knowing when she’d be more of a hindrance than a help, and she was okay with not always being in the foreground. In fact, she didn’t mind being behind the scenes on occasion. The rush still hit her.
She quickly assessed the remaining patients’ monitors and reviewed charts. Room three was ready for discharge. Room two was being observed for the next few hours before the doctor decided if more tests were needed. Room one was waiting for a bed. Satisfied for the moment, she pulled up labs and checked levels again, making sure she hadn’t missed anything. A little later Kelly came around the desk with her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide.
“Can we not have any more of those tonight?” Kelly said. “I’m exhausted.”
Trinity knew the feeling. After the adrenaline rush, they all suffered the crash, leaving them feeling drained. She reached under the counter and grabbed a bottle of juice. “Here. Sit down for a few minutes. I’ve got this.” She indicated the monitor that showed real-time vital signs for the patients in their area. Everyone was stable. One more hour. Then they could both head home for some much-needed sleep.
“Thanks.” Kelly cracked the seal and downed half the contents. “This was the best idea the administration ever had.”
She had to agree. When supervisors had asked about ways to make improvements and meet staff needs, someone had suggested keeping a stock of beverages available at each workstation for when the chaos kept them from getting a break to rehydrate and replenish.
“I can’t wait to get home. My feet are screaming today.” Kelly slipped one foot out of her Crocs and rubbed it. “Calgon, take me away.”
Trinity laughed at the outdated commercial reference. “You’re showing your age.” She m
ade a few notes in charts and let out a long breath. “A hot soak sounds really good though.”
“What can I say? I like retro stuff.” Kelly tossed her bottle into the recycle bin. “If you won’t get all fidgety, we can take one together and have a glass of wine.”
It was all she could do not to laugh. “I’m not fidgety.” Trinity remembered the time they’d gone to a concert and had stayed at a hotel for the night. It had a huge whirlpool tub that they’d gotten into after a few drinks, but she’d felt funny about it. She hadn’t known Kelly long, and when she’d slid in wearing nothing but a skimpy bra and even skimpier panties, she’d tried to look anywhere but at the almost naked woman in the bubbling water.
“You did the last time. You turned fifty shades of red.”
“Okay. Maybe I did feel a little uncomfortable, but in my defense, I barely knew you then.” Her excuse sounded lame.
“True, but it’s not like I tried to hit on you, though later I wished I had.” Kelly raised an eyebrow.
Trinity wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not. Sometimes she still didn’t know when Kelly was being serious or just messing with her head. “If you expect me to get into the tub with you, you need to cut that out. It’s creepy.” She laughed when Kelly stuck her tongue out, reassuring her it had been a joke.
“Okay, weirdo, let’s go.”
Forty-five minutes later, Trinity sank below the bubbles while holding her glass above the water. “This was a really good idea.”
Kelly nodded. “I know, and you’re not even being fidgety.”
“Ass.” Trinity laughed. The hot water soothed her tired legs. “I’m just happy we have a garden tub and I don’t have to touch you.”
Kelly’s hand flew to her chest. “I’m crushed.” She finished her wine. “But seriously, one lesbian to another, that’s like…not something either of us needs to hear.”
“You’re right, but it would still be weird to be intimate with a friend.” She couldn’t help thinking about Blaze and DJ and whether they’d ever been friends with benefits.
“What are you thinking?”
She shook her head, unwilling to say out loud what she feared the most when it came to Blaze.
Kelly sat up, nearly exposing her breasts. “Come on. Sooner or later you’re going to tell me.”
Trinity pointed in a downward motion. Kelly rolled her eyes and slid deeper.
“You really need to get over your fixation with my tits.”
She gasped and Kelly broke out in a fit of laughter. “You’re a real comedian.” Kelly was right. Sooner or later she told her everything important. Blaze was becoming important. She bit her lip. “Whenever I hear her voice or see her, my pulse kicks up, then I pull back.”
“Why? Is she not as charismatic as you thought?”
“No. That’s not it. I want to get to know her better, but I’m not sure I want her to know about me.” She poked at the bubbles. Kelly would know her hesitancy came from her childhood and her less than nurturing parents. She needed to remember she wasn’t a child anymore.
“I know nothing personal about Blaze, but from everything you’ve said, I don’t imagine she’d hold your past against you. Do you?”
“I don’t think so.” She pushed around the bubbles. “What if she can’t handle my work schedule? Women don’t seem to understand how demanding it can be.”
“You’re just making excuses now. If Blaze wasn’t interested I don’t think she’d respond to your messages. Didn’t you tell me she said she’d miss you when you saw her at the hospital?”
Trinity nodded.
“Then she asked to see you socially. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that means she likes you.”
“Maybe. What if she wants me to go places with her and do things together?”
“You mean date?”
She swallowed hard. She’d been so afraid of being pulled away from her career goals, Trinity couldn’t even fathom what dating would be like. However, when it came to Blaze, she’d begun to reconsider a lot of things. “What if she does? And what if it fucks up everything I’ve ever wanted, and she breaks my heart?”
Kelly sat up, revealing more than before. “Eyes up, perv.”
Trinity wished she had more wine.
“First, you haven’t even talked to her about dating. Second, you have no idea if she’ll rock your world in the sack.”
Trinity was about to say she hadn’t thought about sex with Blaze, but that would have been a lie. “Go on.”
“Third, if, and it’s a big if, you actually make it to a relationship and manage to get over yourself, isn’t it time you see if you can have something real with someone you’re attracted to?”
All of what Kelly was saying made sense. There was one thing she wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with emotionally. “What if she breaks my heart?”
Kelly took her hand. “And what if you break hers? If she’s willing to give that much of herself I think you should be, too.”
Trinity chewed on her lip. Kelly gave her a lot to think on. If she was going to take a chance at making her life have more meaning than how many hours she could work in a week, Blaze seemed like the perfect person for the role.
Chapter Fifteen
“Hello,” Blaze said.
“Hey, stranger. I haven’t heard from you since our little heart-to-heart. How’s it going?”
“Sorry. I’ve been swamped with contacting clients and new orders. I got the okay to start working full time again, as long as I don’t overdo it, and I’ve been falling into bed exhausted. Even Baxter is pissed at me for lack of attention.” Blaze moved around the shop, taking inventory.
“Do you want to go out tonight?” DJ asked.
“I don’t think so. I’ll be here for a while longer and I doubt there’ll be any energy left when I’m done. My stamina isn’t where it was yet.”
“Oh,” DJ said.
Blaze heard the disappointment in her voice. “Want to get together tomorrow? I’m going to sleep in, but I know how much you enjoy a late brunch at Phyllo’s.” DJ had a habit of guilting her into doing things without even trying.
“Sure. That sounds great. I’ll pick you up at one, unless that’s too early.”
“No, that should give me time to get a cup of coffee and a shower.”
“Okay. I’ll let you go then. Have a good day.”
“You, too. Later.” Blaze disconnected.
She sighed. Between work and trying to squeeze in the occasional cup of coffee or a quick bite to eat from a takeout joint with Trinity, there was little time left for entertaining DJ. Though when DJ was busy selling and listing, the same could be said for her. Blaze wished she’d slow down and find a woman who would not only be good to DJ, but good for her. Someone who would complement DJ’s innate ability to say it like it was, but who could show her how to soften her approach. DJ offended people without even trying, and with Trinity it seemed as if she’d thrown her miniscule filtering ability out the window. Blaze continued to wonder why, but any worry about it disappeared when she got to spend precious moments with Trinity. Whether it was five minutes or forty-five, her heart always raced the moment she caught sight of her. She still hadn’t shared much about her family and Blaze had a feeling it was a sore spot, so she tried not to push even though she was curious. She’d never taken it so slowly with another woman, and she was really enjoying the building anticipation and gentle flirting they’d fallen into.
She pulled her datebook closer, forcing herself to focus. Three more new clients had left messages, and the sooner she got them on the schedule, the better. She had a life to live, too, and she was determined to make the most of it.
* * *
Later that night, Blaze ruffled her hair and watched the wood dust fall like snow onto the floor. She loved working with fresh cut wood and cherry was her favorite, and she saved the wood chips for her outdoor fire pit. After the last remnants had been swept up and the floor vacuumed to remove any remaining dust, she
surveyed the fruits of the past week’s labors. She was slowly getting back into the swing of working longer hours. Her arm would stiffen a bit when she overdid it, but with Cassie’s guidance, she was able to recover in a day or two. Since the accident, she’d learned to do a number of routine tasks left-handed and she did the same in the shop when she could.
The kitchen island she’d crafted had a chevron pattern of shiplap on the front and the sides were stained a matching shade of gray. The quartz countertop would be installed once she delivered the piece, and Blaze helped the owner pick a white background with accenting threads of gray marbled throughout, highlighting her handiwork. The company she hired to deliver large pieces would be there with reinforcements on Monday morning and she’d supervise the installation later that day.
The live edge dining room table needed another sanding and multiple coats of polyurethane before she could schedule delivery. The variegated acacia wood had beautiful shades of light and dark running its length and would fit any decor. When she’d met with the soon-to-be owners, she’d been in awe of the flawless, eclectic mix of modern and antique that was the signature style of the home. They’d given her carte blanche as to the wood choices and asked her to find chairs that would showcase the beauty of the table, the focal point of the dining area.
The last piece she’d finished was her favorite. A lesbian couple had commissioned her to create a headboard with shelves, as well as a hidden compartment that she hadn’t needed to ask what it would hold. She had also incorporated reading lamps that could be angled and dimmed according to each woman’s preference. Blaze had chosen ash for what she considered one of her best pieces in recent years since she’d hand carved an intricate detail pattern into the facing edge. She’d been inspired by the couple’s obvious love and passion. The long, narrow mirror set in the lower section concealed the requested space and opened from the top, similar to a transom. It would be virtually invisible to the casual observer, which was good because they planned on having children in the next year or two.