Tom glowered at me for a second before turning to run after his daughter.
The revenge wasn’t as satisfying as I’d hoped, but this had only been a tiny, unexpected bonus. The public humiliation was forthcoming, as soon as I uploaded the video to the right sites.
“Get dressed,” barked my dad again, making no attempt to mask his anger.
With a shrug, I slid from the bed as he stormed out of the guestroom. I slid on fresh underwear and a pair of lounge pants, forcing myself not to allow Lia’s hurt expression to infiltrate my mind.
I padded on bare feet down the marble stairs, finding my dad in the sitting room. I stepped into the room, but didn’t sit. I had no obligation to stay, and I planned to bail as soon as he knew why I’d done this.
“Oh, Declan.”
I frowned, not expecting the note of sadness in his voice. It made me defensive, which I didn’t like. I wanted to be cold and distant. “What?” Damn, I sounded just like I did when I scratched the car the first week I’d gotten my license and tried to hide it.
He shook his head. “How could you use Lia to hurt me and Tom?”
I blinked, not having expected him to figure it out so soon. I debated about playing dumb or brazening it out. In the end, I simply said, “You had it coming.”
He shook his head again. “Maybe, but I don’t think so. I’m finally happy, Dec, and I don’t believe I should have to pay for that. Whether you believe otherwise still doesn’t excuse dragging an innocent girl into this.”
I snorted. “You’re one to talk about innocence. Look what you did to Mom.”
My dad mimicked my snorting sound. “Deidre got exactly what she deserved, Declan.” He sighed. “I’d hoped to avoid telling you our sordid history, but you need to know everything, I guess.”
“I know all I need to.” Remembering Mom bleeding on the floor strengthened my resolve. “I’m outta here.”
“Not yet. You’re going to sit down and listen to me.”
He was so forceful, yet quietly so, that I found myself reverting to childhood and automatically obeying. I walked over to the nearest chair and sat down, aware I did so with the ill grace of a pouting teenager instead of the resolve of a grown man committed to a path.
“Your mother has known all along I was gay, Declan.”
I stared at him, allowing my expression not to betray the shock coursing through me. I shook my head, rejecting the idea. “That’s a lie.”
“It’s not.” He sat in the seat nearest me. “Things were different thirty years ago, son. I couldn’t be out, especially if I wanted to be successful and not be disowned by my family. She offered to pretend to be my girlfriend to take off the pressure.”
I forced myself not to react, though my hands folded into tight fists.
“I thought she was being a good friend, but your mother had an agenda.” Looking disgusted, he said, “She drugged me and raped me.”
My eyes widened, and I shook my head. “That’s bullshit.”
“It isn’t. She did it several times until she was pregnant. I had no memory of it, of course, and I still don’t, but she was happy to tell me all about it when I told her I was leaving to be with Tom. When she first got pregnant, she told me we’d gotten drunk and had done something stupid. I had no memory, so I took her word for it.”
“How could you get that drunk?” I scoffed, still not believing his version of my mother.
“Tom had left me.”
I jolted in shock. “Tom? Tom Ambrose?”
Mike nodded. “Yeah. We were lovers for a few years, but he got tired of my reluctance to embrace our relationship and go public. He had issued me an ultimatum, and I was too frightened of the backlash to choose him. Your mother’s explanation was plausible, and there she was pregnant with my baby.”
Looking deep into my eyes, he seemed completely truthful when he said, “I did the right thing and married her. It was a disaster. Your mother thought I was a lot wealthier than I was, son. My family was comfortable, and I made a good salary, but I wasn’t rich. The trappings she’d seen—yachts, helicopters, limos—had all been provided by Tom’s wealth, not mine.”
“Why didn’t she divorce you then?” I challenged.
“Because the life I could give her was still better than her humbler roots. She wanted to be a cherished housewife and mother, not a hardworking waitress as her mother had been. I tried to stick it out, but I was miserable.” My dad exhaled raggedly. “When you were three, I knew I had to get out of the marriage. I packed my bags and left.”
I had no memory of that.
“I came home that weekend to pick you up for a visit, and I found your mother on the bathroom floor, bleeding from shallow cuts on her wrists.”
Rather than sounding concerned, he sounded bitter. I glared at him. “You’ve known she’s suicidal all this time and did nothing to help her?”
He snorted. “I insisted she get help. I moved back in and made another effort at being a husband. A few years later, I was done and couldn’t keep up the pretense. Again, she tried to kill herself, and I stayed.” He looked directly in my eyes. “That pattern repeated three times before I gave up and just accepted I was stuck. I couldn’t have her death on my conscience.”
“Until Tom came back.” I sneered. “Then she didn’t matter.”
“It’s true that Tom was the catalyst. We ran into each other at a conference, and the spark was still there. I had never stopped loving him, and he felt the same way. My parents are gone, and I’m at a point in my life where I don’t give a damn what being gay does to my career. I decided it was my turn to be happy.”
I didn’t bother to hide my disgust with his selfishness. “She’s going to kill herself.”
He shook his head. “No, she won’t. I had an illuminating conversation with your aunt Celia a few years ago. She told me your mother has often used attempted suicide to manipulate the people in her lives. She’s practically perfected her technique. She always cuts just enough to bleed, but not enough to risk death—and shallow enough to avoid going to a doctor or leaving a scar, because she would be too ashamed if anyone found out.”
My stomach sank as his words penetrated my brain. “I found her bleeding,” I whispered.
My father’s sympathy was genuine. “I suspected that was the case when I realized what you had done. You’re a good person, Dec, and you wouldn’t normally hurt someone deliberately.” Tentatively, he reached out to touch my hand. “You might hate me and Tom for being happy, but Lia has nothing to do with your anger and bitterness. She isn’t a way to make your mother feel better by hurting Tom or me.”
I nodded, nausea creeping up my throat as I realized what I had done. I had fully intended to destroy Lia just to satisfy my mother’s need for vengeance. I’d had what I thought was a good motivation, but with hindsight, I could see what an idiot I had been. Even without knowing my mother’s propensity to use suicide for manipulation, I had acted all wrong.
I should have gotten her medical help instead of running off half-cocked to fulfill her need for revenge. I shook my head, sickened at how I had allowed her to twist me into her blunt instrument of rage. I had swallowed every bit of her routine and had been compelled to continue with the plan even after admitting to myself how wrong it was.
I hung my head. “I’m no better than she is.” A tear slid down my cheek as I allowed myself to wallow in the shame of hurting Lia to get back at Tom and Mike.
“Yes, you are. You know what you’ve done is wrong, and you’re going to make amends.”
He wasn’t issuing a dictate. He was simply speaking as though it was a fact. His confidence in my desire to make things right blew me away. In spite of everything, he still believed in me, and it soothed me a bit, even as it made me feel worse for my part in the scheme.
“How do I fix this, Dad?”
He hesitated before shrugging. “I’m not sure. I guess the first thing to do is figure out if you were just using Lia. If so, I’d suggest a heartf
elt apology and steering clear of her for a while. But…”
“But?” I prompted as the silence lengthened.
“But if she means more to you than a way to hurt Tom, I’d suggest you be honest with her. Tell her everything, including what you had planned, and especially how you really feel.”
“Do you think she’ll give me another chance?”
My dad hesitated again. “I don’t know, son. Would you in her position?”
“No.” Utter misery underscored every syllable.
“Let’s hope she’s more forgiving.” He patted my hand before standing up to give me a hug.
I let my dad hold me as I shed a few tears of remorse and shame. Would Lia ever forgive me for what I had done? The idea of confessing everything to her, including how I had manipulated her to play the part of my filthy whore, made me want to run away without looking back. Only the thought of not seeing her again, and not pursuing the possibility of being with her without pretenses or agendas, kept me from bolting out of the guesthouse.
I had fucked up, and now I had to try to make that right. Even if she wanted nothing to do with me, I owed her the truth. Dread filled me at the prospect. As soon as my dad left, I ran upstairs, shrugging on a shirt as I sat down at the desk to shove my feet into sneakers. My first mission was to delete the sex tape and pray she never had to know about it.
No, I knew I couldn’t avoid telling her. I had to confess everything. That didn’t mean I had to keep a copy around. I opened my laptop and logged in to my Cloud storage. I clicked the box to select it and delete, but as I started to press the trashcan icon, I froze.
According to the program, the file had been downloaded one time. I stared, trying to comprehend what that meant. No way could it be true. I had sent it to the Cloud my Internet service provided, but I hadn’t even confirmed its arrival. I sure hadn’t downloaded it.
Who could it be?
Even as I asked myself, I knew. My mother. She somehow had accessed it. I had never been specific about my plans to destroy Tom, so she must have undertaken snooping on her own. It wouldn’t have taken a genius to figure out the file could be important, since I had so cleverly titled it Lia.mpg. Fuck.
I finished deleting the file and emptying the trash to remove it permanently as I debated how to proceed. I could see no alternative but to confront her, and I couldn’t wait. The longer she had that file, the more likely she was to do something awful with it. The same awful thing I had planned.
My stomach burned with acid as I rushed from the guesthouse and straight to the garage. I thought I saw Lia standing in her window as I peeled out of the driveway, but figured it was just wishful thinking on my part. She wouldn’t be standing around looking for me after what I’d done.
I would be lucky if she ever talked to me again—especially if Deidre released the raunchy tape of me bating her to emphasize the stepsibling connection during sex.
10
Lia
I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t. I’d lain in bed for the past hour tossing and turning, but I still couldn’t drop off. Another glance at the clock revealed the numbers had crept up five minutes from the last time, to one-fourteen.
He’d left. I couldn’t believe it as I stood watching him drive away like he was qualifying for the Grand Prix. Just that morning, we had seemed so close, and then our dads discovered us, and he’d been so ugly.
Even now, I winced as I remembered his hateful words, especially the moment when he’d lewdly revealed my previously virgin status to my dad. It had been humiliating and painful. At least my dad hadn’t thrown it in my face or been too upset. He’d comforted me and done his best to hide his own anger as I indulged in a spate of self-pity.
I was over that now, and I knew I’d just have to move on from all of it. I didn’t know why Declan had done what he’d done, but I figured it had something to do with hurting my dad. Ever since that first night in the guesthouse, I’d sensed his bitterness about our dads’ relationship, but I’d tried to be understanding. I should have blasted him for being an oblivious dickhead instead of trying to be sensitive.
I definitely shouldn’t have gone to bed with my stepbrother. I writhed in renewed shame as I remembered the kinky things I’d said and done just last night. At least my dad didn’t know that part. No one did besides Declan, and since he’d acted like such a jerk, Dad wouldn’t believe anything he said if he tried to tell him about the encounter.
It was embarrassing now, but I still couldn’t help remembering how naughty it had been at the time, and how much I’d wanted Declan. Damn, I still did, though it went against every shred of common sense. Not that I would ever have him again, even if I could overlook his actions. He was clearly done with me. I’d been nothing more than a means to an end, and he’d left without saying goodbye or apologizing.
I snorted softly. As if he would do that. He had to be sorry to apologize, and I doubt he felt anything but smug satisfaction in the damage he’d wrought. I would just have to remember how hateful he could be whenever I had a craving for his touch.
It was pathetic to still want him. My brain urged me to cut myself some slack, since I was still recovering from the shock of it all, but I couldn’t help being disgusted by my weakness. Was I really such a loser that I could still want to have sex with the guy who had humiliated me and used me to hurt my dad?
I slammed my lids shut and forced my breathing to level out. I was going to fall asleep. I was going to forget all about Declan and what he’d done.
I was so full of shit.
With a sigh, I started to sit up as my door creaked open. I stilled, closing my eyes again. My dad was probably checking on me, and I really didn’t want to talk about it all again. I’d shed enough silly tears over a stupid boy earlier. It was easier to feign sleep.
As he came closer, my nostrils filled with his scent, and I stiffened. My dad didn’t wear that cologne, and neither did Mike. Declan.
My eyes snapped open, and I glared up at him as he hovered over me. “What the fuck are you doing in my room?” He flinched, but still sat on my bed, without an invitation. “Get out.”
“We have to talk.”
I glared at him. “Just leave. You’re good at that.”
Declan sighed. “Yeah, I deserved that. I’m sorry I left so abruptly before, but I had to…take care of something.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care. I never wanted to see you again. I don’t want you here, so get out.” Again, the jerk ignored my command.
“I was an idiot.”
“Yeah.”
He looked at me from the veil of his lashes, an expression of pleading on his face that was meant to soften me. I maintained a hard expression and shored the walls of my defenses. I didn’t know why he’d come back after accomplishing his goal, and I didn’t care.
Liar.
I ignored that voice in the back of my mind and crossed my arms over my chest. Affixing him with a glare, I spoke slowly, stretching out each syllable. “I do not want you here. Get out of my room and my life, Declan Mulvaney.”
“I had to leave earlier, because I needed to stop my mom from doing something terrible.”
I frowned a bit. “Your mom? You aren’t trying to blame her for what you’ve done?” How low could he sink?
He lifted a shoulder. “My mom instigated some of what I did, but I’m not blaming her. I fell for it, and I made it worse by coming up with a horrible scheme to hurt Tom.” He dropped his head. “A scheme that meant using you.”
“Yeah, I remember.” Fire flared along my nerve endings as I relived that moment when my dad caught us in bed and the awful things he’d said. “I was there.”
He shook his head. “It’s worse than that, Lia. Your dad discovering us together was a small bonus, but it wasn’t how I’d intended him to find out.”
My brow scrunched as I considered his words. “I don’t understand. Why did you even want him to know we’d fucked?”
“I wanted to hurt him for ste
aling my dad.” Declan rolled his eyes. “I know how goofy that sounds coming from a twenty-five-year-old guy, Lia, but it’s true. He’d hurt my mom and screwed up my plans by stealing my daddy.”
I scowled. “Dad didn’t steal Mike. Your dad made the choice to leave your mom. He wasn’t leaving you.” I bit my tongue before I could say something else nice or encouraging. I didn’t give a damn that he was a hurt little boy beneath the bad-boy veneer. If I repeated that enough, I might even believe it.
“I know that now, but I was reacting from emotions instead of logic. And I let my mom’s attempted suicide drive me to make a promise to get revenge.”
I blinked. “Wow, is she okay?”
He surprised me by snorting. “She’s fabulous. It was all an act. She’d hoped to get me to break off contact with my dad, because she’d told him he would lose everything if he left her and came out publically. She was determined to make me hate him as much as she did.”
“That’s why you…we…” I trailed off, not able to find the right words. I’d almost said seduced, but it hadn’t been like he’d lured me into his bed. I’d been eager to jump in there before learning about his motivations.
He nodded just once. “I couldn’t agree to never see my dad again, so I promised revenge on Tom instead. When I met him, and you, it was obvious how much he loves you, so I knew you were the best way to hurt him.”
“Congratulations.” I said it as coldly as I could, wanting to wound him even a little bit, though I didn’t think I could. He’d have to care for anything to hurt, and the only things he cared about were his mom and his revenge. “Now you’ve done what you set out to, so just go away.”
He shook his head. “I can’t until you know everything. Then if you want me to leave…” With a sigh, he said, “I recorded us.”
I froze. “What? Us? Last night?” At his quick nod, I balled my hands into fists and gave serious thought to punching him. “Why would you do that?” Recalling how uninhibited I’d been, I writhed with shame. “Oh, my god.”
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