by J. E. Parker
It was almost eight o'clock when I made it back to the Toluca Battered Women's Shelter where I'd worked as Head of Security since showing up in Georgia three years ago. It wasn't my dream job, but it allowed me to keep Hope in my sights. It also kept both of us under the same roof.
Together, we lived in an apartment on the third floor.
That hadn't always been the case though. Before Hope moved in, I shared the apartment with Maddie, the Shelter's Manager. Maddie, or Madelyn as some called her, was also one of Hope's best friends. She's a good woman, and I like her just fine, but I was glad as hell when she got back together with her ex-boyfriend and moved in with him.
The day she moved out, I moved Hope in.
That was a little over a year ago.
Turning left into the lot, I parked my truck to the right of the building, climbed out and jogged over to the locked donation box that was welded to the front of the wrought-iron gate near the entrance of the lot. After looking around to make sure no one was watching, I pulled out the envelope Johnny had given me and dropped it into the box.
I'd only taken five steps back toward the building when someone shouted my name. "Yo, Evan!" My head snapped up. Chris, one of the part-time shelter security guards I supervised, stood fifty feet in front of me, waving his arms in the air like an idiot. "Man, get over here!"
Thinking something was wrong, I ran full-throttle toward him.
My bruised, and battered face throbbed with every step I took, but I ignored the pain as a million different scenarios raced through my head causing my heart to dump buckets of adrenaline into my veins for the second time that night.
Had one of the women or kids seeking refuge inside the Shelter been hurt?
Had one of the girls working the second shift been injured?
Had something happened to Hope?
Just the thought made me sick to my stomach.
I ran faster.
When I'd almost reached him, Chris pointed toward the back of the building. "Evan, man"—he shook his head, a look of exasperation on his face—"Hope and Shelby both got off about thirty minutes ago, and now they're sitting up on the fire escape outside your apartment, drinking."
My blood boiled. "They're drinking on the fucking fire escape?"
"Wine," he answered, nodding.
Well, at least it isn’t fucking whiskey.
"I was about to go up there, but then I saw you pull up.” Chris continued. “Thought you'd be better equipped to handle it."
I damn near rolled my eyes.
What he meant was that I was better equipped to handle Shelby. Almost every one of my security guys was intimidated by her. It was hilarious because Shelby was only a couple inches over five-foot-tall and looked like a life-sized Barbie doll. She wasn't as petite as Hope or Maddie but she damn sure wasn't big either.
Still, though she was little, she packed a verbal punch that could bring the strongest man to his knees. Full of attitude and sass, if you pissed her off, Shelby wasn't afraid to let you know. And unlike most people, she wasn't all talk either. She was one of the few chicks I'd met who would back up every word she spoke with her fists if the need arose. It was one of the many reasons I didn't worry about Hope when she was with her.
Shelby would beat somebody’s ass—or shoot them—if they tried to hurt my girl.
Because of that, she had my undying loyalty.
"I've got it," I yelled back to Chris as I ran toward the back of the building.
I don't know if he replied or not. I didn't wait around to find out.
Running as hard and fast as I could, I rounded the corner of the shelter.
When both women came into view, I came to a sliding stop.
"Oh fuck me," I whispered as I stared up at them.
Panic welled in my chest.
Sitting with her legs dangling over the sides, Shelby stared up at a standing Hope who had her back leaned against the waist-high rusted metal railing. If it broke, or she slipped...
She won't survive the fall.
Heart in my throat, I screamed as loud as I could. "Hope!"
Seven
Hope
I sat on the fire escape outside my living room window.
My third-story apartment was located above the Toluca Battered Women’s Shelter where I’d worked as a social worker since I graduated from college almost four years ago. Evan, who’d worked at the shelter since he’d shown up in Georgia after being discharged from the Marines, lived with me.
As Chief Security Officer he was required to live on site.
Me? Not so much.
I only did it to be closer to him.
Not that it’s helped our relationship much, I thought.
Frustrated as could be, I scooted forward on the metal platform and allowed my bare feet and legs to dangle over the edge. In front of me, beyond the outline of the city, the sun had begun to dip below the horizon. Its descent cast the surrounding buildings and landscapes in a warm orange hue that did little to abolish the coldness blanketing me. It wouldn’t be long—mere minutes, maybe—before the sun disappeared and the crescent moon rose, taking its place.
A few years before, I would’ve sat there—a sketch pad in one hand, a drawing pencil in the other—and drawn my favorite constellations as they became visible in the night sky. I might’ve even pulled out my camera and snapped a few pictures to help capture the beauty of it all.
But not anymore.
It’d been over three years—almost four—since I lost Ryker and in that time I hadn’t drawn a single picture. I had no plans to either. My love for drawing, along with my love for the night sky, had died right along with my brother. Now, looking at the twinkling stars caused nothing but a heady mixture of grief and longing to well up inside of me, making it nearly impossible to breathe.
Eyes locked on the waning sun, I entwined my hands together. “I miss you, Ry,” I whispered to the clouds above. “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.” My chin wobbled as I wrapped my arms around my belly to quell the ache building inside of me. “I’d give just about anything to hug you one more time.” The sun dipped lower, and the sky began to darken. It wouldn’t be long until nothing but blackness surrounded me. I clenched my eyes shut, dropped my head back and took a shaky breath. “I’ve tried so hard to move on, to get past losing you, but I can’t—"
My words were cut off when a southern accented voice hollered out, “What in the name of sweet baby Jesus are you doing out there all by yourself?”
Gasping in shock, I turned my head to the left.
My hazel eyes crashed into a pair of cornflower blue ones.
Shelby.
“Good grief, Hope, don’t you know how dangerous it is out here? That damn fire escape is probably a hundred frickin’ years old.”
Shelby leaned out the window and held up a dark blue bottle of wine along with two stemless wine glasses. Looking from me to the ground below, her shook her head. “I came up to have a glass of wine with you while I wait for Anthony to get here. Now, though, I think it may not be such a good idea.”
Oh, please.
“Since when do you care if something is a good idea or not?” I asked, teasing her. “I thought you were a rebel.” I quirked a brow and continued to tease her. “Has getting engaged made you soft?” My lip twitched with the need to smile, but I fought it back, keeping my face neutral. “My, my, my… It didn’t take Anthony long to whip you into shape, now did it?"
Still biting back a smile, I shut my mouth.
If I don’t hush Shelby might throw me off the dang fire escape.
By instead of getting angry, Shelby just smirked. “Keep it up and I won’t share my fancy bottle of wine with you.”
My face dropped. “That’s just plain mean, Blondie.” I patted the empty spot beside me. “All joking aside, climb on out here and join me.” I gestured toward the disappearing sun. “We’ve got one heck of a view. For a few more minutes at least.”
Shelby
leaned further out the window. “Here, take these.” She set the wine bottle on its side and rolled it in my direction. Then, she did the same with the glasses.
I grabbed all three items before they could roll off the edge and picked them up. “Wait,” I said, examining the glasses. “Are these plastic?”
“Of course they are. I still don’t understand why they give drunk people real glasses to use. I mean, that’s just asking for trouble.”
She had a point there.
She huffed out a breath, leaned out the window and placed her hands on the grated metal. “Since this is your idea if I fall and die you’re responsible for taking care of Anthony.”
Anthony was Shelby’s fiancée. He was also a homicide detective for the City of Toluca. Lord knows I didn’t want anything to happen to her—besides the fact that she was one of my best friends and favorite co-workers, she was also an incredible Mama to a little boy named Lucca—but if it did, Anthony could take care of himself and Lucca without a problem.
“Seriously, Hope, you’ll have to teach the man how to do his laundry. Before he met me, he used a laundry service. Can you believe that?”
I could.
“I’m not joking. He didn’t even own a washing machine.” Shelby crawled out the window and across the fire escape. When she finally reached my side, she plopped down on her butt. Elbowing my side softly, she looked at me, a serious expression plastered across her classically beautiful face. “Just remember, don’t let him anywhere near the stove. If you do, he’ll burn the house down.”
At that, I chuckled.
Shelby wasn’t so amused. “You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. The man can’t even boil an egg without starting a fire.” She shrugged a lone shoulder, “It’s a good thing he’s drop dead gorgeous and has a big—”
I threw my hands up in the air before covering my ears with my palms. “Oh my God!” I shrieked in shock around a bout of embarrassed laughter. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence, you perv.”
Shelby stuck out her tongue. “I am not a perv. I’m just proud.”
“Proud of his package?” It was a miracle I could speak I was laughing so hard.
She winked in my direction. “Definitely.”
Lord give me strength when dealing with her crazy self.
“So”—Picking a piece of lint from the bottom of my shirt, Shelby flicked it to the ground below us—“Who were you talking to a few seconds ago?”
My laughter died at her question.
She heard me.
Mouth drier than the Sahara, I swallowed around the lump forming at the base of my throat. “Were you eavesdropping again?”
The look she gave me screamed, Duh.
Shelby’s gaze softened as she nudged my arm with her own. “You can talk to me, Hope. And remember, it doesn’t matter what you say, you’ll never be the nutty one in this duo.” She pointed from herself to me. “The crazy crown is mine alone to wear.”
The trepidation swirling in my belly faded.
Shelby’s wicked—albeit sometimes dark—sense of humor combined with the non-judgmental attitude she possessed was one of the many reasons that I loved her. Unlike most people, she made me comfortable enough to open up to her. Not to mention that after spending the first twenty-four years of her life drowning in her own version of hell, Shelby knew what it was like to live with pain. It wasn’t until she met Anthony that she found her way out of the darkness and into the light.
I’ve lived in darkness, sugar. I called it home for a long time. I know what it feels like to be alone, to feel hopeless. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through, I’ll always be here for you, she’d once assured me.
I bit my blue-polished thumbnail. “I was talking to Ryker.”
Shelby reached over and interlaced her fingers with mine. “Tell me about him.”
“I don’t know where to start.” I took a steadying breath. “He wasn’t just my big brother”—I paused as emotion clogged my throat—“he was my everything…”
My voice trailed off and Shelby squeezed my hand. “Keep talking, sweet girl.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, I continued. “I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. My shyness had always made it hard for me to open up and make friends. But it never mattered because I had Ryker. Wherever he went, I went. Whatever he did, I did. Whoever he hung out with, I hung out with too.”
I could feel Shelby’s gaze on the side of my face. “Is that how you met Evan?”
My stupid, lovesick heart clenched at her question. “Yeah,” I replied. “That’s how I met Evan.” Moments of silence ticked by before I found the strength to continue. “He and Ryker met in kindergarten. They were in the same class, and after the first day of school they became best friends.” I smiled at the memory. “They were fused at the hip from then on out.”
The only way to pry those two apart is with a jar of Vaseline and a crowbar, Mama used to say.
“Evan was just as protective of me as Ry was. Sometimes even more so. For years he played the part of a surrogate big brother.”
Knowing I needed the comfort and contact, Shelby moved closer and pressed her side into mine. The small move made me feel anchored as I waded through emotionally dark waters.
“Then what happened? Between you and Evan I mean.”
I licked my dry lower lip and dropped my gaze to my lap. “Then one day he became more.” That was the understatement of the century. “I don’t know how it happened exactly. All I know is that one day he smiled at me and my heart nearly burst.” I leaned my head on Shelby’s shoulder. “I was seventeen when that happened. Somehow I managed to hide my feelings for another five years.”
“Your brother didn’t know?” Shelby whispered.
Regret mixed with guilt assailed me. “No. I never told him and he wouldn’t have figured it out on his own.” I needed to make her understand, so I continued to speak without giving her a chance to ask anything else. “I was going to tell him”—I shouldn’t have waited—“but I never got the chance.”
Shelby snaked an arm around my back and held me tight. “What happened next?”
My chest tightened. “The night before they left for their final deployment, Evan and I… Well, we…” I blew out an exasperated breath.
Why am I even talking about this?
I wrapped my fingers around the locket that dangled from my neck and held it tight in my fisted hand. “That was the night he gave me this locket.” It seemed like such a long time ago. “It was also the night I gave him the bracelet that he still wears.”
“The one with the infinity knot on it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s the one.” Blinking to clear the tears that were filling my eyes, I tilted my head back and looked up at the darkening sky. “That night I surrendered my heart to him on a silver platter. With only a promise in return, I gave him everything I had to offer. My heart, my soul, my trust.”
I turned my head and looked into Shelby’s kind eyes.
“Tell me the rest, muffin,” she said, calling me by the nickname her and Maddie had given me thanks to my obsession with chocolate chip muffins. “You need to talk about it, and I’m more than willing to listen.”
She was right. I needed to talk about it. I’d kept so many things bottled up and buried deep inside of me that I felt close to bursting at the seams.
It had to stop.
I needed to talk.
The problem was, it hurt like heck to do so.
“To make a long story short, Evan promised me he and my brother would come back from Iraq whole. And he also promised that the moment he was discharged from the Marines he’d find me. He swore that things between us would be different.” My stomach churned. “He broke the first promise.”
Unable to sit still any longer, I wrapped my hands around the railing in front of me and pulled myself up to a standing position. Leaning against the metal support, I turned my back to the rising moon and stared at the brick exterior of the Shelter.
Shelby popped the cork on the wine bottle and filled a single glass before handing it to me.
I took a sip of the chilled Moscato.
“Evan broke his promise, Shelby.” Another sip. “He didn’t come back whole, and Ryker didn’t come back at all.” It pained me to say those words. “But he did come and find me like he said he would.” Glass still in hand, I crossed my arms over my chest and dug my fingers into my biceps. The small bite of pain made me flinch. “And he sure as heck didn’t lie about things being different between us.”
A sad smile crossed my face. “I don’t know everything that happened over there, but I know this—whatever feelings Evan had for me before he left, they were long gone by the time he came back.”
Shelby blew out a breath and draped her tanned legs over the side of the platform. She opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut when Evan’s deep voice rang out, startling us both. “Hope!” He screamed at what sounded like the top of his lungs. “What the fuck are you doing?”
I spun around so quickly wine sloshed from my glass. Then, I looked down at the gravel-covered parking lot below me. My eyes found Evan. Standing with his brawny arms crossed over his broad chest, he stared at me, a peed off look etched across his handsome face.
Uh oh.
I opened and shut my mouth in rapid succession, floundering for something to say.
"Crap," I whispered low enough for only Shelby to hear. "He looks so mad. He told me I wasn’t allowed to come out here." Shelby scoffed. "He thinks it’s unsafe."
A slow smile spread across Shelby’s face, and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I knew from past experience—like the time she got us kicked out of Pizza Hut—that the look on Shelby’s face spelled trouble. “Let me handle this, k, muffin?”
Wide-eyed, I nodded once.
Shelby stood, crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip to the side. Raising a lone brow, she glared down at Evan. “Excuse me, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome”—she paused, giggling to herself—"but it’s not polite to yell at people, interrupting them mid-conversation. Didn’t your Mama teach you any manners?” Before Evan could reply, she made a show of grabbing my left hand and holding it up in front of her face. “And by the way, I don’t see a ring on Hope’s finger nor do I see your child on her hip.” The more she spoke, the more Evan’s face hardened. He looked ready to combust. “Therefore, it’s none of your dang business what she's doing up here with me.” Flicking her fingers in his direction, she made a shooing gesture. “Now run along. We ladies were discussing something important before you so rudely interrupted us.”