The only thing I could liken it to was the time I’d landed chicken pox back when I was about six, and kept being told not to scratch. As if summoned, my gaze fell on the two tiny scars on the back of my hand. No, willpower had never been my forte, right up there with patience. A zip for my mouth would have been ideal, but I made do with singing along to the songs on the radio for the rest of the journey.
When Nathan drove into the heart of the city centre, I wondered where we were going. I grew even more confused when he ducked down a side street and pulled up in front of a barrier, the type you get in multistorey car parks. He pressed the switch to lower his window, then flashed a white swipe card at the metal post I’d not spotted. The barrier lifted and Nathan drove into a small, private car park, right smack bang in the middle of everything.
‘Woo, we made it with two minutes to spare.’ Nathan released his seatbelt and opened his door to get out, letting in a waft of garlic bread.
My mouth watered. ‘Good, I’m starving.’ I had my seatbelt off and was out of the car before him. ‘Well come on, then,’ I said, tempted to leave him behind and let my nose lead the way.
‘Somebody’s impatient,’ he said, his tone teasing with just a hint of tension in his jaw. My heels clicked across the concrete slabs as Nathan led me around to the front. ‘Welcome to Casa D’Italia,’ he said, pushing the glazed door open.
As I was bombarded with delicious smells, my feet moved on autopilot into the small, intimate-looking restaurant. Welcome indeed. The noise of chatter and laughter filled the room, happy faces everywhere, and every table occupied. Every table bar one.
A lone figure paid attention to our arrival and headed right for us. ‘Nathan! Ciao. So pleased you could join us.’ The tall man with a strong Italian accent, sharp eyes, chiselled features and cropped, dark hair pulled Nathan into an tight embrace.
‘Ciao, Uncle Tony,’ Nathan said, but the older man’s attention had already fallen on me, so Nathan took a step to one side and introduced me. ‘This is my friend, Lena.’
‘Ciao, Lena. Any friend of my boy Nathan is welcome here.’ Uncle Tony leaned in and kissed both cheeks. ‘But tell me, is Lena your full name?’
‘No, it’s short for Valentina,’ I replied.
Uncle Tony’s eyes took on a glazed look. ‘Ah si, bellissima,‘ he said on a sigh. ‘A beautiful name for a beautiful young woman.’ He turned to Nathan and murmured, but still loud enough for me to hear, ‘And she is just a friend, si?’
Nathan laughed. ‘Si, Uncle Tony,’ he said. ‘A friend.’
‘Shame.’ Uncle Tony shook his head, the corners of his mouth turning down at the corners. ‘You and the bella Valentina make a striking couple. Two beautiful people. You should be more than friends, more, I tell you.’ Uncle Tony’s gaze found its way back to me, followed by Nathan’s, and my heart stuttered at what I saw.
In Nathan’s silver-grey eyes, I’d caught a flicker of … something. I couldn’t be sure, it was gone so soon, but it had looked a hell of a lot like fear. Yes, fear, but mixed with hint of sadness.
Oh!
The final piece of the puzzle fell into place and I gasped. Not wanting to put him on the spot, I covered it up with a giggle and said playfully to Nathan, ‘Is he always like this?’
Nathan’s brows dipped and he narrowed his eyes, searching mine, just for a second. ‘Sadly, yes,’ he said playing along. ‘He seems determined to scare away all of my friends.’ He jabbed an elbow into Uncle Tony’s waist. ‘Or flirt with them.’
Uncle Tony shot me a wink. ‘Si, it is true, but he so rarely brings a girl to visit us.’ Ha! I’m right, I’ve got to be. ‘Now please, let me show you to your table. I saved you the best table in the house.’ He led us to the one empty table I’d already noticed.
‘I thought that one was the best table in the house,’ Nathan said, indicating the larger table to our right.
‘Nathan, I thought you knew better,’ Uncle Tony scolded, his tone teasing. ‘Every table in Casa D’Italia is the best table in the house. Now what can I get you?’
‘Coke for me, please,’ I said, desperate for Uncle Tony to leave us alone for a minute.
Nathan said, ‘Make that two, please. Seeing as I’m driving tonight.’
‘Very good.’ Uncle Tony wandered off to get our drinks and leave us to look over the menu, so I seized my chance.
I leaned across the table, closing the gap between me and Nathan so I could lower my voice and not be heard by anybody else. ‘Nathan, please don’t take this the wrong way but I have to ask. Are you gay?’
Nathan nearly fell off his seat. ‘What?’ He paled in an instant and his eyes grew wild, frantically checking if anyone had overheard. I reached for his hands and it seemed to calm him.
‘I mean, it’s cool if you are. We’re friends, right?’
‘But … how did you … when did you … who told you?’
Uncle Tony reappeared with our drinks before I could answer.
‘Oh, si, just friends you say,’ he said, smiling approvingly as he placed the drinks on the table next to our joined hands. ‘I come back in two minutes to take your order.’
‘Nobody told me,’ I said, the moment Uncle Tony left. ‘I’ve only just figured it out.’ In a bid to reassure Nathan, I said, ‘And I have to say, you had me completely fooled.’
Nathan eased his grip on my hands. ‘Really? Are you sure?’
‘Yep. So much so, tonight was originally all part of some evil scheme to have my wicked way with you.’
‘Pardon?’
‘You heard me.’ My frank confession had brought some colour back to Nathan’s cheeks and returned the sparkle to his eyes. It was good to see. ‘It’s a damn good job I changed my mind, too, seeing as it’s never going to happen. Wrong gender and all. Unless you think I could change your mind.’
Nathan burst out laughing. ‘You are so lucky I managed to swallow my drink in time, or you’d be looking pretty soggy right about now.’
‘Charming,’ I said, feigning disgust. ‘I’ll take that as a no, then, shall I?’
‘You were seriously going to make a play for me?’ Omigod. Why hadn’t I thought this through? It was my turn to squirm in my seat, my cheeks burning, but then he said, ‘I’m flattered, Lena, really. You could have any guy of your choosing.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t go that far—’
‘But my ego isn’t so big that I wouldn’t question why,’ he said, cutting off my babbling and rendering me speechless.
This time when Uncle Tony appeared, I nearly cheered. ‘Are you ready to order, or would you let your old Uncle Tony choose for you both?’
‘You choose for me, please, Uncle Tony,’ I said, since I hadn’t so much as glanced at the menu yet. ‘But make it good.’
‘Ooh, feisty, I think I’m in love already.’ Uncle Tony cuffed his hand off the back of Nathan’s head. ‘Are you really going to let her go?’
I cleared my throat and batted my eyelids. ‘Well, actually, Uncle Tony, I tend to go for older guys anyway, and good friends are so much harder to find. Don’t you think?’
Uncle Tony’s booming laugh came from deep inside his chest. ‘Si, I think you may be too much for my boy here.’
‘And, on that vote of confidence, you might as well choose for me too, Uncle Tony,’ Nathan said, keeping his expression deadpan, which amused Uncle Tony even more, leaving him still laughing as he disappeared into the kitchen area. Nathan lifted his elbows onto the table and rested his chin on his hands. ‘Older guys, huh?’
‘It got you off the hook, didn’t it?’
‘True.’
Nathan stared right at me, and as I stared back into his eyes I made the decision to tell him about Operation: Popping the Cherry. I figured it would be good to get a neutral opinion; plus, I couldn’t expect him to open up to me if I wasn’t prepared to confide in him in return. But not about Jake. Nuh-uh. I still wasn’t ready to open up to anybody about him yet.
Uncle Tony did both himself
and his restaurant proud with his choice of meal and the food was to die for. I’d have happily married the dessert if it was an option. Nathan had been spot on when he said it was the best in the country and I would definitely be back.
When Nathan excused himself to use the men’s room, I fired a short text message off to Jake: ‘You were right x.’
‘Thought so,’ came his reply. Closely followed by, ‘You OK? x.’
‘Yeah, I’m better than OK. We’re having a great time x,’ I wrote, ignoring the cartwheels in my stomach, mushing the creamy seafood pasta together with the tangy lemon pudding. Not a good mix.
‘Good. So d’you fancy a drive tomorrow?’ Jake wrote. ‘My plans got cancelled so I’m free now x.’
Pah! Forget cartwheels. Somersaults were far more dramatic. They reached all the way to my fingertips and made it difficult to type. ‘I’d love to. Same time? x.’
‘Bit later … 5.30 OK? x.’
‘Sure thing. Gotta go, Nathan’s coming back. See you tmrw x.’
I stuffed my phone back into my handbag and watched Nathan retake his seat. I’d just have to wait until later to see if Jake replied. Hopefully once my dinner had gone down a bit.
‘What are you looking so smug about?’ Nathan asked.
I looked up at him, fighting to keep my expression blank. ‘Hmm?’
‘Don’t give me that. You look like you got the latest Jimmy Choos for a quid.’
‘I think you’ll find the saying is, you look like the cat that got the cream,’ I said.
‘Yeah, but I’m not a big fan of cats, and cream gives me spots. I’ll take a pair of designer shoes any day of the week.’
I narrowed my eyes at him. ‘Tell me again how I never figured you out? I bet you’re a demon at shopping, too?’
Nathan held his hands up near his shoulders, his elbows on the table, but his smile told me everything I needed to know. ‘I hide it well. And yes, but of course.’ His gaze drifted away to look at something over my shoulder, and his eyebrows dipped into a frown. ‘Didn’t your mum say you had to be back for half-ten?’
‘Yeah, why?’ I swivelled in my seat and spotted the clock on the wall. ‘Wow, how can it be ten o’clock already?’ I said, gathering up my things and getting to my feet.
Nathan stood too. ‘We’d better find Uncle Tony before we go, or he may never forgive me.’
After a dozen promises to Uncle Tony that I would be back, and almost as many kisses planted on my cheeks, Nathan finally smuggled us out of the door.
‘So does anybody else know?’ I asked, as we walked to Nathan’s car.
‘Not really, just a couple of people in fact, and now you.’
‘You haven’t told your family, then?’
Nathan shuddered. ‘God, no. I’m not ready to come out yet, although I think a few of my mates at uni suspect.’
‘And Jake.’
‘Jake knows?’
‘Yeah. Well, he had a strong suspicion, and he got all protective when I said I was coming out with you tonight. How I shouldn’t get my hopes up.’
Nathan looked thoughtful. ‘That actually explains a lot.’ His voice tailed off and he fell silent, lost to whatever was going on in his head. We were over halfway home when he startled me by speaking again. ‘You’re not really going to go through with it, are you?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said, needing no explanation. ‘As much as it horrifies me, it kind of makes sense too.’
‘Well that’s open to debate,’ he said. ‘It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, and I hate the thought of you throwing yourself at guys just to try and get laid. Christ, I’d do you myself if I thought it would keep you safe.’
‘Now that’s true friendship,’ I said, cracking under the severity of his tone. ‘Careful, though, Nathan, I may just take you up on your offer.’ It was meant to come out as a joke but failed with style.
‘I was being serious, Lena.’
‘So was I,’ I whispered.
Nathan hit the brakes and yanked down on the steering wheel, bringing the car to a stop at the side of the road. He turned in his seat and reached for my hands, forcing me to face him. The molten silver in his eyes had solidified into cold, hard steel. The intensity made my pulse quicken. ‘You’d honestly have sex with a gay guy, just to get shot of your virginity? That’s all kinds of fucked up, Lena.’
I flinched and tried to look away but Nathan blinked, the fierceness in his stare giving way to kindness. ‘But you know that already, don’t you? I can see it in your eyes.’
Chapter Thirteen
PANIC
Thursday morning passed in much of a blur. I was exhausted after another night filled with vivid dreams. Exhausted after each one, feeling either frustrated and horny as hell, filled with self-loathing and regret, or crying and shaking with fear. Nathan was right: it was all kinds of fucked up.
Tiredness took its toll by lunchtime. I even considered texting Jake to cancel our driving lesson, but decided to hold off. The girls sapped the last of my energy by firing an avalanche of questions at me about my date with Nathan. True to my promise to him, I kept his secret. They totally bought it when I said I didn’t want to risk my friendship with him by sleeping with him, especially as I still had to work with him, if and when it all ended.
When the final bell sounded, I dragged myself off to Flick’s locker and waited. She appeared with Sean, not even noticing I was there at first. I felt like an intruder as they bid their goodbyes. Flick’s eyes widened when she did finally see me, and her cheeks turned a cute shade of pink.
‘Hey, Lena, how long have you been there?’
‘Long enough. You two look good together, you know.’
‘Thanks,’ Flick said, a coy smile playing over her lips as she stowed her books in her locker. ‘I really like him.’ She drifted into her world for a moment, but I knew she’d be back soon. ‘So what can I do for you?’
‘Do you fancy going for a swim with me?’
‘What now?’ she asked. I nodded. ‘Ah, damn it, I’d love to but I can’t. I’ve just agreed to go and help coach the Primary ballet class as one of the other teachers has called in sick. I could drop you off at the pool, though? It’s even on my way.’
‘Thanks, Flick, that would be great. I’ll need to pop home to get my swim stuff first, though.’
‘No probs.’ She closed her locker and pulled her keys from her bag. ‘Let’s go.’ Flick was another paid-up member of the small-car brigade, hers being a little red Peugeot. It was a diesel, so sounded quite loud when she started it up; plus, it was getting on a bit and starting to look a bit tatty, but she’d saved up for ages and paid for it herself, so not one of us ever passed comment. ‘Do you really think we look good together?’
‘Deffo,’ I said, delighted to be talking about somebody else’s love life for a change. Flick was still gushing about Sean when she pulled up outside the swimming baths twenty minutes later.
The smell of chlorine hit me the moment I pushed through the double doors, getting stronger as I climbed the stairs to the changing rooms. Dumping my bag on the bench, I stripped and changed into my one-piece, then tied my hair into a knot, securing it with an elasticated tie. Ready to go, I shoved my gear into an empty locker, not bothering to lock it, then walked through the sheep dip and emerged onto the poolside.
Length after length, I cut through the water effortlessly, my body settling into the familiar action of reach and pull. The further I swam, the more energised I became. In the water I was alive. Weightless. At peace …
About to begin another length, I dipped beneath the water to tuck and roll, using the wall to kick against to maintain my rhythm. As I returned to the surface, a voice nearby rolled over me, amplified by the dynamics of the huge room so he could have been swimming right alongside me. Pure terror slithered over me, thick and dark, like treacle or molten tar, holding me captive and refusing to release me from its vicelike grip. It was a voice I had heard just once before. That same voice that
plagued my dreams and kept me awake night after night.
My body froze mid-stroke, my face still in the water, so I couldn’t even try to draw breath and was incapable of lifting or even turning my head. Ice coursed through my veins instead of blood as I floated on the surface of the water, carried forward by the momentum I’d built up. I was unable to move anything, not even a finger, the pressure in my ears telling me I was sinking, the water swallowing me whole. All around me was crystal-blue water, above and below, sparkling as sunlight danced off the ripples. Beautiful …
Deprived of air for too long, my lungs began to burn. Shock had forced my body into shut down in just about the worst possible place. The mosaic floor came into focus, my feet touching down first. I attempted to kick back to the surface but it proved futile. As I settled on the floor of the pool, the rough tiles rubbed against my skin. Muffled sounds reached my ears, a mixture of voices and laughter, but then came a roar of somebody diving in.
I could see the swimmer quite clearly, heading towards me at speed, the water parting to let him through. The guy couldn’t be much older than I. He had broad shoulders and a damn fine set of abs. He was cute, too, in that Aussie-soap-opera kind of way. Bubbles fizzed off his skin as he crouched on the floor beside me, but then he reached for me, his strong hands gripping beneath my shoulders as he pushed off with a firm kick.
The light grew brighter and then suddenly I was free of the water’s cool, suffocating, embrace. Humid air buffeted my face and chest as my rescuer flipped me onto my back before towing me into the shallower waters.
Breathe, Lena, breathe!
I forced my lips apart a fraction and tried to suck in a breath, but still my body failed to respond. My lungs screamed, a raging inferno trapped inside my chest. Goosebumps erupted over my skin as adrenaline flooded my veins, chasing off the ice, but still nothing happened. I was utterly helpless; panic must have flashed in my eyes, because the next thing I knew my rescuer was pinching my nose shut and kissing me, except that my chest inflated and filled with air.
Popping the Cherry Page 15