‘I’d like that, Lena, honestly I would but …’ Zac was the one to break eye contact and it was as if a door had closed on me.
‘It’s OK, Zac, I understand. I know it was selfish of me to ask.’
‘No, it’s not that at all,’ he said. ‘Just give me a couple of weeks first to … you know … sort my head out.’
‘Of course.’ It was the least I could do. ‘Thank you.’
‘So what will you do now? Will you tell him?’
‘I don’t know.’
Chapter Twenty-One
DEFEATED
Nathan showed up bright and early the next morning, ready to drive me to work. ‘What’s up?’ he said, the second I got my butt in the seat. ‘You look like shit.’
I slammed the door shut and rounded on him. ‘Gee, thanks, Nathan. That’s just what I needed to hear.’
‘Whoa. Easy. Who’s rattled your cage this morning?’
‘No one.’
‘Uh-oh. It’s not the T-O-T-M, is it?’
‘What?’ I missed the clip for the seatbelt and smashed my knuckles instead. ‘You’re not supposed to ask a girl that, you know, unless you’re sleeping with her maybe.’
‘Yeah, but you’re not just any girl. You’re you, and you’re used to me. And I know you, and I can tell something has got you crankier than a cat left out in the rain all day.’
‘Hmph!’
‘OK, make that, crankier than a cat left out in the rain all day, when there are open tins of tuna and sardines all lined up in the kitchen, and a dog in its favourite spot on the sofa next to its human,’ he said, coaxing a half-smile from me. ‘But seriously, what’s wrong?’
I finally got my seatbelt clipped in and flopped back against the seat to stare out of the windscreen. ‘I broke up with Zac last night.’
‘What? Why? I thought you really liked him.’
‘I do,’ I wailed. And that was the hardest part. All night I’d lain there wondering if I’d made a terrible mistake.
‘Did he do something wrong?’
‘I wish,’ I said. ‘Then I wouldn’t feel like such a bitch for dumping him.’
‘Then why?’
‘I don’t deserve him, Nathan.’
‘Well that’s a whole crock of baloney right there. What’s put such a ridiculous idea in your head? Not to mention you look great together.’
‘You’re not helping.’
‘You’re not giving me reason to,’ Nathan said, matching my impetuous tone. He pulled up at the traffic lights and used the time to search my eyes. ‘I had him pegged as one of the good guys.’
‘He is,’ I said, covering my face with my hands. ‘Zac’s a great guy. It’s just that I don’t know if he’s the right guy for me, he’s—’
‘Not Jake,’ Nathan said, finishing the sentence in my head rather than the words on the tip of my tongue.
I dropped my hands into my lap and put on my indignant face. ‘What’s Jake got to do with it?’
‘Oh, come off it, Lena. This is me you’re talking to.’ Nathan revved the accelerator and burst away from the lights the moment they turned green. ‘The pair of you have made me feel like I’m back in the playground, running gopher between two children too chicken to take the first step.’
I stared at Nathan, my eyes bugging out, but he refused to back down.
‘Fine,’ I huffed. ‘Jake might have something to do with it, but I didn’t break up with Zac just so that I can throw myself at Jake.’
‘No?’
‘No. Zac deserves better than someone like me, too hung up on somebody else. I hated feeling like I was stringing him along. It wasn’t fair on him.’
‘Very noble. And so what of Jake?’
‘What about him?’ I leaned forward and reached into my bag to get my phone for something to do.
‘Are you going to at least talk to him?’
‘And say what, exactly? I lost count of how many hours we spent together in my car, just the two of us, and not once did he give me the impression he was interested in me in that way.’
Nathan’s brow wrinkled as his eyebrows arched high in his head. ‘So what the hell was the slow dance and that kiss all about at his party?’
Huh?
My brain rallied for a suitable answer.
‘He was drunk.’
Just like when he’d sent me that private message.
‘So? Maybe he needed the extra courage.’
‘It doesn’t matter, anyway, Nathan. I’m not right for him,’ I said, falling back on my old argument, but it sounded so hollow to me now that I half-expected to hear an echo.
‘Don’t you think he should get a say in whether you’re right for him or not?’
‘And then there’s Gemma,’ I said, trying not to let Nathan’s words sink in. ‘She’d freak out if Jake and I hooked up.’
‘Why?’
‘I wish I knew, but she used to flip out when it came to me and Jake spending any time together.’
‘And that’s it?’
‘That’s what?’
‘You’re not going to give Jake a chance to speak because you don’t think you’re right for him, and you don’t want to upset his little sister?’
‘Who just so happens to be my best friend.’
‘Some friend. Well, it sounds to me like Jake isn’t allowed to even think for himself. That’s appalling, Lena. I thought you were bigger than that.’
‘What would you do, then?’ I tossed my phone—my precious—back into my bag.
‘Me?’
‘Yeah, Mister I’ve-got-all-the-answers-until-it-actually-comes-to-my-own-life Harrison.’
Nathan’s jaw tensed, but he took a deep breath and let my bitchfest slide. He moved his hand from the gearstick to rest it on my leg. ‘If I were you, I’d go to Gemma’s party tonight looking a million dollars and find a way to talk to him, let him know you’re available again, or at least see if he’d like to catch up with you.’
‘Oh, is that all?’ I said, reaching up to run my hand through my hair.
‘You do that a lot, you know. Jake’s hand-through-hair thing. He does it a lot these days, too.’
I yanked my hand back into my lap and dropped the sarcasm.
‘I don’t suppose you want to hold my hand tonight? Zac was supposed to be coming with me, and I haven’t told anyone we’ve split up yet.’
‘You’re asking me if I mind dressing up and coming to a party?’
‘Pick me up at seven?’ I said, unable to contain my first proper smile of the day. ‘Or should I come and get you for a change so you can have a drink?’
‘The night just keeps getting better and better.’ Nathan flashed his swipe card at the barrier behind Uncle Tony’s restaurant and parked up. ‘So how about we shop in our lunch break? I know for a fact I don’t have anything ready for a quick turnaround, and I’d rather spend what time I do have getting ready rather than trying to choose an outfit.’
‘Works for me. I’ve already got a dress put by, but you could let me know what you think?’
‘Deal.’
Nobody batted an eyelid when we walked into the shop together with our arms linked. They were used to us now. Nathan left to go up the escalator to menswear and I stayed down on the ground floor. For once, the day whizzed by. Even the lunchtime shopping expedition was a huge success.
With only forty-five minutes between walking in the front door after work and having to head out to pick Nathan up, I didn’t have time to be nervous. I laid my new, teal, lace-effect dress out on the bed, and dragged out my blue-suede platforms out from under the bed. I’d need my ballet flats to drive in, but the joys of taking my car was that I didn’t have to worry about a handbag.
After the quickest shower in history, I was back in front of my mirror with my wet hair wrapped in a towel like a turban. I didn’t have time to do anything fancy, so I applied my foundation with my fingertips, covered my eyelids with a pale-gold eyeshadow and applied a teal-green eyeliner. A hint of br
onzer for my cheekbones, two coats of mascara and a slick of red lip gloss and I ready to tackle my hair.
First I hit it with the hairdryer until it was bone dry, and then I attacked it with the straighteners, catching the top of my ear in my haste. My ear was still stinging when I pulled my hair back into a side ponytail. I freed a few wisps to frame my face, then doused the lot in hairspray, adding some dry-ends serum to the ends of my ponytail.
I’d somehow managed to stay on schedule. All I had to do was pull on a pair of nude tights and my dress and I was good to go. The nature of my dress meant I couldn’t wear a bra: the back was sheer lace with a large diamond cut-out section revealing a hell of a lot of skin. The long sleeves were also sheer, whereas the front of the dress and the skirt section were lined in the same-colour teal, with the inner dress finishing an inch higher than the lace, so that the dress fell to a couple of inches above my knee.
My confidence grew with each step of getting ready, and, now that I was ready, I was raring to go. I slipped my feet into my flats and headed out of my bedroom door with my heels in my hand, but not before a spritz of my favourite perfume.
‘You look nice, love,’ Dad said, looking away from the TV. ‘Is Zac picking you up?’
‘Er … no, we’re … umm … not together any more.’
‘Oh?’ Mum peered around Dad so that they were both staring at me.
‘Yeah, it didn’t work out, so Nathan’s coming with me instead. And he’s waiting for me, so I’d better go. I don’t want to be late.’
‘Have you got Gemma’s present?’ Mum asked.
‘Ooh, well reminded.’
I dropped my shoes next to the front door and ran back up to my room, where Gemma’s present was perched on the edge of my dressing table, where I couldn’t forget it. Whoops! Now I really was ready to leave. I gathered up my shoes again, grabbed my keys and shouted my goodbyes to Mum and Dad, then stepped out into the cool September evening.
A few of the street lamps were turning pink, some already bright orange, guiding the roads as I drove to Nathan’s. I turned into his road and spotted him waiting on the kerbside in his new shirt and waistcoat, teamed with a pair of faded jeans.
‘Looking good, girl,’ he said, squeezing into the passenger seat and trying not to stand on my shoes, which I’d tossed into the footwell before setting off.
‘You too,’ I said, pulling away from his house. ‘So are you ever going to invite me into your house, or am I destined to be a permanent kerb crawler?’
‘You’re not missing anything, I assure you. So have you decided what you’re going to say to Jake yet?’ Nathan asked, swiftly changing the subject.
‘No. Everything sounds so lame,’ I said. ‘I mean, what do you say to someone who thinks you’ve spent the best part of two months avoiding them?’
‘You’ll figure it out, Lena.’
‘Hope so. I’m going to have to wing it, though, and somehow avoid the wrath of the birthday girl.’
I pulled into the car park of the hotel where Gemma’s party was being held. There were quite a few cars there already, including Flick’s Peugeot. Good, I could tell them both about Zac at the same time, even though it was kind of obvious seeing that I had Nathan with me.
Nathan passed me my heels, then climbed out. He walked around to my side and opened the door, offering me his arm. ‘Ready, milady?’
‘Ready as I’ll ever be.’ I took his arm and smoothed out the creases of my dress with my free hand as we walked across the car park.
The entrance was festooned with helium balloons, in pastel colours and shaped to form an archway. I could just imagine the look of disgust on Gemma’s face. Even Nathan tightened his grip on my arm, both of us choking back a laugh. Thankfully, my name was down as Valentina plus one, so the late switch in companions didn’t matter. Gemma came rushing over to us the moment we walked into the function room, the question burning in her eyes as she looked from me to Nathan and back again.
‘Later,’ I muttered, butting in before she could open her mouth, then followed it with a much louder, ‘Happy birthday, Gem.’
‘Happy birthday, Gemma,’ echoed Nathan, leaning in to plant a kiss on her cheek.
I gave her a hug and then handed over her present, which distracted her, even if it was for only a few seconds. Flick had also noticed my unexpected companion and was on a beeline for us. I followed her progress, dodging the other guests migrating around the bar, and then I spotted Jake. No longer interested in Flick, I took a step to set off towards him but Nathan pulled me back.
‘No, Lena,’ he said, speaking quietly enough so only I could hear.
‘Why?’ I mouthed, but then I saw what Nathan must have already seen.
Jake wasn’t alone. He had his arm around a girl—a woman—their heads bent together, and then they kissed. And it wasn’t a friendly pleased-to-meet-you kind of kiss. It was one of the ones I’d longed to share with him, the ones we’d shared in my dreams, but now it was too late. Jake had a girlfriend. I must have made some kind of anguished sound, because both Gemma and Flick grabbed me at the same time and asked me what was wrong.
‘Hmm? Oh nothing,’ I said, trying to cover my freakout. ‘New shoes giving me grief.’
‘Oh, right,’ Gemma said, not buying my story one bit.
‘Why don’t you grab us a table while I get the drinks in?’ Nathan said, saving me from having to go anywhere near the bar.
I nodded, and he gave my hand an extra squeeze before letting go, his eyes letting me know how sorry he was.
Gemma and Flick came with me, wanting to know about Zac, so I gave them the short version. They didn’t understand, but, with only half the story, they weren’t likely to. It would have been easy to crawl back to Zac and tell him I’d made a terrible mistake. He’d probably have welcomed me back, too, but deep down I knew I’d made the right decision. My brave ‘party’ face was firmly back in place when Nathan returned with the drinks and I did my best to show willing for Gemma’s sake, even though I was dying inside. I couldn’t help watching Jake—some masochistic urge to drive the knife deeper into my heart as he laughed and chatted with his girlfriend.
The bitch!
I bet she wasn’t a virgin. They probably had sex every opportunity they got.
While I was busy staring at the bar and ignoring everyone around me, the music changed to something slushy and Nathan yanked on my arm. He’d dragged me onto the dance floor and started turning in slow circles before I could splutter a word out. Fine. I linked my arms around his neck and went with it, but on the next rotation I saw we’d been joined by Jake and his girlfriend, pressed tightly against him as if they were glued together and her lips locked onto his.
‘I need to get out of here.’
Nathan winced as my fingers dug into his neck. ‘Sure thing.’
I took one final look in Jake’s direction and saw that he’d finally come up for air but then our gazes locked as if I’d summoned him. He must have assumed I’d be there with Zac, because his jaw dropped and his eyes widened when he saw me dancing with Nathan instead. Jake leaped away from the limpet as if she were on fire, so she turned her head to see what he was so bothered by. He looked me up and down, his body language unreadable, and his hand went straight to his hair. She asked him something, and Jake shook his head as he said something back.
Whatever he’d said, it earned me a fierce glare from his girlfriend before she tossed her hair over her shoulder and strutted off towards the bar. As though torn between whom to go after, Jake looked between me and her, so I made the decision easy for him. Gemma and Ben were dancing on the opposite side of the dance floor to Jake, so I grabbed Nathan’s hand and went over to them, interrupted their dance.
‘I’m really sorry, Gem, but I’m going to have to split,’ I said, rubbing my temples and trying to look ill. ‘I’ve got the worst migraine coming on.’ It was partly true: I really did feel sick, and by the time I was done crying I would undoubtedly have a pounding headache
. I just needed to hold it together long enough to make a dignified exit first.
Gemma scanned the dance floor and saw Jake rooted to the spot still staring at me. ‘What’s going on, Lena?’ she asked, her lips pressed so tightly together they disappeared.
Never try to fool the drama expert.
‘I’ll text you tomorrow, OK?’ I said, desperate to get out of there. ‘I have to go.’
Nathan followed my lead and performed brilliantly. ‘Come on, let’s get you home before you vomit on everyone,’ he said, loud enough to alert everyone around us to give us room, then he slipped his arm around my shoulders and guided me through the crowded dance floor as though I really were about to be sick. I stupidly allowed myself a backward glance and watched Jake spring to life.
He dodged and weaved across the dance floor to catch up with us.
Adrenaline fired in my veins.
‘He’s coming after us,’ I said to Nathan.
‘It’s your call. What do you want to do?’
‘I can’t speak to him. Not now. Not tonight.’ I reached down and wrenched my shoes off. ‘I need to run.’
Nathan nodded and took my hand, then we ran together down the hall. He lifted me over the gravel, then set me back onto the concrete and we raced to my little Ka. My flats were still in the footwell, so I slipped them on at the same time as I hit the ignition. With the speed of a getaway car, we were out of there. In the rear-view mirror, I saw Jake race out of the building just in time to witness my escape.
Chapter Twenty-Two
HALLOWEEN
Pale wintry sunlight filtered through the gaps around my heavy curtains but I couldn’t be bothered to get up. Mum and Dad were already at work, whereas I was on the half-term break. Whoever was hammering away on the front door and wearing out the batteries of the doorbell would give up eventually. After one more distorted, demonic-sounding chime of the bell, peace was restored, just as I’d predicted, only to be shattered immediately by a blast of Jessie J as my Gemma-assigned ringtone burst into life.
Ugh.
It was pointless ignoring her: she’d only fill up my voicemail with messages, gradually becoming abusive, as she had the last time I’d tried avoiding her.
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