“No, because I stole all those years of your life.” Carlene hiccupped. “We should’ve moved out on our own so much sooner.”
“Oh, hush! You’re emotional because you finally have the time to miss me. I went through that three days ago and almost got on a plane to Texas. We’re grown women. We made decisions and I’m not sorry for the one I made. Having Tilly and you in my life has been amazing. I wouldn’t redo a single minute of it. Now paddle that guilt boat to shore and set fire to it,” Belinda said.
Carlene managed a weak giggle at the visual. “I’m still sorry. If we hadn’t been there, you would have found a wonderful guy years ago and had four kids by now.”
“Honey, I’m amazing aunt material, but there’s no mother instinct in me. It’s debatable if I’ll ever even be wife material. Now go to sleep and don’t wake me up again, not even if a mouse is sitting on your pillow. Good night.”
Belinda was bluntly honest and truthful, so Carlene didn’t harbor any idea that she might be smoothing things over to make her feel better. No, sir, Belinda spoke her mind and liked being in control. That’s why she had advanced so far in her military career.
She crawled into bed and shut her eyes. Every word that she and Jace had exchanged that evening flashed through her mind, like instant replays, some hanging around in slow motion while others sped through in fast forward. His eyes, looking all dreamy after that kiss, his strong arms breaking the fall, and most of all the way his lips felt on hers—she raised a hand to touch her mouth, surprised that it wasn’t scalding hot.
“I really thought I’d moved on, but I guess I was just standing still and waiting,” she said.
Chapter Six
Tilly hit Carlene’s room on Friday afternoon in a dead run and had to grab the teacher’s desk to stop herself. “Mama, Mama, guess what? There’s a bronc bustin’ tonight at the rodeo grounds and Maribel is goin’ with her daddy. Can we go, too, Mama? Please, please, please!”
Carlene laid a finger over Tilly’s mouth. “Calm down and take a breath. I thought you wanted to get rid of that tree tonight.”
“I’ll help do it tomorrow, I promise.” Tilly made the sign of the cross over her heart. “Please, Mama.”
“I reckon it won’t hurt for the tree to stand there one more night but first thing in the mornin’, it has to go. It’s shedding worse and worse every day.”
“Then we can go?” Tilly’s eyes sparkled.
“Yes, we can go,” Carlene agreed.
Tilly did a couple of fast spins and hugged Carlene. “Thanks, Mama! This is goin’ to be awesome!”
Carlene remembered lots of rodeo events during the three years that she’d lived in Happy. Both Dawson brothers had ridden bulls at the first one she’d attended. That might have been the night she actually fell in love with Jace, even though it was a year before he actually asked her out on a date. Would Brody and Jace be riding tonight?
Before she could leave the school, Carlene stuffed all the papers she’d grade over the weekend into her bag, made sure that the desks were lined up and that everything in the room was in shape for Monday morning. While she worked, Tilly talked about all the kids in her class who wore cowboy boots to school.
“I got to call Aunt Bee before we leave for the bronc bustin’ and tell her that I want to change my birthday present. I need cowboy boots for my birthday.” Tilly rattled on and on as they crossed the playground.
“Hey.” Regina was putting things into her pickup truck, parked right beside Carlene’s minivan. “I’ve been trying to get away all afternoon to tell you about the event at the rodeo grounds tonight.”
“Thanks. It’s all Tilly’s been talkin’ about since the last bell rang. We might see you there?”
“Oh, yeah. Save you a seat?” Regina asked.
“I thought you were stalking Jace Dawson,” Carlene teased.
“Nah, my feller, Randy Dickson, will be riding. He’s not a pro by any means but he’s all cowboy. If I get there first, I’ll save room. Since it’s a fund-raiser for that little boy in Tulia with cancer and the first event in several months, the stands will be packed.”
“I’ll look for you then,” Carlene said, wishing Regina would have mentioned if Jace would be riding that night.
“I like her,” Tilly said as soon as they were inside the van. “She’ll be my teacher next year, right?”
“Most likely.” Carlene was happy that Tilly had made the transition from one school and set of friends to another so easily. But then kids were resilient that way—much, much more than adults. Hopefully she’d accept the news of her father just as well.
When they reached the house, Tilly skipped across the yard and up onto the porch. She was so excited that she didn’t even see two daddy longlegs beside the door.
Carlene checked the mailbox and removed a couple of utility bills still in Rosalie’s name, of course, and a seed catalog. She stomped her foot. “I can’t even go to the cemetery and put flowers on a grave. You could have lived with me and Tilly. We would have taken care of you. But whether you like it or not, we are having a memorial.”
One foot was on the bottom porch step when her phone rang. She pulled her coat tighter around her body and sat down. “Hello, Mama. How are things in Alabama?”
“Your dad is being transferred to California. We leave next week. Love to come through Texas but they’re going to fly us out and put us in temporary housing until our car and things arrive.”
“Do you ever get tired of moving?” Carlene laid the mail to the side.
“I’m not your aunt Rosalie, Carlene. I wasn’t made to stay in one place. That’s why your father and I are such good companions,” she answered. “I’ll text you the address as soon as I know it.”
“How’s Dad doing with Aunt Rosalie’s death? That’s the last of that generation.”
“You know your dad. He’s not the sentimental type. I barely knew her but then she was his grandfather’s sister and wasn’t actually related to me.”
Carlene frowned. “Well, I am and I’m feeling guilty because we didn’t come around more often.”
“She came to see you and Belinda every year, so you did see her.” Her mother paused and then changed the subject. “What’s goin’ on there?”
“Tilly has met and likes Jace,” she answered.
Deborah’s long sigh came through the phone. “That could be a good thing. At least he’s not married.”
“How did you know that?”
“I have my ways.”
“Aunt Rosalie?”
“No!” Deborah almost snorted. “That old lady never did like me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Carlene huffed.
“Well, you made it pretty clear you wanted a clean break, now, didn’t you? Seems like your words were that you didn’t want to ever hear his name.”
“And that’s when Daddy told me that I was going to live with Belinda.” A cold north wind whipped Carlene’s hair around her face and threatened to blow the mail off the porch. She stood up and quickly went inside the house.
“You caused it, Carlene. If you’d have had the good sense to use birth control—or not fool around in the first place!—you wouldn’t have gotten pregnant.”
“No use scolding me now.” Carlene sighed. “I need to fix Tilly an after-school snack. Don’t forget to text me your address.”
“Will do,” Deborah said, and hung up.
“No good-bye. No ‘I love you.’ And that’s why I’m determined to be a good mother no matter what the sacrifice. I don’t intend for Tilly to ever feel unloved. And it’s also why—”
“Who are you talkin’ to, Mama?” Tilly bounced down the hall with her kitten wrapped in one of her doll’s blankets.
“Your grandmother.”
“Did you tell her about my kitten?”
“I thought you’d want to do that the next time she calls. Shall we have cookies and milk?” Carlene asked.
“I want a double kick in mine today.” Til
ly laid the kitten on the sofa but she quickly climbed down and scampered back to her room.
“You sure you want to go to this thing tonight? Would you rather go up to Amarillo, eat at Dairy Queen, and go to the movies? We’ve had a big week, what with moving in here and you getting all settled in school. It could just be an evening of me and you.”
And I can tell you all about Jace and the Dawsons and try to explain why I kept it a secret.
Tilly got the milk and chocolate syrup out of the refrigerator. “Nope. I want to sit with Maribel and watch the horses. I’ve named my kitten. Want me to tell you?”
Carlene took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. “Of course I do.”
“Her name is Jasmine,” Tilly said. “I wish you would have named me Merida instead of Matilda and then we could both be Disney princesses.” She took her milk to the kitchen table and sat down. “Can I call Aunt Bee and tell her that I picked out a name after we finish our snack?”
“You’ll always be my princess, no matter what your name is,” Carlene said. “And you can call your aunt Bee while I take a bath. Now let’s talk about what we’re going to do this weekend, other than get that tree out of our house.”
As she and Tilly walked across their lawn out to the dirt road toward the rodeo grounds, Carlene tried to keep the butterflies at bay. It was impossible not to let all Tilly’s infectious excitement affect her. But most of the jitters was from knowing that Jace and the whole Dawson clan would be at the event since the Prairie Rose Ranch was the sponsor. By the time they reached the gate, her hands were shaking so badly that she dropped her wallet.
“I wondered if you might be here tonight.” Paul McKay picked it up and handed it to her and lowered his voice to a whisper. “You do know the entire Dawson clan is sitting in the stands already?”
“Thanks.” Carlene’s hands continued to shake as she took the wallet from him.
“There’s Maribel, Mama.” Tilly tugged on her hand. “Over there on the bottom seat with a bunch of kids. Can I go sit with them, please, please, please? I won’t go anywhere else less I come and tell you, I promise.”
Carlene spotted an empty space two rows up from where the children had gathered. She could keep an eye on Tilly and still watch the bronc riding from that point. “Okay, but remember your promise. You have to stay right there,” Carlene said.
“Maribel told me we get to yell for the ones we like. Kind of like Aunt Bee when the Dallas Cowboys are playin’.”
Along with Maribel, several other little girls ran to greet Tilly and surround her as they all went back to their place on the bottom row.
Sitting down on the old wooden seats not far up from where Tilly was, she scanned the stands for Jace and his family. It wasn’t hard to spot Kasey with that curly red hair so very like Tilly’s. Evidently the tall, dark guy beside her was Nash Lamont, Henry Thomas’s great-nephew. Paul’s wife, Gracie, was holding a little blond-haired boy in her lap and an older child was seated on the other side of Nash. God could have been a lot nicer and given her a blond-haired child with brown or even blue eyes instead of a red-haired one with Jace’s unusual gray eyes. But like Belinda often said, “Man plans and God giggles.”
She recognized the gray-haired man sitting right behind Hope as Henry. She hadn’t known him so well in Happy. He’d disappeared not long after she’d moved there but they’d rekindled their friendship in Florida when he recognized her and immediately knew that Tilly was a Dawson. He drove his ice cream truck right past her apartment a couple times a week. She and Tilly both got so excited when they heard the music playing. He’d always reminded her of Avery Markham, a character in the last season of Justified. What was his name? She touched her lips with her finger and tried to remember. It was someone Aunt Rosalie liked.
“Sam Elliott,” she blurted out when it came to mind.
“I love his voice.” Regina climbed up the bleachers and handed her a Coke. “Here. I saw you come in while I was in line for food and thought you might want something to drink.”
“Thanks so much,” Carlene said.
“So how do you think they’re gonna take it?” Regina asked, nodding toward the Dawson family.
“Oh, I think they already know. I’m more worried about how Tilly is going to take the news,” Carlene shared.
“The way all the Dawsons are staring right at her, you might want to tell her tonight,” Regina said.
“Hello, ladies,” Jace drawled as he took the bleacher steps two at a time.
Carlene looked up and felt herself sinking into his eyes—a dangerous place to dive into right there in public with his whole family not fifty feet away. She shifted her gaze to his long legs and thighs that filled out those tight-fitting jeans so well. She’d always been a sucker for a cowboy but it had gotten worse when she passed the city limits sign of Happy, Texas, last week.
Before she could recover enough to say a word, Jace was sitting beside her. “I see that Tilly has made a lot of friends. Glad to see her and both of you here tonight.” He leaned around Carlene to ask Regina, “Is Randy ridin’?”
“Number six on the docket. How about you?”
“First one.” He nudged Carlene with his shoulder. “You goin’ to yell for me?”
“Sounds like you’ve got your own cheering squad down there with the kids. Is Brody riding?” Carlene was amazed that her voice was anywhere near calm. His cheek had brushed against her breast when he leaned back, and even through her jacket, it shot tingles down her spine.
“No, he’s in the press box doing the announcing for us,” Jace answered.
The weather satellite circling the earth probably picked up a big red spot of heat right where Carlene was sitting when his knee touched hers. Electricity sizzled all around her and the vibes made her feel like a minor earthquake had hit.
“Cold wind pickin’ up.” Regina shivered against the north wind that was creating miniature dust tornadoes out there in the arena.
“I found two more houses for you to consider buying,” Jace said.
“I’m not looking for a place. Randy and I just moved in together,” Regina said.
“I was talking to Carlene, but congratulations. You and Randy make a good couple,” Jace said.
“Carlene, when you get ready to move, call me and I’ll be glad to help,” Regina said. “I was surprised to hear that you even moved into Rosalie’s old house since the rodeo folks are tearin’ it down soon.”
“Hey, Jace!!” Maribel screamed so loud that every eye in the stands turned toward them. “Me and Tilly are down here and we’re gonna holler for you.”
He gave them a thumbs-up and turned to face Carlene. “Kind of nice to have a cheerin’ squad of my own. I gotta go get ready. See you ladies later.”
Carlene watched him swagger down the bleachers, jump the fence, and do a mock argument with the clowns on his way across the arena.
“He was flirtin’ with you,” Regina whispered.
“No, he wasn’t. He’s just eager for me to tell Tilly and get it over with. I’m not sure he even knows how he feels about all this,” Carlene said.
“Honey, I’m a pro at the flirting game, so don’t argue with me.” Regina nudged her on the shoulder. “And about houses. Randy and I looked at one out at the edge of town going toward Tulia. It’s a two bedroom but it’s only got a couple of acres with it and we needed at least forty. Right on the highway and there’s a For Rent sign hangin’ on the barbed wire fence.”
“Thanks, I’ll take a look at it this weekend.” Carlene smiled.
A booming voice from the press box filled the arena. “Evenin’, folks. We’re glad y’all came out tonight for the fund-raiser. Want to thank Donnie Turner for bringing his livestock up to this event and not charging us. And to our ladies from the rodeo association for taking care of the concession tonight. Now, is everyone ready for some fun?”
Whoops, hollers, and whistles answered him.
“Okay, then, in a few minutes my brother, Jace
Dawson, will start off the bronc riding tonight. We’ve got a good lineup of cowboys for the evening, but before Jace comes out of the chute tryin’ to hang on to that bareback bronc for a full eight seconds, let’s hear it for our clowns.”
A clown rode a stick horse out of a chute and put on quite a show before he fell off to the side and the other three clowns rescued him. Everyone’s attention was on the spectacle in the arena. But Carlene’s eyes were on Jace as he crawled down off the side of the chute onto the bronc’s back. In a few seconds he’d come out of there in a blur with that horse’s hind legs pointed toward the moon and its nose practically in the dirt as it tried to throw him off its back. She’d seen it all before and what had been exciting when they were in high school was far scarier than a mouse that evening. What if Jace was killed and she had to tell Tilly that she’d never know her father?
Want to go back and undo the decision to move to Happy? Rosalie’s voice was in her head again.
No. But I do wish I’d told Tilly earlier about her father and that I’d really moved on like I thought I had.
“Listen to those kids. I believe they’re louder than the whole Dawson clan.” Regina broke into Carlene’s thoughts. “Jace had better stay on that bronc’s back the full time or they’ll be so disappointed.”
“And now coming out of chute number one is Jace Dawson riding Blaze of Glory. There goes his hat, folks. Will he make it the whole eight seconds?”
Carlene couldn’t breathe or blink. With one hand tightly under the rope and the other toward the sky, Jace was tossed back and forth like a rag doll as the horse’s back bowed up in the middle one second and the next his hind legs tried to kick the stars.
You could have told her even if you didn’t want him to know, Aunt Rosalie scolded.
She let out eight seconds’ worth of pent-up air when the horn sounded that the ride was complete. The whole stretch of Dawson family, including Henry, was on their feet, clapping, stomping, and whistling. Then Tilly and Maribel led a chant over everyone else as they screamed, “Jace Dawson! Jace Dawson!” The pickup men rode out and helped him get free of the horse and immediately the second stall opened with another rider trying to beat the clock.
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