by Thia Finn
Chandler: You do have a concussion that has caused some damage. In this case, the damage has affected your hearing. We don’t believe it’s going to be permanent, but honestly, only time will tell about the extent of it. We are calling in an ENT that has experience with this kind of hearing loss and has worked with the neurologist on cases like yours. He or she will be able to tell you more about what the prognosis for your hearing will be.
He stepped forward, removed the bandages the nurse had just applied, and examined my bare head and Chandler started typing again.
Chandler: You are going to get some staples in your head to close up the wound. Then they will move you to a room. The team will be back in to see you tomorrow and should have all of the test results by then.
The doctor had the nurse bring in a big ass staple gun and a needle full of pain killer. The guys stepped out while the doctor and nurse made me look like Frankenstein with silver staples across the back of my head. When he finished, the nurse opened the door, and the guys and Chandler came back in to see my new piercings. Not exactly the type I had in mind, though.
After shaking my hand, he left the band as they stared at each other and then at me. I might be the one who couldn’t hear, but from looking at each one of them, they weren’t doing any talking.
This did not look good.
I was throwing clothes in another suitcase when my mom walked into my room. “Lola, what are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m packing a bag. Gunner’s been badly hurt. I’m going back to Austin.” I ran around stuffing necessities in the bags. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. I don’t know how badly he’s hurt.”
“But what about your interview? Getting this interview was an honor and you’re going off to see some man?” She was already getting on my last nerve, and I hadn’t been here a full day.
“Mother. It’s not just some man. It’s Gunner and he’s hurt. I’m going to Austin. After I get there and see what’s going on, I’ll either call to reschedule, or get home in time for the interview.”
“They aren’t going to hold this job for you, Lola. You realize that, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do, but Gunner is important to me, too. I’m going.” I stood the suitcase upright and pulled out the handle to roll it to my car. She followed behind making remarks about not knowing him enough to jeopardize my career. Blah, blah, blah. That’s all I heard. I stopped and faced her.
“Look, Mother. I don’t know exactly where this is going with Gunner. I know I feel more for him than I have ever felt for another man. We want the same things in life. He makes me feel like I’m his whole world, and he’s willing to do anything to make me happy. He’s kind and loving. He always puts me first in every decision he makes. Right now, he needs me, and I have to go to him.
I opened the door and had to push her back to get it closed. “Bye, Mom. I’ll call you when I know something.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing, Lola. You could be making a big mistake.”
“You’re right. I could be, but how will I ever know if I don’t go and find out.” I shut the door and drove away.
The drive took forever, and I only heard from Chandler once to say they were moving him to a private room. I parked and ran in the hospital taking the elevator to his floor. I turned in the direction of his room and ran into a brick wall in the form of a massive man who looked like a secret service agent had swallowed a tackle from the Houston Texans football team. I shot Chandler a text letting her know I was here waiting since King Kong in a suit wouldn’t let me pass. Apparently, they hired private security when fans found out it was a member of Assured Distraction. Great, he didn’t need to deal with that, too.
Chandler came running down the hallway visibly upset. “Thank God you’re here. It is horrible. He’s freaking out about his hearing, and we are all worried sick about him.” I wrapped her in a tight hug.
“Let’s wait until we see the tests and talk to the doctors.” I wanted to assure her but knew this was serious.
“We’re just glad you’re here now to help us calm him down and translate all of this medical mumbo-jumbo the doctors seem to think we know about.” We get to his door, and the room was full of big, hot men all donning stressed looks. I bet the nurses and CNAs were happy this was their patient.
The guys turned and saw it was me, and a path parted to the bed. Gunner raised his head, greeting me with a huge smile. That made me feel better already because I knew he recognized me and had the ability to smile. I wanted to hear what they had learned so far. He wanted me on the bed instead.
“Thank God you’re here. It’s so confusing. I don’t know what the doctor is saying. My head is hurting like a bitch, and I’m deaf, Lola. Deaf.” I leaned over to hug him, and he pulled me to him on the bed, wrapped me in a hug and held on tight. I felt a slight shiver run through him, and I knew he was afraid of what he’d just admitted.
I wanted to whisper words of comfort to him, but I knew he couldn’t hear me. I held him close hoping to convey the strength and energy he needed. We stayed that way long enough to get the attention of the rest of the band. Carter finally cleared his throat to remind us we weren’t the only ones in the room.
I sat up on the edge of the bed and took Gunner’s free hand in mine, seeing his phone. “Is this how y’all are communicating with him?” They all nodded, and I got my phone out so I could communicate with him, too.
Lola: It makes me happy to see you looking good. I couldn’t imagine what I was going to find.
He responded immediately. “What? You thought I wouldn’t look like my awesome self? I’m even starting a new fashion trend for the band, a zombie look.” Everyone in the room laughed. He obviously hadn’t lost his sense of humor.
Lola: What has the doctor told you?
“Not too much. Chandler can tell you more than me.”
Chandler reiterated what they had learned so far. I wanted to talk to the doctor myself because I wasn’t sure she understood all of the information.
I looked at Gunner closely. I needed him to know I was here for him no matter what. At that moment, I finally got that texting didn’t always show the emotion or feelings that a real conversation could have. He needed to understand my feelings at this point and I wasn’t sure a text would ever come close to it.
Lola: Is it okay if I stay with you here tonight?
“I wouldn’t want you anywhere else, but you know you can’t take advantage of me when I’m not one hundred percent.” The smile he gave me wasn’t as bright as usual. He was hiding his fear from me and certainly from the others.
The nurse came in, and we heard the announcement ending visiting hours. The guys looked at each other as though they didn’t know exactly what to do. I knew they were hesitant to leave him. The nurse said they had to go, so they said their goodbyes and made their way out to the hallway with me following. The emotional looks on each of their faces told me what was going through their minds, and I wanted to offer them reassurance that everything would be fine. I needed to talk to the doctor first, though.
“Okay, guys. Heads up. This is not like the band I know. No negativity. I’m sure we’ll hear a lot more tomorrow when the other doctors have a chance to read all of the test results. He needs you all to be positive with whatever news we get.”
Chandler stepped forward. “We are just so glad you decided to come back. We don’t know what we are going to do without him.” The group looked devastated at this point.
“I know this is scary, but you’re all getting way ahead of yourselves. Let’s wait until tomorrow. It’ll all look better in the morning, and maybe we’ll get some good news from the results.”
Carter spoke up. “You’re right. We are here for Gunner no matter what the doctor tells us. He’s family, and we will do whatever needs to be done to make this right for him.”
“That’s great,” I told them. “Right now you need to go home, sleep and be ready to handle whatever tomor
row brings. He needs smiles and positive attitudes, and most of all, he needs you to be your normal selves. Acting weird is only going to make it harder for him.
“So tomorrow I expect you all to return with your best game faces on,” I said as I hugged each one. I didn’t know Gunner’s family that well yet, but I already understood that before this was over, I would know them all like my own.
I took a deep breath before I headed back into Gunner’s room. I didn’t know all there was to know about his condition, but it didn’t look too good to me. His hearing loss would be the most horrible problem a band member could have. I was going to pray tonight that these problems were all able to be healed.
When Lola walked in the room, it made me feel better immediately. She wasn’t gone a whole day, and I missed her already. I wanted to beg her not to go to Houston, but how could I ask that of her? If we were to get into a relationship, when the band left on tour, she would be alone here in Austin. Maybe living in Houston was a better plan for her.
She whirled around and studied me for a moment, then picked up her phone and typed.
Lola: What are you thinking about so hard?
“How beautiful you are and how lucky I was to have you here in Austin with me for your vacation,” I answered.
She started typing again but didn’t take her eyes off of me.
Lola: Bet you say that to all the girls. After this, you’ll be saying that to all the nurses.
“I don’t want all of those nurses. I want you for my nurse. Will you stay? You can go to work for me.” I gave her a little smirk with that statement, knowing full-well she was not going to work here.
Her head dipped to her screen as she typed this time.
Lola: I didn’t come here to be your nurse, Gunner. I came here because I needed to see you were okay. I need to know you are going to be all right once you’re healed and… I missed you.
I crooked my finger for her to come closer and then took her hand and pulled her to me. I didn’t stop until she was lying beside me. “Now, I’m okay as you can see for yourself, and I missed you.” I pointed to the tent in the sheet.
“Gunner!” Lola didn’t have to type that because I read my name on her lips. It was a perfect moment to kiss her. That was a language I could understand with my eyes and ears both closed.
When we parted, she picked her phone up again and started typing.
Lola: I don’t think we should be doing too much of that with your head bandaged. Doesn’t it hurt?
“Not when we’re kissing, that makes it feel better. That means you need to be beside me all of the time so I can kiss you when it starts hurting again. Besides, his head’s not hurt. ” She laughed, and I could feel her body shaking from the joy of the moment. “No, really. Please just lie here beside me and let me rest. I’m so tired, but I want to know you’re here, and I can touch you whenever I wake up. It calms my mind so I can sleep.”
She nodded at me as she kicked off her shoes, and then laid her arm across my stomach. I needed her closer, so I pulled the covers until she could get under them. “Now, sleep my little chéri.” She snuggled as close as possible, and we both slept.
The neurologist and another doctor came in early, but they weren’t the first ones to disturb us. Nurses came in and out all night long. I waited for the first one to make Lola move, but none of them did. She sat up when the doctors came through the door and moved off the bed realizing who they were.
They spoke and shook hands before she picked up her phone to communicate with me.
Lola: Gunner, they have some questions to ask.
“Okay, fire away.”
Lola: How are you feeling today?
“My head still hurts, but not as badly.”
Lola: Good. That’s good. This is Dr. Clark, an ENT that we consult when hearing loss occurs from a head injury. She needs to examine you.
“That’s fine.” The doctor shook my hand and looked in both of my ears. Another person walked in with a packet of X-rays. She handed it off for the doctors.
Lola: Dr. Clark said there are no significant skull fractures, but you do have a concussion or a TBI, traumatic brain injury from the fall.
“That’s good then, that it was not fractured, right?” I asked.
Lola: Yes, that’s very good. With a TBI though we can’t plan for when the injury will heal, though. The brain has a way of healing itself in this situation. We have nothing to add from the other results.
“Well, what about my hearing? Am I permanently deaf?”
Lola: That’s a tough question to give you a straight answer to. My first reaction is to say no, you won’t be permanently deaf, but honestly, we can’t answer that yet. Your brain will be the judge and jury on this. It can decide you’re healed, and one day soon your hearing will return. Or, it can decide it can’t heal you, and then you’ll have your answer.
“How long are we talking here, doc?”
Lola: There is no exact science to tell us the truth. It’s more of a wait and see kind of thing. The brain is a miraculous organ. It has the power to reroute and repair problems.
“Shit. I was afraid you were going to tell me that.” I looked away, trying not to be too emotional while they were all staring at me. Deaf, how would I handle this? I had to be able to play my drums. I didn’t want to live in this lonely place inside my head for the rest of my life. How do people who are born deaf, or go deaf, deal with it? The idea of never hearing music again is something I’m not sure I can do. I can feel the dark cloud hovering over me getting darker by the minute.
Lola: Now, Mr. Wallace, we want you to stay positive about your prognosis. Your hearing could return tomorrow. There is no reason why you should be deaf except the trauma caused by the fall. Once your brain can process that trauma, your hearing could be completely restored.
“Could be? Completely? What does that mean exactly?” I felt the panic rising again. The cuff on the blood pressure chose that moment to tighten for a reading.
Lola: Your hearing could be one hundred percent restored, but I’m not going to leave out that it’s possible your hearing could come back partially or different. Sounds you were used to might be different now.
“I can deal with different. I need my ears. How will I play my drums with the band?”
Lola: For now, the band is going to have to wait and see just like the rest of us.
With that comment, the ENT turned and spoke to the doctor and then left.
Lola: Okay, Mr. Wallace. We are going to keep you here for one more night, and then if all is well, we’ll let you go home and work with you as an outpatient.
He turned to Lola and spoke, but naturally, I couldn’t hear it.
“Miss, let’s talk in the hallway.” I followed the doctor out.
“Yes?”
“Mr. Wallace can be released to go home, but he will need someone with him. We can get home health care to come in daily to see to him, administer meds, change his bandage, etc. It would be better if he weren't alone, though. He’s going to have an adjustment period until his hearing returns. I can tell it’s going to be rough on him from the things he’s said.”
“Dr. I’m an RN. I’ll be with him until he doesn’t need me anymore.” If he wanted me. I suppose I needed to clear that with him first.
“That’s even better. He’s a lucky man. I feel like working with him isn’t going to be an easy job, though. If the hearing doesn’t return soon, he’ll be suffering symptoms similar to PTSD. He’ll go through phases of depression, anger, and anxiety. Are you up for dealing with this? It’s sometimes harder working with the ones we love.”
“Of course, I am.” I was not in love, though. Neither of us was, but I didn’t say that out loud.
“Okay. We will monitor him for twenty-four hours, and I will write up the orders for his release tomorrow. The follow-up visits will be in my office. If there are any changes either of you notice, please call my office or Dr. Clark’s office. I’m sure she’ll want to see him as well.
” He picked up the chart and left me standing there.
I had to go back in and explain this and make sure Gunner wanted me to stay. If not, I would return to Houston after I made sure he was comfortable. I put my best smiling nurse face on and opened the door.
Lola: Isn’t it great? The doctor says you can go home.
“No, it’s not great, but it’s better than being stuck in here.” Wow. What a fun patient he would be.
Lola: Right. You’ll be more comfortable at home.
“I’ll be more comfortable when I can hear again.”
Lola: He said it would be better to have someone staying with you until you’re one hundred percent. I volunteered for the job if you want me. Otherwise, we’ll have to set up home health to come in or hire a private nurse.
Gunner looked at me and then his face broke into a genuine Gunner smile. “This means you’re going to move in with me?”
Lola: Yes, I guess it does, but only until you’re better and can take care of yourself.
“Okay. I’m good with that.” He reached out. “I think I’m sick, Nurse Goodbody. Can you step a little closer, please?” I laughed at the name he chose and moved closer until he pulled me to him.
Lola: Hey, did you fall on purpose so I would have to come back?
“Hell no. I wouldn’t do that, but if it gets you with me, I might be good with it. It’s definitely a plus.”
Lola: You say that now. I’m a regular Nurse Ratched when it comes to my patients.
He laughed at my message on the phone. “Oh yeah, we’ll be talking about your patient ‘coming’ all right, but I think it’s best if we save that for home. I’m not sharing with Dr. Dickhead.”
I laughed too, but I was still rolling around in my mind what the doctor had said. His recovery would involve more than fun and sex.