by Parnell Hall
“See, maybe I came to see you. You have a boyfriend at the moment?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Actually, it is. If you remarry, it’s the end of my alimony payments.”
“If I remarry, hell will have frozen over.”
“You say that now, but let an eligible bachelor come around.”
“Eligible bachelor?”
“You prefer the term ‘wealthy widower’? So, assume I came to see you. You’re looking awfully good. I’m staying at that motel out past the mall. You wanna drop by for a matinee?”
“In your dreams, Melvin.”
Melvin whipped out his iPhone. “I’ll call you. What’s your cell phone number?”
“I don’t have a cell phone.”
“You’re kidding. How do you take selfies?”
“Why in the world would I do that?”
“Come on, Cora. Get with the times. How you gonna sell cereal to kids if you can’t relate? Here.” Melvin threw his arm around her shoulders. He leaned his head next to hers and held out his phone. “Smile!”
The look Cora gave him could have stopped a charging rhino.
Melvin smiled, snapped the selfie. He checked the picture. “Perfect.”
Chapter
4
Chief Dale Harper regarded the girl dubiously. As a small-town police chief, he was used to dealing with all sorts of situations, but this was somewhat out of his line.
“Someone stole your puzzle?”
“Yes.”
“Why would they do that?”
“I have no idea.”
“Well, that’s what I need to know. Who had the motive, the means, and the opportunity. That’s how we go about solving crimes.”
Peggy made a face. “Please. I am not a child. I don’t need a lecture on criminology.”
Chief Harper had to disagree. The girl was younger than his daughter Clara. Never mind that Clara was long out of college, anyone younger than his daughter was a child, and always would be. “Can you think of any reason why anyone would take your crossword puzzle?”
“No.”
“What was it about?”
“What?”
“The crossword puzzle. What did it have to do with?”
“I don’t know.”
“You didn’t solve it?”
“I don’t know anything about crossword puzzles.”
“Where did you get it?”
“It was slipped under my door.”
“The door of your house?”
“The door of my room. If it was under the door of my house, I wouldn’t know it was for me.”
“It wasn’t in an envelope?”
“No. It was folded like it was in an envelope and slipped under my door.”
“Where is your house?”
“Out on Colson Road. The old farmhouse. We moved in last year.”
“Who else lives there?”
“Just me and my brother.”
Chief Harper remembered vaguely. If it was who he was thinking of, the parents had been killed in a car accident, and the brother had come home from the war to take charge. “Your brother’s a soldier?”
“Was. They sent him home. Stupid, if you ask me. I can take care of myself.”
Harper wasn’t so sure about that. The girl seemed younger every time she opened her mouth. “Did you ask him about the crossword puzzle?”
“Why would I do that?”
“Maybe he slipped it under your door.”
“Why would he do that? He doesn’t do crosswords, and he knows I don’t.”
“Okay,” Chief Harper said. “Let me get this straight. Someone stole your crossword puzzle. You don’t know who took it, you don’t know where it came from, and you don’t know what it says.”
“You sound like I’m making it up.”
“Not at all. But did you know there’s a person in town who specializes in crossword puzzles?”
“Yeah. Cora Felton. I asked her to solve it, but she wouldn’t do it. Gave me this other guy she said was a real hotshot. Only when it turned up missing, he didn’t want anything to do with it.”
“What did he say?”
“He told me to come to you.” Peggy looked at him with accusing eyes. “He said you’d help me.”
Chief Harper sighed. He wasn’t sure whom he blamed more, Harvey or Cora.
Yes, he was.
As soon as the girl was gone, he reached for the phone.
Chapter
5
“Can I sleep with Melvin?”
Becky Baldwin dropped her pen. The young, blond attorney who would have looked right at home in a Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition was actually a veteran courtroom strategist, practiced in maintaining a poker face.
Not today. She gawked up at Cora. “What?”
“My ex-husband’s in town. With no bimbo in tow. It’s a rare opportunity. I could take advantage of it.”
“You want my permission?”
“I’d like your legal opinion.”
“My legal opinion is you’re out of your mind.”
“That’s a little hasty, don’t you think? You didn’t even look up a precedent.”
“I don’t have to look up precedents when it’s Melvin. I know Melvin. He’s bad news. Anything involving Melvin is a bad idea.”
“That’s unkind.”
“Unkind? It’s high praise compared to some of the things you’ve said about Melvin.”
“Yeah, sure, but I’ve been married to him. That’s your whole problem. You’ve never been married. You can’t really appreciate these situations until you’ve been ground into the dirt.”
“That’s your assessment of marriage?”
“That’s my assessment of Melvin. The man’s a walking disaster.”
“And you’d like to sleep with him.”
“‘Like’ is a strong word.”
Becky put up her hand. “No, you’re not going to spoil my day.”
“You’re having a good day?”
“That I am.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m doing my taxes.”
“That’s a good day?”
“It is this year. Usually I’m looking at negative net gain, trying to see if my expenses justify my paying nothing. This year I actually made money.”
“Then I clearly haven’t been charging you enough for my services,” Cora said. Cora occasionally did freelance detective work for Becky. On more than one of those occasions, Cora herself had been the defendant. “Good. Then I don’t feel so bad coming to you for free advice.”
“Are you serious?”
“Of course, I’m serious. You think I want your permission to sleep with Melvin? I want to know if sleeping with someone could be construed as reconciliation and grounds for termination of alimony payments.”
“Only if he’s an unscrupulous bastard.”
“That goes without saying.” Cora took a breath. “Okay, if Melvin were to raise the issue, would you be able to fight it?”
“You want to know whether, if you sleep with Melvin, giving him grounds to terminate your alimony, I would be able to beat it in court?”
“Would you?”
“I don’t believe you’re even asking the question.”
“That doesn’t get you out of answering it.”
“Get me out of? You’re asking me for free advice and acting like I have an obligation.”
“I’d pay you if we went to court.”
“That’s nice of you. Why is Melvin here?”
“He’s working a real estate scam, selling houses he doesn’t own.”
“Somehow that sounds illegal.”
“It probably is. He makes it sound legit.”
“I’m sure he does. Well, I see some more work on the horizon, defending you from an aiding and abetting charge.”
“I am not aiding and abetting Melvin.”
“Of course not. When the police break down the door and catch you
in bed with him, I’m sure they’ll assume you’re working independently.”
The phone rang.
Becky scooped it up. “Becky Baldwin … Uh huh … She’s right here … Okay, I’ll tell her.”
Becky hung up the phone, cocked her head at Cora. “Are you sure Melvin hasn’t conned you into anything illegal yet?”
“I’m sure. Why?”
“The police want to see you.”
Chapter
6
“I have a crime and it’s right up your alley.”
Cora regarded the chief suspiciously. “What alley is that?”
“Don’t be like that, Cora. You know I always come to you when the police are stumped.”
“You’re stumped?”
“Absolutely.”
“And you don’t know where to turn?”
“Not at all.”
“Is there a puzzle involved?”
“Yes and no.”
“You lost me, Chief. You had me at crime and you lost me at yes and no. Particularly pertaining to a puzzle.”
Harper rubbed his chin. “I’m telling this all wrong. It’s a robbery.”
“What was stolen?”
“Well, that’s the thing.”
“You tell me it’s a puzzle and I’ll scream.”
“It’s a puzzle.”
“Did you just say that to see if I would?”
“No. Apparently, you sent Harvey Beerbaum out to some girl’s house to solve her crossword puzzle, and the puzzle’s gone.”
“You mean she couldn’t find it?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t it more likely mislaid than stolen?”
“That’s what I’d like you to tell me.”
“I just did.”
“I don’t need a premise, I need an answer.”
“Did you know Melvin’s in town?”
“You think he took the puzzle?”
“No. I was trying to change the subject.”
“Boy, I wish I could do that. A crime happens, I can’t deal with it. So what do I do? I simply change the subject.”
“Melvin is a subject changer.”
“I understand. Your ex-husband reduces you to a mindless adolescent. What you need is mental stimulation. Particularly when it’s a problem of your own making.”
“My making?”
“You sent Harvey Beerbaum to solve the puzzle. The puzzle is not there. Harvey is not capable of dealing with its disappearance and bails out. Left in the lurch, the girl turns to me. She’s reported a robbery, and I have to deal with it.”
“Yes, you do.”
“And I am. By reporting it to the proper authorities.”
“I’m the proper authority?”
“Best I can think of. A puzzle that mysteriously disappeared. What could be better?”
“A puzzle that has nothing to do with me.”
“This has something to do with you. As I have outlined.”
“I’d like to help you out, Chief. But I happen to have my hands full. Did I mention that Melvin’s in town?”
“I do not want to hear the name Melvin again.”
Dan Finley came in the door. “Hi, Cora. You know Melvin’s in town?”
“Really?” Cora shot a look at the chief. “That’s a shock. Tell me all about it.”
“She knows her ex-husband’s in town,” Harper said. “She’s been driving me crazy about it, trying to get out of solving my robbery.”
“You got a robbery, Chief?”
“See?” Cora said. “There’s the man you should be putting on this. He’s much closer to the victim’s age. They might wind up getting married.”
“Not unless he wants to go to jail,” Harper said. “But that’s an excellent idea. Dan, the victim’s name is Peggy Dawson. She lives out on Colson Road. Run out there, case the scene, see what you can find. I want a thorough investigation. Leave no stone unturned.”
“Absolutely, Chief. What’s the case?”
“It’s a sensitive case requiring tact and diplomacy.”
“You see why the chief doesn’t want to take it,” Cora said.
“The victim is a teenage girl. She could be making the whole thing up, but I don’t think so. She doesn’t seem delusional, and she’s not that kind of mean.”
“Gotcha,” Dan said. “So you want me to take her story at face value while viewing it with the appropriate amount of skepticism.”
“That’s not even remotely what I said, but never mind. I want you to investigate this, largely so she can see we are. I don’t expect you to have much success.”
“Why not?”
Harper put up his hand. “No offense meant. It’s just that short of finding the missing property, I don’t expect you to be able to do much.”
“Why?”
“I’m not impugning your ability, I—”
“Oh, for God’s sakes, Chief,” Cora said impatiently, “stop drawing it out. The girl thinks someone stole her crossword puzzle.”
Dan looked at the chief. “Her crossword puzzle?”
“That’s right.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Welcome to the club,” Cora said.
“It does seem unlikely,” Harper said. “But she’s rather certain. So try not to act like you’ve been assigned something stupid.”
“Yeah, sure, Chief, But—”
“But what?”
“Well, you know I’m a big fan of the Puzzle Lady, always have been. But as a celebrity. I don’t actually know anything about crosswords.”
“Do you know what they look like?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Then you can look for one.”
“Okay.”
Cora beamed, delighted at how adroitly she had gotten out of that one, shifting the burden to Dan Finley.
“Of course I could sure use help with the puzzle.”
“Take Cora.”
Chapter
7
“This is fun,” Dan Finley said as he drove out to Peggy Dawson’s house.
“I’m glad you think so,” Cora grumbled. “As far as I’m concerned, it’s just another crossword puzzle.”
“It’s a stolen crossword puzzle,” Dan said. “That’s interesting. Has that ever happened before?”
“Not often enough. I wish someone would steal all the crossword puzzles Chief Harper tried to involve me in.”
“Think of it as a robbery. Pretend it’s not a puzzle. Pretend it’s a valuable diamond necklace and the chief won’t let you go.”
“Why wouldn’t he let me go? He’s taken me along on a liquor store robbery and an antiques shop break-in. Why not a diamond necklace?”
“Well, it’s worth a lot of money.”
“Oh, you mean I’m good enough for petty theft but not capital crimes?”
“He’s brought you in on murders.”
“Yes, when it involved a puzzle.”
Dan glanced over at her. “What are you all cranky for? Is it because Melvin’s in town.”
“Why would that make me cranky?”
“Melvin always makes you cranky. You can’t say his name without getting a homicidal look in your eye.”
“Nonsense. I’ve gotten over Melvin.”
Dan Finley was suddenly very busy watching the road. He was relieved when they bounced to a stop in front of the farmhouse.
Peggy Dawson was waiting outside. “Well, that’s more like it. I thought the police weren’t going to take me seriously. And you,” she said to Cora, “pawning me off on Harvey what’s-his-name. He wouldn’t even come in the house.”
Cora suppressed a smile. “Was anyone at home?”
“My brother. Well, he had to leave, but he was here when we got here.”
“And you went in and found the puzzle missing?”
“Yes. And Harvey big-shot puzzle maker wouldn’t even look. He just told me to go to the police. So I went to the police, and they didn’t do anything.”
�
�I’m right here.” Dan Finley smiled at her. “Let’s see if we can figure out how this puzzle was taken.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“We’ll start by inspecting the scene of the crime. Where was the puzzle?”
“In my room. Upstairs.”
“You see why Harvey wasn’t thrilled?” Cora said.
“Let’s take a look,” Dan said.
Peggy led Dan through the foyer and up the front stairs. Cora tagged along behind.
“Oh, now you’re interested?” Peggy said.
“Dan’s an old friend.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means a lot,” Cora said. “Show us the puzzle.”
“I can’t show you the puzzle. Someone took it.”
“Can you show us where it was?”
Peggy rolled her eyes. “Of course I can.”
Dan shot Cora a warning look. He wasn’t really afraid of an all-out catfight between a teenage girl and the world-famous Puzzle Lady, but he wasn’t ruling it out. “You say the puzzle was slipped under your door?”
“Yes.”
“Were you home at the time?”
“No. I came back and found it.”
“Was your door open or closed?”
“If it was open, it couldn’t be slipped under it.”
Cora shot Dan a look, delighted he wasn’t having an easy time of it, either.
The second floor was your typical New England farmhouse, a narrow hallway with bedrooms and a central bathroom. With a teenage girl it was probably hell in the mornings.
“Which room is yours?” Dan said.
“Right here.”
“Your door’s open now,” Cora said.
“Yeah. Because I’m home. When I’m out I close my door.”
“And lock it?”
“Why would I lock it?”
Cora stifled the urge to say, Why do you close it if you don’t lock it? Dan Finley’s elbow in her ribs might have had something to do with that.
Peggy swept into the room, which revealed a girl on the cusp of womanhood. Dolls and stuffed animals mingled with posters of pop stars. Cora couldn’t name a single one. She wasn’t sure if that should make her feel superior or just old.
The furniture was wooden, had most likely come with the house. The single bed on a metal frame resembled an army cot. It was offset with comforters. A thin layer of scattered garments complimented the throw rug on the wooden floor.