I buried my coat cuffs under my fingers. “What’d you say?”
“That I was already engaged.” He shrugged like there were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. “Told her I drew a hard, fast line she couldn’t cross if she wanted to stay my manager.”
I fell a step behind. “How’d she take it?”
“As well as she takes anything.” He rubbed the back of his hair in snappy flicks. “She kept trying to inch past that line. The day she answered my phone when you called, that was it. I had enough. It took a few days before I could even handle talking to her.”
He kicked a loose rock into the lake. “I told her I’d honor the work she’s contributed to the album, but after it’s released, we’re done.”
A mixture of pride and respect for him collided with my own feelings of deficiency and failure for not drawing clearer lines with A. J. I stopped again, this time lagging several paces behind. “I just want you to know that nothing ever happened between A. J. and me. We got too close emotionally, but it was never more than that.”
Riley enclosed me in his arms. If he held any resentment, he didn’t show it. He laced his fingers through mine. “Can I take you somewhere?”
He barely waited for me to nod before whisking me off the trail. He pointed to street vendors and corner shops while narrating parts of his daily routine—favorite sandwich joints, cafés with the best teas he’d tried out just for me, notorious spots to hear live music.
The fiercer the wind blew, the tighter I nestled against Riley’s woolen coat. But getting to share in these little moments with him kept me warmer than anything else.
He slowed in front of a two-story brick building. The unwavering smile that’d led us here expanded as he unlocked the frosted glass door. “Ready?”
I crossed the threshold into a space that looked much like the entryway of any office building, minus the records framed on the walls.
He grabbed my hand and tugged me toward a staircase. “This way.”
On the second floor, he strolled over to a metal desk beside a window facing the street and withdrew a set of keys from the middle drawer. “You’re gonna love—”
Riley jerked a glance toward the sound of someone’s footsteps funneling up the narrow stairway.
Jess rounded the corner, looking like she’d just stepped off the set of some provocative legal drama. Her moment’s surprise at seeing us melded into a smirk as she traipsed toward us.
I lifted my chin but gripped the desk at the same time.
She was everything I wasn’t. A walking personification of all my insecurities. Sleek and shiny, her calves glistened in the light. She’d traded her capris and baby tee for a black pencil skirt that accentuated her nonexistent waistline and a satiny dress shirt that appeared to be missing the two most important buttons.
Though her gaze never retracted from Riley, the rest of her movement flowed with the graceful poise of a runway model. A foot away, she hurled a blatant once-over down my body from head to toe.
Riley draped an arm around me. “I don’t believe you’ve officially met Emma. My fiancée,” he added with a note of satisfaction.
The introduction probably called for a customary handshake, but neither of us breached the impasse.
Her scrutiny burned through me with calculated force before she dismissed my presence altogether. Again. A flick of her lashes returned her focus to Riley. “I was just coming in to grab some paperwork.” She brushed against Riley’s body as she leaned over to pick up a stack of papers on the desk. “See you Monday.”
Her perfectly straight blonde hair fanned over her shoulders as she turned. “Oh,” she said a few feet away. “Have you told her yet?”
I looked at Riley. “Told me what?”
Jess flaunted a devilish grin, obviously relishing my response. “Guess not.”
A tendon on Riley’s neck twitched. “Nick wants me to start touring in February.”
“So soon?”
“He’s working on landing me an opening slot for another artist. He’s pushing to get some singles out there.”
“For how long?”
His chin followed his stare to the floor. “A year.”
A year? I tried to restrain the disappointment clawing up my chest before it reached my face. It’d be okay. These last four months apart had been painful, but I had to believe we’d come out stronger. We’d figure this out too. Somehow.
Riley turned toward me, barricading Jess out of view. “Don’t worry. I already told Nick it’s going to have to wait until after you graduate and we get married.”
“What? Riley, no—”
Jess clicked her tongue. “Aw, you’re leaving out the best part.”
It took everything in me not to choke her little singsong voice.
Riley clenched his jaw. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“Come to think of it, I have a road trip to plan.” Her smug tone flittered across the room and joined another overhauling glare right before she vanished down the stairs.
He shook his head. “Sorry about that. Just ignore her. I do.”
I rubbed out the mark left on my hand from the desk’s metal edge. Ignore her? Right. “What’s she talking about, the best part? What’s going on?”
He loosened his grip around the keys and headed toward a side room. “She likes to exaggerate. It’s just some fine print stuff I’m working out with Nick. It’s nothing.” He flipped on the lights to the studio. “C’mon, I want to show you where I’ve been recording all semester.”
One step through a door shouldn’t have been able to neutralize the nervous energy still surging on the other side of it, but something about the studio swept me into Riley’s dreams and overrode everything else. From the soundboards lining the walls to the single stool behind a microphone in the middle of the curved room, this was where he thrived.
I turned, not knowing what to say. Closer than I expected, he met my eyes right before my lips. My back pressed into the doorframe.
His grin toppled sideways when he finally released me. “Just in case you were starting to doubt my feelings for you.”
As if his smile would ever let me. Jess might’ve gotten away with causing me to question Riley’s commitment once. Not again.
He motioned inside. “C’mon.”
At the stool, he strapped on his guitar and began a song as if it were a live recording. He pulled me next to him. “Your turn.”
My blank stare drifted from him to the microphone. “You kidding me?”
“Hang on.” He jogged out and reappeared behind the window separating the studio and the control room. After fiddling with the equipment for a minute, he pointed at a headset resting on top of the music stand.
He was serious. I lugged on the headphones, and background music filled my ears.
Riley materialized beside me again. He lifted one side of the headset and handed me sheet music so I could follow along as he sang.
I picked up the chorus, singing in a whisper until Riley caught me. He angled the microphone closer to my mouth.
“Riley . . .”
He cocked his head. “I’m not making you nervous, am I?”
I pinched my lips together and shook my head. “Only until I close my eyes.”
Like the first time I’d played my guitar for him, I hid behind my eyelids and let the music take over. By the second time through, I held nothing back.
I opened my eyes, expecting to see Riley’s satisfied face beaming, but he’d disappeared behind the window again, busy mastering the mixing console.
He hunched over a small microphone. “Keep singing like that, and you might end up on my album.”
The sheet music dropped from my hand to the floor. I yanked off the headphones. “You wouldn’t.” I scampered out of the room. “Riley!”
We collided around the corner, caught up in a moment as if no time had passed since last summer. But as our laughter tapered, a sense of gravity settled in its place. The room might as well have sh
runk two sizes.
A pink streak from the sunset gradually dissolved outside the window. Unbidden, the thought of leaving constricted my chest. How was I supposed to say goodbye to him again? He enveloped me in his arms and in a look that mirrored the words neither of us said.
He locked up the studio and returned the keys to the drawer. I meandered around the small space, admiring the framed pictures on the wall while he took care of some things in the office.
“Ready?” he said from the top of the stairs.
Hardly.
He kept me close to his side on the walk back, both of us holding on to what we weren’t ready to let go of again.
The city’s nightlife had already kicked into gear. Music jammed in the distance. Spicy scents swirled around us each time we passed a restaurant. People and cars buzzed by in all directions. But right then, it was only us.
At least we had a little longer.
After failing to win him over with my frozen-meal-in-a-bag dinner, we drank the teas we’d picked up at a corner café and talked until a honk from outside signaled the end of my visit.
The streetlamp glared over the yellow taxi parked at the end of the walkway. Riley set my bag on the backseat and paid the cabdriver who, thank God, didn’t look nearly as sketchy as the one who’d dropped me off yesterday.
Not that I wanted to get into any cab. Period.
Riley mimicked my frown. “I don’t want to you leave any more than you do, but you have to get back for finals.”
Why couldn’t we have graduated at the same time?
I toyed with the hem of his shirt. “Sure you don’t want to elope?”
He edged closer. “Don’t tempt me.”
We could tease about it all we wanted, but time apparently had its own plans. As usual.
I peered out toward the lake. Don’t cry.
He stretched his fingers across my cheek into my hair and turned my chin toward his.
I brought his thumb to my lips. “I love you.”
His smile said the same. “Always.”
The cab driver leaned through the window, held his hand out in front of his face, and made googly eyes at it. “No, I love you more,” he said in a lovey-dovey voice.
His impersonation of the two of us cracked us up and earned him an extra tip for instigating some much-needed levity.
“Meter’s running,” he said as he rolled up the window.
Riley kissed the top of my head. “I should be back by winter break.”
At least he had off for the holidays. I still sensed there was more to that meeting than he was letting on. The way Jess’d alluded to whatever the “best part” was made it sound too much like his contract was on the line. Forcing down my selfishness, I looked up at him. As much as I wanted to marry him right now, I’d wait. “Riley, touring is important. If Nick thinks you should start in February, you should.”
He drew in a breath. “There are more important things than touring . . . things I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about.” The engine’s hum almost drowned out his voice.
My muscles tensed.
He scuffed his sneaker along the curb and stared at the ground. “Em, there’s something I need you to do for me.”
chapter three
Whirlwind
Go home to meet his family? The people he’d been estranged from for how many years? The ones who didn’t even know I existed? Sure, just show up on their doorstep on Christmas Eve. Why not? I pressed the heel of my hand to my forehead. Had he really thought this through?
Mulling over Riley’s request had kept me awake for most of the redeye. I hiked my book bag strap up to the top of my shoulder while the moving runway escorted me farther along the airport corridor. With my lack of sleep piling up on me, maybe this wasn’t the best time to think about it. Being back in Portland brought on enough pressures to deal with. Finals. A. J. The center.
I let out a long breath. One hurdle at a time.
At least I didn’t have to walk through it all alone. Jaycee flagged me down from the opposite end of the terminal. After being in Riley’s arms all day, adjusting to being apart again would take some serious intervention. Good thing she was a pro.
She squeezed me so hard, you’d think we hadn’t seen each other in months rather than mere hours. I almost toppled over when she let go. She lifted my left hand for inspection. “Just checking.”
For a wedding band? “Don’t worry, Jae. I’d never deprive you of getting to plan my wedding day.”
She tossed her arm around my shoulders and steered me toward the exit doors. “Liar.”
Our laughter echoed off the vaulted ceiling and spun behind us in the circular doors leading to a misty December morning in Oregon.
A look of intrigue built behind her eyes. I couldn’t even hint at the prospect of wedding planning without sparking a chain of ideas. For her sake, I was glad Riley hadn’t taken me up on my impulsive suggestion to go to Vegas. That conversation seemed so long ago now.
At her Fiat, I opened my door and studied her across the hood. “It didn’t even cross your mind to check if there was still an engagement ring on my finger, did it?”
She lounged her forearm along the doorframe, angled her head, and stared at me like I’d asked a no-brainer. “Of course not.” A divulging grin trailed into the car.
I buckled in as she cranked the heat. A blast of tropical air freshener clashed with the coffee scent forever embedded in her car’s upholstery. At least it was better than breathing that nasty, recycled air on the plane.
Several miles down the road, I tore my gaze away from the flashes of scenery passing by us. “You’re not going to ask me what happened?”
“Wasn’t sure you were ready to talk about it.”
I towed my legs up into the seat and rested my chin on my knees, still sorting through it all myself. “Can everything and nothing change at the same time? It’s weird. In some ways, I feel like we’re in a new relationship. Like, we’ve reached this place we hadn’t been able to before. But it also seems like we picked things up right where we left off in August.”
I stared out the side window again and dragged my finger down the condensation on the glass. “Guess it sounds sort of crazy.”
“It sounds like love,” Jaycee said. “You grow. You change. That’s part of life. Doing it together is what makes love work.”
Okay, when we made it back to the apartment, I seriously needed to check for some kind of shared transmitter between her and my brother.
She glanced at my expression. “What?”
“The musings of Jaycee McAllister.”
She yanked off her glove with her teeth and flung it at me.
I doubled over. She might’ve been a lot like Austin, but there were some roles only a best friend could fill. No chance I would’ve survived college without her. She was right. Again. Riley and I’d both changed, but we were in this together. I shoved down my worry about whatever Nick and Jess were lording over him. Now that I was back, the center needed my attention.
Jaycee parked in front of our campus apartment. Outside, I inhaled Reed College’s familiar aroma of evergreens and exhaled the residual stress left from my whirlwind weekend. She grabbed my bag from the backseat. I took out my cell and jutted my chin at the door. “I’ll be up in a minute.”
She trekked into the stairwell, and I backed against the fender.
Trey answered my call on the first ring. “You heard.”
No beating around the bush. “Yeah, secondhand. Why didn’t you call me?”
“Aw, now, there was no use interfering with your trip.”
Was he serious? Every minute counted. If Dee’s death hadn’t taught us that much, nothing would’ve. My heart pinched. Dee’d come so far—from a broken gang member to a boy who hoped for a new future. He’d lost his chance too soon. I wouldn’t let that be in vain.
“Well, I’m back, and I’m coming in tomorrow.”
“Emma, I’ve already turned in your performance
review. It’s the last few weeks of the semester. Why don’t you focus on your studies?”
Background noise from the center swept in with sounds tied to my heart. It wasn’t just an internship. It was a part of me. “You know where I stand, Trey.”
His husky laugh trickled through the line. “Didn’t leave your stubbornness in Nashville, huh?”
“It’s not stubbornness.” I lifted off the car and smoothed out my coat. “It’s perspective. This wise sage once told me, keeping perspective is the only way to make it through life.”
His laughter mushroomed. “I’ll be sure to try that,” he said, repeating the same thing I’d said when he’d tried that adage on me months ago.
Bass from a passing car rocked into the stillness and filled his pause. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
He couldn’t be giving up already. Quitting wasn’t in his DNA. There had to be more to the story. “What aren’t you telling me?”
The commotion in the background died down. He must’ve stepped outside. “Three months, Emma. That’s all we have left.”
I patted behind me for the car and slumped against it again. Three months before they closed the doors to the center. And to my heart.
The memory of Dee urging me to be courageous rose to the surface with a reminder I couldn’t ignore. I had no other choice but to fight.
chapter Four
Unfinished
A night in my own bed hadn’t released the strain in my shoulders the way it should’ve. I shut the door to Riley’s Civic, massaged the crook of my neck, and faced the brick building that’d been a second home for me this last semester. There had to be a way to keep the center open. It meant too much. To me. The kids. This neighborhood.
I cast a glance down both sides of the street. A BMW with tinted windows sat a block away between two beat-up clunkers, looking like a shiny silver dollar in a pile of grungy pennies. I almost headed over to check if the driver was lost, but something told me not to.
A noise stirred from the opposite end of the road, but I didn’t see anyone. A few strides toward the center, my cell’s abrupt ring stopped me. I dug the phone from my purse and stared at the screen. Whose number was that? The rustling from behind me grew closer. Without answering the call, I pocketed my phone and kept walking.
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