A pang went through me. Why had I never thought about that? In a way, being a SEAL would be even harder on relationships than being an Olympian. Sure, I had competed around the world, but I would be gone for a week or so—SEALs deployed for months.
I now realized we had something else in common besides our work ethic. Loneliness. Erik had to get lonely despite being surrounded by his Teammates on missions. I wonder if he felt as cut off from the world as I did when I trained.
I turned my focus back to Holly. We worked on flexibility and breath control, and I cleaned up a portion of her choreography. She had a beautiful natural style that though rough was almost refreshing compared to some of the girls I had trained in my own club. After an hour, I gave her some homework and said goodbye. I was eager to leave before her mom came home from work.
As I drove back to Coronado, my mind returned to Erik. I remembered how good it felt to have him kiss me senseless, to feel his strong arms around me, to have his undivided attention.
I hated to face the ugly truth.
I had blown my chance with this amazing guy.
I yearned for a second chance with Erik. I still had two weeks in town, and I wished I could spend it getting to know him.
13
Erik
Friday rolled around again, and it had been a week since my first date with Aria. I’d done my best to not think about her, but every morning when I swam in the ocean, I remembered how incredible it had felt to fuck her out in the water. She was wild and uninhibited.
But she had surprisingly meant more to me than just great sex. On the surface, she portrayed herself as strong and confident. A badass woman. And she was definitely had all of those qualities. But beneath her poised exterior, I’d seen a glimpse of her true self. She had an aching vulnerability that hid her shocking insecurities below her calm surface. These aspects of her character didn’t turn me off. If anything, they drew me more to her. I felt that being with her would make me a better man—more driven, more focused. And I could help her too—teach her to have fun and stop being so hard on herself.
I wanted another chance with her.
I hit my workout hard and kept my eye on the time.
At eight thirty, I decided to take a run on the beach.
I ran up to the pool and watched Aria finish teaching her class with Isa, who was a cool woman, too. Her husband, Grady, was a legend—a Medal of Honor recipient. That badass has jumped on a bomb to save his fellow Marines. Now he was disfigured. But beautiful Isa, who had met and married him after his injuries, loved him anyway. One of the biggest fears for men in the Teams was that their wives would either cheat on them or leave them if they were injured. It was refreshing to meet a woman like Isa who loved her husband despite his appearance.
Aria smiled and cautiously waved when she saw me. She gathered and put away the equipment after her class, then emerged from the pool.
“I’m going to change really quick. I’ll be right back.”
I nodded, and she vanished with Isa. Ten minutes later, she walked over to me dressed in a tank top and shorts. Her hair hung in her face and she rubbed the back of her neck as she gave me a cautious, “Hi.”
“Hey. Can I buy you a coffee?”
She nodded yes, and we walked over to the coffee cart outside the Del. She ordered a black coffee which surprised me because I was used to women ordering fancy lattes with foam art or those colorful, blended frozen concoctions for the sole purpose of memorializing the drink on Instagram. Another reminder of how unique she was.
I paid, and we sat at a small little table overlooking the ocean.
“I’m really sorry for walking out of your place the other night,” she blurted. “It wasn’t fair … to either of us. I got upset and should have stayed so we could talk things through.”
She looked down at her feet, but I reached out to her and tilted her chin, forcing her to meet my eyes.
“Don’t apologize. I get worked up when I talk about the Teams. It’s my world. I’ve sacrificed so much of my life to become a SEAL, and I’m not allowed to talk about my job to anyone who is not in the Teams. There is so much I can’t share with you, even if I wanted to.” I blew out a breath, trying to keep my emotions in check. “I don’t want to start a debate again, but no one has a clue what we go through in combat. Also, we brutalize each other in training. We spar, fight, and choke each other to learn how to protect ourselves from the enemy. I love women so much, and I can’t imagine being so rough with a woman. Just trust me, allowing women on the Teams is really complicated.”
She gave me a thoughtful glance. “I didn’t know about the fighting during training. I’ve watched the full BUD/S documentary. I never saw that.”
“Well, there is a whole bunch of training and hazing that goes on that we don’t share with the world. I really can’t talk about it.”
She pursed her lips and seemed to understand. I decided to change the subject.
“Anyway, I hear you are working with my sister. She’s really excited about it.”
“Oh, it’s my pleasure. Holly’s really talented and very sweet. And I can tell she looks up to you.” She cleared her throat, and it was evident she was struggling to get the words out. “Listen, Erik, I . . . I had such a great time with you. I think you’re awesome, gorgeous, and smart. I really hope we can still be friends.”
I took her hand and felt her fingers tremble in mine. I couldn’t remember ever having these strong feelings for a girl who I barely knew. “I don’t want to be your friend.”
She nodded and gulped. “I get it.”
I squeezed her thigh under the table. “No, Aria, you don’t. That’s not what I meant. I like you. You’re beautiful and smart and honest . . . and you intrigue me. I love that you say what’s on your mind and not what you think I want to hear. You challenge me. I’ve always wanted to date someone who is as dedicated to a goal as I am dedicated to being a SEAL.”
“Well, I definitely share your drive. And your goals.”
What did she mean by that? I didn’t ask. “Many women want to have sex with a SEAL, but most women won’t even consider being in a relationship with one. I’m gone all the time. We may only have a month together, but honestly, that’s more time than I ever have had to get to know someone.”
She gulped. I could tell she had something on her mind.
“Well, let’s just have fun while we can. Who knows what the future holds.”
I stroked my thumb back and forth over her knuckles. “Where are you going when you leave here?”
“Back east. Just some more training.”
Her vagueness annoyed me. “Are you trying to compete for another Olympics?”
“Not sure. I’m going to see how this training goes.”
“Well after this deployment, I may be around in San Diego for a while. Non-deployable.”
Her brows raised. “Really? Doing what?”
“Can’t say. But there are many different positions in the Teams.” I reached over and gave her a kiss. “I get off in an hour.”
“In an hour? That’s like ten a.m. I thought you SEALs worked so hard.”
“Yeah. When we are in country, we mostly train.”
“Okay. Text me when you get off.”
She leaned into me, and I touched her face, planting a sensual kiss on her lips. I relished her sweet taste and the heat of our breaths mingling together. A long moment later, I reluctantly let her go. “See you later, Aria.”
I started to walk back to base but couldn’t help but glance back at her. She flashed a shy smile that did a funny thing to my insides.
I strode back to her. “Hey, do you want to come to work with me? I can show you around.”
Her hands clapped together. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. We always welcome Olympians. Though I have to warn you—my commander might force you to give a speech though on why ‘it pays to be a winner.’”
“Ha. I’d love to. Let’s race.”
And w
ith that, she ran off in front of me, making a hard left out of the hotel. I sprinted after her, and when I reached her, I grabbed her from behind and threw her down into the sand. As we rolled on the beach, I pinned her under me and kissed my girl.
14
Aria
Erik walked me on base and proudly introduced me to his friends. I couldn’t believe this place. There were gorgeous men everywhere I looked, but I was in the arms of the hottest one of them all.
I had always imagined these badass Navy SEALs to be complete assholes. So tough, so hard. But ever since I’d met Erik, I kept being shocked at how sweet he was. Masculine no doubt, but he seemed to care about everyone around him. His mother, his sister, and me. And now he wanted to date me.
I had to tell him the truth.
“Lieutenant Commander Lawson, this is Aria Clements. You two have a lot in common. She’s an Olympic athlete. Lawson over here used to be a professional football player.”
“Nice to meet you, Aria. You can call me Kyle.”
I shook Kyle’s hand and began to gush. “I read about you! You gave up your multi-million dollar contract to become a SEAL. Didn’t you save your wife from terrorists?”
His brow cocked. “I did. It wasn’t a big deal. Just another day on the job. The damn media outed me when we had our wedding. But it’s cool. We’ve worked with some of the Olympians who train down here in Chula Vista. Would you like to run our obstacle course? Erik can show you how it’s done.”
Oh my God! Yes. I’d dreamed of having a crack at the world-famous obstacle course. I needed to remain cool. “I’d love to.”
Erik grabbed my hand. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll show you how to do the “O” course if we go on a bike ride later today.”
Worry coiled through my body. Getting a shot at the “O” course was the opportunity of the lifetime. It would give me an advantage that no one else had going into BUD/S next year. And I rationally knew that I had a bigger chance of getting injured on the course than I did getting injured on the bike. Still, it was a mental barrier.
One I needed to break.
“Ok, deal.”
He grinned. “Let’s go, champ.”
Champ. A flush rose to my cheeks. He had called me that when he was going down on me. I couldn’t wait to be intimate with him again.
We walked over to the daunting tower and saw a few SEALs climbing the ropes.
Erik pulled me into his arms and kissed me. “You finish the “O” course now; I’ll give you an “O” later.”
“But I’m just a girl!” I teased. “I couldn’t possibly complete it. It’s made for you big, muscular men. I don’t have the strength or the endurance.”
He tickled me. “Smartass. I’ll test your endurance later. Let me show you how it’s done.”
He ran in front of me, leaving me in the dust. First, he climbed on the parallel bars and pushed himself to the other end. Then he ran through the tires before climbing over a low wall. God, he was so ridiculously hot. When he had run over the tires, he had clasped his hands behind his neck, and I was mesmerized by his muscular forearms, his abs, and his massive thighs. Erik made everything look so effortless, but I knew how hard it all was. He ran over to an even taller wall, climbed the rope, and jumped off that one as well. I continued to watch, transfixed, as he low-crawled under some barbed wire before scaling the cargo net and running over some logs. Then he effortlessly jumped on the infamous Dirty Name obstacle.
I knew from studying that it had two hurdles—one at five feet and one at ten with four feet in between. He jumped up, belly flopped on the first hurdle, rose to his feet, and belly flopped on the second before jumping off. He ran over a few more logs, weaved in and out of this wood contraption before climbing another rope and walking on a horizontal rope that made a bridge, looking like a tightrope walker. Erik ran over a few more logs, then up a huge series of wooden platforms before he slid down the rope head first—the slide for life. Another rope swing led him to some monkey bars, up to a flat wall, over some vaults, and then finally he returned to me.
My entire body tingled and heat pooled between my legs. I was so turned on by his strength.
Before I could speak, he handed me a helmet.
“Your turn, champ.”
I strapped the helmet on my head, and my heart palpitated. “Let’s do it.”
I ran through the first few obstacles without a hitch. Crawling under the sharp barbed wire caused my insides to shake, but I kept my body low and made it out. I spat the grainy sand out of my mouth and ran toward the next obstacle. My forearms burned as I climbed yet another rope.
“That’s it, champ. You’re doing amazing.” His praise invigorated me. I wanted to make him proud of me.
The cargo net was also a challenge, making sure to get a firm footing on the ropes. I’d read about one man who had become a paraplegic when his foot got caught in the netting. I pushed my fear aside, and I climbed to the top and backed down the other side.
But then I came face to face with Dirty Name.
Erik was right by my side. “Babe. This one is called Dirty Name. You got this. Just jump up on the first log and then throw yourself over the first hurdle. Aim for your waist.”
Okay. That didn’t sound too hard.
Taking a deep breath, I gathered all my strength and jumped up and flew onto the hurdle. But instead of landing on my stomach, I crashed down right on my breasts and fell to the ground.
Dammit.
Erik ran over to me. “You okay?”
“Yup. Never better.”
“Most people can’t get through that obstacle. It counts for most of our drops during hell week.”
“Let me try again,” I insisted.
“Have at it.”
I ran back a few feet and had a running start. Again, I jumped on the first log and trying to hoist my body over the first hurdle. But this time, I jumped, and the hurdle hit above my chest, knocking my wind out of me. Dammit.
“Don’t worry about it. Just go to the next obstacle.”
“No. I want to try again.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Aria, come on. It took me weeks to master this. Let’s just move on.”
But I couldn’t move on. The bitter taste of failure hung heavy on my tongue. “Please, just one more time.”
He nodded, and I ran again. This time I landed smack on my ribs. I swear I heard a crack, but it could also have been my audible shame.
“Babe. You’re incredible. Come on. Let me gather my stuff, and we can get out of here.”
“Can I finish the rest of the course?”
“Sure.”
Luckily, the rest of the course seemed easier. I had no problem with the logs. I gasped when I looked down at the ground so far away from me as I tiptoed across the rope. The slide of life was intimidating as it seemed like I was gliding head first into the Pacific Ocean, but I just focused on my balance. I had no problem on the monkey bars or up to the flat wall or vaults. When I ran to the finish line, Erik lifted me into his arms and kissed me.
“Aria, you take my breath away. I can’t believe you just did that. You should be so proud of yourself.”
But I didn’t feel proud. I felt shame, humiliation, defeat. I had to master Dirty Name. I could hear the voice of my mom ring in my head. “You’ll never be good enough.”
I looked at Erik, his face beaming with pride. I hated myself. Here I had this amazing supportive man, and I was deceiving him. I was really starting to care about him, but I couldn’t imagine how hurt he would be when he found out I was training to be a SEAL. He would think that I was dishonest and deceptive when that wasn’t true. Had he told me that he supported female SEALs, then I would’ve been honest with him.
I needed to come clean to him and tell him the truth. I just prayed that he would still look at me the way he was looking at me now.
15
Erik
I changed out of my uniform and into my street clothes. Man, Aria killed it on the “
O” course, even if she hadn’t conquered Dirty Name. Ever since our fight about women in combat, I had given serious thought to my opinions on the matter. I had always contended that a woman could never complete BUD/S. But what about a woman like Aria? A champion, an athlete, an overachiever. Bottom line, my opinion had been challenged but not changed. Even if a woman could graduate from SEAL training, which I still doubted was possible unless we lowered our standards, I still believed in my soul that there was no place for women on the Teams.
I planted a kiss on her head. “Let’s go rent you a bike.”
She winced. “I know I promised. And I will for sure but can we do it next weekend?”
“Why? Are you too tired from the “O” course?” I teased.
She shook her head. “No. That’s not it.”
I paused to examine her beautiful face. “Then what is it?”
Her chest caved. “You’re going to think I’m a weirdo if I tell you.”
“Spill it. Did you crash on a bike once?”
“No.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I’ve don’t know how.”
Wait, what? “You’re kidding me. You’re an Olympian. You just owned the Naval Special Warfare “O” course, a course that has made grown men cry, and you are telling me you have never ridden a bicycle?”
“I know. I know. It’s ridiculous. There is this long embarrassing story behind it. . .”
I took her hands. “I’m all ears, champ. Lay it on me.”
Her face turned into a grimace, and she swallowed. “My mom never bought me a bike. You see, I grew up in Marin on the top of this winding hill in Corte Madera, and she was afraid I’d get injured and then not be able to swim. But then when I was accepted to Stanford, everyone biked to class, and I wanted to fit in, ya know?”
“Yeah… go on.”
She cleared her throat. “So, I bought a brand-new bike, figuring I was a champion swimmer so how hard could it be to learn how to ride a bike. But, then when I went to ride one day, and I … panicked. Like what if my mom was right? What if I fell and twisted my ankle? I mean, I had been training for the Olympics my entire life. One injury like that could destroy everything my entire life’s work. So yeah, I never learned. Now, it’s a thing.”
TRITON: A Navy SEAL Romance (Heroes Ever After Book 2) Page 7