“If she graduates.”
He glared at me. “She will graduate. Be sure of it. In fact, make sure of it. Good night.”
Kyle walked out of the room, and I grabbed my own phone. It was lit up with hundreds of texts and missed calls. My email box was also flooded.
Fuck. I’d be the laughing stock of the SEAL team.
I found the flask of whiskey in my drawer and knocked back a drink. But even the liquor did little to calm my nerves.
I would be her instructor, but I would teach her the same as any other candidate. I would not help her outside of class. She would get no special treatment.
Since she’d vanished from my life, I’d missed her. Every day of my last deployment I fantasized about fucking her again, even just spending the day with her.
But no more.
Yes, I had loved her.
But I despised her now. That bitch had used me. And the only thing I was certain of at this moment was that I would never love her again.
31
Aria
The instructors ran us ragged for eight hours straight, changing shifts halfway through. Four men hand ringed the bell before the night was over. Once realization set in that the instructors weren’t going to let up, that this torture was only the beginning, the men who were not committed bailed.
But I remained.
We were finally dismissed to our barracks rooms. I had been lucky enough to live alone since I was the only woman left. The rest of the men went to the chow hall and hit the showers.
But I had to find Erik.
BUD/S candidates were allowed to leave the base. Some of the married ones even lived in town with their wives and kids.
I flashed my ID and walked off base. Seven months ago, I had only been allowed on base with Erik. Now, I had my own ID card.
Though my calves burned, I ran across the beach. Straight to Erik’s condo.
I pressed the elevator and exited on his floor, remembering the first night he brought me here after we had made love in the ocean.
I stood in front of his door, working up the urge to knock. I’d finally raised my fist, but the door flew open before I could make contact.
Erik stood there, his hair wet, his shirt off, in nothing but a towel.
His body looked even more ripped than I had remembered. How was that even possible? His skin was tanner; his muscles were bigger; his abs were more defined.
Fuck, was he trying to torture me?
His fresh woodsy scent drove me wild, and I couldn’t help but stare at his happy trail that led to his beautiful cock. I wanted to pounce on him like a feral cat, suck him off, make him need me, show him how much I loved him.
His eyes scanned the hallway, then without a word, he grasped my arm and pulled me inside.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Aria? You can’t come to my place. I’m your fucking instructor. You got that? Get the fuck out of here.”
“No, please.” I pleaded. “Just give me five minutes.”
“Five minutes? No. You don’t get to talk, woman. I’m in control. I’m in charge. You fucking used me, dammit. You used me to get an edge in training. How dare you show up here tonight. Who the hell do you think you are? You ruined my fucking life. I wish I never met you.”
His words hurt worse than the four hundred pushups he had inflicted on me earlier.
“How did I ruin your life?”
He grabbed his phone and thrust it into my hand. “This. Have you seen this?”
One look at the screen and guilt consumed me. There was a picture of Erik and me in the pool at the Del staring at each other. There was another picture of us dressed as Wonder Woman and Aquaman at Isa’s party. And a final picture of us on the “O” course, with him helping me with Dirty Name.
“Oh my god. No, Erik. I had no idea. None. You have to believe me! Who took these pictures? Who sold them? I know it wasn’t Isa, she would never—”
A vein popped on his neck. “I don’t give a fuck who took the pictures. They are out there. You have ruined my career.”
“I’m so sorry, Erik. I never wanted to hurt you. I tried to tell you, but I was scared about how you would react.”
He pointed his finger at me. “Did you ever think that when this got out, you would ruin my career? No, you didn’t. You are too self-absorbed to think of anyone but yourself.”
A lump grew in my throat. “That’s not fair. There is no way I could predict this happening.”
“`I don’t care if you are the first woman in BUD/S. You will fail. I’ll make fucking sure of it. You will ring that fucking bell. Not because you’re not strong enough, not because you lack endurance, but because you’re a liar. You’re deceptive. You have no integrity. You don’t have what it takes to be a SEAL. Now get the fuck out of here.”
I dropped to my knees. “Please. I’m begging you. Just please listen to me. I love you.”
His eyes shot daggers at me. “Love me? You love me? You don’t have a fucking clue what love is. I would’ve done anything for you. Anything. Do you know that? I was crazy about you. I saw a future with us. But you used me. You ghosted me. And now you show up here and make me the laughing stock of the Teams. You make me sick. I can never be with you. Never.”
I placed my hand on his waist, but he pushed it off. “I’m sorry. I didn’t have a choice. You told me you didn’t think women should be SEALs. You wouldn’t have supported me. I didn’t want to date you. In fact, I told you no when you asked me out because I didn’t want any complications. But you asked me out in front of your family. And you wore me down, so I figured why not? What could it hurt?”
“Gee thanks,” he snarled.
I withered under his icy glare but forced myself to go on. “I didn’t want to fall for you. I fought it every step of the way. But I couldn’t help it.” I sniffled, and a tear rolled down my cheek. “I fell in love with you, Erik. I still love you—nothing has changed for me. Time has stood still for my heart. When I realized that I loved you, I knew I should’ve told you about joining, but I couldn’t. I was scared to death. I’ve never been scared of anything in my life. You have to believe me.”
For a second, I thought I had gained an ounce of understanding. He pursed his lips and focused on my face.
“I don’t believe you. I don’t want anything to do with you. You are my student. And you won’t be for long. You will ring that goddam bell, no matter what the brass tells me. The sooner, the better. Goodbye, Aria.”
He grabbed my wrist, pushed me out of his place, and slammed the door.
I couldn’t move. The emotion I’d been holding in for months poured out. The sobs came heavy, my chest contracting.
He had been right. I should’ve been honest. But I had been so scared because of his strong feelings about women in combat. Couldn’t he realize that? How could I have ever told him the truth?
I pulled myself together and left the building.
Erik was right about my deception.
But he was wrong about one thing.
I would never ring that bell.
32
Erik
The next morning, I had the balls to dawn shift. Today I would make sure she dropped. Kyle had given me an out. He had told me that we wouldn’t lower our standards. Well, she wouldn’t be able to meet them.
I was still so fucking pissed she had never told me she had joined the Navy. But she had been right about one thing.
I would’ve broken up with her if I had known she had wanted to be a SEAL.
How had I missed the signs? They were all there. Her excitement when I let her on base. Her anger when I told her that I didn’t think women should be in combat. Her obsession with Dirty Name.
Dirty Name.
Yes! That was it. Dirty Name was her Achilles Heel. She had spent an hour trying to conquer it but had been unable to. It had been a mental block for her.
It would be the reason she would fail.
My skin tingled with excitement. Because I knew she
already had the run times and she had a great time in the ocean swim.
And she would never quit.
But if you don’t pass the “O” course in BUD/S, you fail.
And she would fail.
I laced up my boots and ran down to the base. Devin caught up with me.
“Nice tail, man. Though I think lavender is more your color.”
“Fuck off.”
“At least we don’t have to take bets about which one of us will bang her first. You already hit that.”
I smacked him. “Shut your fucking cock holster. Don’t you talk about her like that. Got it, rock star?”
Devin smirked. “Relax, man. I thought you hated her. I’ll be happy to take her off your hands.” He knelt on the ground and clasped his hands together. “‘Yes, Instructor Xander. Please let me suck your cock.’”
Rage pulsated through my body, and I slammed him against a locker. “What the fuck did I just tell you? If I hear you or any other guy harassing her, I’ll fuck you up. Am I clear?”
I released him, and he straightened his shirt. “Whatever, bro. I’m just fucking with you. I knew you still wanted her.”
“Fuck you.”
I stormed away from him, trying to put my mind on straight. Of course, I still wanted to fuck her. She was gorgeous, and I’d never forget for the rest of my life how warm her pussy felt in that cold ocean. How I fucked her raw against the wall. How she had been my dirty girl.
But it didn’t matter anymore. I could never be with her again.
I walked down to the beach to join the other instructors on the earlier shift.
The recruits were linked arm and arm in the surf as the waves crashed over them. The men had their shirts off, and Aria was wearing a sports bra. Some of the men were gasping for breath; others were gagging on the salt water.
But not Aria. She lay in the middle of the shore, her bra sandy and wet, and took deep breaths when each wave passed over her.
She didn’t seem stressed. She didn’t seem frustrated. It was almost as if she was calm. Completely centered and zoned. What the fuck? This wasn’t yoga—this was surf torture.
I grabbed the microphone. “Get wet and sandy.”
The class ran up the beach, dropped and rolled in the sand.
She ran in front of me, her body covered in sand head to toe. Some of the other men hadn’t followed my orders—leaving portions of their body clean. But not Aria.
I ignored her and yelled at another man. “Hey, I see your chest and arms aren’t covered. I told you to get sandy. When I give you an order, you follow it. Is that clear?”
“Hooyah, Instructor Anderson.”
“Now get sandy.”
I stepped away from the group and strode over to Kyle. “How’d she do on the run?”
He smirked at me. “Thirty-one minutes. She was one of only ten who passed. Not the fastest time but she made it. And she was second in the ocean swim. I’ll be honest with you; I think she’s going to make it.”
I looked back over at her, doing mountain climbers in the sand. Her body was in plank position as her knees alternated stepping under her chest.
Some of the men’s hips were raised in the air, but not Aria’s. She maintained her flat back and alignment.
Kyle was right—she could make it. The only thing that stood in the way of her and that trident was Dirty Name.
And me.
33
Aria
Erik hadn’t even acknowledged my existence today, which I guess was a good thing. I refused to think about what he had said to me the other night.
I only had one thing on my mind.
Dirty Name.
Erik stood in front of us. “Today you will attempt the obstacle course. For most of you, this will be the first time you’ve ever tried it.” He shot me a dirty glare, and I shot it right back to him. “Many of you will fail. If you do, we will drop you. You must complete this course in less than fifteen minutes. Let me show you how it’s done.”
And there Erik went, sprinting through the course like it was a hopscotch on a child’s playground. Fuck that guy.
This time he used a different technique on Dirty Name. Instead of using his wrists to pull himself up, he took a running jump off the log and then landed with both feet planted firmly on the first hurdle. Damn show off. What was he? A ninja?
He finished the course and walked over to the group, a cocky smirk on his face.
Why did he have to be so hot?
I centered my mind, focused on my breath. I could do this. I would complete Dirty Name. Today.
My classmates ran in front of me, but I quickly over took them. My agility came in handy up the ropes.
And I had the advantage of having run this before.
But then, it stood in front of me. Dirty Name. The obstacle that been the death of my relationship with Erik.
I would not allow it to be the death of my dream.
Just as I was about to jump, Erik ran beside me.
“Clements. Are you going to fall again? You’re a goddamn officer, an Olympian.”
“No, Instructor.”
Like a cat, I crouched on the log as I had done so many times in my mind and sprung up, leaping to the hurdle. My arms reached it this time, and I grasped them around it, hugging it for dear life, but I lost my grip and fell to the ground.
Fuck.
“That was pathetic, Clements. What is wrong with you? How hard is it to do one leap? Is this like the time you fucked up that body leap at nationals and caused your team to lose the championship? Just like you will cause good men to lose their lives due to your incompetence? That didn’t even remotely resemble perfection. And it’s because you are inside your tiny little brain defeating yourself. Do it again!”
Fucking asshole. I hated him. How dare he bring up something I told him in confidence out here. He was trying to shake me, but I wouldn’t let him.
I ran back to the log, praying this time would be the one. I was so close. I squatted low and propelled myself up to the hurdle, my palms slamming against the wood.
“You failed, Aria. This isn’t the Olympics. There is no prize for 2nd place. We call it first place loser. You’re a loser. If you don’t master this hurdle, you will be dropped. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Instructor Anderson.”
“Drop down and give me one hundred pushups. If you mess up, start again. If your chest isn’t parallel with the floor, your ass better be up in the air. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Instructor Anderson.”
I dropped to the sand and knocked out my pushups, making sure to eat the sand with every damn one.
Over the past week, I’d become a connoisseur of sand. Though I preferred the salty aftertaste of the sand closer to the shore, the sand on the “O” course at least wasn’t mixed with tire tracks residue like the sand that was alongside our running path.
I would not give up. I would conquer Dirty Name. I would spend every free second I had practicing it until I made it.
I looked up and caught Erik staring at me. But his normally angry scowl toward me was absent. He seemed to be eye fucking me. And was that a smile on his face?
But he had just berated me.
Hmm. Berating me was his job. . .
A thought crossed my head. I needed to see Erik again. Alone. By now he must’ve had time to think. He was a rational man. Maybe I could get him to really understand me. I needed him to forgive me.
It was completely risky. If we were caught together, I would inflict even more damage on his career, and I would probably be forced out.
For the first time, I realized I wanted something even more than becoming a SEAL.
Erik.
I needed to at least let him know that what I felt for him was real. How much I still thought we would be unstoppable together. How much I craved him and wanted to make him happy. I wanted to thank him for how he had treated me when we were dating. How his belief in me made me more certain than ever that I would
succeed at here.
34
Erik
Today the candidates had a timed one-mile bay swim without a wetsuit. The water was around fifty degrees. It would be a brutal one.
The candidates paired up with their swim buddies, and we tossed them off the boat into the bay.
I grabbed my megaphone. “Remember, it’s mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it won’t matter.”
Twenty minutes into the swim, I noticed that Aria’s swim buddy was struggling. Usually, around this time in training, many SEAL candidates would still preserve themselves, not willing to risk failing their evolution to help their partner.
But Aria remained by his side, urging him along. Another pair quit and came crying to the side of the boat like babies. Meanwhile, Aria and her partner arrived at the boat first out of all pairs, completing their swim in less than thirty minutes.
She was shivering when I pulled her into the boat. I sat her on the deck and handed her a towel. “Hey, you did a good job out there. I liked the way you took care of your swim buddy.”
Her face brightened, but she didn’t respond. Her teeth were chattering, and her skin had a bluish tint. I checked her temperature, made sure she was fine, and then focused on the pairs in the water.
And for the first time since she’d been in BUD/S, my heart softened toward her. Had I forgiven her? Could I possibly see things from her point of view? Because as hard as it was to admit, deep down I knew she had been right. If she had told me she had wanted to be a SEAL, I would’ve shut her down.
There was no way I would’ve accepted it unless I had been forced to.
TRITON: A Navy SEAL Romance (Heroes Ever After Book 2) Page 13