by Leigh, Nerys
With nothing else to do, he sat thinking about how his life had so quickly gone downhill until he heard the wagon rumble into the yard. He couldn’t do anything about it so he stayed where he was.
Will’s footsteps entered the kitchen and stopped. “Where’s Sara?”
“She’s gone to visit her friend Lizzy.”
“O...K. So what’s wrong with you?”
Daniel considered not answering him, or at least lying about it, but it was true that misery loved company. “We had an argument.”
“Your fault, I’m guessing.”
This time, he didn’t answer.
“I’m also guessing, by the lack of wonderful smells I usually walk in here to since she arrived, that we’re on our own for lunch.”
For some reason, that irritated Daniel more than anything else. “We’ve been coping with cooking for ourselves for two years, me for four. We can make ourselves lunch.”
“How quickly you forget,” Will said, his voice flat. “Should’ve saved some of what Mrs G brought. I’ll get the cans of beans I hoped never to have to touch again. And next time, could you save starting an argument with my wonderful cook of a sister-in-law until after she’s made us food?”
Chapter 17
By the time Sara had ridden all the way to Lizzy’s home, her anger had almost disappeared. Almost.
She walked Rosie around to the back of the two storey white clapboard house.
A young man with dark blond hair to his shoulders and a bright smile emerged from one of the barns and walked over to her. “G-g-good afternoon, M-Mrs Raine.”
“Good afternoon, Mr Griffin. Is Lizzy in?”
“She is,” he said, holding Rosie’s halter as Sara dropped to the ground. His smile disappeared when he saw her close up. “A-a-are you O...K?”
She wiped a hand self-consciously across her face. The few tears she’d shed on the way evidently hadn’t dried as well as she’d hoped. “I’ll be fine, thank you. I’d just like to see Lizzy.”
“She’s inside.” He indicated the house. “I’ll take c-c-care of your horse.”
“Thank you.” She left Rosie with him, walked to the back door and knocked.
A few seconds later Lizzy’s voice called out from above her. “Sara!”
She backed away from the door a few steps and looked up to see her friend leaning out of an upstairs window and waving.
“The door’s not locked,” Lizzy said. “Come on in. I’ll be right down.”
The kitchen of Lizzy’s new home could have fit Sara’s twice with room to spare. She stood next to the long polished wooden table in the middle of the room and turned in a slow circle, admiring the modern dressers and cabinets and the large range stove with a separate bread oven and no less than seven hot plates. It reminded her a little of the kitchen at her home in New York, not so much in style, but in size and modernity.
An unexpected feeling of homesickness swept over her. For the first time since she’d arrived, the thought came to Sara – had she made a mistake in coming here? She pressed her lips together and shook her head. So she and Daniel had argued. All husbands and wives argued; it was bound to happen sooner or later.
“Sara!” Lizzy squealed, running from the door leading to the rest of the house and throwing her arms around her.
Sara found herself smiling. It was hard to feel down when greeted with such exuberance.
“How are you?” Lizzy said, pulling back to look at her. She gasped. “What’s wrong?”
Was she wearing a sign? “Nothing. Well, OK, not nothing, but...” she sighed, “Daniel and I had an argument.”
Concern took the place of Lizzy’s smile. “Oh no! I’m so sorry. What happened? No, wait.” She guided Sara to a chair at the table and headed for what turned out to be a larder. “These kind of discussions need cake.”
She reappeared with a sponge cake which she placed onto the table and added plates, cutlery, napkins, and two glasses of milk. Finally she sat at the table next to Sara.
“So what happened?” she repeated, cutting two large slices of cake onto the plates and sliding one towards Sara. “Unless you don’t want to talk about it because it’s not my business, in which case I can just sympathise. I am a world class sympathiser.”
“I know you won’t repeat anything.” She picked up a fork and pushed it into one corner of her cake. “We were on our way back from checking the beehives...”
“Beehives!” Lizzy exclaimed. “You got to see the bees? How wonderful! Sorry, go on.”
“We were on our way back to the house and I told Daniel I’d brought the money for the train ticket with me to pay him back. I’d clean forgotten to mention it before today, what with the excitement of arriving and then the accident.” She popped the first bite of cake into her mouth.
“I was so sad to hear about what happened to Daniel,” Lizzy said. “I wanted to come see you, but I didn’t know if he’d be up to visitors. How are his eyes? No, wait, tell me that later. The argument. Go on.”
Sara swallowed the mouthful of moist cake. “This is delicious. Did you make it?”
A frown darkened Lizzy’s usually cheerful face. “I should be so lucky to have the chance. Richard has a housekeeper who cooks and cleans for him. Mrs Lassiter. She won’t let me do anything, in the kitchen or anywhere else, no matter how much I beg. And I’ve been extra nice to her. At least she makes delicious cakes.”
Sara couldn’t argue with that. “Could you ask Richard to speak with her?”
“I did. He said he will as soon as he gets the chance.” She glanced at the door to the rest of the house as if afraid she’d get caught. “To be honest, I think he’s afraid of her. He always gets home after she’s left anyway. If it wasn’t for Elijah letting me help with the animals I’d be going out of my mind with boredom. Anyway, your argument with Daniel.”
“Well, I didn’t think anything of bringing the money, but he refused to take it. Acted as though I was somehow questioning his ability to provide for his family. He got angry so I got angry and, well, here I am.” Now she talked about it, it all seemed so ridiculous.
“Men,” Lizzy said around a mouthful of sponge, imbuing the single word with a wealth of exasperation. “My mama said the secret to a happy marriage is to make the man think he’s in charge while making absolutely sure that he isn’t.”
Sara snorted a laugh. “I have no idea how to do that.”
“No, me neither. She said it was different with each man and I’d learn when I was married. She didn’t say how long it would take.”
Cutting another bite of cake with her fork, Sara gave it some thought. “I think I overreacted. He’s suffering right now. I need to be more understanding.”
Lizzy studied her for a few seconds. “And how are you feeling with all this going on? Truthfully.”
She stared at the cake in front of her. “I’m...” A sudden wave of anguish seized her and she lowered her fork to the plate. “I’m scared.”
“Oh, Sara.” Lizzy edged her chair closer and took her hands.
“I’m afraid for him, that he won’t ever be able to see again. He tries to hide it, but I can see he’s losing hope. It’s so hard for him and I don’t know how to make it better and I’m scared it will come between us.” Tears trickled down Sara’s cheeks. “Things were going so well, but now it feels like he’s pulling away. I’m just... I don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m trying to trust in God, I truly am, but it’s so difficult to not be scared all the time.”
“I’m so sorry,” Lizzy said softly. “You deserve to be happy and have only good things happen for you. I’ve been praying so much for both of you.” She straightened abruptly, her face lighting up. “I read something this morning that made me think of you. Stay here, I’ll be right back.”
She leaped up and disappeared through the door leading to the rest of the house.
Sara wiped her eyes on her napkin and took another bite of cake, wondering how Daniel was. She regretted allowing
her fear to get the better of her. She shouldn’t have got angry with him. He was struggling too.
Abigail’s warning about her son’s need to be protector and provider came back to her. Now she understood what her mother-in-law meant. She would have to try harder to remember it in future.
Lizzy returned with a Bible and sat back down next to her, flicking through the pages. “I know it was in the Psalms somewhere... no, not that one... here it is. ‘I was brought low, and He helped me. Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee. For Thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling. I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.’” She looked up from her Bible. “I just know that’s for you. God’s going to get you and Daniel through this, I know He will.”
She considered the words Lizzy had just read. He’ll deliver my eyes from tears. Ironically, those were the words that caused her tears to begin again. She fluttered her hand at her face, waving them away. “You’re right, Lizzy. You’re a good friend. I really needed your cheerfulness today.”
“Would you like to see some baby chickens?” she said, smiling. “They’re just adorable. I’m sure it would make you feel better.”
Sara gave a small laugh, wiping her eyes. “I would love to see baby chickens.”
~ ~ ~
Sara spent the next few hours with her friend.
Much as she loved her new home, it felt good to have a little time away from the farm, and she enjoyed spending the time with Lizzy and being shown around the house and ranch. She also stayed for lunch, feeling only a little guilty at leaving Daniel and Will to fend for themselves.
Lizzy was right, the myriad of fluffy yellow chicks in the chicken barn did make her feel better. She hadn’t laughed so much in days. Lizzy’s husband wasn’t around, but she said it was normal for Richard to spend whole days out with the cattle, not returning until after dark. Elijah seemed more than happy for Lizzy to interrupt his work to give Sara a tour of all the other animals they kept.
By the time she returned to the farm it was mid-afternoon. Leaving Rosie at the water trough, she went in search of Daniel, finding him in the parlour on the settee.
For some strange reason, she found she didn’t know how to speak to him.
“Are you all right?” he said.
“Yes. I had lunch at Lizzy’s. Have you eaten?”
“Yes.”
There were a few seconds of silence.
“I’m going to take care of Rosie. Can I get you anything?”
“No, thank you.”
Swallowing a sigh, she turned to go.
“Sara?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry.”
She longed to throw herself into his arms, but she was sure it was the last thing he’d want.
Instead, she simply said, “Me too,” and walked out.
Chapter 18
Sara placed the final dish from breakfast onto the dresser shelf, hung the dishcloth on its hook by the stove, and looked through the window at Daniel where he was seated on their bench.
It broke her heart to see such a strong, vital man reduced to just sitting. She knew he had to be bored, but since their argument the previous day he hadn’t even wanted her to read to him and any conversation she’d tried was met with single word answers. She was desperate to fix whatever had broken between them, but she had no earthly idea how. All she could do was pray and she was doing that almost constantly. So far it didn’t seem to be having any effect.
She winced and whispered, “Sorry, Lord.”
God could see the big picture, she couldn’t. Simply because she couldn’t see the results of her prayer didn’t mean there weren’t any. The future could hold so much she couldn’t foresee. It was just so hard not being able to do anything to make her husband feel better. He was sinking deeper and deeper into despair and she had no power to stop it. At their wedding she’d promised to stand by him in sickness and she took her marriage vows before God seriously, but what was she supposed to do when nothing she tried worked?
“Please help him, Father,” she whispered, for what felt like the thousandth time.
She hung up her apron and fetched the milking bucket from the pantry. When she walked outside onto the porch Daniel didn’t react at all.
“There are clouds above the mountains,” she said, looking into the distance. “Does that mean it might rain?”
“Maybe.”
She bit back a sigh. “I’m going to milk Pea. Would you keep me company?”
He gave exactly the answer she knew he would. “I’m all right here.”
She was glad he couldn’t see her shoulders slump. “OK.”
She walked down the steps from the porch and headed for the barn, trying to ignore the ache in her chest. Falling apart wasn’t going to help either him or her.
Will had cleaned out the horses’ stalls and put Rosie into the paddock before leaving for the orchard with Ginger, River and the wagon. Bess, as usual, had gone with him. Sara walked up to the fence and pulled an apricot from her pocket and Rosie immediately trotted over to greet her. She stroked her soft mane as she ate.
Despite her best efforts, she found herself blinking back tears. She so badly wanted to go back to the previous Sunday when Daniel had given her the beautiful palomino horse and they’d ridden together and talked and he’d been happy to be with her. It seemed like an age had passed since, not just six days. How could everything have changed so much in such a short time?
“I need him, Rosie,” she whispered to the only one she could tell. “Why can’t he let himself need me?”
Rosie gently nudged her honey coloured nose against Sara’s arm, bringing a smile. At least someone loved her.
She rubbed the horse’s muzzle. “I’ll bring Pea out as soon as she’s milked.”
Inside the barn, Peapod was getting restless to join her friend in the paddock, shuffling around and nudging against the sides of her stall.
“All right, Pea, I’m coming,” Sara said, fetching the milking stool and placing the bucket down beside it.
She brought the cow from her stall and tied her halter rope to the hook on the wall next to the rack of hay, and as Pea ate and she milked, Sara began to sing. She’d found, completely by accident, that Peapod seemed calmer if she sang as she milked her. Whether it was because she actually liked the singing or because the soothing sound reassured her of where Sara was, she didn’t know, but it had become a routine in the last few days.
If Sara was honest with herself, she found singing made her feel better too. Without having to do it for Peapod, she probably wouldn’t have sung at all.
This day she chose Abide With Me, feeling a need for the comfort of its words.
“Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.”
If the composer, Henry Lyte, could write those words when he was close to death, then Sara could believe that God was with Daniel in the midst of his darkness. And with her, helpless as she was.
Feeling more at peace, she opened her mouth to start the second verse.
“You have a beautiful voice.”
She started, whirling round to see who had spoken.
At first she couldn’t tell who the man was who stood framed in the barn doorway, silhouetted against the brightness outside. Then he stepped forward into the relative gloom of the barn’s interior.
She’d thought she recognised the voice. “Mr Pulaski.”
He sauntered across the dusty floor towards her. “It truly is like listening to an angel.”
She rose from the milking stool, fighting the urge to back away. Why did he make her feel so uncomfortable? “What can I do for you?”
He shot a brief glance back at the open door behind him. “I wanted to check on you after your ordeal on Thursday. Has Ely bother
ed you again?”
“Uh, no, I haven’t seen him since.”
His eyes darted around the interior of the barn. “That’s good, that’s good. Still, it’s a worry. What if he comes back? You should be thinking about your safety and whether it can be guaranteed here. Don’t you think that being in the town would be better? As you know, I’m staying at the hotel and it’s an excellent establishment. I’d be happy to pay for a room for you.” He smiled as if he’d made the most reasonable suggestion in the world.
Sara’s mouth dropped open. Did he really expect her to say yes?
“Mr Pulaski, I appreciate your concern, but I’m safe with my husband and brother-in-law. Besides which, it would hardly be appropriate for me to stay in a hotel room paid for by a man who isn’t my husband. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”
He looked at the ground, not speaking, and she waited, willing him to leave. Her eyes went to the door beyond him. Could she reach it first, if she had to? She silently berated herself for thinking that way. What was she worrying about? He was harmless, she was sure of it.
Mostly sure.
After at least twenty seconds of silence, he looked up. “A beautiful woman like you should be cared for, not left alone in a barn, milking cows.” His eyes went to Peapod and his face twisted in disgust. “This is all so beneath you, Sara. You deserve so much more. I could give you more, if you’d let me.”
This time she did step back, placing her hand on Peapod’s back. “I think you should leave.”
“Sara...”
“It’s Mrs Raine,” she said through clenched teeth.
“He doesn’t deserve you,” he snapped. “He can’t look after you.” He reached her in three long strides and grasped her hands. “I can give you everything you want. You don’t have to stay with him. Come with me and I’ll make you the happiest woman on earth.”
Sara struggled to pull from his grasp. “Let me go!”
Sensing her fear, Peapod mooed, straining against the halter rope keeping her in place and kicking backwards. Standing behind her, Mr Pulaski grunted in pain and let go of Sara’s hands.