by Mia Ford
“You coming?” Courtney called out to me, already almost all of the way to the back of my house and headed towards the porch. She didn’t bother to turn and look at me as she spoke but waved a little baggy over her shoulder, making her intentions clear. I rolled my eyes but followed her nevertheless. If we had lived in a bigger town in a different kind of place, the idea of Courtney smoking weed on my back porch would probably have given me a coronary, but Ashville was a different kind of place than most others.
Smoking weed wasn’t the kind of thing I chose to do, but it also wasn’t something people ever got in trouble for if they kept themselves in check. There was literally zero chance of some cop showing up and asking her just what in the hell she thought she was doing. So I would sit with her while she smoked, just like I had been doing for years.
We settled into our accustomed seats on the screened-in porch that had always been one of my favorite places in the world. I waited while Courtney lit up, sitting silently and staring out at the snow-covered land I loved so well. We stayed quiet that way for some time, her filling my porch with the sweet, herbaceous scent of pot, and me trying very hard to get a handle on what it was I was feeling. I’d been trying to do that same thing ever since he’d walked into the diner without knowing it was me he would find there. It had only gotten harder as the time ticked by. Honestly, I was grateful for Courtney being there. There had been very few times in my life when I had felt the kind of confusion I was feeling now, but having Courtney there as a sounding board always helped me to feel better.
“So girlie, for real. What happened last night? The two of you went out?”
“We did indeed,” I said. “He came to pick me up and everything, Court. You would have been proud.”
“Ha! Sorry, but it’s going to take a lot more than that to make me proud of that boy. Don’t forget, I’ve known him for a while, too. I remember the way things were when he left. I was younger than you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember.”
“I know, but come on. You wanted me to go out with him, right?”
“That’s very true, I did. I’m glad you did, too, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to fall all over myself with how awesome I think he is. At least, not right away.”
“No, I get it,” I said. “But it seems like something’s different about him, Courtney.”
“Oh yeah? And you’re sure that’s not just because you’re glad to have him home? I’m not trying to be too hard on you, Fay, but you know how you are. You would forgive anyone just about anything. It’s one of the things I love about you, but it also scares the shit out of me sometimes. I don’t want anyone hurting you. That’s all.”
“I know that, and I love you for it, but I don’t think I’m wrong on this. At least, I hope I’m not. I can’t put my finger on it, at least not yet, but it feels like something about him is different now. I want to figure out what that something is.”
“Are you thinking he might be the guy?”
“What guy?” I asked.
“Come on,” Courtney scoffed, somehow managing to look uncomfortably authoritarian despite the massive inhale of smoke she took in while she spoke. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Is he the guy? You’ve been waiting all of this time, and we both know how in love you were with Neil. Have you basically been waiting for him?”
I wanted to tell her no, because I didn’t want that to be what I had been doing. I liked to think that I was stronger than that, that I wouldn’t have allowed my girlhood heartbreak to have such a long-lasting effect on my life. The thing was, I wasn’t actually so sure.
I hadn’t been waiting to have sex for religious reasons, and it wasn’t like I was attached to the idea of getting married before I did the deed. But still, I had waited all of this time, and I wasn’t even sure what I was waiting for. Maybe Courtney was right, and it had been him all of this time.
Just the thought made me tingle all over, and I wondered if Courtney could see my thoughts written all over my face. With how long she had known me, I was almost sure that she could, but thankfully, she had the wherewithal not to rub it in my face. She just sat there smoking, waiting to see what I would say next. It was only after I asked my question that she showed any kind of feeling at all, and when she did, it was a look of genuine surprise.
“What’s it like, Courtney?”
“Like? What’s what like?”
“Oh, so now you’re asking the questions you know the answers to? Come on, Courtney, don’t make me ask you in a bunch of different ways. I’ll die if you do, and I really want to know the answer.”
“You’re asking me what sex is like?”
“Yes! That’s what I want to know. That’s the million-dollar question.”
“It’s a hard one to answer. I guess some of it depends on who you decide to do it with. It’ll probably hurt some. I won’t lie to you about that, but then it’s something I don’t really know how to describe. It’s like falling, you know? It feels like falling, but in a good way. It’s warm and hot and makes you shiver all over. If you’re with the right guy and he takes it slow, you’ll start to enjoy yourself real quick. It’s one of the best things in the world, if you want to know the truth. Why do you think I do it so often?”
I laughed, trying not to be embarrassed by the answer to the question I had almost been too shy to ask. I wasn’t sure what kind of answer I was expecting to get from her, but the one I got was a whole lot more thoughtful and less vulgar than I had thought would come out of her mouth. It left me daydreaming about something I had never even done before, which made the timing of my ringing phone pretty fortuitous.
“Hold on. I’ll be right back.”
I made my way inside, my head still full of the things Courtney had just told me. I laughed out loud when I saw who was calling me.
“Hey there,” I answered, that odd tingling feeling still running through me. “Were your ears burning?”
“Hey yourself,” Neil said in a voice that let me know he was smiling on his end of the phone. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Never mind. Just ignore me. I’m just being silly. What’s up?”
“What’s up is, I’m sitting here in my empty house, and it occurred to me that I’d like to see you again.”
“Sure,” I said, in what I hoped was a light, casual voice. Something that would make my excitement a little bit less obvious. “What did you have in mind?”
“Depends. Are you available tonight?”
“I could be, depending on what you’re thinking.”
“I was kind of thinking that I’d like to make you dinner.”
“Make me dinner?” I asked. “Like, you’re going to cook for me?”
“That’s kind of the idea, yeah.”
“You sure about that? I don’t exactly remember you being a master chef or anything. No offense.”
“None taken. But don’t count me out just yet, Fay. I might have learned a thing or two since we were in high school, you know? I might even be able to make something you enjoy eating.”
“You’ve got a deal, but only if you let me bring the wine.”
“It’s a deal, babe. I’ll see you tonight.”
Babe. After I had given him my yes, Neil had hung up the phone about as fast as a person could do, but he’d called me babe right before he did. That was something new about him. Something new for sure. He’d never called me anything like that when we’d been in high school. It was a new kind of smooth, and it scared me.
It made me wonder what other slick tricks he’d picked up out there in the wide world. The thing was, it didn’t scare me enough to make me want to call him back and tell him I’d changed my mind. In some ways, it only made me want him more. Everything I had told Courtney was true. There was something about him, and there was no way I wasn’t going to find out what it was.
“Hey, Courtney?” I called down the hallway, my voice shaking just like the rest of my body.
“What’
s up? You sound weird?”
“Looks like I’m going to need your help. I’ve got a date at the Driscoll house tonight.”
Chapter 12: Neil
“Ouch! Fuck!”
I dropped the knife I was using to chop herbs into the sink, having to draw on pretty massive reserves of strength in order to keep from hurling it across the room. My claim of being able to cook hadn’t been a lie. I’d taken some classes in Connecticut and had actually gotten pretty damned good in the kitchen. But tonight, I was acting like I’d never even seen the inside of a kitchen. It was pretty fucking bad timing. Fay was going to be here any minute.
The nerves had started almost immediately after I had gotten off the phone with Fay, and they hadn’t let up for even a little bit. For some reason, the fact that she was going to be inside of my house, just the two of us, was making me feel insane. Everything I had done since getting off the phone with her had felt like an accident waiting to happen.
I had almost slipped in the shower, catching myself with one arm and pulling a muscle in my shoulder for my trouble. Once I was out, I had cut myself shaving, and now I had cut myself again while cooking. The only thing I had working in my favor at this point was the fact that I was just about done with the cooking, which allowed me to relax for about five seconds.
The sound of a tentative, shy knock on my front door put me right back in the state of nerves I’d been in all afternoon. I wished that I had taken a shot or something before she got there. Not enough to get a buzz on, but enough to calm my nerves. No time for that now. I could practically see her moving from foot to foot while she waited for me to come let her in. I took a deep breath, reminded myself that I was Neil fucking Driscoll and not some dumbass guy who couldn’t deal with the ladies, and opened the front door.
“I brought the wine!”
She practically yelled it at me as she shoved the bottle in my face. Then, she turned bright red and brought the bottle in close to her again. I had been right about one thing, which was that she was at least as nervous as I was. I may have been getting myself more and more rattled as the hours passed by and the time when we were supposed to meet drew closer, but she had been, too, which made me feel a hell of a lot better.
It also sent a surge of affection through me for her, and instead of letting her stand there feeling awkward and weird about herself, I pulled her in towards me, kissing her right on the lips like we were dating. The cold, practical part of my brain reminded me not to start thinking that way. We were just two old friends, making the best of an unexpected situation. There was most definitely an expiration date on this, but I filed it away for later. Now that she was here, I didn’t want to do any more thinking. I just wanted to soak it up and see where this night might go. My desire for her hadn’t diminished any. If anything, it was stronger. I looked at her in her faded jeans and close fitting white t-shirt, and blood rushed to my cock. She looked damn good, and I was fucking ecstatic to have her in my house.
“Oh my God, Neil! It actually smells amazing in here!”
“Actually? Aw, come on, Fay. Are you telling me you didn’t think I could pull a dinner off? That hurts me. I can’t believe you would doubt me like that.”
“Please, are you kidding me? I’m not even convinced yet that you didn’t just order in.”
“Order in from where Fay? This is Ashville. There’s no decent place to order food from, let alone lamb.”
“Okay, two things. First, lamb? Really?”
“Yes,” I said. “Why? Shit, are you a vegetarian now or something?”
“Please,” she laughed, leading me into my own kitchen and sitting down at the massive island where the two of us would eat. “Are you kidding me? Never. Not in a million years. I’m just surprised by how fancy it sounds, that’s all.”
“Jesus, don’t scare me like that. So, what’s the second thing?”
“Nothing, really. Just try and lay off of Ashville a little bit, maybe? I know it isn’t your home anymore, but it’s still mine.”
“Right. You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“I think it might just be best if we tried to leave Ashville out of everything, you know? We never did agree on it, and there’s no reason for us to agree on it now. But we’re having a good time, right?”
“I sure am,” I said.
“Me too. And I want it to stay that way. So I think staying away from the subject of Ashville is probably best. What do you say?”
“I say you have yourself a deal, Fay Turner.”
“Good!” she said, relaxing. “Awesome, I was hoping you would say that. Now, what do you say we drink on it? Open up this bottle of wine and let’s eat. I’m starving, and the food you made really does smell amazing. I can’t lie about that.”
***
After we ate, Fay began gathering up the dishes from the island.
“Come on, Fay, stop it,” I said. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll get it later. Or I can just have dad’s house keeper come by. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”
“Oh, I’m sure,” Fay answered smartly, the sarcasm in her voice so rich that I could imagine just what her face would look like, despite the fact that she had her back toward me. “I just bet she’s been at home waiting by the phone for you to call her, just hoping she can come and do some more cleaning.”
“Ouch,” I said, grinning. I took a step toward her, wondering how close I could get before she realized I was there. “You’re really taking me down a peg or two, huh?”
“Just telling it like I see it, Neil. Besides, you’re the one who cooked. It only makes sense that I be the one to clean. That’s the way it works. And I’m not afraid of some hard work. I’ve washed plenty of dishes in my life, and I’m sure I’ll wash plenty more. I’m perfectly capable.”
“I don’t have any doubts there, Fay. From where I’m standing, you look more than capable to me.”
I was so close now that I could have easily taken her into my arms, and Lord knew I wanted to. I only held back because before I did anything, I wanted to be sure she wanted it. I wanted to know that she wanted it as badly as I did, and that I wasn’t about to get shot down hard.
She stopped what she was doing, flipped the faucet off, and then stood looking out the window for a minute, not saying a damn thing. I would have given a good deal of money to know what she was thinking in those moments, but I kept my mouth shut. She was going to come to me, or there was going to be nothing at all. I wasn’t going to feel like the asshole in this scenario. No matter how easy a role that was for me to fill. When she finally turned to look at me, I could see her breasts rising and falling quickly, could see how flushed she was. Her body was telling me that she wanted it every bit as badly as I did. Now all I needed was to hear the words.
“You want to kiss me now, don’t you?” she asked.
“Am I that obvious, Fay?”
“You are. That, and it’s what I want. I was sort of hoping you felt the same way.”
“Well then, in the interest of full disclosure—”
“Oh God,” she said with a trembling little laugh, wiping her hands on her shirt and making it start to look almost transparent in the places where it was wet. “You’re such a lawyer.”
“You’re right. I am. Or almost. But in the interest of full disclosure, I’m looking to do a whole lot more than kiss you, Fay. I feel like if I don’t take you to my bed, it’s going to kill me.”
“Then I should probably tell you something, too.”
“Anything, Fay. You can tell me anything you need to say.”
“I’ve never been with a guy before. Not like you’re talking about, anyway. The furthest I’ve ever been with a man was with you, before you left.”
Maybe it should have given me more pause, hearing a thing like that. Almost every man knew that there was something special about sleeping with a virgin. Something that just wasn’t there when you slept with a girl who had been with a dude before. When you took a virgin to bed, you were taking on a resp
onsibility that wasn’t there with other girls, and responsibility wasn’t something I was interested in having.
Maybe it should have stopped me, at least for a minute, to cool down and think about things, but it didn’t do anything of the sort. Instead, I closed the last small gap of space that remained between us and took her into my arms. All it took was one kiss, and any chance I had of rational thought was gone. I lifted her into the air, the weight of her in my arms only turning me on even more, and carried her toward the bedroom.
Whatever ability to protest either of us had was gone. It was the two of us and the heat that had lain dormant between us for almost a decade. There wasn’t anything short of the devil himself that could have put a stop to that.
Chapter 13: Fay
Neil put me down when we reached his old bedroom. Standing in there with him brought back so many memories. I felt like I was eighteen again.
“You are so beautiful,” Neil said and took a step closer to me.
I smiled up at him. “Thanks.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked me. There was concern in his voice.