by Ruby Dixon
When we round the bend and the caves come into sight, someone gives a loud cry of greeting. Moments later, people flood out of the caves, trudging into the snow, and reunion after happy reunion is made. Georgie and Vektal are missing - gone to retrieve Harlow and her mate - but Megan is there, rounded with pregnancy, and Marlene, and Nora, and Ariana, and all the other girls that resonated. I’m enveloped in hug after hug, and not even Bek can interrupt this moment of joy. Everyone looks wonderful, and Liz is busy passing her baby to everyone to hold.
I catch a glimpse of an apple-face, dark hair, and tiny horn-nubs, and fall in love. “Can I hold her?” I ask, even though my back aches from carrying my pack all day.
“Of course!” She plucks the baby from Josie’s arms and transfers it to mine. “Just not too close to the boobs or she’s going to think it’s feeding time.”
“I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that,” I joke, glancing down at my flat chest. Liz just chuckles. I hold Raashel close, smelling her sweet baby scent. She’s warm and soft and so cuddly. I can’t stand it. I’m hit with a pang of baby fever so strong it surprises me, and I’m envious of all the other women, chatting and laughing and pregnant.
And happy. Everyone seems to be happy but me.
I carry the baby as the crowd slowly heads inside the tribal caverns. There’re so many people talking that the voices are a dull roar, and it actually feels nice. Instead of overwhelming and crowded like Bek has been complaining about, I love it. It feels like family, like Thanksgiving and Christmas all rolled into one big party.
There’s chatter about the holiday we’re going to have. No one can decide on a name, though the aliens are calling it No-Poison Day for some reason. Nora refers to it as Thanks-Christmas-akkuh. A few days from now, there will be feasting, and presents, and games. Everyone’s excited. I find I’m excited, too. Not about presents - I don’t care about that. I’m excited to feel the warmth of family again, and I realize how lonely I’ve been over the last year, letting Bek quietly herd me away from everyone else.
Not again.
As I pass baby Raashel into Tiffany’s waiting arms, I feel someone looking at me. I glance up, expecting to see Bek glaring, but he’s off talking to hunters. Instead, it’s Ereven, the hunter with the tangled hair and the smile that never seems to see a moment’s anxiety. He gazes at me thoughtfully, as if he wants to say something. When I give him a challenging look, he just gives me that lazy smile and saunters away.
Weird.
I shrug off my pack and glance over at Bek’s back. Still turned to me. Time to make my move. “Where are the bachelorettes sleeping?” I ask Liz.
“You guys are staying with me and Cashol,” Megan says. Then she tilts her head. “You’re not staying with Bek?”
“We’re done,” I whisper. “Can I put my stuff down now, please?”
“Of course.” She puts a hand on my back and leads me toward her cave. Inside, I see baskets of furs and supplies, and an area that’s been put aside for bedding. It only looks big enough for two, but I put my stuff down anyway. Josie and Tiffany won’t mind. I unroll my furs and start to make my bed, my hands shaking. I’m so nervous I’m sweating despite the cool air. I’m just waiting for him to notice that I’m not following at his heels like a puppy.
Josie drops down next to me, and Tiffany, and they’re both chatting and oblivious to my panic. They set their furs down next to mine, and Tiffany starts to talk about holiday dinners and food she misses, when a bellow rises above all the voices in the cavern.
“Claire!”
I flinch. I don’t get up, though.
Tiffany looks at me, and then immediately puts her bedroll against one side of mine. Josie does the same, and this way I’ll be sandwiched between them. I’m so grateful for that small move that I could cry.
“Claire!” Bek bellows again, and Megan frowns, moving to the front of her cave. She pulls out the privacy screen, but before she can cover the doorway, Bek shoves his way in. He’s enormous in the small cave, and I feel helpless as he glares at me. “There you are. Get your things. We’re staying with Zolaya.”
Silence falls. I don’t get up. I lick my lips and stare down at my unrolled bed. “I’m not going with you.” My voice is a whispery, fragile thing. I wish it were stronger, but I’m a chicken. When he doesn’t move, I add, “I’m staying here with the unmated women.”
“You’re mated to me,” he grits out.
“No, I’m not.” I can’t look him in the eye. I know I’m being a coward, but I don’t want to hear more about how much I disappoint him, or how I can’t do anything right. I’ve had enough.
Uncomfortable silence falls. No one moves. I’m not sure anyone knows what to do.
I feel like I should say more. After a moment, I suck in a breath, steel myself, and meet his gaze. “We didn’t resonate. I don’t want to be with you. We’re done. I’m not yours. You can leave now.”
He stares at me with hard eyes, as if waiting for me to crumble and change my mind. Waiting for me to meekly get my things and follow behind him like I have for the past year.
I don’t.
Megan’s mate, Cashol, steps forward and puts a hand on Bek’s shoulder. “Come. Let’s leave this for another day.”
Bek glares at me a moment longer, then turns and storms away. Tiffany rubs my back, offering silent support.
And just like that, I feel like I can breathe again.
3
GEORGIE
Something tickles my nose, and I swipe at it, yawning as I burrow further under the furs. The sled isn’t the worst place to sleep, not by a long shot. The sides are curved and so I roll into the middle, which makes it perfect for curling up with a few pillows and napping.
Oh, who am I kidding? Nap? I’ve slept the entire trip. I’ve woken up once or twice to pee, but the rest of the time? Nap upon nap upon nap. My blankets have shifted, though, and my face is cold, so I try to press it under the furs again.
The thing tickles my nose once more.
I crack an eye open and stare at the sad, wilted plant touching my cheek. “What the fuck is that?”
From where he holds the twig of sickly-colored greenery, Vektal grins. “It is not poison! For the celebration. Now you will shower me with kisses, yes?”
I snort giggle to an upright position. “Something like that.”
He gives me a wicked grin. “I will save my prize for later. For now, we are close to the ancestors’ cave. Do you want to walk for a few?”
I yawn and stretch my legs, and then decide that I do. With his help, I get up from the sled and peer around. Sure enough, there’s the solid, rounded hill of snow that covers the centuries-old spaceship that Vektal’s ancestors arrived in. The cave ‘mouth’ is open, and the snow at the front is churned, which tells me that someone’s been hunting recently. Vektal reaches for my hand and I link my four fingers with his three as we head toward it.
It’s a short walk, and Vektal leaves the sled outside. I step into the ship, noticing that the debris has been cleaned out and swept from the front halls. In the distance, I can hear the clatter of metallic objects and the low murmur of voices. A baby wails, then is quickly silenced again.
They don’t know we’re here yet. I nudge Vektal. “We should call out to them.” I have mental images of Harlow wielding a saw of some kind and then dropping it on her foot, all because we startle her.
Vektal cups his free hand to his mouth. “Rukh! Harlow! We have come!”
I wince as his booming voice reverberates off of the ship’s narrow walls. “Thanks, babe.”
Rukh emerges down one of the long halls a moment later, patting a tiny baby on one shoulder. He lifts his chin at us in acknowledgment. “They are here, Har-loh,” he calls out, voice thickly accented. “You are right.”
We head toward them and I hear the crash of metal, and Harlow’s voice yelling something. My fingers itch to hold tiny Rukhar and I waddle forward, putting my arms out. “He’s getting so big now!
” He’s still tiny as heck, but even a few weeks has made a difference.
Rukh gives me a wary look, holding his son close. After a moment, he reluctantly hands him over. I’m not offended. Rukh’s still so new to people (other than Harlow) that I don’t blame him for being wary. I take the baby from him as Vektal touches his shoulder in greeting.
Rukhar looks much like Raashel, but different. He’s got a tail, bluish skin, and he’s a lot tinier. He’s a preemie, though, and I expect that. He’s filled out since I last saw him and looks so good. His small face screws up at the sight of me and he bellows loudly, breaking into an angry cry.
Harlow emerges from deeper in the ship a moment later, a filthy leather apron over her tunic. She’s got grease smudges on her face and her bright red hair is pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. She has metal bar that almost looks like a wrench in her hands. Her eyes widen. “What are you guys doing here? Is something wrong?”
I jiggle Rukhar, trying to ignore the fact that he’s screaming at the sight of my face. My own baby kicks me in the girl parts again, and I wince. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“We are having no-poison day!” my mate proudly declares. “Georgie has asked for it.”
Harlow’s brows draw together and she gives me a confused look. “Do what?”
“Christmas,” I explain to her. “The man hasn’t grasped the concept of mistletoe yet.” I reluctantly hand her baby over to her when he continues to scream, and she tucks him under her apron to feed. “We’re going to have a holiday. There’s no name for it yet. Just a quasi-Christmas Thanksgiving get together. To celebrate, um, stuff. And we want everyone to be there.”
“It sounds like fun,” she says, nibbling on her lip. She glances over at her mate. He’s not exactly good with people. I think that’s one reason why they were so quick to rush off to the ancestor caves once Harlow was able to travel. “The timing is good, too.”
“Are you done?” I ask. I know she’s been working on a stone cutter to try and increase our living quarters so we don’t have to split the tribe. It’s obsessed her since she came back.
Her face brightens and she nods. With one arm holding her baby to her breast, she waves me into her work area. “Let me show you!”
I follow her in and the room is a mess of metal parts. One of the walls has been torn open, wires hanging from a broken panel. It looks like she’s been scavenging, and there are metal bits and unexplainable parts over every flat surface in the room. In one corner, their furs are thrown together in a bed.
“Wow,” I say after a moment. “You’ve been busy.”
“Not really,” she tells me, pushing aside a few things and then pulling out a thin, rustling film that she spreads on a table. “The computer spits out all the information I need. I just put it together like a big jigsaw puzzle.” The baby at her chest hiccups, and she automatically hands him over to Rukh. The big sa-khui male takes the baby and begins to burp him, while Harlow closes her dress and then goes back to the chart. She gestures at one corner. “I’m almost done with this last part here. If I work through the night, I’m pretty sure I can get it done, and then we can all head back and try it out.”
“It works? Really?”
“Well, the laser part of it works.” She thumbs a gesture over a shoulder and I see a big burned hole near the ceiling. Oh. “I’m working on something that will lock it into place because right now it’s a wee bit…forceful.” She shrugs. “Worse comes to worst, we can strap it to one of the big guys and let ‘em rip in an area we know is safe.”
“Er, how do we know an area is safe?”
She snaps her fingers and rushes over to another table, picking up something that looks like a lunchbox studded with wires. “I made this!”
I study it for a moment, but I still don’t know what it is. “And what is that?”
“Sonar! It works like a stud finder.” She flips a switch and the thing whines, high pitched. “When we put this against a cave wall, it’ll send out electric pulses to determine if the wall is solid or if it’s hollow. If we can find some hollow areas behind the walls, it’ll be a lot easier to make the cave bigger. I don’t know how long the cutter will last.”
I’m impressed. “And you made all this?”
“Well, it’s just a matter of trying to make tools we had at home.” She blinks like it’s no big deal. “It won’t do any good if the walls of the cave are solid, but with all the water and melt activity here? I bet they’re not.”
“Okay, then. I’ll take your word for it.”
“So tell me more about the holiday?” she asks, turning off the whining ‘finder’ and setting it down. “Is there going to be cake?”
I groan at the thought. “I wish. I don’t think this planet has anything sweet at all.”
Harlow’s eyes narrow and she gives me a sly grin. “Just because we don’t know about anything doesn’t mean the computer doesn’t.”
* * *
CLAIRE
The tribal cave is in an absolute flurry of preparations. Josie has put herself in charge of decorations, and she’s picked out the saddest-looking pink flimsy tree for the center of the cave. Or close to the center, since the bathing pool is there. She’s put a white-fur tree skirt around it and has enlisted the children - Farli, Esha, and Sessah - into helping her make bone ornament decorations. I’ve been stringing dried seeds from the ja-feh plant onto a line of sinew because they’re pretty colors even if they do taste terrible. The tree’s going to clack like nobody’s business if a stiff breeze gets into the cavern, but it’s about the spirit of things more than how pretty it is.
While the humans make decorations, the men hunt and everyone works secretly on gifts. The sa-khui are intrigued by the thought of giving each other furtive presents, and you can’t walk through the main cavern without seeing someone scramble to hide something they’re working on.
I do my best not to hide in Megan and Cashol’s cave. For one, I’m tired of hiding. And there’re so many people around that I can’t help but be caught up in their happiness. Bek goes out and hunts early in the mornings and I’m left - happily - to myself. He hasn’t confronted me, but I know the day is coming.
Vektal, Georgie, Harlow, and Harlow’s strange mate Rukh return a day or two later and there’re more greetings and happiness, even though Harlow’s poor mate looks as if he wants to run away from all the noisy, excited people. I get to hold Harlow’s baby Rukhar while she goes through the cave with a square ‘finder’ and makes marks on a ‘schematic’ she’s drawn on a dvisti hide. She’s found several places to widen the cavern, but doesn’t want to do it with the caves full because it makes a lot of noise and a lot of smoke. Vektal has instructed her to wait until after Not-Poison Day. The strange holiday name is sticking, even though Georgie makes exasperated noises every time someone says it.
Late that night, Josie and I decide to make colorful paper chains. There’s a plant that grows near the cave that releases papery sheaves of bark, and I paint them with green dye and red dye, both made from berries. Josie takes each one as it dries, turns it into a loop, and then sews it onto the chain. We want to string them around the doors to add to the festivity, plus it gives us something to do with our hands. Josie, Tiffany, and I are the only ones that don’t really have a mate or a new family to care for, so there’re no presents to be made. We’ve agreed not to give each other things, and are focusing on holiday decor instead.
I’ve just finished dabbing a bark-sheaf to a bright green shade when I feel someone stand behind me. “Claire. We must talk.”
Bek. My stomach shrivels and my entire body freezes. I hunch my shoulders and don’t get up. He can’t do anything while I’m sitting in the main cavern, other than spit insults at me. Josie’s eyes are wide as she looks at me, and I know it’s going to be all over the caves in the morning, because Josie’s a terrible gossip along with being a motormouth. “I’m busy,” I say after a moment.
He throws something at me, and I blink at the pi
le of crushed leaves that land in my lap.
“Um, what’s this?” I have to ask. I can’t figure it out.
“That is your poison for a kiss,” he says, voice surly. “Vektal says a male that presents his woman with leaves will receive a kiss from her.”
I swat the leaves off of my lap. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m not going to kiss you. I’m not your woman. I don’t want to be with you, and I don’t want to talk to you right now. Just leave me alone.”
“We need to talk. You belong to me.”
“There’s nothing to say, and no, I don’t!” My courage is starting to fail because he’s not backing down at all. It’s hard to be strong, especially when it’d be so much easier to just cave and go meekly back to his furs. I get to my feet and brush off my lap. Even though I’ve told myself I don’t want to hide in the caves, that’s the only place I know he won’t follow me.
I head toward Megan’s cave when he grabs me by the elbow and starts to drag me along with him. His hand is big and his grip is tight, and I can’t pull free.
“No,” I hiss, but he ignores it and steers me toward his cave. I’m not in the mood to be yelled at for the next hour or two. I know if he berates me enough, I’ll cave. I’m not strong, not like Georgie.
“Um?” Josie says in the background, a question in her voice.
“Do not interfere,” Bek snarls back at her, and shoves me toward his cave.
I drag my feet, trying to pull myself free. Just as I’m about to be pushed into the cave, someone emerges from the next cave over. It’s Ereven, shrugging on a thick fur cloak. He looks surprised to see me and Bek, and then pauses.
I avert my face, ashamed that he’s going to see me bullied by Bek.
“Are you ready for our walk, Claire?” Ereven asks.